cheers

[me_xand_my_star]

I haven't written in this since February and by now I am confident that no one reads this anymore so I'll speak as freely as I'd like. So much has happened in the last few months. So much sometimes it's shocking. I grew up. I really grew up and out. I use to think there would be a day when I didn't have the strength to deal with things anymore and only now do I see that I do have the strength. And it is precisely that strength that got be through it. I am happy. I don't remember the last time I've said that and meant it. I don't remember the last time I said that and it didn't have something to do with Ray or Joe or whoever else I was hung up on. I am happy on my own account and no single person is responsible for that other than me, myself, and I. My greatest accomplishment, being okay. For once, because of me, because I am alone.
Well I'm not alone I suppose. It took six months but I "got the guy" so to speak. And it's perfect because it's nothing like I expected. Because it means so much to me and yet nothing at all. It makes me smile but doesn't rock my world. I am independent from it. It's a great accessory. Not my whole world. It's not a fairytale. But that's why it works. I'm not putting all my eggs in his basket. Just a few. And when it's done I won't look back. I'll walk away. I've learned my lessons. But for now I'll play that game again. Laying in bed all day laughing touching smelling tasting. And when it's over I'll walk away.