Challenge #176 fic: Another Ring. John/Rodney. PG-13.
Title: Another Ring
Author: velocitygrass
Pairing: John Sheppard/Rodney McKay, established Rodney McKay/Jennifer Keller
Rating: PG-13
Warnings/Content notes: ( skip) None of the standard warnings apply
Spoilers: through the show
Word count: 1569
Summary: Rodney realizes he'll never use the ring he bought for Jennifer.
Note: Also available at AO3.
Another Ring
The little box weighed heavily in Rodney's pocket. This time he hadn't even come as far as getting it out. Rodney felt restless, not quite able yet to take the obvious next step. Or maybe he still wasn't sure that this was really his final decision.
Going nowhere in particular he found himself walking onto a balcony where a familiar figure stood. Rodney only hesitated for a moment before standing next to his friend.
John acknowledged his presence with a quick look, before turning back to look at the waves. They stood in silence for a while before John looked at him again, raising an eyebrow. "You weren't looking for me?"
"No," Rodney said. Before he realized what was happening, he'd gotten out the little box which had waited to be presented during his dinner with Jennifer. John stared at the box for a moment, then turned away. Rodney remembered how supportive he'd been the last time. Well, after the surprise had worn off. Rodney hadn't expected John to be as surprised this time-or as supportive. After another silence, John looked back at the box. Rodney gave it a nudge, and with a little pop the box opened to reveal a ring with a diamond. More elegant than the one he'd bought for Katie. But just as wrong.
"When are you going to ask her?" John asked. It sounded carefully neutral to Rodney.
"Never," Rodney said, looking at the beautiful ring.
Beside him John appeared to be neither happy nor sad. He frowned. "Why not?"
"Jennifer is great. But..." Rodney began. Which was most of the problem. There was a but. Even though on paper Jennifer was perfect for him, when it came to committing to a lifetime with her, things suddenly weren't as clear-cut. "I've thought about our vows. The traditional till death do us part and so forth. And I couldn't help thinking that the reality of it will not be 'in good times and in bad', but 'in good times and until we get a divorce'. Which is probably how many people do it these days, but I kept thinking, what are the chances that we'll only have good times? How long will it take until the bad times come and how long will the bad times drag on before we admit to each other that it's over? Or will we be so stuck in our ways that we just won't bother? And then I realized that spending more time thinking about the end of a marriage than the good part is probably not a good sign. How can you do that and in good conscience get on your knees and ask for a lifetime with someone?"
John looked thoughtful for a long moment. Then a wry smile appeared on his face. "On your knees?" he asked.
"Well, I'm not sure if I'd have literally gotten on my knees. I hadn't thought that far ahead," Rodney said. There'd been no point thinking about that before he'd felt he could take that step. And he honestly didn't know if he would have. It occurred to him that John had gone through this. "Did you?"
"No," John said, then a smile crossed his face. "But she did." He looked at Rodney, grinning. "We were lounging on the floor, so it wasn't really getting on your knees. But she sat up on her knees and said, 'We should get married.'"
"'Should', not 'could'?" Rodney asked.
"It was time," John said, his fond expression turning more serious. "Either end it or take the plunge." After a moment, he added quietly. "I should have been honest and ended it."
"You knew it would end in divorce?" Rodney asked. He was pretty sure he'd done the right thing in not proposing to Jennifer, but some validation would be a good thing.
"No," John said to Rodney's disappointment. "I was happy with her considering... I didn't expect the toll of being away so often and having to keep so many secrets."
"Considering..." Rodney prompted on impulse.
John gave him a quick glance before looking back out at the sea. "That I'm...gay."
Rodney knew what John was about to say a second before he actually said it. Now he felt the rush of being right, but also the rush of opportunity as memories of five years popped up in his mind, bringing back moments in which Rodney had wondered if there was more to their relationship than friendship.
Rodney might have looked a bit too happy because John raised an eyebrow in question.
Since he couldn't tell John that he was happy that he'd known John would say that, Rodney simply blurted out the first thing that came to his mind. "I've been attracted to guys, but..."
"Never acted on it?" John guessed.
"No," Rodney said. "I've had sex with guys, so I wouldn't say that. But no relationships." Nothing serious. Nothing that would have made him actually consider what this complicated thing between him and John was.
John looked back out at the sea, nodding. "I see."
"It's not like that," Rodney said immediately because he didn't like the vaguely accusing note in John's voice. "I mean... What do you mean?"
"Nothing," John said. Rodney gave him a look, and John amended, "I've blown my share of 'straight' guys. Or been blown for that matter."
"It's not like that," Rodney repeated. "I wouldn't have a problem identifying as not straight. I just..." He just hadn't had the personal history that would have allowed him to recognize his feelings more easily. It wasn't about the label 'straight'. It was about not really considering that he could approach John and-
"Wanted to say that you fuck guys but fall in love with girls," John finished Rodney's sentence matter-of-factly.
"No," Rodney said, turning to look at John. He let his gaze run over his friend's face. He remembered their shared experiences, their history. And it struck him that part of not asking Jennifer was not just that he didn't think he wanted to go through bad times with her, but that he knew that there was someone he would want go through life with in good times and bad. And that was John. "I wouldn't say that," Rodney said, letting his gaze linger on John's face. So familiar. So beautiful in its imperfections. "I've been in love with at least one guy." It was surprisingly easy to say it.
John's jaw clenched. He looked stone-faced, before turning away.
Rodney looked away too. He clutched the box in his hand until it dug painfully into his palm. He should have expected this. The truth was that even through his blindness or denial or whatever you wanted to call it, some part of him had known that there was something between them. He recalled a moment where he'd blown off John to court Jennifer. Really, what had he expected after that? That John would pine away for him forever, waiting for Rodney to finally see the light? But even if he should have expected it and even if he deserved it, it didn't hurt any less. In fact Rodney realized that John's rejection hurt more than the realization that this was as far as his relationship with Jennifer would go. At least it confirmed that his decision not to ask her had been the right one. So one good thing had come from this night. And he still had John's friendship-in a more honest way even. Hopefully it wouldn't get too awkward. "Wanna race cars tomorrow?" Rodney asked, smiling in what he hoped was an encouraging way.
John turned, still tense. "Don't fuck with me, Rodney," he said harshly. "I can't... If this is just until we break up or until you find another girl to marry-"
"No," Rodney said without thinking. If John was giving him a chance... Rodney pushed the box at John. "Well, this is not your size or style, but..." He dropped down on his knees. "I..." He didn't say more. He didn't actually propose to John. Not because he didn't think that this could be till death us do part, but because it was too soon and he didn't even think that John wanted something as drastic as that.
John confirmed it when a smile slowly formed on his lips. "When I imagined you on your knees in front of me, it was never this," he said, looking down at Rodney.
Rodney flushed. "Well, I could..." It wasn't that he'd never thought about this, even if he hadn't been ready to give it the meaning it deserved. He moved to open John's zipper, but John stopped him.
"Hey, no," John said, taking Rodney's hands in his and pulling them away from his crotch. "I mean, not 'no' indefinitely," he rambled. "Just get up here," he eventually said, pulling Rodney to his feet until they stood gazing at each other. "Look. I'm not..." John said, clearly uncomfortable. "As I said, I can't blame the failure of my marriage on being gay. I'm not...good at relationships."
"I was close to marrying twice with no chance of success," Rodney pointed out.
John gave him a weak smile. "What could possibly go wrong, huh?"
Rodney laughed. Funnily he had the feeling that this would go right-and that the next time he bought a ring, he'd actually get to use it.
Author: velocitygrass
Pairing: John Sheppard/Rodney McKay, established Rodney McKay/Jennifer Keller
Rating: PG-13
Warnings/Content notes: ( skip) None of the standard warnings apply
Spoilers: through the show
Word count: 1569
Summary: Rodney realizes he'll never use the ring he bought for Jennifer.
Note: Also available at AO3.
Another Ring
The little box weighed heavily in Rodney's pocket. This time he hadn't even come as far as getting it out. Rodney felt restless, not quite able yet to take the obvious next step. Or maybe he still wasn't sure that this was really his final decision.
Going nowhere in particular he found himself walking onto a balcony where a familiar figure stood. Rodney only hesitated for a moment before standing next to his friend.
John acknowledged his presence with a quick look, before turning back to look at the waves. They stood in silence for a while before John looked at him again, raising an eyebrow. "You weren't looking for me?"
"No," Rodney said. Before he realized what was happening, he'd gotten out the little box which had waited to be presented during his dinner with Jennifer. John stared at the box for a moment, then turned away. Rodney remembered how supportive he'd been the last time. Well, after the surprise had worn off. Rodney hadn't expected John to be as surprised this time-or as supportive. After another silence, John looked back at the box. Rodney gave it a nudge, and with a little pop the box opened to reveal a ring with a diamond. More elegant than the one he'd bought for Katie. But just as wrong.
"When are you going to ask her?" John asked. It sounded carefully neutral to Rodney.
"Never," Rodney said, looking at the beautiful ring.
Beside him John appeared to be neither happy nor sad. He frowned. "Why not?"
"Jennifer is great. But..." Rodney began. Which was most of the problem. There was a but. Even though on paper Jennifer was perfect for him, when it came to committing to a lifetime with her, things suddenly weren't as clear-cut. "I've thought about our vows. The traditional till death do us part and so forth. And I couldn't help thinking that the reality of it will not be 'in good times and in bad', but 'in good times and until we get a divorce'. Which is probably how many people do it these days, but I kept thinking, what are the chances that we'll only have good times? How long will it take until the bad times come and how long will the bad times drag on before we admit to each other that it's over? Or will we be so stuck in our ways that we just won't bother? And then I realized that spending more time thinking about the end of a marriage than the good part is probably not a good sign. How can you do that and in good conscience get on your knees and ask for a lifetime with someone?"
John looked thoughtful for a long moment. Then a wry smile appeared on his face. "On your knees?" he asked.
"Well, I'm not sure if I'd have literally gotten on my knees. I hadn't thought that far ahead," Rodney said. There'd been no point thinking about that before he'd felt he could take that step. And he honestly didn't know if he would have. It occurred to him that John had gone through this. "Did you?"
"No," John said, then a smile crossed his face. "But she did." He looked at Rodney, grinning. "We were lounging on the floor, so it wasn't really getting on your knees. But she sat up on her knees and said, 'We should get married.'"
"'Should', not 'could'?" Rodney asked.
"It was time," John said, his fond expression turning more serious. "Either end it or take the plunge." After a moment, he added quietly. "I should have been honest and ended it."
"You knew it would end in divorce?" Rodney asked. He was pretty sure he'd done the right thing in not proposing to Jennifer, but some validation would be a good thing.
"No," John said to Rodney's disappointment. "I was happy with her considering... I didn't expect the toll of being away so often and having to keep so many secrets."
"Considering..." Rodney prompted on impulse.
John gave him a quick glance before looking back out at the sea. "That I'm...gay."
Rodney knew what John was about to say a second before he actually said it. Now he felt the rush of being right, but also the rush of opportunity as memories of five years popped up in his mind, bringing back moments in which Rodney had wondered if there was more to their relationship than friendship.
Rodney might have looked a bit too happy because John raised an eyebrow in question.
Since he couldn't tell John that he was happy that he'd known John would say that, Rodney simply blurted out the first thing that came to his mind. "I've been attracted to guys, but..."
"Never acted on it?" John guessed.
"No," Rodney said. "I've had sex with guys, so I wouldn't say that. But no relationships." Nothing serious. Nothing that would have made him actually consider what this complicated thing between him and John was.
John looked back out at the sea, nodding. "I see."
"It's not like that," Rodney said immediately because he didn't like the vaguely accusing note in John's voice. "I mean... What do you mean?"
"Nothing," John said. Rodney gave him a look, and John amended, "I've blown my share of 'straight' guys. Or been blown for that matter."
"It's not like that," Rodney repeated. "I wouldn't have a problem identifying as not straight. I just..." He just hadn't had the personal history that would have allowed him to recognize his feelings more easily. It wasn't about the label 'straight'. It was about not really considering that he could approach John and-
"Wanted to say that you fuck guys but fall in love with girls," John finished Rodney's sentence matter-of-factly.
"No," Rodney said, turning to look at John. He let his gaze run over his friend's face. He remembered their shared experiences, their history. And it struck him that part of not asking Jennifer was not just that he didn't think he wanted to go through bad times with her, but that he knew that there was someone he would want go through life with in good times and bad. And that was John. "I wouldn't say that," Rodney said, letting his gaze linger on John's face. So familiar. So beautiful in its imperfections. "I've been in love with at least one guy." It was surprisingly easy to say it.
John's jaw clenched. He looked stone-faced, before turning away.
Rodney looked away too. He clutched the box in his hand until it dug painfully into his palm. He should have expected this. The truth was that even through his blindness or denial or whatever you wanted to call it, some part of him had known that there was something between them. He recalled a moment where he'd blown off John to court Jennifer. Really, what had he expected after that? That John would pine away for him forever, waiting for Rodney to finally see the light? But even if he should have expected it and even if he deserved it, it didn't hurt any less. In fact Rodney realized that John's rejection hurt more than the realization that this was as far as his relationship with Jennifer would go. At least it confirmed that his decision not to ask her had been the right one. So one good thing had come from this night. And he still had John's friendship-in a more honest way even. Hopefully it wouldn't get too awkward. "Wanna race cars tomorrow?" Rodney asked, smiling in what he hoped was an encouraging way.
John turned, still tense. "Don't fuck with me, Rodney," he said harshly. "I can't... If this is just until we break up or until you find another girl to marry-"
"No," Rodney said without thinking. If John was giving him a chance... Rodney pushed the box at John. "Well, this is not your size or style, but..." He dropped down on his knees. "I..." He didn't say more. He didn't actually propose to John. Not because he didn't think that this could be till death us do part, but because it was too soon and he didn't even think that John wanted something as drastic as that.
John confirmed it when a smile slowly formed on his lips. "When I imagined you on your knees in front of me, it was never this," he said, looking down at Rodney.
Rodney flushed. "Well, I could..." It wasn't that he'd never thought about this, even if he hadn't been ready to give it the meaning it deserved. He moved to open John's zipper, but John stopped him.
"Hey, no," John said, taking Rodney's hands in his and pulling them away from his crotch. "I mean, not 'no' indefinitely," he rambled. "Just get up here," he eventually said, pulling Rodney to his feet until they stood gazing at each other. "Look. I'm not..." John said, clearly uncomfortable. "As I said, I can't blame the failure of my marriage on being gay. I'm not...good at relationships."
"I was close to marrying twice with no chance of success," Rodney pointed out.
John gave him a weak smile. "What could possibly go wrong, huh?"
Rodney laughed. Funnily he had the feeling that this would go right-and that the next time he bought a ring, he'd actually get to use it.