I'm not anyone for you...not anyone for me
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I woke up today at 8:00AM hoping to get a nice early start to my day. At about nine, after I had finished showering and eating, I came to a very harsh conclusion. I DON'T DO ANYTHING! At all. I've beginning to think that day in and day out is nothing but a bunch of bright flashes and odd noises that adds up to a whole lot of nothing. I mean, it never really seemed that things were going anywhere in life, but I think things are finally starting to click in my head. Maybe I am at a point where the only definition of who I am resides in the summation of my consumption. How comforting the memories of the past seem to be burned into my brain. I mean, everything was so much better when one is completely oblivious of their own shallow nature. A child-like innocence...a blaring naïvité. Are things better back when we are too unaware to care?
I did, however, manage to live in the present for a little bit today. The present seems so utterly surreal that it's almost disgusting. It's rather funny that the only thing that is actually real in my life is easily mistaken for an illusion. Well, in retrospect, it has become an illusion, forever disappearing into the caverns of my mind.
A car was burning in the parking lot today. Not just your typical engine-smoking-from-leaking-pipe burning - the entire front half of this car was engulfed in flames, not more than twenty meters away from my own vehicle of eventual death. I had fully anticipated the fire to spread to the gas tank, creating a massive explosion that would take out my own car, triggering some disgusting chain reaction only seen in slap-stick comedies. Fortunately, we actually still pay the fire fighters enough to show up in decent time (but if it had been a paramedic emergency like a heart attack, or something of the likes, they would have taken their sweet time as they did when my nephew was suffering from fever seizures) to start putting out the fire. The external fire went out in no time, but that still doesn't help the rapidly combusting engine underneath the well-protected hood. More and more black carbon clouds filled the air with each spray from the massive hose. Buzz buzz buzz went the chainsaws as they scurried to pry open the hood to put out the internal fire, creating even greater smoke clouds in the process. I considered moving my car, but by this point, the smoke was so thick that it was blocking my entry to my own vehicle. The cloud of smoke was blacker than the cold, fogless sky and its scent trailed all the way into the receiving room with me, as if it were my shadow, sewn to my to my limbs. I was Peter fucking Pan with a shadow of smoke.
I can't help but think that this was not something that was accidental, but rather someone's sickening attempt to milk the hell out of their auto-insurance company. It makes me feel rather...off...to jump to that as my first and only conclusion, but I still stand by it none-the-less. The enflamed vehicle turned out to be a Taurus, though you could not make that out while it was burning...the type of car tends to be the last thing someone will look at in a situation like that.
In more immediate news, I've recently discovered that in an attempts to pre-order my textbooks online, I included the wrong billing address with my ATM card, leaving my transaction in a perpetual state of "pending." My resolve is to go in tomorrow and purchase the books my own, using the SFSU computers in the process to cancel the order. If Mr. Trinity does not get called in to work, he will also be attending, making the trip seem a little bit more entertaining. It's been a while since the just two of us have hung out, and it will be a welcome part of the day if it goes through.
There's more stuff that I wish I could talk about, but I don't feel that this is the appropriate medium to do so, so I must truncate this entry. I will leave with an awe-inspiring picture:
