Challenge #96 fic: Re-establishing. PG-13. John/Rodney.
Title: Re-establishing
Author: velocitygrass
Pairing: John Sheppard/Rodney McKay
Rating: PG-13
Warnings/Content notes: ( skip) None of the standard warnings apply
Spoilers: through season four
Word count: 1836
Summary: Re-establishing contact with Earth after six years will change a lot, and John's not sure it will all be for the better.
Note: Canon deviation. Also available at AO3.
Re-establishing
"So, how many cups of coffee did you have today?" John asked, one corner of his mouth curving up.
"Not nearly enough to make up for the last years," Rodney said without hesitation, wide-eyed and bouncy.
John had to grin, even though his overall mood wasn't nearly as good as Rodney's. After so many years, he'd given up on Earth ever coming to find them. He'd never said it out loud, of course, keeping up the hope in the people for which he was responsible. He'd done his best in the years after Elizabeth's death to keep a balance between maintaining the hope that they'd return home one day and making Atlantis a new home if they never were lucky enough to re-establish contact.
Now it had happened and John hadn't been prepared for it.
Colonel Carter had come with a ship, and while for others she brought a ticket home or news from loved ones or valuable resources-or coffee in Rodney's case-for John she brought the end of the life that they'd built. He had no idea what they'd do with him.
John had managed to keep most of the people on Atlantis alive, however the same couldn't be said of the senior staff. Sitting in the conference room, it had made him nearly sick to realize that except for Rodney every single one who'd sat in that room had been a replacement for someone who hadn't made it under his watch.
Even if they acknowledged that he'd done the best possible job that could be expected from him under the circumstances, he knew that they'd never let a Major stay in command of a civilian expedition. The best case scenario was that they'd promote him to Lieutenant Colonel and let him stay on as commanding officer of the military contingent under the new leader of the expedition. The worst case was that he'd be thrown into jail for killing his own CO within a few days of arriving.
His future probably lay somewhere in the middle, but he couldn't help mourning the loss of his current life.
"Is something wrong?" Rodney asked, obviously sensing something in John's reaction even through his coffee haze. "You don't seem happy. Not that you'd have to be. Not everyone was missing something or someone, but you don't even seem neutral. Did Carter tell you something she didn't tell us?"
"You were in the meeting," John reminded him. "And no she hasn't said anything. Yet," he added.
"What do you expect her to do? She clearly stated it was a rescue-slash-reconnaissance mission," Rodney said.
"Yes, this mission. But now that we've re-established contact with Earth...things will change," John said.
"Is that what you're worried about? Of course, things will change. People can go home if they want to. We'll get some new people-and more importantly supplies. I don't see how that's bad change," Rodney said.
"Not everyone might have a say in whether or not they go home," John pointed out.
Rodney's eyes narrowed. "You think that they'd send you home? That makes no sense at all. You performed veritable miracles as our leader. Did you hear what Carter said? They weren't sure if there'd be any survivors and in which state they'd be in. Instead you've kept the vast majority of people on Atlantis not just alive, but doing very well."
"I'm sure that'll be a big comfort to the families of Elizabeth and Ford and Sumner and Beckett and Heightmeyer," John said self-deprecatingly.
"Do you honestly think someone else would have saved them all?" Rodney asked.
John dropped his gaze, not answering.
"They won't send you home," Rodney said categorically. "The senior staff and everyone else for that matter would rebel."
John had to smile had that. "Maybe," he allowed, looking at Rodney. "But they still won't let me stay on as leader. This is a civilian operation. With the Wraith gone, there's no reason for a member of the military to be at the helm."
"And that would be a problem for you?" Rodney asked. "You don't think you can follow orders anymore?"
"It's not that," John said. He'd always considered the senior staff's input when he'd made a decision, sometimes letting himself be persuaded, so it wasn't that he needed to have the last word on everything. "Well, it's a little that," he amended. "What if it's someone who has no clue about the Pegasus galaxy? We've worked hard to establish ourselves as an ally to the people here. What if he'd do something foolish to risk that?"
"Well, then we'll point out how wrong he is. And if he can't take the advice of his complete senior staff, we'll just stage a mutiny," Rodney said crossing his arms. "Look anyone who'll be sent to take the helm of Atlantis would be an idiot to ignore the people who managed to survive for six years on their own. I don't have much faith in the SGC and the IOA after forgetting about us for so long, but I have enough faith in them that they won't send a complete idiot or at least recognize their error if told by all of us."
John nodded. He did know that. He'd had his disagreements with Elizabeth, but he'd never felt that she'd put them at risk unnecessarily. And even though they hadn't been able to spare a ship in the last years, Atlantis was valuable to Earth.
"Is that all?" Rodney asked.
John looked at the ground. He knew that he should be happy that they'd re-established contact with Earth. It was important not just in terms of supplies and for those that wanted to return immediately, but also for the emotional well-being for those that stayed. Being far away from home was very different when you knew that eventually you could return home. "It's just..." he began. "It's little things. I'm not sure if we'll change our trading priorities. What if the SGC will ask us to abandon the agreements that aren't necessary any longer? It's even things like the clamped on cup holders. I've gotten used to them and I know it's stupid and I should be glad we can get new cups but... I know you're right, it's just things like that and..." John trailed off.
"And...?" Rodney asked. "What are you really worried about?"
John dropped his gaze. He didn't really want to talk about it. He didn't even want to think about it. He'd carefully avoided thoughts of it after Carter had first contacted them while they were still en route. But it had still been the first thing on his mind before he considered everything else. Though sooner or later, they'd have to discuss it. Or at least decide what re-establishing contact with Earth meant. So maybe now was as good a time as any. "Us," he said.
"What about us?" Rodney asked. "Carter mentioned that Don't Ask Don't Tell has been repealed."
"Yes," John said. There were still fraternization rules, but that wasn't really the point. They'd kept their relationship private throughout the last two years, and John didn't think that a new expedition leader would have reason to be suspicious. "I just thought that maybe with new people coming in you'd prefer..."
"Prefer what?" Rodney asked, obviously not getting at all where John was going with this.
"Prefer breasts," John finally said.
Rodney's mouth opened but nothing came out for a long moment. "I...I don't even know what to say that. Is that what you were thinking? That I couldn't find a woman to sleep with here, so I eventually made do with you because anything would be better than my own hand?" Rodney seemed clearly perplexed by the idea, which made John feel better. Suddenly Rodney's face fell and he added more quietly, "Is that what you've been doing?"
"No!" John immediately said, hating how broken it sounded.
"Because as far as I'm concerned I found a guy who was not only surprisingly smart and sensible for someone in the military but also someone who became a friend, a good friend. The best friend I ever had. And I simply didn't see the point of trying to stick to some stupid rules made by people in another galaxy who couldn't be bothered to find us after several years," Rodney said.
John didn't know what to say to that. He'd sometimes felt that this was more than just a relationship of convenience for Rodney, but they'd never talked about it, so a part of John had tried to prepare himself for the worst. And some part of him still didn't want to read too much into Rodney's words. He'd clearly seen their sex as more than a fuck buddy thing, but that didn't necessarily mean that they had a future. John could be reassigned to another base.
"Do you want us to stop?" Rodney asked, sounding uncharacteristically vulnerable.
John shook his head, but said, "I might not have a say in that. Maybe they'll promote me and give me my own SG team-on Earth."
Rodney frowned. "There'd be even less keeping us from being together then."
John's eyes widened. "You'd...to Earth?"
"Which part of I'm with you because I want to be didn't you understand?" Rodney asked. "I didn't mean here on Atlantis or here on Atlantis with new people from Earth coming in. I meant that I don't think there'll be anyone else I'd rather be with here or on Earth."
John was floored.
Suddenly Rodney closed the distance between them and took John's face in his hands. "I love you, you idiot. That's about as clear as I can make it. And no, you don't have to say it back, but I'd appreciate it if you could at least hug me now or something for all the trouble I'm going through with you."
He pulled John into his arms and after only a moment of hesitation John put his own arms around Rodney, squeezing him tight. He was pathetically grateful that Rodney had said those words-and didn't expect John to say them in return. "Thank you," he managed to say at least, pushing his face into Rodney's neck.
"Well, yes. The things I do for love and all that. Though I'll have you know that blowjobs go a long way in making up for your communication skills," Rodney said.
John snorted and pulled back to smile at Rodney. Then he leaned forward to kiss him deeply. Rodney returned the kiss passionately, and for the first time John really allowed himself to feel the love-both his own and Rodney's. They kissed for what felt like forever, and when John eventually moved away enough to look at Rodney, he found him with parted lips and glazed over eyes.
John slowly knelt down. At Rodney's heartfelt groan of anticipation, he grinned.
It seemed that re-establishing contact with Earth was the best thing that could have happened to them after all.
Author: velocitygrass
Pairing: John Sheppard/Rodney McKay
Rating: PG-13
Warnings/Content notes: ( skip) None of the standard warnings apply
Spoilers: through season four
Word count: 1836
Summary: Re-establishing contact with Earth after six years will change a lot, and John's not sure it will all be for the better.
Note: Canon deviation. Also available at AO3.
Re-establishing
"So, how many cups of coffee did you have today?" John asked, one corner of his mouth curving up.
"Not nearly enough to make up for the last years," Rodney said without hesitation, wide-eyed and bouncy.
John had to grin, even though his overall mood wasn't nearly as good as Rodney's. After so many years, he'd given up on Earth ever coming to find them. He'd never said it out loud, of course, keeping up the hope in the people for which he was responsible. He'd done his best in the years after Elizabeth's death to keep a balance between maintaining the hope that they'd return home one day and making Atlantis a new home if they never were lucky enough to re-establish contact.
Now it had happened and John hadn't been prepared for it.
Colonel Carter had come with a ship, and while for others she brought a ticket home or news from loved ones or valuable resources-or coffee in Rodney's case-for John she brought the end of the life that they'd built. He had no idea what they'd do with him.
John had managed to keep most of the people on Atlantis alive, however the same couldn't be said of the senior staff. Sitting in the conference room, it had made him nearly sick to realize that except for Rodney every single one who'd sat in that room had been a replacement for someone who hadn't made it under his watch.
Even if they acknowledged that he'd done the best possible job that could be expected from him under the circumstances, he knew that they'd never let a Major stay in command of a civilian expedition. The best case scenario was that they'd promote him to Lieutenant Colonel and let him stay on as commanding officer of the military contingent under the new leader of the expedition. The worst case was that he'd be thrown into jail for killing his own CO within a few days of arriving.
His future probably lay somewhere in the middle, but he couldn't help mourning the loss of his current life.
"Is something wrong?" Rodney asked, obviously sensing something in John's reaction even through his coffee haze. "You don't seem happy. Not that you'd have to be. Not everyone was missing something or someone, but you don't even seem neutral. Did Carter tell you something she didn't tell us?"
"You were in the meeting," John reminded him. "And no she hasn't said anything. Yet," he added.
"What do you expect her to do? She clearly stated it was a rescue-slash-reconnaissance mission," Rodney said.
"Yes, this mission. But now that we've re-established contact with Earth...things will change," John said.
"Is that what you're worried about? Of course, things will change. People can go home if they want to. We'll get some new people-and more importantly supplies. I don't see how that's bad change," Rodney said.
"Not everyone might have a say in whether or not they go home," John pointed out.
Rodney's eyes narrowed. "You think that they'd send you home? That makes no sense at all. You performed veritable miracles as our leader. Did you hear what Carter said? They weren't sure if there'd be any survivors and in which state they'd be in. Instead you've kept the vast majority of people on Atlantis not just alive, but doing very well."
"I'm sure that'll be a big comfort to the families of Elizabeth and Ford and Sumner and Beckett and Heightmeyer," John said self-deprecatingly.
"Do you honestly think someone else would have saved them all?" Rodney asked.
John dropped his gaze, not answering.
"They won't send you home," Rodney said categorically. "The senior staff and everyone else for that matter would rebel."
John had to smile had that. "Maybe," he allowed, looking at Rodney. "But they still won't let me stay on as leader. This is a civilian operation. With the Wraith gone, there's no reason for a member of the military to be at the helm."
"And that would be a problem for you?" Rodney asked. "You don't think you can follow orders anymore?"
"It's not that," John said. He'd always considered the senior staff's input when he'd made a decision, sometimes letting himself be persuaded, so it wasn't that he needed to have the last word on everything. "Well, it's a little that," he amended. "What if it's someone who has no clue about the Pegasus galaxy? We've worked hard to establish ourselves as an ally to the people here. What if he'd do something foolish to risk that?"
"Well, then we'll point out how wrong he is. And if he can't take the advice of his complete senior staff, we'll just stage a mutiny," Rodney said crossing his arms. "Look anyone who'll be sent to take the helm of Atlantis would be an idiot to ignore the people who managed to survive for six years on their own. I don't have much faith in the SGC and the IOA after forgetting about us for so long, but I have enough faith in them that they won't send a complete idiot or at least recognize their error if told by all of us."
John nodded. He did know that. He'd had his disagreements with Elizabeth, but he'd never felt that she'd put them at risk unnecessarily. And even though they hadn't been able to spare a ship in the last years, Atlantis was valuable to Earth.
"Is that all?" Rodney asked.
John looked at the ground. He knew that he should be happy that they'd re-established contact with Earth. It was important not just in terms of supplies and for those that wanted to return immediately, but also for the emotional well-being for those that stayed. Being far away from home was very different when you knew that eventually you could return home. "It's just..." he began. "It's little things. I'm not sure if we'll change our trading priorities. What if the SGC will ask us to abandon the agreements that aren't necessary any longer? It's even things like the clamped on cup holders. I've gotten used to them and I know it's stupid and I should be glad we can get new cups but... I know you're right, it's just things like that and..." John trailed off.
"And...?" Rodney asked. "What are you really worried about?"
John dropped his gaze. He didn't really want to talk about it. He didn't even want to think about it. He'd carefully avoided thoughts of it after Carter had first contacted them while they were still en route. But it had still been the first thing on his mind before he considered everything else. Though sooner or later, they'd have to discuss it. Or at least decide what re-establishing contact with Earth meant. So maybe now was as good a time as any. "Us," he said.
"What about us?" Rodney asked. "Carter mentioned that Don't Ask Don't Tell has been repealed."
"Yes," John said. There were still fraternization rules, but that wasn't really the point. They'd kept their relationship private throughout the last two years, and John didn't think that a new expedition leader would have reason to be suspicious. "I just thought that maybe with new people coming in you'd prefer..."
"Prefer what?" Rodney asked, obviously not getting at all where John was going with this.
"Prefer breasts," John finally said.
Rodney's mouth opened but nothing came out for a long moment. "I...I don't even know what to say that. Is that what you were thinking? That I couldn't find a woman to sleep with here, so I eventually made do with you because anything would be better than my own hand?" Rodney seemed clearly perplexed by the idea, which made John feel better. Suddenly Rodney's face fell and he added more quietly, "Is that what you've been doing?"
"No!" John immediately said, hating how broken it sounded.
"Because as far as I'm concerned I found a guy who was not only surprisingly smart and sensible for someone in the military but also someone who became a friend, a good friend. The best friend I ever had. And I simply didn't see the point of trying to stick to some stupid rules made by people in another galaxy who couldn't be bothered to find us after several years," Rodney said.
John didn't know what to say to that. He'd sometimes felt that this was more than just a relationship of convenience for Rodney, but they'd never talked about it, so a part of John had tried to prepare himself for the worst. And some part of him still didn't want to read too much into Rodney's words. He'd clearly seen their sex as more than a fuck buddy thing, but that didn't necessarily mean that they had a future. John could be reassigned to another base.
"Do you want us to stop?" Rodney asked, sounding uncharacteristically vulnerable.
John shook his head, but said, "I might not have a say in that. Maybe they'll promote me and give me my own SG team-on Earth."
Rodney frowned. "There'd be even less keeping us from being together then."
John's eyes widened. "You'd...to Earth?"
"Which part of I'm with you because I want to be didn't you understand?" Rodney asked. "I didn't mean here on Atlantis or here on Atlantis with new people from Earth coming in. I meant that I don't think there'll be anyone else I'd rather be with here or on Earth."
John was floored.
Suddenly Rodney closed the distance between them and took John's face in his hands. "I love you, you idiot. That's about as clear as I can make it. And no, you don't have to say it back, but I'd appreciate it if you could at least hug me now or something for all the trouble I'm going through with you."
He pulled John into his arms and after only a moment of hesitation John put his own arms around Rodney, squeezing him tight. He was pathetically grateful that Rodney had said those words-and didn't expect John to say them in return. "Thank you," he managed to say at least, pushing his face into Rodney's neck.
"Well, yes. The things I do for love and all that. Though I'll have you know that blowjobs go a long way in making up for your communication skills," Rodney said.
John snorted and pulled back to smile at Rodney. Then he leaned forward to kiss him deeply. Rodney returned the kiss passionately, and for the first time John really allowed himself to feel the love-both his own and Rodney's. They kissed for what felt like forever, and when John eventually moved away enough to look at Rodney, he found him with parted lips and glazed over eyes.
John slowly knelt down. At Rodney's heartfelt groan of anticipation, he grinned.
It seemed that re-establishing contact with Earth was the best thing that could have happened to them after all.