I don't really know what was wrong with me yesterday.
I am very happy about my life right now. I am starting my new job tomorrow. Adam is making good money at his job. I am going to be getting a legal car within the next couple months. We are going to get married on June 18th. We are going to be having a baby. Everything is FINALLY falling into place.
I am thinking that my baby is going to be a girl. I know before I said I was going to have a boy but, when I say Alyssa Paige Johnson it just sounds right. It feels right. I don't know how to explain it. I dreamt about her. I couldn't see her but, I know she was there. I don't really remember the dream that much but, I know that it was dark and I had a sence of the air around me being blue. I don't know why it was blue but, everything was blue. She was there with me. I couldn't find her but, I guess it was just because of the fact that she is in my stomach. I haven't seen her yet so I can't even imagine what she is going to look like. I try but, I just can't imagine. No matter what she looks like she will be beautiful. I know that much. I was a beautiful baby so I guess she will be too.
Believe it or not, even after over 2 and a half years I have yet to see a single baby picture of Adam. I keep asking him if we can go over to his moms and look at some and he trys to change the subject or says he burned them all. I know that she has some because she told me so. I think I might see if we can go over there today after he gets home from work. He said he wants to take me to the movies because we are getting caught up with bills and he thinks that we deserve it. I know it would be fun but, we need to save money too. I told him that but, he said that we will be fine. He is so... I can't think of the word. He just wants to keep me happy and I love him for that. I love him for so much more than that though. I have been waiting for a long time for the sober him and I am so happy that I finally got him. He is so sweet to me. He takes realy good care of me. He really does. I don't say it enough. I should more often. I should let him know just how much he means to me so that he doesn't think I take him for granted. He hasn't even acted like he thinks that though. We kind of even out the taking care of each other which is what we are supposed to do anyway. He makes me dinner. I make him coffee even though I hate it.
Well, I'm writing too much so, bye bye.
Mommy.
I am thinking that my baby is going to be a girl. I know before I said I was going to have a boy but, when I say Alyssa Paige Johnson it just sounds right. It feels right. I don't know how to explain it. I dreamt about her. I couldn't see her but, I know she was there. I don't really remember the dream that much but, I know that it was dark and I had a sence of the air around me being blue. I don't know why it was blue but, everything was blue. She was there with me. I couldn't find her but, I guess it was just because of the fact that she is in my stomach. I haven't seen her yet so I can't even imagine what she is going to look like. I try but, I just can't imagine. No matter what she looks like she will be beautiful. I know that much. I was a beautiful baby so I guess she will be too.
Believe it or not, even after over 2 and a half years I have yet to see a single baby picture of Adam. I keep asking him if we can go over to his moms and look at some and he trys to change the subject or says he burned them all. I know that she has some because she told me so. I think I might see if we can go over there today after he gets home from work. He said he wants to take me to the movies because we are getting caught up with bills and he thinks that we deserve it. I know it would be fun but, we need to save money too. I told him that but, he said that we will be fine. He is so... I can't think of the word. He just wants to keep me happy and I love him for that. I love him for so much more than that though. I have been waiting for a long time for the sober him and I am so happy that I finally got him. He is so sweet to me. He takes realy good care of me. He really does. I don't say it enough. I should more often. I should let him know just how much he means to me so that he doesn't think I take him for granted. He hasn't even acted like he thinks that though. We kind of even out the taking care of each other which is what we are supposed to do anyway. He makes me dinner. I make him coffee even though I hate it.
Well, I'm writing too much so, bye bye.
Mommy.