Challenge #93 fic: Live Forever. NC-17. John/Rodney.
Title: Live Forever
Author: velocitygrass
Pairing: John Sheppard/Rodney McKay
Rating: NC-17
Warnings/Content notes: ( skip) Vampirism. The nature of the story means there are deaths, including for canon characters, but not for John and Rodney. Also mention of John visiting brothels back in the day and feeding on people without consent and Nancy turning him without consent. Also, blood, obviously. Blood-sucking as something erotic. Feeding on animals.
Spoilers: Appearance of season three characters.
Word count: 6995
Summary: John is a vampire. Rodney isn't.
Note: First person POV. The prompt screamed for a vampire story to me. I tried to keep it short with moderate success.
Live Forever
Meeting Rodney
I haven't been close to humans for a long time. I'm surrounded by them, of course, since I live in their world, but I've long learned to avoid any close contact. In fact, it's been so long ago that I can't really remember the reason I started avoiding them. Other than the obvious.
I'm not one of them and can never be.
Still, I see them around when I leave my home. Apart from my supply of blood, I need to buy clothes, I indulge in some food, and I require other everyday necessities. My home starts collecting dust like any other.
There's a small shop around the corner that is opened through late in the night when the sun has set and I'm safe to leave my daytime shelter. I go there several times a week since I cannot buy in bulk. I cannot drive. I'd love to know what it's like to feel a fast car accelerating to its maximum speed, but I didn't want to look for someone to teach me in the dark.
I buy a roll of paper towels, the brand that deals best with drops of blood, and am on my way out when someone crashes into me.
He glares at me, as if I had been the one not paying attention, then picks up his things and steps in my way again and then off. I don't pay it any mind. There always were and always will be rude humans.
As I make my way back home, I notice that the man who ran into me is takinig the same path. We walk a few yards apart, until he half turns his head and his steps become a bit faster. On a whim I pick up speed too, matching my steps to his. I may be used to rudeness, but I'm not above punishing it when I get such an easy chance to do so.
We're almost to my home, when the man suddenly stops and turns around. He lifts his chin, obviously trying to appear brave when his whole body screams fear to me. "Are you stalking me?" he demands.
I smile. There's any number of things I could do to frighten him even more. And then, of course, I could kill him. I won't, though. I wouldn't do it to anyone, let alone a stranger, no matter how rude he was. "I'm returning home," I say, pointing at the house that I've bought a few years ago.
"You live there?" he asks.
I nod.
"Then it seems we're neighbors," he says stiffly. "Dr. Rodney McKay," he adds, holding out his hand. He still looks a bit suspicious.
I take his hand. I'm not sure how long it's been since I've done that. "John Sheppard," I say.
He swallows and eventually pulls his hand away, which I haven't let go off. "Well, we're almost home," he says.
I nod again. "Goodnight, Dr McKay."
He frowns, suspicion replaced with irritation. "Look, we might have gotten off on the wrong foot, but I don't think that kind of formality is necessary. Just call me Rodney."
I smile. "Goodnight, Rodney."
"Goodnight, John," he says.
We start walking together, grinning at each other as we fall into step, and then Rodney turns left down the path to his home. I walk on and, before entering my own home, look over to find Rodney watching me as well.
It's quite dark, and I know that using my special eyesight will give me away, so it's more a feeling than actual evidence that he blushes before disappearing in his house.
~~
Sunscreen
We talk regularly after that. Whenever one of us goes to the shop around the corner, the other happens to go along. I know it's no coincidence on my part. I like Rodney. He's not like other humans.
I'm not sure if that makes a difference or if I simply take the opportunity to talk to someone every now and then. I'm quite happy to be alone most of the time-if I weren't I would have long gone mad-but it's somehow both invigorating and soothing to hear Rodney go on and on about himself or his work.
He's working at home, and often does so until late, so it's always dark when we meet.
This changes when one day Rodney rings my bell in the afternoon. I've had a canopy installed on my front door, which looks a bit out of place but it protects me from direct sunlight if I answer the door during the day. Rodney looks a little dishevelled.
"Oh, hi. I didn't want to disturb you, but I could use your help," he says.
"How can I help you?" I ask, hoping that it does not involve anything in sunlight.
"My sister is visiting me with her family. I've bought a bed for the guest room including transportation, but that apparently doesn't include assembly which I didn't even think was necessary. I was wondering if you could help me put the damn thing together." Rodney looks at me, and it's the first time that I can really see how blue his eyes are. He flushes and the blood under his skin stirs something in me.
"Yes," I say quickly.
He looks relieved and smiles. "Great." When I don't make a move, he adds, "Uhm, now would be good with me."
I look out at the bright daylight. "If you'll give me a moment. I just want to finish something. I'll come over in ten minutes or so, okay?"
"Sure," Rodney says and walks back over to his house.
Sunlight can kill me, but the wonders of UV sunscreen allow me to make short trips unharmed. I get my sunscreen now and pay attention to cover all parts of my skin that will be explosed. At the door I hesitate. Even with sunscreen, my skin will feel the burn. It's extremely uncomfortable, but I didn't want to refuse Rodney's request for help.
I walk over to his house as quickly as I can without being too suspicious and hope that Rodney won't take his time answering the door. Thankfully he doesn't. I step inside, and Rodney gives me a strange look that settles on my neck.
"Hmm. I thought I was paranoid with the sunscreen. But it's good to know that you take care of yourself," he comments.
My hand goes to my neck where I haven't fully rubbed the sunscreen into my skin.
We proceed to assemble the bed. I try to stick to the side of the room away from the window and let Rodney's words wash over me. He talks about making his own sunscreen and his allergies and hypoglycemia and then shifts to his sister whom he hasn't seen in a long time. He's nervous about seeing her again, and I briefly think of my father and brother and how I left them even before I was turned.
We finally manage to set up the bed. "We should try it out," Rodney suggests at the end, then suddenly flushes. "I meant to see how it is to lie on it. But I guess I can do that later. Thank you for helping me."
I have a hard time concentrating with the blood that's rushed to his face. But I manage to say, "You're welcome."
"Uhm. I was wondering...if you wanted to come over for dinner tonight?" Rodney asks him.
I don't have to eat. It's not nourishing to me. I do it just for the taste sometimes, though, and I can certainly do that today. "I'd love to," I say, swallowing when that makes him flush again.
When I sit at the table with Rodney and his sister's family, it occurrs to me that Rodney has asked me to come over as a buffer. I may not be used to being around people, but even I can sense the tension between the siblings. Kaleb and I do our best to keep things light.
A mention of video games-one of the modern inventions I like to indulge in-has Rodney perking up in more than happiness at a welcome distraction.
"You need to show me your collection," he says.
"You're welcome anytime," I say, smiling at him.
Jeannie, Kaleb, even Madison, watch us, and I get the feeling that I might have to start thinking about what I'm doing here.
~~
Desire
I've never been with a man. I'm amused by the various media interpretations of vampires and how often they seem to be bisexual by nature, but when I was turned I didn't suddenly start to feel that it would be okay to be with a man in that way. And Nancy didn't tell me. Nobody told me. It wasn't until long after I've given up sexual encounters with humans that I realized my awkwardness with women was never inexperience, but rather lack of interest.
At that point in life-or unlife if you will-it didn't make a difference, apart from the fantasies that I have when I touch myself.
I've never been tempted to act on such desires because I never had them for a real person in my reach. But this changes when Rodney starts coming over regularly.
We play video games or chess. He's very competitive. I don't have the heart to tell him that when he beats me in chess it's only because I let him win. With video games we're more evenly matched. And no matter what we do, we have an enjoyable time.
We talk about all kinds of things, mostly Rodney, though my knowledge of pop culture of the last two-hundred-fifty years does impress him. Rodney believes I'm a historian.
There's nothing I like more than to surprise him, though teasing him comes a close second. And then there are the times when Rodney perceives some kind of innuendo in what either of us said or what happened on the screen.
I've always been affected by his flush, but when we sit together on the couch, legs nearly touching, and he flushes, it now sends my whole body thrumming with need. My mouth begins to water. I've started drinking some blood before Rodney comes over, but it doesn't do anything to quell the hunger I feel when he's close.
~~
Awkward
Though it's hard, I manage to pull myself together. I could never force myself on him in that way, even if I long to sink my teeth in his neck. Hundreds of years haven't managed to silence the echoes of the screams of shock when I last did this. I'd rather die of thirst before doing it to Rodney.
There's the other kind of hunger, of course, and lately whenever I've touched myself it was to images of Rodney with me. But that is just as impossible as feeding on him. I'm physically capable of being with him, but not only do I have a hard time controlling myself when I climax, I also cannot take such a step while keeping the full truth about myself from Rodney.
What I know of relationships I've witnessed in others or read about. My father became a hardened man when my mother died. My brother loved his wife as much, and even if I wasn't part of his life anymore at the time, I know Charlotte's death broke him. After Claire and Susan's death, I didn't want to stay in Ireland any longer. I didn't want to watch generation after generation of my family die.
This is why I cannot indulge in more than fantasies with Rodney. There can be no life for us together because I'm only undead and will be forever. And I already feel too much to allow us a short affair. I don't think it's what Rodney would want either.
I know that he feels something for me. It's in the way his gaze sometimes lingers, or that he touches me casually. It's in every damn blush that sends my blood boiling with need.
And eventually it's in the stumbled words, as he stutters out an invitation to a date.
I have never wooed anyone in my life, but even I can see that Rodney is incredibly bad at this. It's so endearing that I want to smile and hug him. But I know that I need to make sure that he understands that we can never be more than friends. And even that, we can only be for a limited time.
I'm not sure who is more heartbroken about my rejection. I have to force myself not to lift my hand to touch his vulnerable face. I want to sooth his pain away. But I know that I can't, so I just let him go.
My hope that we could continue to be friends is dashed when Rodney stops coming over and rushes off whenever I try to join him when he goes to shop. Every one of our encounters is awkward, until Rodney tells me, "I can't do this, okay?"
But it's not okay. I'm not sure when it happened, but I don't want to be without Rodney anymore.
~~
Revelation
I don't want to lie to Rodney. I can't enter into a relationship with him under false pretenses. Rejecting him drove him completely away, so I decide to tell him the truth. I don't expect him to take it well. I don't expect him to accept it and be with me. But I hope that he will understand and we can continue our friendship as it was before.
I stay at his door until he finally lets me in, and once inside I realize that I'll never find the right words, so I just show him. I switch off the light, and before he can protest or ask any questions, I focus my eyes so that I can see him despite the dark.
He gasps at the flash in my eyes, and I bare my fangs and switch the light back on to make sure he can see them.
"That's...that's impossible," he stutters.
"Obviously not," I say.
He's taken a step away, but now approaches me carefully, his curiosity apparently overcoming his fear. Or maybe he trusts me.
"I don't...That's just a myth," he says, staring at my eyes and teeth.
I simply stand there as living-well, undead-proof that it's not.
"This doesn't make any sense," Rodney eventually declares. "How can it be that in a time of cell phones nobody has taken a picture of a vampire if you're walking among us?"
I could point out that I haven't given myself away to him, but he has a point where others are concerned. Others who don't avoid interaction with humans-and feeding on them. "I suspect there might not be many of us left," I say. "I've seen a few of us caught and killed when I was younger. And I think more recently being sent to jail for feeding on a human would have been the equivalent to a death penalty. We can't survive without blood."
Rodney pales and takes a step back, moving towards the door. "So you're just better at killing than others," he says.
"No!" I say forcefully and without thinking. "I've started feeding on animals a long time ago. Now I simply buy blood. Animal and human. But I don't kill." I'd like to say I never have, but I can't.
"Did you ever?" Rodney asks, as if reading my mind.
I hesitate. I won't lie to him. "It was an accident. I didn't know at the time how much blood to take without killing someone. My first...victims all survived. But with her I didn't stop until her pulse was gone and she'd gone limp in my arms. I never fed on a human after that."
Rodney watches him thoughtfully. "So you're almost like a vegetarian vampire?"
I stare at him, until I can't help smiling.
~~
First Drop
We're friends again after that. Rodney asks me how old I am, how I was turned, how I survived. I tell him about Nancy, the unending ship passage to America where rats were my only sustenance, and moving from city to city, state to state since then.
There's not really much to tell beyond that, though, and we fall back to playing and talking about other things, but soon Rodney asks, "You're not...different physiologically, other than the teeth and eyesight and, obviously, degestion."
"You mean other than all that, healing quickly, extreme sensitivity to sunlight, and not aging?" I ask back, amused.
He flushes, which still makes me swallow back the hunger for his blood. "I meant...other activities. Sex, okay? I meant sex," he eventually says.
"I'm fully functional, as far as I'm aware," I say, my mouth suddenly dry.
"That's good to hear," Rodney says, licking his lips and dropping his gaze to mine.
I hesitate. I didn't expect him to continue wanting me in that way or at least not to pursue this as an option.
"You can't tell me you don't want it," Rodney says self-confidently, moving closer on the couch until his thigh is touching mine.
"I've never done that," I finally admit.
"You're two-hundred-seventy-two year old virgin?" Rodney asks.
"I'm not a virgin," I say, pouting slightly. I was man enough to do that. "I've been to brothels."
"Brothels? When was that?"
"In Ireland, before I was turned," I say. "And a few times after," I add. Nancy had told me they were a good source of humans to feed on.
"So you've been celibate for over two hundred years?" Rodney asks.
I feel the blood rise to my face. "I've touched myself," I admit.
Rodney leans closer. "Do you want to know what it's like when another man touches you?"
I ask Rodney several times if he's sure about this, but in the end I can only give in. I want it too much to deny us this pleasure.
He undresses me, touches me. He traces my skin with his tongue and nips it with his teeth. He sucks on every part of my body until it feels as if all my blood has flown into my hard shaft.
When he pulls it into his mouth, laving it with his tongue, stroking it with his hand, worrying it with his teeth, my whole body vibrates with lust. I tremble with need and whisper his name, again and again, until I hear myself shout as my body finds release.
I feel as if falling apart, panting in exhaustion and exhiliration. When I manage to open my eyes, Rodney is close, eyeing my fangs, which I couldn't control after my powerful orgasm.
Rodney lifts his hand and runs a finger along one fang, testing its sharpness. He gasps in surprise at the immediate breach of his skin. I could have explained to him that they need to be sharp to fullfill their purpose, but the blood flowing from his wound make any thinking impossible.
The hunger for it buzzes in my whole body, and I put my my hand on Rodney's and push his finger into my mouth, licking the drop away and sucking Rodney's sweet life nectar into my mouth. I feel like I have another climax right then and there, groaning loadly, and then pulling his finger from my mouth forcefully.
When Rodney kisses me, I force my fangs to retract. He's already given me more than I could have hoped for. And I do hunger for more than his blood. I want all of him.
~~
Hunger
Rodney jokes that I try to make up for the last two-hundred something years, but he's just as eager to show me the many ways two men can experience pleasure together. And I'm a good student.
I've learned to touch him the way he touches me, the spots he likes best, the ways to get the greatest response from his body. And there are things I can do that he can't. I'm strong enough to fuck him standing without any wall to hold on to, even if it's difficult to keep my balance and we collapse after we reach climax. My strength is helpful for a wide range of positions.
My fangs are a different matter. I make sure to keep them retracted when I run my tongue along Rodney's skin. But I know that when I come, I'll lose control. I was afraid to suck his stiff flesh at first, until I extended my teeth one day, hoping that this way I could control my movements without accidentally hurting him.
It turns out that the distance between my fangs is such that when I take the head of his cock in my mouth, I can put it between my fangs. Rodney was barely able to control himself, and when I use my tongue as well, I can almost stimulate the ridge of his cock from all sides at once. Rodney came in my mouth within a minute when we first did it.
It's still a favorite of his, but he loves all of me, whether I ride him, fuck him, or pleasure him with my hands or mouth. I enjoy all of those things too, but the more we do this together, the harder it gets to control my hunger for his blood.
My fangs appear whenever he brings me to completion, and nearly every position brings my mouth so close to his pulsing neck that it takes all of my willpower not to sink my teeth into his veins.
I force my head away every time, letting the rush of orgasm be the only thing that releases me. But it gets so impossibly difficult that one day I pull my own hand to my mouth and sink my teeth into it in a desperate attempt not to feed on Rodney.
He's shocked, and instead of the ususal afterglow, he frantically shouts, "Oh my god. What have you done?"
I calm down enough to lick my wound, but he's jumped of the bed already to get some paper towels. By the time he returns I've licked up most of my blood.
He drops the towels on the night stand and watches me curiously. "Does it taste good?" he asks.
I smile. "It's not like food to me," I explain. "It wouldn't sustain me, and it doesn't taste like other blood does to me."
Rodney nods. "Makes sense. Otherwise you could live on yourself, which is not how it works. It would be like a biological perpetual motion machine." I grin, but Rodney looks worried. "Does it hurt a lot?"
"It doesn't hurt at all," I say. I've licked the wound, and I already see the wound closing again. There'll be no trace of it left in a day.
"Right, you have super healing powers," Rodney says, taking my hand.
"I also think there's someting in my saliva," I say. The shouts when I fed a long time ago were of suprise more than pain.
Rodney frowns. "You think you secrete a kind of anti-pain substance? Actually, that might make sense." He looks at my mouth now. My fangs are still extended. He lifts his finger.
I open my mouth, not quite sure if he's really about to do what I think he is. Then his finger touches the sharp tip of one of my fangs, and he gasps and exhales.
"You're right," he says with wonder in his voice. He pulls his finger away, staring at the droplet of blood that's gathered there.
I swallow, trying to quell my hunger.
He looks up at me, and noticing my look, pushes his finger into my mouth. It's the first time that someone gave me his blood voluntarily. I'm not sure if it can be called an orgasm or if my cock actually releases more of my seed, but in that moment I'm flying so high it makes no difference.
~~
Feeding
Rodney doesn't think about it for long. He only asks if it's dangerous and if it could turn him. I tell him he'd have to drink my blood after I feed on him to turn into a vampire, and I assure him that I can control myself when I feed.
When he agrees, my whole body pulses not just with the usual lust that I feel for him and the love, it's also with the knowledge that this time I won't have to hold back.
As I thrust into him, taking us both towards completion, my body is abuzz with anticipation. I slam into him, needing to fill him, needing to be as deep as possible, when finally I feel us both racing towards the precipice.
His blood is calling to me as always, but this time I answer it. I force my eyes open to see the consent in Rodney's eyes once more, and as the pleasure takes me over the edge, I sink my fangs into the skin of his neck.
My mouth is filled with the sweetest taste I have ever felt on my tongue. The drops I had before were intoxicating, but this is filling me to overflowing. I feel satiated for life from a mouthful and pull my teeth from his body, licking at his wound to sooth it, heal it, and get the last drops that form.
I pull away to look at Rodney and to express with my eyes the gratitude that I could never put into words. I remember to check if he's come and the seed on his stomach and chest tells me he did, even as I fed on him. He looks at me, dazed, open-mouthed.
I move in to kiss him, kiss him and hold him and love him for the great gift he's granted me.
~~
Time
I didn't think it could be this way. It certainly wasn't Nancy's way or that of any other vampires I knew of. But then if they lived like this, they might never have gotten caught and killed.
For the first time in my life I don't need to rely on animal blood or bought human blood to sustain me. When I'm hungry I feed on Rodney. It's all I need.
I make sure not to take too much. I wouldn't do anything to risk his health. We sleep together, eat together, live together. It's the first time I've shared my life with anyone since I left my home.
Rodney doesn't just not mind when I feed on him. It arouses him. He suspects in might be the secretion. He asks to analyze it, but I'm wary of sending my blood to anyone who might find out what I am. He wants to do it himself instead.
It doesn't take long for him to learn enough to be able to analyze my blood. There's nothing to indicate that my saliva has sexually stimulating components. Rodney flushes when he tells me that. I lick his neck, gratified that it's all his reaction.
He also finds out that there are certain components in my saliva against the pain that the feeding should normally cause. I enjoy watching how excited he is about that, and when he announces he's been able to develop a way to artificially create the pain blocker, I feel just a bit of pride that a part of me will be able to help people.
A few years rush by and one day I find Rodney looking in the mirror and fussing with his thinning hair. I wrap myself around his body, mouthing the two little marks on his neck where I fed on him the night before.
The corners of his mouth turn downwards, but I smile. "More skin to love," I say, turning his face so that I can kiss where his hairline has receded.
His face remains serious, though, as he turns back to look at the mirror. "I will die," he says.
And suddenly I understand. I tighten my arms around him. "I'll love you till you die," I say. I know I will. And I know that I'll end my life when Rodney's ends. I've thought about suicide before when the only reason would have been boredom. Now it's the simple fact that I don't want to imagine my life without Rodney.
~~
Preparation
I know that assuring Rodney of my love doesn't change the fact that while his hair falls out, I look forever like the thirty-two-year-old I was when I was turned.
He works a lot these days and I let him. Children won't be his legacy, but his work can, and I respect that. He's given me more than I could have ever hoped for already.
Though it turns out that what he worked on isn't his scientific legacy. After a few weeks of staying in his study until late, he presents me with a new batch of his sunscreen.
When he asks me to test it, I dutifully put it on every visible bit of skin and step out into our garden without hesitation. I trust Rodney with my life.
"It's good," I tell him, though that's no surprise since his sunscreen has always been safe for me to use and to take a few steps outside.
I'm about to head back in, when he puts his hands on my arms and says, "Stay."
I frown but do what he says. It's never a good feeling to be out in the sun. Even if my skin doesn't start immediately peeling I feel its reaction. It's an unmistakable signal to get away from the sun as fast as possible.
The point comes where I know even the sunscreen won't protect me. A sunburn wouldn't kill me, but I could do without having to peel my skin away and having it hurt for the next couple of days.
"It looks okay," he informs me, stopping me again.
I'll have to trust Rodney on this, and seeing his intense look I do.
It's only after an hour that he eventually says, "Okay, you're getting red. I think we should head back inside."
I run back into our house, feeling my skin and anticipating pain when I touch it, but it doesn't hurt. I take a look at a mirror-and yes, I can see myself-and Rodney's right. There is a hint of red on the bridge of my nose, but otherwise I have the same tan that has stayed with me for hundreds of years.
I congratulate Rodney on the success and don't think much of it, until a few weeks later, he presents another batch of sunscreen.
It's trial and error with longer and longer test runs until one day he insists we take a trip to the park. I'm not looking forward to it, but I'll do this since it's obviously important for Rodney.
We walk around, looking at the children playing, the people walking their dogs, the group of men playing baseball, and the wildlife in the park. The burn that I feel on my skin is constant, but I trust Rodney to check if I need to take cover and continue as long as he doesn't. Eventually the sun sets and we make our way home.
"How was it?" he asks when we're back.
He looks so hopeful that I'm tempted to lie because I don't want to disappoint him. But he'll find out eventually and feel betrayed. Not to mention that our relationship is based on many things, honesty among them. "It was okay. It's good to know that I can stay outside for so long if I have to," I say, smiling at him.
But he knows me well enough to read between the lines. His face falls. "You didn't enjoy it."
"The sun is not for me, Rodney," I say. "I still feel as if I'm burning. But it's okay. I don't usually need it, and if I do, I now have it."
"It's not for you," he says.
Oh. I never really thought about how constricting life with me might have felt for Rodney, but after our day in the park I realize how much Rodney doesn't do. "You don't have to stay in because of me," I say. "You must miss walking in the sun. I don't mind if you do it. You should."
"It's for me," Rodney says.
I blink. I'm not sure what he's trying to say until I picture him putting on the sunscreen as he does when he goes out in the sun.
It's for him. For him to use when he wants to go in the sun, which he couldn't without. At least not if he were a vampire. I don't know what to say, so my only reaction is silence.
~~
Turning
I've never thought about this as an option. Never.
When Nancy turned me she gave me no choice. I still remember her words to this day. "You deserve a different life, John." I had thought she meant returning to my family.
My life as a vampire wasn't a bad one. But that could very well be because my life as a human wasn't all that great either. I didn't fit in, then and now.
But being a vampire brings special challenges. I remember the day word reached me that Susan had died in childbed, not five months after her younger sister succumbed to pneunomia. Death was a part of life, back then much more so than today, but as a vampire every single relationship can only end in death, and I think I only survived that because I stopped getting involved with humans at all.
Jeannie and her family still visit us sometimes. Rodney loves Madison, and I know that if he takes this step he'll have to cut her out of his life or watch her die eventually.
And there are other people in his life, like collegues with whom he discusses things. Rodney might think he is indifferent to all of them, but I know he is not, and I couldn't live with myself if he came to regret this.
I tell him about my reservations. I ask him point blank if he really thinks he'll be okay with losing his sister and Madison and everyone.
"But I get to keep you," he simply says.
There's not much I can say to that. I still make him wait. I tell him that it will hurt. My memory of turning is a bit foggy but I do remember that.
"I'll live," he says, then adds with a smirk, "Forever."
Rodney is as determined as I've ever seen him, and it isn't as if I was ever able to deny him anything.
We're not in bed when we do it. I'm still uncertain and too worried to find this pleasurable. We stand in the living room. There is some human blood that we bought as a precaution, should he have a bad reaction to mine for some reason. He's stocked up on sunscreen.
I have no excuse any longer, and for the first time the thought of feeding on Rodney doesn't fill me with anticipation. I extend my fangs and lick his neck before piercing it. I only take a minimum of blood from him before quickly slicing my hand with my fangs and holding it to Rodney's mouth.
He drinks, making a slightly disgusted face for a moment. Then his body starts jerking, and his hands claw into my shoulders. He starts screaming and I wince at watching his pain, then he stops, panting, and his eyes start to glow.
He opens his mouth, fangs extended and without hesitation sinks his teeth into my neck.
It feels strange more than anything, and before I can decide whether I might like the feeling of him feeding on me, I feel that I'm getting weaker. Rodney's sucking in more and more of my blood, until I realize that he might not stop at all, just like I did that fateful day.
I put my hand on his neck and force his face away from me.
Rodney looks completely dazed with lust. His lips are red with my blood. Then he blinks and focuses on me. "Did I...?" he asks, moving his hand to my neck, brow furrowing in worry.
"I'm fine, but...there's only so much blood I can give you," I say carefully.
He puts his hand on his chest as if feeling what's going on inside his body. "Yes," he says. "It's enough. More than enough. I'm sorry."
I smile, relieved. "It was your first time. You'll learn to control it better."
~~
Different Lives
Rodney takes to being a vampire fast. He learns to control his eyes and his fangs. He only takes a mouthful of blood from me. And he's even more dilligent with sunscreen now that being neglectful could kill him.
There's not too much change in our lives. I can now enjoy the benefits of Rodney's strengths when we have sex, and I have to agree with him that the stimulation of the head of my cock with his teeth, fangs and tongue at once is mind-blowing. But other than that, things go on as before for the most part.
We move to a different city, since people might start wondering why I don't seem to age at all.
Rodney has always participated in human life much more than I did. Back when he was human it was only natural, but now I see that it's becoming difficult for him. When one of his friends retires he becomes very aware that he won't be able to communicate with people as Rodney McKay forever.
I still encourage him to continue working. I've only ever let the development of humankind reach me incidentally, but since I met Rodney I've become more interested in new discoveries and inventions. I see no reason that Rodney should stop shaping the world. He may not be human anymore, but we're still part of this world.
After another five years we move again. It's not long after that Jeannie comments to me, "You know you look no day older than when I first met you." I look over to Rodney, and we both know a decision has to be made.
~~
Isolation
We stay in the back at her funeral. Rodney's sunscreen-perfected to a point where I don't notice anything anymore, except the natural instinct to get inside-would have allowed us to come closer, but I'm not sure Madison would have wanted that.
She's never quite forgiven us when we refused to turn her. She begged, pleaded, and threatened to expose us.
We thought about it. With Rodney's sunscreen, life as a vampire is not just possible, but even comfortable. We only need each other, and Rodney even commented that it might solve the world's hunger problems if slowly everyone turned.
But as we tried to imagine such a world, we realized that it would eventually mean the end. Even with healing powers and extraordinary strength, I'm sure we wouldn't survive decapitation or being crushed by a car. Accidents can always happen and since we cannot produce new life it would eventually mean the end of humanity-even the one that's just left in us.
We could have trusted Madison to not turn anyone else, but seeing how desperate she was in her grasp for eternal life and how generous she was in general, it's hard to imagine that she wouldn't want to share this gift.
I have no hatred of humans and never did. The vampires that were burned back in the day deserved it as far as I'm concerned. But I also realize that for every group of decent humans, you'll find one who would use any power they could attain for their own purposes. The promise of eternal life would be persuasive to many, and we considered the risk too big to have the wrong person hang onto life forever.
So we denied Madison her request again and again, until she accepted our decision. Things between her and Rodney were never the same, though.
Now that she's dead, leaving behind a legacy of work but no children, it's just us, alone in the world. But together.
~~
Eternity
As decades turn into centuries, we watch the horrors that mankind brings upon itself. There's more destruction than a single person should witness, but that's the life we took on.
We've thought about suicide. We've even discussed it once, but then there's the other side of humanity. The courage and hope, the selflessness and resourcefulness that manages to pull humankind back from extinction.
Rodney is one of those people. He shapes the world around him and makes it a better place, wherever he can. He might not be human anymore, but there's so much humanity in him-in us-that we can't give up.
He once said that we're like a perpetual motion machine, and that it should be just as impossible for two vampires to live on each other as one, because if you see the two of us as a unit, we're completely self-sustaining. He thinks it doesn't make any sense, because from a logical point of view there's no difference if you apply the rule to one person or a unit of two.
For me, though, there is a big difference. I've lived both alone and with Rodney. I've been able to feed throughout all this time. Rodney's blood-while still as delicious to me as the first drop I've tasted-may sustain me, but there's so much more about being with him that makes all the difference.
For over two hundred years I was simply undead, continuing my unlife until someone-maybe myself-would take it. It could have gone on for all eternity.
But it wasn't until Rodney that I really felt that I could live forever.
And now we do.
Author: velocitygrass
Pairing: John Sheppard/Rodney McKay
Rating: NC-17
Warnings/Content notes: ( skip) Vampirism. The nature of the story means there are deaths, including for canon characters, but not for John and Rodney. Also mention of John visiting brothels back in the day and feeding on people without consent and Nancy turning him without consent. Also, blood, obviously. Blood-sucking as something erotic. Feeding on animals.
Spoilers: Appearance of season three characters.
Word count: 6995
Summary: John is a vampire. Rodney isn't.
Note: First person POV. The prompt screamed for a vampire story to me. I tried to keep it short with moderate success.
Live Forever
Meeting Rodney
I haven't been close to humans for a long time. I'm surrounded by them, of course, since I live in their world, but I've long learned to avoid any close contact. In fact, it's been so long ago that I can't really remember the reason I started avoiding them. Other than the obvious.
I'm not one of them and can never be.
Still, I see them around when I leave my home. Apart from my supply of blood, I need to buy clothes, I indulge in some food, and I require other everyday necessities. My home starts collecting dust like any other.
There's a small shop around the corner that is opened through late in the night when the sun has set and I'm safe to leave my daytime shelter. I go there several times a week since I cannot buy in bulk. I cannot drive. I'd love to know what it's like to feel a fast car accelerating to its maximum speed, but I didn't want to look for someone to teach me in the dark.
I buy a roll of paper towels, the brand that deals best with drops of blood, and am on my way out when someone crashes into me.
He glares at me, as if I had been the one not paying attention, then picks up his things and steps in my way again and then off. I don't pay it any mind. There always were and always will be rude humans.
As I make my way back home, I notice that the man who ran into me is takinig the same path. We walk a few yards apart, until he half turns his head and his steps become a bit faster. On a whim I pick up speed too, matching my steps to his. I may be used to rudeness, but I'm not above punishing it when I get such an easy chance to do so.
We're almost to my home, when the man suddenly stops and turns around. He lifts his chin, obviously trying to appear brave when his whole body screams fear to me. "Are you stalking me?" he demands.
I smile. There's any number of things I could do to frighten him even more. And then, of course, I could kill him. I won't, though. I wouldn't do it to anyone, let alone a stranger, no matter how rude he was. "I'm returning home," I say, pointing at the house that I've bought a few years ago.
"You live there?" he asks.
I nod.
"Then it seems we're neighbors," he says stiffly. "Dr. Rodney McKay," he adds, holding out his hand. He still looks a bit suspicious.
I take his hand. I'm not sure how long it's been since I've done that. "John Sheppard," I say.
He swallows and eventually pulls his hand away, which I haven't let go off. "Well, we're almost home," he says.
I nod again. "Goodnight, Dr McKay."
He frowns, suspicion replaced with irritation. "Look, we might have gotten off on the wrong foot, but I don't think that kind of formality is necessary. Just call me Rodney."
I smile. "Goodnight, Rodney."
"Goodnight, John," he says.
We start walking together, grinning at each other as we fall into step, and then Rodney turns left down the path to his home. I walk on and, before entering my own home, look over to find Rodney watching me as well.
It's quite dark, and I know that using my special eyesight will give me away, so it's more a feeling than actual evidence that he blushes before disappearing in his house.
~~
Sunscreen
We talk regularly after that. Whenever one of us goes to the shop around the corner, the other happens to go along. I know it's no coincidence on my part. I like Rodney. He's not like other humans.
I'm not sure if that makes a difference or if I simply take the opportunity to talk to someone every now and then. I'm quite happy to be alone most of the time-if I weren't I would have long gone mad-but it's somehow both invigorating and soothing to hear Rodney go on and on about himself or his work.
He's working at home, and often does so until late, so it's always dark when we meet.
This changes when one day Rodney rings my bell in the afternoon. I've had a canopy installed on my front door, which looks a bit out of place but it protects me from direct sunlight if I answer the door during the day. Rodney looks a little dishevelled.
"Oh, hi. I didn't want to disturb you, but I could use your help," he says.
"How can I help you?" I ask, hoping that it does not involve anything in sunlight.
"My sister is visiting me with her family. I've bought a bed for the guest room including transportation, but that apparently doesn't include assembly which I didn't even think was necessary. I was wondering if you could help me put the damn thing together." Rodney looks at me, and it's the first time that I can really see how blue his eyes are. He flushes and the blood under his skin stirs something in me.
"Yes," I say quickly.
He looks relieved and smiles. "Great." When I don't make a move, he adds, "Uhm, now would be good with me."
I look out at the bright daylight. "If you'll give me a moment. I just want to finish something. I'll come over in ten minutes or so, okay?"
"Sure," Rodney says and walks back over to his house.
Sunlight can kill me, but the wonders of UV sunscreen allow me to make short trips unharmed. I get my sunscreen now and pay attention to cover all parts of my skin that will be explosed. At the door I hesitate. Even with sunscreen, my skin will feel the burn. It's extremely uncomfortable, but I didn't want to refuse Rodney's request for help.
I walk over to his house as quickly as I can without being too suspicious and hope that Rodney won't take his time answering the door. Thankfully he doesn't. I step inside, and Rodney gives me a strange look that settles on my neck.
"Hmm. I thought I was paranoid with the sunscreen. But it's good to know that you take care of yourself," he comments.
My hand goes to my neck where I haven't fully rubbed the sunscreen into my skin.
We proceed to assemble the bed. I try to stick to the side of the room away from the window and let Rodney's words wash over me. He talks about making his own sunscreen and his allergies and hypoglycemia and then shifts to his sister whom he hasn't seen in a long time. He's nervous about seeing her again, and I briefly think of my father and brother and how I left them even before I was turned.
We finally manage to set up the bed. "We should try it out," Rodney suggests at the end, then suddenly flushes. "I meant to see how it is to lie on it. But I guess I can do that later. Thank you for helping me."
I have a hard time concentrating with the blood that's rushed to his face. But I manage to say, "You're welcome."
"Uhm. I was wondering...if you wanted to come over for dinner tonight?" Rodney asks him.
I don't have to eat. It's not nourishing to me. I do it just for the taste sometimes, though, and I can certainly do that today. "I'd love to," I say, swallowing when that makes him flush again.
When I sit at the table with Rodney and his sister's family, it occurrs to me that Rodney has asked me to come over as a buffer. I may not be used to being around people, but even I can sense the tension between the siblings. Kaleb and I do our best to keep things light.
A mention of video games-one of the modern inventions I like to indulge in-has Rodney perking up in more than happiness at a welcome distraction.
"You need to show me your collection," he says.
"You're welcome anytime," I say, smiling at him.
Jeannie, Kaleb, even Madison, watch us, and I get the feeling that I might have to start thinking about what I'm doing here.
~~
Desire
I've never been with a man. I'm amused by the various media interpretations of vampires and how often they seem to be bisexual by nature, but when I was turned I didn't suddenly start to feel that it would be okay to be with a man in that way. And Nancy didn't tell me. Nobody told me. It wasn't until long after I've given up sexual encounters with humans that I realized my awkwardness with women was never inexperience, but rather lack of interest.
At that point in life-or unlife if you will-it didn't make a difference, apart from the fantasies that I have when I touch myself.
I've never been tempted to act on such desires because I never had them for a real person in my reach. But this changes when Rodney starts coming over regularly.
We play video games or chess. He's very competitive. I don't have the heart to tell him that when he beats me in chess it's only because I let him win. With video games we're more evenly matched. And no matter what we do, we have an enjoyable time.
We talk about all kinds of things, mostly Rodney, though my knowledge of pop culture of the last two-hundred-fifty years does impress him. Rodney believes I'm a historian.
There's nothing I like more than to surprise him, though teasing him comes a close second. And then there are the times when Rodney perceives some kind of innuendo in what either of us said or what happened on the screen.
I've always been affected by his flush, but when we sit together on the couch, legs nearly touching, and he flushes, it now sends my whole body thrumming with need. My mouth begins to water. I've started drinking some blood before Rodney comes over, but it doesn't do anything to quell the hunger I feel when he's close.
~~
Awkward
Though it's hard, I manage to pull myself together. I could never force myself on him in that way, even if I long to sink my teeth in his neck. Hundreds of years haven't managed to silence the echoes of the screams of shock when I last did this. I'd rather die of thirst before doing it to Rodney.
There's the other kind of hunger, of course, and lately whenever I've touched myself it was to images of Rodney with me. But that is just as impossible as feeding on him. I'm physically capable of being with him, but not only do I have a hard time controlling myself when I climax, I also cannot take such a step while keeping the full truth about myself from Rodney.
What I know of relationships I've witnessed in others or read about. My father became a hardened man when my mother died. My brother loved his wife as much, and even if I wasn't part of his life anymore at the time, I know Charlotte's death broke him. After Claire and Susan's death, I didn't want to stay in Ireland any longer. I didn't want to watch generation after generation of my family die.
This is why I cannot indulge in more than fantasies with Rodney. There can be no life for us together because I'm only undead and will be forever. And I already feel too much to allow us a short affair. I don't think it's what Rodney would want either.
I know that he feels something for me. It's in the way his gaze sometimes lingers, or that he touches me casually. It's in every damn blush that sends my blood boiling with need.
And eventually it's in the stumbled words, as he stutters out an invitation to a date.
I have never wooed anyone in my life, but even I can see that Rodney is incredibly bad at this. It's so endearing that I want to smile and hug him. But I know that I need to make sure that he understands that we can never be more than friends. And even that, we can only be for a limited time.
I'm not sure who is more heartbroken about my rejection. I have to force myself not to lift my hand to touch his vulnerable face. I want to sooth his pain away. But I know that I can't, so I just let him go.
My hope that we could continue to be friends is dashed when Rodney stops coming over and rushes off whenever I try to join him when he goes to shop. Every one of our encounters is awkward, until Rodney tells me, "I can't do this, okay?"
But it's not okay. I'm not sure when it happened, but I don't want to be without Rodney anymore.
~~
Revelation
I don't want to lie to Rodney. I can't enter into a relationship with him under false pretenses. Rejecting him drove him completely away, so I decide to tell him the truth. I don't expect him to take it well. I don't expect him to accept it and be with me. But I hope that he will understand and we can continue our friendship as it was before.
I stay at his door until he finally lets me in, and once inside I realize that I'll never find the right words, so I just show him. I switch off the light, and before he can protest or ask any questions, I focus my eyes so that I can see him despite the dark.
He gasps at the flash in my eyes, and I bare my fangs and switch the light back on to make sure he can see them.
"That's...that's impossible," he stutters.
"Obviously not," I say.
He's taken a step away, but now approaches me carefully, his curiosity apparently overcoming his fear. Or maybe he trusts me.
"I don't...That's just a myth," he says, staring at my eyes and teeth.
I simply stand there as living-well, undead-proof that it's not.
"This doesn't make any sense," Rodney eventually declares. "How can it be that in a time of cell phones nobody has taken a picture of a vampire if you're walking among us?"
I could point out that I haven't given myself away to him, but he has a point where others are concerned. Others who don't avoid interaction with humans-and feeding on them. "I suspect there might not be many of us left," I say. "I've seen a few of us caught and killed when I was younger. And I think more recently being sent to jail for feeding on a human would have been the equivalent to a death penalty. We can't survive without blood."
Rodney pales and takes a step back, moving towards the door. "So you're just better at killing than others," he says.
"No!" I say forcefully and without thinking. "I've started feeding on animals a long time ago. Now I simply buy blood. Animal and human. But I don't kill." I'd like to say I never have, but I can't.
"Did you ever?" Rodney asks, as if reading my mind.
I hesitate. I won't lie to him. "It was an accident. I didn't know at the time how much blood to take without killing someone. My first...victims all survived. But with her I didn't stop until her pulse was gone and she'd gone limp in my arms. I never fed on a human after that."
Rodney watches him thoughtfully. "So you're almost like a vegetarian vampire?"
I stare at him, until I can't help smiling.
~~
First Drop
We're friends again after that. Rodney asks me how old I am, how I was turned, how I survived. I tell him about Nancy, the unending ship passage to America where rats were my only sustenance, and moving from city to city, state to state since then.
There's not really much to tell beyond that, though, and we fall back to playing and talking about other things, but soon Rodney asks, "You're not...different physiologically, other than the teeth and eyesight and, obviously, degestion."
"You mean other than all that, healing quickly, extreme sensitivity to sunlight, and not aging?" I ask back, amused.
He flushes, which still makes me swallow back the hunger for his blood. "I meant...other activities. Sex, okay? I meant sex," he eventually says.
"I'm fully functional, as far as I'm aware," I say, my mouth suddenly dry.
"That's good to hear," Rodney says, licking his lips and dropping his gaze to mine.
I hesitate. I didn't expect him to continue wanting me in that way or at least not to pursue this as an option.
"You can't tell me you don't want it," Rodney says self-confidently, moving closer on the couch until his thigh is touching mine.
"I've never done that," I finally admit.
"You're two-hundred-seventy-two year old virgin?" Rodney asks.
"I'm not a virgin," I say, pouting slightly. I was man enough to do that. "I've been to brothels."
"Brothels? When was that?"
"In Ireland, before I was turned," I say. "And a few times after," I add. Nancy had told me they were a good source of humans to feed on.
"So you've been celibate for over two hundred years?" Rodney asks.
I feel the blood rise to my face. "I've touched myself," I admit.
Rodney leans closer. "Do you want to know what it's like when another man touches you?"
I ask Rodney several times if he's sure about this, but in the end I can only give in. I want it too much to deny us this pleasure.
He undresses me, touches me. He traces my skin with his tongue and nips it with his teeth. He sucks on every part of my body until it feels as if all my blood has flown into my hard shaft.
When he pulls it into his mouth, laving it with his tongue, stroking it with his hand, worrying it with his teeth, my whole body vibrates with lust. I tremble with need and whisper his name, again and again, until I hear myself shout as my body finds release.
I feel as if falling apart, panting in exhaustion and exhiliration. When I manage to open my eyes, Rodney is close, eyeing my fangs, which I couldn't control after my powerful orgasm.
Rodney lifts his hand and runs a finger along one fang, testing its sharpness. He gasps in surprise at the immediate breach of his skin. I could have explained to him that they need to be sharp to fullfill their purpose, but the blood flowing from his wound make any thinking impossible.
The hunger for it buzzes in my whole body, and I put my my hand on Rodney's and push his finger into my mouth, licking the drop away and sucking Rodney's sweet life nectar into my mouth. I feel like I have another climax right then and there, groaning loadly, and then pulling his finger from my mouth forcefully.
When Rodney kisses me, I force my fangs to retract. He's already given me more than I could have hoped for. And I do hunger for more than his blood. I want all of him.
~~
Hunger
Rodney jokes that I try to make up for the last two-hundred something years, but he's just as eager to show me the many ways two men can experience pleasure together. And I'm a good student.
I've learned to touch him the way he touches me, the spots he likes best, the ways to get the greatest response from his body. And there are things I can do that he can't. I'm strong enough to fuck him standing without any wall to hold on to, even if it's difficult to keep my balance and we collapse after we reach climax. My strength is helpful for a wide range of positions.
My fangs are a different matter. I make sure to keep them retracted when I run my tongue along Rodney's skin. But I know that when I come, I'll lose control. I was afraid to suck his stiff flesh at first, until I extended my teeth one day, hoping that this way I could control my movements without accidentally hurting him.
It turns out that the distance between my fangs is such that when I take the head of his cock in my mouth, I can put it between my fangs. Rodney was barely able to control himself, and when I use my tongue as well, I can almost stimulate the ridge of his cock from all sides at once. Rodney came in my mouth within a minute when we first did it.
It's still a favorite of his, but he loves all of me, whether I ride him, fuck him, or pleasure him with my hands or mouth. I enjoy all of those things too, but the more we do this together, the harder it gets to control my hunger for his blood.
My fangs appear whenever he brings me to completion, and nearly every position brings my mouth so close to his pulsing neck that it takes all of my willpower not to sink my teeth into his veins.
I force my head away every time, letting the rush of orgasm be the only thing that releases me. But it gets so impossibly difficult that one day I pull my own hand to my mouth and sink my teeth into it in a desperate attempt not to feed on Rodney.
He's shocked, and instead of the ususal afterglow, he frantically shouts, "Oh my god. What have you done?"
I calm down enough to lick my wound, but he's jumped of the bed already to get some paper towels. By the time he returns I've licked up most of my blood.
He drops the towels on the night stand and watches me curiously. "Does it taste good?" he asks.
I smile. "It's not like food to me," I explain. "It wouldn't sustain me, and it doesn't taste like other blood does to me."
Rodney nods. "Makes sense. Otherwise you could live on yourself, which is not how it works. It would be like a biological perpetual motion machine." I grin, but Rodney looks worried. "Does it hurt a lot?"
"It doesn't hurt at all," I say. I've licked the wound, and I already see the wound closing again. There'll be no trace of it left in a day.
"Right, you have super healing powers," Rodney says, taking my hand.
"I also think there's someting in my saliva," I say. The shouts when I fed a long time ago were of suprise more than pain.
Rodney frowns. "You think you secrete a kind of anti-pain substance? Actually, that might make sense." He looks at my mouth now. My fangs are still extended. He lifts his finger.
I open my mouth, not quite sure if he's really about to do what I think he is. Then his finger touches the sharp tip of one of my fangs, and he gasps and exhales.
"You're right," he says with wonder in his voice. He pulls his finger away, staring at the droplet of blood that's gathered there.
I swallow, trying to quell my hunger.
He looks up at me, and noticing my look, pushes his finger into my mouth. It's the first time that someone gave me his blood voluntarily. I'm not sure if it can be called an orgasm or if my cock actually releases more of my seed, but in that moment I'm flying so high it makes no difference.
~~
Feeding
Rodney doesn't think about it for long. He only asks if it's dangerous and if it could turn him. I tell him he'd have to drink my blood after I feed on him to turn into a vampire, and I assure him that I can control myself when I feed.
When he agrees, my whole body pulses not just with the usual lust that I feel for him and the love, it's also with the knowledge that this time I won't have to hold back.
As I thrust into him, taking us both towards completion, my body is abuzz with anticipation. I slam into him, needing to fill him, needing to be as deep as possible, when finally I feel us both racing towards the precipice.
His blood is calling to me as always, but this time I answer it. I force my eyes open to see the consent in Rodney's eyes once more, and as the pleasure takes me over the edge, I sink my fangs into the skin of his neck.
My mouth is filled with the sweetest taste I have ever felt on my tongue. The drops I had before were intoxicating, but this is filling me to overflowing. I feel satiated for life from a mouthful and pull my teeth from his body, licking at his wound to sooth it, heal it, and get the last drops that form.
I pull away to look at Rodney and to express with my eyes the gratitude that I could never put into words. I remember to check if he's come and the seed on his stomach and chest tells me he did, even as I fed on him. He looks at me, dazed, open-mouthed.
I move in to kiss him, kiss him and hold him and love him for the great gift he's granted me.
~~
Time
I didn't think it could be this way. It certainly wasn't Nancy's way or that of any other vampires I knew of. But then if they lived like this, they might never have gotten caught and killed.
For the first time in my life I don't need to rely on animal blood or bought human blood to sustain me. When I'm hungry I feed on Rodney. It's all I need.
I make sure not to take too much. I wouldn't do anything to risk his health. We sleep together, eat together, live together. It's the first time I've shared my life with anyone since I left my home.
Rodney doesn't just not mind when I feed on him. It arouses him. He suspects in might be the secretion. He asks to analyze it, but I'm wary of sending my blood to anyone who might find out what I am. He wants to do it himself instead.
It doesn't take long for him to learn enough to be able to analyze my blood. There's nothing to indicate that my saliva has sexually stimulating components. Rodney flushes when he tells me that. I lick his neck, gratified that it's all his reaction.
He also finds out that there are certain components in my saliva against the pain that the feeding should normally cause. I enjoy watching how excited he is about that, and when he announces he's been able to develop a way to artificially create the pain blocker, I feel just a bit of pride that a part of me will be able to help people.
A few years rush by and one day I find Rodney looking in the mirror and fussing with his thinning hair. I wrap myself around his body, mouthing the two little marks on his neck where I fed on him the night before.
The corners of his mouth turn downwards, but I smile. "More skin to love," I say, turning his face so that I can kiss where his hairline has receded.
His face remains serious, though, as he turns back to look at the mirror. "I will die," he says.
And suddenly I understand. I tighten my arms around him. "I'll love you till you die," I say. I know I will. And I know that I'll end my life when Rodney's ends. I've thought about suicide before when the only reason would have been boredom. Now it's the simple fact that I don't want to imagine my life without Rodney.
~~
Preparation
I know that assuring Rodney of my love doesn't change the fact that while his hair falls out, I look forever like the thirty-two-year-old I was when I was turned.
He works a lot these days and I let him. Children won't be his legacy, but his work can, and I respect that. He's given me more than I could have ever hoped for already.
Though it turns out that what he worked on isn't his scientific legacy. After a few weeks of staying in his study until late, he presents me with a new batch of his sunscreen.
When he asks me to test it, I dutifully put it on every visible bit of skin and step out into our garden without hesitation. I trust Rodney with my life.
"It's good," I tell him, though that's no surprise since his sunscreen has always been safe for me to use and to take a few steps outside.
I'm about to head back in, when he puts his hands on my arms and says, "Stay."
I frown but do what he says. It's never a good feeling to be out in the sun. Even if my skin doesn't start immediately peeling I feel its reaction. It's an unmistakable signal to get away from the sun as fast as possible.
The point comes where I know even the sunscreen won't protect me. A sunburn wouldn't kill me, but I could do without having to peel my skin away and having it hurt for the next couple of days.
"It looks okay," he informs me, stopping me again.
I'll have to trust Rodney on this, and seeing his intense look I do.
It's only after an hour that he eventually says, "Okay, you're getting red. I think we should head back inside."
I run back into our house, feeling my skin and anticipating pain when I touch it, but it doesn't hurt. I take a look at a mirror-and yes, I can see myself-and Rodney's right. There is a hint of red on the bridge of my nose, but otherwise I have the same tan that has stayed with me for hundreds of years.
I congratulate Rodney on the success and don't think much of it, until a few weeks later, he presents another batch of sunscreen.
It's trial and error with longer and longer test runs until one day he insists we take a trip to the park. I'm not looking forward to it, but I'll do this since it's obviously important for Rodney.
We walk around, looking at the children playing, the people walking their dogs, the group of men playing baseball, and the wildlife in the park. The burn that I feel on my skin is constant, but I trust Rodney to check if I need to take cover and continue as long as he doesn't. Eventually the sun sets and we make our way home.
"How was it?" he asks when we're back.
He looks so hopeful that I'm tempted to lie because I don't want to disappoint him. But he'll find out eventually and feel betrayed. Not to mention that our relationship is based on many things, honesty among them. "It was okay. It's good to know that I can stay outside for so long if I have to," I say, smiling at him.
But he knows me well enough to read between the lines. His face falls. "You didn't enjoy it."
"The sun is not for me, Rodney," I say. "I still feel as if I'm burning. But it's okay. I don't usually need it, and if I do, I now have it."
"It's not for you," he says.
Oh. I never really thought about how constricting life with me might have felt for Rodney, but after our day in the park I realize how much Rodney doesn't do. "You don't have to stay in because of me," I say. "You must miss walking in the sun. I don't mind if you do it. You should."
"It's for me," Rodney says.
I blink. I'm not sure what he's trying to say until I picture him putting on the sunscreen as he does when he goes out in the sun.
It's for him. For him to use when he wants to go in the sun, which he couldn't without. At least not if he were a vampire. I don't know what to say, so my only reaction is silence.
~~
Turning
I've never thought about this as an option. Never.
When Nancy turned me she gave me no choice. I still remember her words to this day. "You deserve a different life, John." I had thought she meant returning to my family.
My life as a vampire wasn't a bad one. But that could very well be because my life as a human wasn't all that great either. I didn't fit in, then and now.
But being a vampire brings special challenges. I remember the day word reached me that Susan had died in childbed, not five months after her younger sister succumbed to pneunomia. Death was a part of life, back then much more so than today, but as a vampire every single relationship can only end in death, and I think I only survived that because I stopped getting involved with humans at all.
Jeannie and her family still visit us sometimes. Rodney loves Madison, and I know that if he takes this step he'll have to cut her out of his life or watch her die eventually.
And there are other people in his life, like collegues with whom he discusses things. Rodney might think he is indifferent to all of them, but I know he is not, and I couldn't live with myself if he came to regret this.
I tell him about my reservations. I ask him point blank if he really thinks he'll be okay with losing his sister and Madison and everyone.
"But I get to keep you," he simply says.
There's not much I can say to that. I still make him wait. I tell him that it will hurt. My memory of turning is a bit foggy but I do remember that.
"I'll live," he says, then adds with a smirk, "Forever."
Rodney is as determined as I've ever seen him, and it isn't as if I was ever able to deny him anything.
We're not in bed when we do it. I'm still uncertain and too worried to find this pleasurable. We stand in the living room. There is some human blood that we bought as a precaution, should he have a bad reaction to mine for some reason. He's stocked up on sunscreen.
I have no excuse any longer, and for the first time the thought of feeding on Rodney doesn't fill me with anticipation. I extend my fangs and lick his neck before piercing it. I only take a minimum of blood from him before quickly slicing my hand with my fangs and holding it to Rodney's mouth.
He drinks, making a slightly disgusted face for a moment. Then his body starts jerking, and his hands claw into my shoulders. He starts screaming and I wince at watching his pain, then he stops, panting, and his eyes start to glow.
He opens his mouth, fangs extended and without hesitation sinks his teeth into my neck.
It feels strange more than anything, and before I can decide whether I might like the feeling of him feeding on me, I feel that I'm getting weaker. Rodney's sucking in more and more of my blood, until I realize that he might not stop at all, just like I did that fateful day.
I put my hand on his neck and force his face away from me.
Rodney looks completely dazed with lust. His lips are red with my blood. Then he blinks and focuses on me. "Did I...?" he asks, moving his hand to my neck, brow furrowing in worry.
"I'm fine, but...there's only so much blood I can give you," I say carefully.
He puts his hand on his chest as if feeling what's going on inside his body. "Yes," he says. "It's enough. More than enough. I'm sorry."
I smile, relieved. "It was your first time. You'll learn to control it better."
~~
Different Lives
Rodney takes to being a vampire fast. He learns to control his eyes and his fangs. He only takes a mouthful of blood from me. And he's even more dilligent with sunscreen now that being neglectful could kill him.
There's not too much change in our lives. I can now enjoy the benefits of Rodney's strengths when we have sex, and I have to agree with him that the stimulation of the head of my cock with his teeth, fangs and tongue at once is mind-blowing. But other than that, things go on as before for the most part.
We move to a different city, since people might start wondering why I don't seem to age at all.
Rodney has always participated in human life much more than I did. Back when he was human it was only natural, but now I see that it's becoming difficult for him. When one of his friends retires he becomes very aware that he won't be able to communicate with people as Rodney McKay forever.
I still encourage him to continue working. I've only ever let the development of humankind reach me incidentally, but since I met Rodney I've become more interested in new discoveries and inventions. I see no reason that Rodney should stop shaping the world. He may not be human anymore, but we're still part of this world.
After another five years we move again. It's not long after that Jeannie comments to me, "You know you look no day older than when I first met you." I look over to Rodney, and we both know a decision has to be made.
~~
Isolation
We stay in the back at her funeral. Rodney's sunscreen-perfected to a point where I don't notice anything anymore, except the natural instinct to get inside-would have allowed us to come closer, but I'm not sure Madison would have wanted that.
She's never quite forgiven us when we refused to turn her. She begged, pleaded, and threatened to expose us.
We thought about it. With Rodney's sunscreen, life as a vampire is not just possible, but even comfortable. We only need each other, and Rodney even commented that it might solve the world's hunger problems if slowly everyone turned.
But as we tried to imagine such a world, we realized that it would eventually mean the end. Even with healing powers and extraordinary strength, I'm sure we wouldn't survive decapitation or being crushed by a car. Accidents can always happen and since we cannot produce new life it would eventually mean the end of humanity-even the one that's just left in us.
We could have trusted Madison to not turn anyone else, but seeing how desperate she was in her grasp for eternal life and how generous she was in general, it's hard to imagine that she wouldn't want to share this gift.
I have no hatred of humans and never did. The vampires that were burned back in the day deserved it as far as I'm concerned. But I also realize that for every group of decent humans, you'll find one who would use any power they could attain for their own purposes. The promise of eternal life would be persuasive to many, and we considered the risk too big to have the wrong person hang onto life forever.
So we denied Madison her request again and again, until she accepted our decision. Things between her and Rodney were never the same, though.
Now that she's dead, leaving behind a legacy of work but no children, it's just us, alone in the world. But together.
~~
Eternity
As decades turn into centuries, we watch the horrors that mankind brings upon itself. There's more destruction than a single person should witness, but that's the life we took on.
We've thought about suicide. We've even discussed it once, but then there's the other side of humanity. The courage and hope, the selflessness and resourcefulness that manages to pull humankind back from extinction.
Rodney is one of those people. He shapes the world around him and makes it a better place, wherever he can. He might not be human anymore, but there's so much humanity in him-in us-that we can't give up.
He once said that we're like a perpetual motion machine, and that it should be just as impossible for two vampires to live on each other as one, because if you see the two of us as a unit, we're completely self-sustaining. He thinks it doesn't make any sense, because from a logical point of view there's no difference if you apply the rule to one person or a unit of two.
For me, though, there is a big difference. I've lived both alone and with Rodney. I've been able to feed throughout all this time. Rodney's blood-while still as delicious to me as the first drop I've tasted-may sustain me, but there's so much more about being with him that makes all the difference.
For over two hundred years I was simply undead, continuing my unlife until someone-maybe myself-would take it. It could have gone on for all eternity.
But it wasn't until Rodney that I really felt that I could live forever.
And now we do.