reading up on the past
i'm moving out of the apartment i was sharing with krystal. we got in a mini argument brought on by a lot of stuff that was never said and things that were said behind ones back in the heat of anger and trying to pretend it was because she was an enemy to make things simpler. we talked a lot. i listened and became guilty which is something that comes easily to me. i've decided we were both in the wrong. i'm not sure how good friends we're going to be. i need to define things better. we talked about loic. my boyfriend tends to have a big mouth..he said a lot of mean things about krystal. i agreed and disagreed with what he was saying. he is good at putting things to black or white. He immediately saw a situation where i was being taken advantage of and so therefore she was just a bitch and he sort of kept it that way. However there are things to be considered ...does it matter that i didn't express my feelings well enough to her about moving denis in. should i just expect her to know that she shouldn't do things like that...i don't know. it just makes sense to me on my side that you would never move your boyfriend into an apartment you share with your friend. She i think maybe saw more positive things out of it...but i will admit i never expressed my opinion firmly. One thing i always had liked about krystal was that she did things for herself and she was strong. i always wanted to be more like that..but now between us...i don't want her to be like that...it seems much simpler just to cut attachments. anyway it's funny to read my old journal entries. very funny ..more like me..i haven't seen my personality in awhile..i'm not sure why that is. i am questionning my boyfriend...is he good enough for me...is he on my "level" kind of bullshit...he is very different from me.his sense of humor is different...i still find him hilarious though. i feel once i am more alone and am doing things more on my own that i will lose that dependence i always have with the people i care about. i'll be able to see that way if his lifestyles go along with mine...if our identities clash..that sort of thing...i feel good about it though. i just want to know that i am being appreciated entirely for me..my weirdness, my opinions, my sensitivities...basically my brain and not just my boobs...BOOOBS! I know he cares a lot for me. and he has been to an extent sensitiive to me...i say to an extent because i tend to get dramatic..and i need someone to listen but also someone to call me on my shit and tell me i making something out of nothing. he's been really good for me..especially my backbone. at least letting me be aware that i can't just be manipulated .anyway i'm glad i can see that a lot of things that krystal was saying about him..i can now see are not true..i tryed to explain to her for instance that he plays stupid a lot because he gets a weird kick out of it..which i find amusing..and oddly she thought that was stupid..i'm not sure why..I just want everyone to like each other.gee whiz. anyway now i'm seeing more both sides. i can see their points. but they care about different things than i do. anyway things'll be good..and in due time i'll be making my way to nova scotia for a good ten days or so. anytime i like. i am unsure if i'll be alone or not. loic wants to drive down with me..but it depends on his work situation..i amm really excited. i am expecting a parade on the day of my arrival so don't hold back on what we are now calling "meagan appreciation week." should be fun guys.hehe i don't seem to care about how personal i get in my live journal. this is a characteristic of mine..this is a good sign. RHYME!