Glee fic #17 - The World of Sex According to Rachel Berry
Title::..The World of Sex According to Rachel Berry
Spoilers::..Special Education
Rating::..M for sex scenes and coarse language
Characters::..Rachel, Finn and Puck
Pairing::..Begins with Finchel then ends with smutty!Puckleberry, there are also mentions of St. Berry
Author’s Note::..Usually I’m not a Rachel fan, but getting into her character in this fic made me like her a little more and who knows, this might prompt me to write more fics focused on her in the future. I wrote down a prompt for myself ‘Rachel’s a virgin, but Finn isn’t, what affect will this have on their relationship?’ sometime after the season one finale and this was what came out of it. I wrote this after the Finchel break-up in Special Education but before I saw The Sue Sylvester Shuffle and my love for Finn/Quinn was re-ignited, thus why she is still dating Sam in this fic. I really enjoyed writing this fic, but I’m not sure that I’m entirely ready to take Rachel seriously yet and that’s why some of the stuff from her POV is a little over dramatic, oh well, I hope you enjoy anyway!
Summary::..Rachel is completely clueless when it comes to the world of sex, so she begins to experiment…
Rachel stopped thinking about sex when Jesse broke up with her. It returned to her ‘maybe someday’ list. It was something she wanted to experience. She had heard so much hype about the act of ‘doing It’ that she felt she needed to know what was the cause for so much fuss. She thought her curiosity was only natural. She wanted to know what it felt like and if it was like the movies portrayed it to be. Finding herself single again implied to her it would be a long time before she got close to the act again. She said goodbye to Jesse and all the probability of her having sex before the end of school. She decided it was a waste of time to get herself all hot and bothered over such thoughts which she had no outlet for. Instead she turned her thoughts back to designing the dress she would wear to her first Grammy’s.
As a teenager in today’s society she wasn’t sure how she could possibly not think about sex. It was everywhere she went. At school there were couples kissing and it seemed she couldn’t go through one Glee club meeting without hearing about Santana’s sex life. It was in almost every film. Any television show programmed after six o’clock was guaranteed to have storylines revolving around the topic. People wrote songs about it and the music videos of recent times were ridiculously filled with sexual acts. There was rarely a day where she didn’t hear about it. She was being bombarded.
She wanted to know what it was all about. She had come so close with Jesse. But she had gotten frightened and locked herself in the bathroom, away from where the idea could have her. With the strong desire came the underlying fear. She couldn’t experience one without the other. She wanted sex. But she was afraid. She was afraid of not knowing what to do and being uncoordinated with all the sensuality of a fish flopping around on dry land. She was afraid she would disappoint Jesse and then they would lie awkwardly in the silence afterwards.
She didn’t know anything. Her mind was filled with question marks. She wondered if every virgin was as clueless as her. She didn’t want to traumatize her dads by asking them about such a thing. She didn’t have any friends to discuss it with. Ms Pillsbury didn’t know what she was talking about. This led her to buy a magazine aimed at teenage girls, it promised to answer all questions about sex. She took it home and hid it in the bottom draw of her bathroom. Later she told her dads she needed to go to bed early to rest her voice before Glee practice tomorrow. They gave her a cup of ginger tea and bid her goodnight.
She locked her door and dimed the lights so as not to attract any attention. She opened the magazine and read quickly, devouring all of the information between the glossy advertisements. She was relieved to find she wasn’t the only one who was confused. Many teenaged girls had written in to have a doctor answer their concerns. ‘I’m worried my boyfriend will be too big to fit in me’, ‘what kind of condoms should I use’ and various other questions were answered calmly by a doctor. She read them all, always prepared to tuck the magazine beneath her sheets if one of her dads happened to knock on her door.
‘99% of all adults have masturbated; the other 1% is lying.’ This statistic caught her attention. It set off one idea, which quickly led to another and soon she was considering masturbation. It was a safe way to explore her desires without the pressure of a boy to intimidate her. It was her own body and she was free to do whatever she wished to it. After reasoning with herself for a few minutes she lifted her nightgown off over her head and removed her frilly underwear.
The flames of desire had been lit and she felt there was no other way to douse them. She slid in between the covers and began to explore. At first she was timid and pressed only lightly. Glancing to her side a framed photo of her with her dads caught her eye. Not wanting to look at them at such a time she pulled the covers up over her head, disappearing beneath them. She closed her eyes and bravely began to push harder. She liked the way this felt and pushed harder still. Her breath caught a couple of times as her heart raced. Her crotch was wet against her fingers but she didn’t stop. The sheets felt tight around her, constricting her as she held her breath.
She reached the eclipse and was forced to bite her bottom lip to stop it from trembling. After a moment she exhaled slowly. She tingled all over as she removed her hand from between her legs. She lay still, watching stars dance in front of her eyes.
<@>
Rachel had forgotten about lying to Finn concerning her virginity until he bought it up. She supposed it was such a shameful memory she had done everything in her power to remove it from her mind. She had been so embarrassed when she hadn’t been able to go through with it with Jesse and she hadn’t wanted Finn to know what a chicken she was. At the time she hadn’t thought it a big deal to lie to Finn. She had been with Jesse (mostly happy in their relationship) and therefore hadn’t envisioned herself getting back with Finn any time soon. She hadn’t thought he would ever discover her lie.
But they had gotten back together and over the summer they had spent a lot of time together. A lot of time in her bedroom while both her dads were at work. They made out quite often, Finn wasn’t afraid to kiss her anymore. After they had broken up it seemed he had realized what a catch she was and finally now he kissed her with real passion. Sometimes he surprised her with his intensity but she enjoyed it all the same. He made her toes curl and he could make her feel a little light-headed.
There were times when it all got to be too much and she had to pull away in order to catch her breath. “I think we need to slow down a bit Finn.”
“Yeah, my mouth is kinda dry.” He agreed.
“I’ll go get us some drinks.” She volunteered, leaving the room quickly. Downstairs she fetched two glasses but before filling them with water she noticed her hands were trembling. She was so excited; a rosy blush had risen in her cheeks. She re-entered the room and smiled widely to Finn as he relaxed on the floor beside her bed.
He looked at the glass but he didn’t drink. “I’m not a virgin.”
She almost chocked on the water beginning down her throat. She spluttered for a few moments before looking at him with wide and incredulous eyes. “Since when?”
“Well remember when you were going out with Jesse and I had that date with Santana?” He began. “I lied to you, I had sex with her.”
She wiped the water from her chin. The lie she had told him popped into her mind and she cast her eyes down, ashamed. This was the perfect opportunity for her to tell him she was a virgin still. But for some reason she didn’t say anything in the vein of confession. “I can’t believe this.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” He said sincerely. “I was ashamed and I didn’t want to tell you because it didn’t mean anything.”
“Thank you for telling me now.” She responded, her own confession sat in her throat but did not go any further.
He slid closer to her. “Don’t you think it’s perfect? We both got the awkward first time out of the way and now we can share the awesome second time together.” Tenderly he took her hand. “I love you and I wanna share this with you.”
She convinced him to wait a week or so. She told him she wanted time to prepare and make it as romantic and memorable as possible. He thought it was a good idea and left her untouched that afternoon. They agreed to wait for seven days, then her dads would be out of town for a couple of days while friends of theirs got married. They would have complete privacy. This break allowed her enough time to research and prepare how to act like she wasn’t a virgin. She needed to convince him, to pull off one of the most important performances of her life.
Rachel could have easily told Finn, he had given her plenty of opportunities to confess. But she had kept her mouth shut. A fear had crawled up her throat and captured the confession before it could escape. She was afraid he wouldn’t accept her as a virgin. She was lucky to have Finn. Who else would be interested in her? She wore sweaters with animals printed on them, coupled them with brightly coloured knee-high socks and she sang show tunes. She was lucky to have Finn and she couldn’t risk losing him.
<@>
Rachel did everything in her power to impress Finn. She wanted to make it a night he would never forget. She hid her fear underneath alluring make-up and perfectly styled hair. She decided to think of it like all of her other performances. Any time she felt nervous before performing she would become the character of the song, embody all of their goals and lose herself. She would concentrate on the applause she was certain to receive at the end and this would block out her insecurities.
This time she was playing the part of a sex kitten (although she wasn’t sure what the term meant). Wearing plain clothes, a trucker cap and large sunglasses to conceal her identity she went into a lingerie shop. She had been frightened by most of what she had seen. Finally she found something she thought she could wear. It was difficult to find something in her tiny, almost non-existent cup-size. The cashier tried to make friendly small-talk with her but Rachel was too nervous to respond properly. She stashed the bag away in her handbag where no one could read the logo. She rode the bus home, not making eye contact with anyone.
It was the day before their night together. She sat in front of her mirror, trying to decide which shade of lipstick to wear. She tried to figure out how to look sexy. She put on some sexy music and practised different faces in the mirror. She wasn’t sure how convincing she was as she pouted her lips. She wondered how Santana had looked. When Rachel looked at her reflection she didn’t see a sex kitten, she saw a girl who looked lost and scared.
To get herself in the mood she tried the underwear on. She looked at herself in the push-up bra and the figure-altering corset. This was lingerie for a woman, not a frightened girl. She ran her hands over the lacy material and she liked the way it felt in contrast to her smooth skin. She felt out the defined shape the corset had created. She enjoyed the way she looked. She belonged on a pedestal in the window of a lingerie shop, not in the halls of William McKinley High receiving slushie facials. She looked like a beautiful woman and she began to feel like it.
The following night she moved about her bedroom lighting candles. She had set up as many possible, filling up every available surface. The room glowed in the delicate light of the candles. She scattered rose petals all over her bedspread - it may have been clichéd but she thought it was pretty. She waited for Finn to ring the doorbell. She had left the door unlocked so he could walk straight in. As she waited for him she laid down against the pillows in what she thought was a seductive position.
“Hi Finn.” She greeted in a voice completely separate from her usual one.
“Whoa.” He gasped in response to what he found in front of him.
<@>
Afterwards Rachel held the covers clutched tightly to her body. She was overly aware of her nudity and felt very vulnerable. Finn was lying somewhere off to her side, she didn’t dare look over at him. She was embarrassed, worrying she hadn’t done it right and she had let him down. She wasn’t sure how it had gone; she had no past experience to compare it to. It had felt good for her, but she hadn’t felt a connection to Finn due to the fact she had been so preoccupied by playing the character. She wasn’t sure how she was supposed to feel now it was over. She simply stared at the ceiling, waiting for Finn to do something to break the awkward silence.
“Rachel…” He breathed. She glanced over to see him rolling onto his side to face her. He was smiling. “That was amazing.” He picked up her hand and placed a kiss on the back of it. “You are so beautiful. I love you.”
She exhaled slowly, relaxing. She reached up, stroking the side of his face. She felt glad to have given him her virginity. “I love you too.”
He kissed her long and tender. He wrapped his arms around her. She shifted into a comfortable position alongside him and they lay together. She could breathe easily lying with him. Sex was too much pressure, she preferred cuddling.
<@>
One thing led to another and Finn ended up breaking off his relationship with Rachel. She was left feeling like death would be preferable to how she felt at this point in time. Her torn heart ached with every one of its beats. She had never thought Finn would break up with her. They had been the power couple of McKinley High’s glee club; she hadn’t thought it would end. She had been completely invested in the relationship; she had seen herself as one half of a whole when with him. She had countless photos of their happy times together - hanging out beside her pool, drinking milkshakes at their favourite diner and going for walks in the park at the magical time of sunset. She had thought of him almost constantly, every page of her most recent diary was filled with her love for him. She had given him everything; she had changed herself, she had made sure she was there for him as well as she knew how to be.
For days she had cried, unable to deal with the loss. She had not only lost a boyfriend but she had also lost part of her identity. Looking at her FaceBook page was like a knife in her heart, renewing her pain. He was in her profile picture, receiving a kiss on the cheek from her. Along the top was her relationship status. Almost every recent status ended with ‘ILY Finn xoxo’, responded to with a ‘Finn Hudson likes this’. She knew she would have to change her profile picture and she needed to change the relationship status or else be ridiculed. But she couldn’t do it. She didn’t do any of it, instead she logged off without checking any of her notifications, she returned to her lonely tears.
After a break-up you were supposed to move on with your life. But she didn’t want to move on; she wanted to be with Finn more than anything - more than all of the solos in glee. She longed to have him back and this was how Noah found her. It was only a week after Finn had broken up with her and seeing him at Artie’s birthday party while the wounds were all so raw made her want to run back to her bedroom, where she could cry in privacy. Instead she found herself seated on a coach beside Noah. He offered her a sip of his drink and she didn’t refuse. She grew tipsy alongside him while on the opposite side of the room Finn chatted casually with Quinn and Sam, never looking up to notice her.
Noah began to rub her thigh and for the first time she realized how short her skirt was. She looked over to see Finn exiting the room without as much as a glance in her direction. She turned to Noah and mashed her lips against his. He barely hesitated and things became heated very quickly. She suggested they find a private place and he took her out to his car. The backseat seemed the perfect setting for her loneliness. She forgot about the rest of the party as they both removed their clothes. He wrapped his arms securely around her and the heavy panting began.
This time with Noah was better than the performance she had put on with Finn. There was no pressure. She was vulnerable and the alcohol had lowered her inhibitions. Her surge of emotions allowed her to connect with him. This time was honest. Although she was exposed to him he made her feel very safe. He tasted strongly of beer as he laid her down on her back. Her sweat acted as glue for her skin and the leather covering of the seat. She felt the cab of the car was quite small. Nothing outside of the car existed and she liked this.
There was no romance, it wasn’t tender instead it was hard, piercing through her daze. She was content without romance, all she wanted was a distraction and this was what Noah provided her with. She finally stopped thinking about Finn; all she knew was that she did want this. She had never known pleasure like this and she didn’t want this precious moment to shatter. She struggled to keep her breathing steady as their hips ground together. Unlike performing for Finn she concentrated on herself, in her own body, enjoying every sensation he provided her with.
“Yes.” She panted, giving herself (and all of her control) over to the mind-blowing passion. She leant forward, reaching out for something to grasp. She needed something to hold on to, to keep her in this reality. Her hands fumbled and slid down the window, leaving Titanic-style streaks. “Yes…yes, Noah.” She fell forward, her face pressing against the leather. “Noah…oh my God, Noah!”
He lie on top of her, kissing her all over. His hips were unrelenting. She moaned and sighed, her legs wrapped around his waist. This was how the football team found her when they came to gate-crash Artie’s party. They gained a clear view through the window. For a few moments they watched. They recognized Noah’s unmistakable Mohawk, but it took them a couple of seconds to realize it was the freak Rachel Berry he was fucking and that was not what they wanted to see. One reached out and rapped his knuckles against the glass. At the sound Noah and Rachel instantly pulled away from each other.
“Hey, fuck off!” Noah ordered. “This ain’t no peepshow for you perverts to get your freak on over.” Rachel stared at the boy’s faces, her stomach dropping and her throat tightening.
“Why don’t you finish what you were doing Puck? Really give that Gleek something to sing about.” Another mocked.
Tears burnt her eyes as she stared at their cruel faces. They remained for a few minutes, jeering and rocking the car. This was how her reputation changed from ugly Gleek who would die a virgin to an official slut. Finally the football players grew tired of watching their still bodies and turned their backs on them, moving to now ruin Artie’s night.
“Take me home.” Rachel whispered in the silence.
“It’s okay baby, they’re gone, we can finish now.” He informed her.
Her stomach twisted and she moved away from him. “Take me home Noah.”
They both returned their clothes to their bodies and moved to the front seat. She didn’t say a word for the entire drive. She crossed her arms over her chest and stared out the window. She didn’t want Noah to see her crying, she had never been so embarrassed in her whole life. Nothing that had happened in her life could compare to this feeling, she wanted to crawl underneath a rock and die. Sex had been much safer and less stressful when by herself in the privacy of her bedroom.
The End.
Spoilers::..Special Education
Rating::..M for sex scenes and coarse language
Characters::..Rachel, Finn and Puck
Pairing::..Begins with Finchel then ends with smutty!Puckleberry, there are also mentions of St. Berry
Author’s Note::..Usually I’m not a Rachel fan, but getting into her character in this fic made me like her a little more and who knows, this might prompt me to write more fics focused on her in the future. I wrote down a prompt for myself ‘Rachel’s a virgin, but Finn isn’t, what affect will this have on their relationship?’ sometime after the season one finale and this was what came out of it. I wrote this after the Finchel break-up in Special Education but before I saw The Sue Sylvester Shuffle and my love for Finn/Quinn was re-ignited, thus why she is still dating Sam in this fic. I really enjoyed writing this fic, but I’m not sure that I’m entirely ready to take Rachel seriously yet and that’s why some of the stuff from her POV is a little over dramatic, oh well, I hope you enjoy anyway!
Summary::..Rachel is completely clueless when it comes to the world of sex, so she begins to experiment…
Rachel stopped thinking about sex when Jesse broke up with her. It returned to her ‘maybe someday’ list. It was something she wanted to experience. She had heard so much hype about the act of ‘doing It’ that she felt she needed to know what was the cause for so much fuss. She thought her curiosity was only natural. She wanted to know what it felt like and if it was like the movies portrayed it to be. Finding herself single again implied to her it would be a long time before she got close to the act again. She said goodbye to Jesse and all the probability of her having sex before the end of school. She decided it was a waste of time to get herself all hot and bothered over such thoughts which she had no outlet for. Instead she turned her thoughts back to designing the dress she would wear to her first Grammy’s.
As a teenager in today’s society she wasn’t sure how she could possibly not think about sex. It was everywhere she went. At school there were couples kissing and it seemed she couldn’t go through one Glee club meeting without hearing about Santana’s sex life. It was in almost every film. Any television show programmed after six o’clock was guaranteed to have storylines revolving around the topic. People wrote songs about it and the music videos of recent times were ridiculously filled with sexual acts. There was rarely a day where she didn’t hear about it. She was being bombarded.
She wanted to know what it was all about. She had come so close with Jesse. But she had gotten frightened and locked herself in the bathroom, away from where the idea could have her. With the strong desire came the underlying fear. She couldn’t experience one without the other. She wanted sex. But she was afraid. She was afraid of not knowing what to do and being uncoordinated with all the sensuality of a fish flopping around on dry land. She was afraid she would disappoint Jesse and then they would lie awkwardly in the silence afterwards.
She didn’t know anything. Her mind was filled with question marks. She wondered if every virgin was as clueless as her. She didn’t want to traumatize her dads by asking them about such a thing. She didn’t have any friends to discuss it with. Ms Pillsbury didn’t know what she was talking about. This led her to buy a magazine aimed at teenage girls, it promised to answer all questions about sex. She took it home and hid it in the bottom draw of her bathroom. Later she told her dads she needed to go to bed early to rest her voice before Glee practice tomorrow. They gave her a cup of ginger tea and bid her goodnight.
She locked her door and dimed the lights so as not to attract any attention. She opened the magazine and read quickly, devouring all of the information between the glossy advertisements. She was relieved to find she wasn’t the only one who was confused. Many teenaged girls had written in to have a doctor answer their concerns. ‘I’m worried my boyfriend will be too big to fit in me’, ‘what kind of condoms should I use’ and various other questions were answered calmly by a doctor. She read them all, always prepared to tuck the magazine beneath her sheets if one of her dads happened to knock on her door.
‘99% of all adults have masturbated; the other 1% is lying.’ This statistic caught her attention. It set off one idea, which quickly led to another and soon she was considering masturbation. It was a safe way to explore her desires without the pressure of a boy to intimidate her. It was her own body and she was free to do whatever she wished to it. After reasoning with herself for a few minutes she lifted her nightgown off over her head and removed her frilly underwear.
The flames of desire had been lit and she felt there was no other way to douse them. She slid in between the covers and began to explore. At first she was timid and pressed only lightly. Glancing to her side a framed photo of her with her dads caught her eye. Not wanting to look at them at such a time she pulled the covers up over her head, disappearing beneath them. She closed her eyes and bravely began to push harder. She liked the way this felt and pushed harder still. Her breath caught a couple of times as her heart raced. Her crotch was wet against her fingers but she didn’t stop. The sheets felt tight around her, constricting her as she held her breath.
She reached the eclipse and was forced to bite her bottom lip to stop it from trembling. After a moment she exhaled slowly. She tingled all over as she removed her hand from between her legs. She lay still, watching stars dance in front of her eyes.
<@>
Rachel had forgotten about lying to Finn concerning her virginity until he bought it up. She supposed it was such a shameful memory she had done everything in her power to remove it from her mind. She had been so embarrassed when she hadn’t been able to go through with it with Jesse and she hadn’t wanted Finn to know what a chicken she was. At the time she hadn’t thought it a big deal to lie to Finn. She had been with Jesse (mostly happy in their relationship) and therefore hadn’t envisioned herself getting back with Finn any time soon. She hadn’t thought he would ever discover her lie.
But they had gotten back together and over the summer they had spent a lot of time together. A lot of time in her bedroom while both her dads were at work. They made out quite often, Finn wasn’t afraid to kiss her anymore. After they had broken up it seemed he had realized what a catch she was and finally now he kissed her with real passion. Sometimes he surprised her with his intensity but she enjoyed it all the same. He made her toes curl and he could make her feel a little light-headed.
There were times when it all got to be too much and she had to pull away in order to catch her breath. “I think we need to slow down a bit Finn.”
“Yeah, my mouth is kinda dry.” He agreed.
“I’ll go get us some drinks.” She volunteered, leaving the room quickly. Downstairs she fetched two glasses but before filling them with water she noticed her hands were trembling. She was so excited; a rosy blush had risen in her cheeks. She re-entered the room and smiled widely to Finn as he relaxed on the floor beside her bed.
He looked at the glass but he didn’t drink. “I’m not a virgin.”
She almost chocked on the water beginning down her throat. She spluttered for a few moments before looking at him with wide and incredulous eyes. “Since when?”
“Well remember when you were going out with Jesse and I had that date with Santana?” He began. “I lied to you, I had sex with her.”
She wiped the water from her chin. The lie she had told him popped into her mind and she cast her eyes down, ashamed. This was the perfect opportunity for her to tell him she was a virgin still. But for some reason she didn’t say anything in the vein of confession. “I can’t believe this.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” He said sincerely. “I was ashamed and I didn’t want to tell you because it didn’t mean anything.”
“Thank you for telling me now.” She responded, her own confession sat in her throat but did not go any further.
He slid closer to her. “Don’t you think it’s perfect? We both got the awkward first time out of the way and now we can share the awesome second time together.” Tenderly he took her hand. “I love you and I wanna share this with you.”
She convinced him to wait a week or so. She told him she wanted time to prepare and make it as romantic and memorable as possible. He thought it was a good idea and left her untouched that afternoon. They agreed to wait for seven days, then her dads would be out of town for a couple of days while friends of theirs got married. They would have complete privacy. This break allowed her enough time to research and prepare how to act like she wasn’t a virgin. She needed to convince him, to pull off one of the most important performances of her life.
Rachel could have easily told Finn, he had given her plenty of opportunities to confess. But she had kept her mouth shut. A fear had crawled up her throat and captured the confession before it could escape. She was afraid he wouldn’t accept her as a virgin. She was lucky to have Finn. Who else would be interested in her? She wore sweaters with animals printed on them, coupled them with brightly coloured knee-high socks and she sang show tunes. She was lucky to have Finn and she couldn’t risk losing him.
<@>
Rachel did everything in her power to impress Finn. She wanted to make it a night he would never forget. She hid her fear underneath alluring make-up and perfectly styled hair. She decided to think of it like all of her other performances. Any time she felt nervous before performing she would become the character of the song, embody all of their goals and lose herself. She would concentrate on the applause she was certain to receive at the end and this would block out her insecurities.
This time she was playing the part of a sex kitten (although she wasn’t sure what the term meant). Wearing plain clothes, a trucker cap and large sunglasses to conceal her identity she went into a lingerie shop. She had been frightened by most of what she had seen. Finally she found something she thought she could wear. It was difficult to find something in her tiny, almost non-existent cup-size. The cashier tried to make friendly small-talk with her but Rachel was too nervous to respond properly. She stashed the bag away in her handbag where no one could read the logo. She rode the bus home, not making eye contact with anyone.
It was the day before their night together. She sat in front of her mirror, trying to decide which shade of lipstick to wear. She tried to figure out how to look sexy. She put on some sexy music and practised different faces in the mirror. She wasn’t sure how convincing she was as she pouted her lips. She wondered how Santana had looked. When Rachel looked at her reflection she didn’t see a sex kitten, she saw a girl who looked lost and scared.
To get herself in the mood she tried the underwear on. She looked at herself in the push-up bra and the figure-altering corset. This was lingerie for a woman, not a frightened girl. She ran her hands over the lacy material and she liked the way it felt in contrast to her smooth skin. She felt out the defined shape the corset had created. She enjoyed the way she looked. She belonged on a pedestal in the window of a lingerie shop, not in the halls of William McKinley High receiving slushie facials. She looked like a beautiful woman and she began to feel like it.
The following night she moved about her bedroom lighting candles. She had set up as many possible, filling up every available surface. The room glowed in the delicate light of the candles. She scattered rose petals all over her bedspread - it may have been clichéd but she thought it was pretty. She waited for Finn to ring the doorbell. She had left the door unlocked so he could walk straight in. As she waited for him she laid down against the pillows in what she thought was a seductive position.
“Hi Finn.” She greeted in a voice completely separate from her usual one.
“Whoa.” He gasped in response to what he found in front of him.
<@>
Afterwards Rachel held the covers clutched tightly to her body. She was overly aware of her nudity and felt very vulnerable. Finn was lying somewhere off to her side, she didn’t dare look over at him. She was embarrassed, worrying she hadn’t done it right and she had let him down. She wasn’t sure how it had gone; she had no past experience to compare it to. It had felt good for her, but she hadn’t felt a connection to Finn due to the fact she had been so preoccupied by playing the character. She wasn’t sure how she was supposed to feel now it was over. She simply stared at the ceiling, waiting for Finn to do something to break the awkward silence.
“Rachel…” He breathed. She glanced over to see him rolling onto his side to face her. He was smiling. “That was amazing.” He picked up her hand and placed a kiss on the back of it. “You are so beautiful. I love you.”
She exhaled slowly, relaxing. She reached up, stroking the side of his face. She felt glad to have given him her virginity. “I love you too.”
He kissed her long and tender. He wrapped his arms around her. She shifted into a comfortable position alongside him and they lay together. She could breathe easily lying with him. Sex was too much pressure, she preferred cuddling.
<@>
One thing led to another and Finn ended up breaking off his relationship with Rachel. She was left feeling like death would be preferable to how she felt at this point in time. Her torn heart ached with every one of its beats. She had never thought Finn would break up with her. They had been the power couple of McKinley High’s glee club; she hadn’t thought it would end. She had been completely invested in the relationship; she had seen herself as one half of a whole when with him. She had countless photos of their happy times together - hanging out beside her pool, drinking milkshakes at their favourite diner and going for walks in the park at the magical time of sunset. She had thought of him almost constantly, every page of her most recent diary was filled with her love for him. She had given him everything; she had changed herself, she had made sure she was there for him as well as she knew how to be.
For days she had cried, unable to deal with the loss. She had not only lost a boyfriend but she had also lost part of her identity. Looking at her FaceBook page was like a knife in her heart, renewing her pain. He was in her profile picture, receiving a kiss on the cheek from her. Along the top was her relationship status. Almost every recent status ended with ‘ILY Finn xoxo’, responded to with a ‘Finn Hudson likes this’. She knew she would have to change her profile picture and she needed to change the relationship status or else be ridiculed. But she couldn’t do it. She didn’t do any of it, instead she logged off without checking any of her notifications, she returned to her lonely tears.
After a break-up you were supposed to move on with your life. But she didn’t want to move on; she wanted to be with Finn more than anything - more than all of the solos in glee. She longed to have him back and this was how Noah found her. It was only a week after Finn had broken up with her and seeing him at Artie’s birthday party while the wounds were all so raw made her want to run back to her bedroom, where she could cry in privacy. Instead she found herself seated on a coach beside Noah. He offered her a sip of his drink and she didn’t refuse. She grew tipsy alongside him while on the opposite side of the room Finn chatted casually with Quinn and Sam, never looking up to notice her.
Noah began to rub her thigh and for the first time she realized how short her skirt was. She looked over to see Finn exiting the room without as much as a glance in her direction. She turned to Noah and mashed her lips against his. He barely hesitated and things became heated very quickly. She suggested they find a private place and he took her out to his car. The backseat seemed the perfect setting for her loneliness. She forgot about the rest of the party as they both removed their clothes. He wrapped his arms securely around her and the heavy panting began.
This time with Noah was better than the performance she had put on with Finn. There was no pressure. She was vulnerable and the alcohol had lowered her inhibitions. Her surge of emotions allowed her to connect with him. This time was honest. Although she was exposed to him he made her feel very safe. He tasted strongly of beer as he laid her down on her back. Her sweat acted as glue for her skin and the leather covering of the seat. She felt the cab of the car was quite small. Nothing outside of the car existed and she liked this.
There was no romance, it wasn’t tender instead it was hard, piercing through her daze. She was content without romance, all she wanted was a distraction and this was what Noah provided her with. She finally stopped thinking about Finn; all she knew was that she did want this. She had never known pleasure like this and she didn’t want this precious moment to shatter. She struggled to keep her breathing steady as their hips ground together. Unlike performing for Finn she concentrated on herself, in her own body, enjoying every sensation he provided her with.
“Yes.” She panted, giving herself (and all of her control) over to the mind-blowing passion. She leant forward, reaching out for something to grasp. She needed something to hold on to, to keep her in this reality. Her hands fumbled and slid down the window, leaving Titanic-style streaks. “Yes…yes, Noah.” She fell forward, her face pressing against the leather. “Noah…oh my God, Noah!”
He lie on top of her, kissing her all over. His hips were unrelenting. She moaned and sighed, her legs wrapped around his waist. This was how the football team found her when they came to gate-crash Artie’s party. They gained a clear view through the window. For a few moments they watched. They recognized Noah’s unmistakable Mohawk, but it took them a couple of seconds to realize it was the freak Rachel Berry he was fucking and that was not what they wanted to see. One reached out and rapped his knuckles against the glass. At the sound Noah and Rachel instantly pulled away from each other.
“Hey, fuck off!” Noah ordered. “This ain’t no peepshow for you perverts to get your freak on over.” Rachel stared at the boy’s faces, her stomach dropping and her throat tightening.
“Why don’t you finish what you were doing Puck? Really give that Gleek something to sing about.” Another mocked.
Tears burnt her eyes as she stared at their cruel faces. They remained for a few minutes, jeering and rocking the car. This was how her reputation changed from ugly Gleek who would die a virgin to an official slut. Finally the football players grew tired of watching their still bodies and turned their backs on them, moving to now ruin Artie’s night.
“Take me home.” Rachel whispered in the silence.
“It’s okay baby, they’re gone, we can finish now.” He informed her.
Her stomach twisted and she moved away from him. “Take me home Noah.”
They both returned their clothes to their bodies and moved to the front seat. She didn’t say a word for the entire drive. She crossed her arms over her chest and stared out the window. She didn’t want Noah to see her crying, she had never been so embarrassed in her whole life. Nothing that had happened in her life could compare to this feeling, she wanted to crawl underneath a rock and die. Sex had been much safer and less stressful when by herself in the privacy of her bedroom.
The End.