Master Putrescence
Master P is finally eliminated from "Dancing with the Stars."
Finally.
See, "Dancing with the Stars" became my favorite show this summer. It makes for perfect TV: great visuals, action, sexy women in skimpy outfits, sexy men in tight outfits throwing around said sexy women, intrigue, drama, romance, fun.
But this season has seen more controversy than even last season, when Kelly Monaco -- an ABC employee -- won over John "J. Piederman" O'Hurley. Why? Because of stupid-ass Master P, who, despite all of us finding out that the P must stand for "Putrescence" or "Piss-poor," stayed on while obviously better celebrity dancers were eliminated.
I don't fault Master P for valiantly subbing for his son Romeo, who injured himself playing basketbakll some two weeks before the show was to begin. I don't fault him for wanting to get out there and entertain his friends and family from the Gulf Coast, who have seen a bunch of pain. I don't fault him for wanting to get out there as trying to prove a hip-hopper can ballroom dance -- even though Will Smith, LL Cool J, Queen Latifah, Ice Cube, P. Diddy and many others have already shown us that hip-hoppers can kinda do anything they damn well please.
But all of that would have meant something if he had done two things:
1. Been a good dancer.
2. Tried and/or gave a shit.
He failed at both. But because his fan base was so strong, he hung about to the fourth freakin' round despite abysmal judge scores because of viewer votes. He even had a Web site dedicated to keeping him on despite how awful he was.
Last night's episode was where things grew to a near-boil. Not only did P deliver a stillborn paso doble, not only did the judges -- who already hated him -- give his dance a combined 8 points, but the whole show began openly to turn against him.
You could see the disappointment and frustration of his professional partner, Ashly DelGrosso. She keeps begging him to practice, and he doesn't. She brings him to her family, gets to know him, yet he doesn't do his job. Now, you're talking about a professional competitive dancer here. Someone not used to out-and-out failure. Someone who practices and trains six hours a day to become a slick, precise machine of dance who competes with the best in the world.
And to be clumped with a Frankenstein monster-like, plodding, shiftless and lazy partner who only got worse as the show went on ... That must have been completely, utterly frustrating, maddening even. I remember being a performer, and there's the axiom that a show is only as good as its worst performer. And how angry I got at those who dragged a show down. And she does her best to be a good teammate when pressed about Master P sucking. But the show turned on him not because he was awful, but because he didn't give a shit and didn't compete. When, after the disastrous paso doble, host Samantha Harris let drop that P had only trained 20 hours since the show began, while everyone else had trained 130-150 hours, there was no real hope left for him.
Some people may now debate that ABC made sure he got eliminated this week. And there could be some truth to it, because if P had survived this round, the show would be a complete joke. To watch all these people work hard, only to have this loser hang around, the show would lose its appeal. The fact that a 65-year-old man with a bad knee works harder than a guy who plays semi-professional basketball is shaming enough. But P kept playing to his audience -- "Pity me because I'm doing it for my Katrina victim friends, my sick grandmother," and last night, "The judges are against me because they don't like my music." P, no one's listening to your music. Why? Because, like your dancing, it sucks.
It's been fun to watch the debate rage on the Internet -- from the labyrnthine voting system that puts Bush v. Gore to shame, to griping about the judges, to increasing furor over the continued presence of Master P. And tonight's ABC message board is a hoot. A racist conspiracy to kick him off? Boycotts of the show until he was kicked off? PLEASE. All those idiots need a cup of shut the fuck up. Martin Luther King is crying in his grave that anyone would consider Master P on "Dancing with the Stars" a civil rights issue.
I think "Dancing with the Stars" should have another hip-hopper on next year. Personally, Lil' Kim would be perfect -- when she gets out of prison. If the show is still around when she gets out, and Master P's elimination most likely will have played a part in that survival.
Luckily the show will
Finally.
See, "Dancing with the Stars" became my favorite show this summer. It makes for perfect TV: great visuals, action, sexy women in skimpy outfits, sexy men in tight outfits throwing around said sexy women, intrigue, drama, romance, fun.
But this season has seen more controversy than even last season, when Kelly Monaco -- an ABC employee -- won over John "J. Piederman" O'Hurley. Why? Because of stupid-ass Master P, who, despite all of us finding out that the P must stand for "Putrescence" or "Piss-poor," stayed on while obviously better celebrity dancers were eliminated.
I don't fault Master P for valiantly subbing for his son Romeo, who injured himself playing basketbakll some two weeks before the show was to begin. I don't fault him for wanting to get out there and entertain his friends and family from the Gulf Coast, who have seen a bunch of pain. I don't fault him for wanting to get out there as trying to prove a hip-hopper can ballroom dance -- even though Will Smith, LL Cool J, Queen Latifah, Ice Cube, P. Diddy and many others have already shown us that hip-hoppers can kinda do anything they damn well please.
But all of that would have meant something if he had done two things:
1. Been a good dancer.
2. Tried and/or gave a shit.
He failed at both. But because his fan base was so strong, he hung about to the fourth freakin' round despite abysmal judge scores because of viewer votes. He even had a Web site dedicated to keeping him on despite how awful he was.
Last night's episode was where things grew to a near-boil. Not only did P deliver a stillborn paso doble, not only did the judges -- who already hated him -- give his dance a combined 8 points, but the whole show began openly to turn against him.
You could see the disappointment and frustration of his professional partner, Ashly DelGrosso. She keeps begging him to practice, and he doesn't. She brings him to her family, gets to know him, yet he doesn't do his job. Now, you're talking about a professional competitive dancer here. Someone not used to out-and-out failure. Someone who practices and trains six hours a day to become a slick, precise machine of dance who competes with the best in the world.
And to be clumped with a Frankenstein monster-like, plodding, shiftless and lazy partner who only got worse as the show went on ... That must have been completely, utterly frustrating, maddening even. I remember being a performer, and there's the axiom that a show is only as good as its worst performer. And how angry I got at those who dragged a show down. And she does her best to be a good teammate when pressed about Master P sucking. But the show turned on him not because he was awful, but because he didn't give a shit and didn't compete. When, after the disastrous paso doble, host Samantha Harris let drop that P had only trained 20 hours since the show began, while everyone else had trained 130-150 hours, there was no real hope left for him.
Some people may now debate that ABC made sure he got eliminated this week. And there could be some truth to it, because if P had survived this round, the show would be a complete joke. To watch all these people work hard, only to have this loser hang around, the show would lose its appeal. The fact that a 65-year-old man with a bad knee works harder than a guy who plays semi-professional basketball is shaming enough. But P kept playing to his audience -- "Pity me because I'm doing it for my Katrina victim friends, my sick grandmother," and last night, "The judges are against me because they don't like my music." P, no one's listening to your music. Why? Because, like your dancing, it sucks.
It's been fun to watch the debate rage on the Internet -- from the labyrnthine voting system that puts Bush v. Gore to shame, to griping about the judges, to increasing furor over the continued presence of Master P. And tonight's ABC message board is a hoot. A racist conspiracy to kick him off? Boycotts of the show until he was kicked off? PLEASE. All those idiots need a cup of shut the fuck up. Martin Luther King is crying in his grave that anyone would consider Master P on "Dancing with the Stars" a civil rights issue.
I think "Dancing with the Stars" should have another hip-hopper on next year. Personally, Lil' Kim would be perfect -- when she gets out of prison. If the show is still around when she gets out, and Master P's elimination most likely will have played a part in that survival.
Luckily the show will