Underdog...
So, insted of constantly bashing myself, I've decided to focus on the positive things this week.
For starters...in this new position I have as a crime reporter, I'm no longer the "only" reporter. I mean, who covers school board meetings???--but murder trials, death sentence shit...I'm competing w/ the Sun Times writers,the Chicago Tribune writers, the Daily Herald writers, the news broadcasters...EVERYONE.
I looked through online archives, and 26 years ago, before I was even born, these people were covering the same trial we find ourselves covering together now...only I'm a third of their age, and wasn't even talking yet when this case first went to the press.
Point being, I feel hella awkward sitting in court w/ gauged ears, a pony tail, and wearing heels with no pantyhose...oh my!
So, when I wrote a "Storyteller" this week in the form of a column, and ended up getting tons of praise from my editors, readers, mother and the like, I was super proud of myself, because not only have my stories been accurate,detailed and compelling the last two weeks, but when I really got to write first person about the experience, I was able to make a real impact.
I mean the Assistant State's Attorney walked up to me, asked me my age, and told me he was blown away by my writing. One of the forensic dudes who has been inolved in the case since the early 80s took the time to write me and said my piece was the best one about the case he'd sine the early 80s.
Shit, in court, Jeanine's (murdered girl) own mother pulled me aside and told me how great the article was, and when Jeanine's sister showed up in court today she did the very same.
I felt great, and I hope every one of those big-wig writer fucks who make three times my pay read it too...and for all of you nice people who may, or may not, be reading this...I will post it below. If you get a second, research the case...it is crazy. It was part of the reason Gov. Ryan exonerated all of those men from death row before he left office...
Anywho...mad props to me for acutally enjoying my job these days, no matter how intimidated I may be.
In other news: I started my back piece today. Sat for a couple hours, but it's starting to look BEAUTIFUL already. It's one of those things that I've waited forever to do, and now that things are starting to fall into place I feel I deserve to get done.
Okay...I've ranted your ears off already. I"m sure I have Top Model or something else lame to watch.
read my story.
Blah.
This 1985 photo shows Brian Dugan heading into Kane County Circuit Court in Geneva. A DuPage County jury is hearing testimony in Dugan's sentencing for the 1983 murder of Jeanine Nicarico.
RELATED STORIES• Photos: Dugan and his victims
"At the hands of a murderer"
By: me
mememe@blahblahblah.com
The first time I looked at Brian Dugan's hands, my gaze was impossible to break.
Sitting anxiously in the DuPage County courtroom in Wheaton reporting on Dugan's sentencing trial for the murder of Naperville resident Jeanine Nicarico, there were a million things for me to focus on. I could have studied the tears that ran down the faces of Pat and Tom Nicarico while they listened again to the way their 10-year-old daughter was tortured, raped and bludgeoned to death by the defendant. I could have zeroed in on the massive crowd of spectators, or the slew of photographers stationed outside.
But all my mind would focus on were those pale, white hands - the way they scratched an itch, jotted down a note, or shook an attorney's hand - the way they casually caressed his long, graying hair or simply held a glass of water. All I could think about was what those hands had done, and how they were the reason we were all here.
That fact alone raised every hair on my body.
Closure is elusive
These days, Dugan looks nothing like he did in booking photos for the 1984 and 1985 murders of Donna Schnorr, 27, of Geneva, and 7-year-old Melissa Ackerman of Somonauk. In court last week, sitting silently among his lawyers, Dugan looked more like a grandfather than man pictured in those earlier photos, a career criminal already serving two life sentences. The witnesses testifying against him looked more like retirees than the agile cops they were in the 1980s.
During the past two weeks of Dugan's death sentencing trial, I've learned that time can age a suspect, the witnesses and even the crime, but it can never lessen the emotion behind it.
When Dugan kicked in the front door of the Nicarico home and snatched up Jeanine that Friday afternoon, I wasn't even born yet. It would be exactly one month later, on March 25, 1983, that my parents would bring me home from Mercy Hospital in Aurora. They would be celebrating the birth of their second child, while the Nicaricos would be mourning the death of their youngest. I can literally say Pat and Tom Nicarico have been waiting a lifetime for this trial.
You see, it doesn't matter if what Dugan did to Jeanine Nicarico happened 26 years ago or last week. It doesn't matter that he, and those admittedly life-taking hands, are now older, thinning and frail. The frustrations and emotional consequences of Jeanine's murder were just as real last week in the DuPage County courtroom as they were 26 years ago when they first devastated the Fox Valley.
Jeanine Nicarico's picture has been splashed across front pages for years following her abduction - for so long, in fact, that even now I find myself writing about her dimpled, brown-eyed face. Her case made waves in the '80s when three Aurora men were charged with the crime, and rippled onto headlines again when two of them were tried and sentenced to death. In the late '90s, Nicarico's picture was again at the media forefront as Rolando Cruz and Alex Hernandez were acquitted of the crime.
In July 2009, with DNA evidence and his own admissions linking him to Jeanine's abduction, Dugan, a twice-convicted murderer finally was charged with the crime. Jeanine's picture surfaced once again, but this time, the Nicaricos' nightmare was about to come to a resolution.
For 12 jurors, four alternates, and me, on the other hand, that same nightmare was only beginning.
Cold dose of reality
I had never heard of Jeanine Nicarico prior to this trial, but it's not hard to relate to or be petrified by the fact that what happened to her was real. This is the kind of stuff I watched on Court TV, things for detectives Benson and Stabler of "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit" to figure out in 45 minutes.
Boy, had I been severely mistaken.
There was no TV screen separating Dugan from me. This time the media hype was real, and the jurors were just like you and me. This time, I was sitting in the court room instead of watching comfortably from my couch at home, and this time the defendant whose life was at stake actually was just several feet in front of me.
Standing behind the podium in front of jurors, the tears DuPage County State's Attorney Joseph Birkett choked back were as genuine as leather; the tears of each witness were a testament to emotions that are still raw.
This was as close to a serial killer as I'd ever likely be, and as close to a devastated family as I'd ever like to get. It's hard to look at Dugan's hands and see how they've aged with time, and it's hard to watch him so much as crack a smile, knowing that the last one Jeanine Nicarico ever wore was probably evoked by a cartoon just moments before Dugan stormed into her home.
She would never get a chance to grow, be a wife, mother, maid of honor or aunt - and I hope that wherever Dugan ends up, whether in a cell or on death row, he thinks about that fact every single day.
I don't know what the jurors will do, and it's really not my place to say. All I know is the crimes Dugan committed against Jeanine Nicarico, Donna Schnorr and Melissa Ackerman weren't recreated for TV, and time will never lessen their severity.
It may have taken my entire lifetime for justice to be served in this case. And although it looks like Jeanine Nicarico's picture will soon be able to fade from the headlines, it will never fade from my mind.
For starters...in this new position I have as a crime reporter, I'm no longer the "only" reporter. I mean, who covers school board meetings???--but murder trials, death sentence shit...I'm competing w/ the Sun Times writers,the Chicago Tribune writers, the Daily Herald writers, the news broadcasters...EVERYONE.
I looked through online archives, and 26 years ago, before I was even born, these people were covering the same trial we find ourselves covering together now...only I'm a third of their age, and wasn't even talking yet when this case first went to the press.
Point being, I feel hella awkward sitting in court w/ gauged ears, a pony tail, and wearing heels with no pantyhose...oh my!
So, when I wrote a "Storyteller" this week in the form of a column, and ended up getting tons of praise from my editors, readers, mother and the like, I was super proud of myself, because not only have my stories been accurate,detailed and compelling the last two weeks, but when I really got to write first person about the experience, I was able to make a real impact.
I mean the Assistant State's Attorney walked up to me, asked me my age, and told me he was blown away by my writing. One of the forensic dudes who has been inolved in the case since the early 80s took the time to write me and said my piece was the best one about the case he'd sine the early 80s.
Shit, in court, Jeanine's (murdered girl) own mother pulled me aside and told me how great the article was, and when Jeanine's sister showed up in court today she did the very same.
I felt great, and I hope every one of those big-wig writer fucks who make three times my pay read it too...and for all of you nice people who may, or may not, be reading this...I will post it below. If you get a second, research the case...it is crazy. It was part of the reason Gov. Ryan exonerated all of those men from death row before he left office...
Anywho...mad props to me for acutally enjoying my job these days, no matter how intimidated I may be.
In other news: I started my back piece today. Sat for a couple hours, but it's starting to look BEAUTIFUL already. It's one of those things that I've waited forever to do, and now that things are starting to fall into place I feel I deserve to get done.
Okay...I've ranted your ears off already. I"m sure I have Top Model or something else lame to watch.
read my story.
Blah.
This 1985 photo shows Brian Dugan heading into Kane County Circuit Court in Geneva. A DuPage County jury is hearing testimony in Dugan's sentencing for the 1983 murder of Jeanine Nicarico.
RELATED STORIES• Photos: Dugan and his victims
"At the hands of a murderer"
By: me
mememe@blahblahblah.com
The first time I looked at Brian Dugan's hands, my gaze was impossible to break.
Sitting anxiously in the DuPage County courtroom in Wheaton reporting on Dugan's sentencing trial for the murder of Naperville resident Jeanine Nicarico, there were a million things for me to focus on. I could have studied the tears that ran down the faces of Pat and Tom Nicarico while they listened again to the way their 10-year-old daughter was tortured, raped and bludgeoned to death by the defendant. I could have zeroed in on the massive crowd of spectators, or the slew of photographers stationed outside.
But all my mind would focus on were those pale, white hands - the way they scratched an itch, jotted down a note, or shook an attorney's hand - the way they casually caressed his long, graying hair or simply held a glass of water. All I could think about was what those hands had done, and how they were the reason we were all here.
That fact alone raised every hair on my body.
Closure is elusive
These days, Dugan looks nothing like he did in booking photos for the 1984 and 1985 murders of Donna Schnorr, 27, of Geneva, and 7-year-old Melissa Ackerman of Somonauk. In court last week, sitting silently among his lawyers, Dugan looked more like a grandfather than man pictured in those earlier photos, a career criminal already serving two life sentences. The witnesses testifying against him looked more like retirees than the agile cops they were in the 1980s.
During the past two weeks of Dugan's death sentencing trial, I've learned that time can age a suspect, the witnesses and even the crime, but it can never lessen the emotion behind it.
When Dugan kicked in the front door of the Nicarico home and snatched up Jeanine that Friday afternoon, I wasn't even born yet. It would be exactly one month later, on March 25, 1983, that my parents would bring me home from Mercy Hospital in Aurora. They would be celebrating the birth of their second child, while the Nicaricos would be mourning the death of their youngest. I can literally say Pat and Tom Nicarico have been waiting a lifetime for this trial.
You see, it doesn't matter if what Dugan did to Jeanine Nicarico happened 26 years ago or last week. It doesn't matter that he, and those admittedly life-taking hands, are now older, thinning and frail. The frustrations and emotional consequences of Jeanine's murder were just as real last week in the DuPage County courtroom as they were 26 years ago when they first devastated the Fox Valley.
Jeanine Nicarico's picture has been splashed across front pages for years following her abduction - for so long, in fact, that even now I find myself writing about her dimpled, brown-eyed face. Her case made waves in the '80s when three Aurora men were charged with the crime, and rippled onto headlines again when two of them were tried and sentenced to death. In the late '90s, Nicarico's picture was again at the media forefront as Rolando Cruz and Alex Hernandez were acquitted of the crime.
In July 2009, with DNA evidence and his own admissions linking him to Jeanine's abduction, Dugan, a twice-convicted murderer finally was charged with the crime. Jeanine's picture surfaced once again, but this time, the Nicaricos' nightmare was about to come to a resolution.
For 12 jurors, four alternates, and me, on the other hand, that same nightmare was only beginning.
Cold dose of reality
I had never heard of Jeanine Nicarico prior to this trial, but it's not hard to relate to or be petrified by the fact that what happened to her was real. This is the kind of stuff I watched on Court TV, things for detectives Benson and Stabler of "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit" to figure out in 45 minutes.
Boy, had I been severely mistaken.
There was no TV screen separating Dugan from me. This time the media hype was real, and the jurors were just like you and me. This time, I was sitting in the court room instead of watching comfortably from my couch at home, and this time the defendant whose life was at stake actually was just several feet in front of me.
Standing behind the podium in front of jurors, the tears DuPage County State's Attorney Joseph Birkett choked back were as genuine as leather; the tears of each witness were a testament to emotions that are still raw.
This was as close to a serial killer as I'd ever likely be, and as close to a devastated family as I'd ever like to get. It's hard to look at Dugan's hands and see how they've aged with time, and it's hard to watch him so much as crack a smile, knowing that the last one Jeanine Nicarico ever wore was probably evoked by a cartoon just moments before Dugan stormed into her home.
She would never get a chance to grow, be a wife, mother, maid of honor or aunt - and I hope that wherever Dugan ends up, whether in a cell or on death row, he thinks about that fact every single day.
I don't know what the jurors will do, and it's really not my place to say. All I know is the crimes Dugan committed against Jeanine Nicarico, Donna Schnorr and Melissa Ackerman weren't recreated for TV, and time will never lessen their severity.
It may have taken my entire lifetime for justice to be served in this case. And although it looks like Jeanine Nicarico's picture will soon be able to fade from the headlines, it will never fade from my mind.