Rantings of a Workaholic
So another month passes without an entry, as is my style almost uniformly. Is it because I care not about my large readership, a following whose lives must be as mundane and boring that they peruse the web looking for my entry to satisfy some self-proclaimed need? No, and my apologies for anyone who feels insulted by that. You really don't lead a mundane and boring life. Your life is much more exciting than mine. Is it because I lack the time in this state of continual work that limits me from chronicling my daily (or even weekly) activities and words of wisdom? Often this is not the case, I have found time before to post but chose not to. The likely suspect of my inability to post regularly must then be that I lack the motivation and desire to chronicle anything. So why do I maintain this website, why do I even occasionally post often inept conversation that fails to hold any merit outside the cyber world? Well, it must be because I like to write things down when the mood strikes me, or when boredom is so overbearing, or often times failure to fall asleep. But enough of a senseless and probably misuse of adjectives-filled introduction.....
I have a friend online that I admire immensely. Can I even call her a friend really when I rarely talk with her, and have never met? When conversation is held through an occasional message or comment on a subject of mutual interest on MySpace, of all community websites? What do you call these people that you "meet" through the internet, or as we met, a random flurry of instant messages that began with no knowledge of who the other person was, and why they were on their buddy list? Granted I have had one really good experience with that type of situation, but that's not pertinent to this part of the entry. Anyways, she is an inspiration to myself. She is extremely driven, and strong in her convictions. One of her greatest aspects is that she is so well-spoken, naturally. I struggle to combine words and sentences together in a fashion that maintains a dignity and maturity. It is something that I believe I have made efforts in growing, to sound more mature, more my age, and graduate school has helped me become a better writer in all respects. But she speaks so fluidly, that I wonder if she composes her thoughts and entries over days of effort, of rewritings to make stronger. I doubt it, as they are simply weekly blogs of events, of topics of vague importance to our societal needs as a whole, that do not require as much deliberate care in presentation. While I do not entirely believe in the strong religious overtones that filter through her written works, I admire her courage and commitment to furthering her causes. Her ambitions are strong, and if you get the desire, check her production website, http://www.puretyproductions.com
Perhaps some mention of current events would be elementary to a "journal" entry. Isn't that what people do, starting at a younger age, writing in composition books or diaries with locks on them to dispose of intruders, hidden under the mattress or quietly mixed into a bookcase so it deserves no attention from wandering eyes and curious parental figures or sibling? The last month has been filled with several good times, a few pitfalls, but you cannot have the good without the bad, right? The goods don't feel as good if you don't have periods of bad, of frustration, of despair. Yin and yang. North and South. Positive and negative. Or as Sir Issac Newton pointed out, for every action, there is a equal and opposite reaction. All things must remain in balance. Thesis is progressing, possibly slower than it should be, and for that I carry a little bit of worry. I fear that I will not get to the level of resolution that I'd like to achieve, but I suppose that is a feeling that every student feels. My professors keep mentioning that there are times when they wish they could drop everything and just redo their theses, so I suppose there is no end really, only an arbitrary one placed for evaluation. The rest of school is going well as well, and I am on track to graduating with honors again this year. I find some sadness in graduation, moving on from all my friends I've made over the last 5 years, some who I hope to keep in touch with, and others that I know will drift as time goes on. I feel a closeness among all of studio, something that has lacked in cohesion pretty much for the previous four years we were together. Then there are my other friends, Caitlin in particular, that I will miss entirely, as we move forward and apart, in distance and in discipline. Beaux Arts weekend came and went uneventfully, with Friday night being much more enjoyable than Saturday in a major way. I intended to basically not know what was going on that weekend, to just go with everything, but perhaps walking the mile back in the cold after not sleeping much the night before lowered my immune system and made me sick for about a week, ruined that plan. I enjoyed spending time with my mentor though, whose friendship has continued to reap new opportunities. Aside from work, I've tried to keep contact with my other friends on campus, running into some down in the Mill, and planned time with Caitlin. Then trying to make it to some of the hockey games, and watched Norwich kick Skidmore's ass Saturday night with an amazing girl, 8-0. Ah, just the mention of Skidmore makes me a little angry inside, as it holds memories of a past relationship. Not angry perhaps, but not happy, fuzzy feelings.
I hate how easily distracted I can be at times. For instance, I've become very distracted lately, and probably shouldn't be. Someone has come back into my life, someone who I've hoped and been waiting for, but I hate how I'm letting it get in the way of my current life. She's home only briefly, and I do hold hope that she might come see me, as she'll disappear before I can go see her, but I'm finding that hope is getting in the way, ever so slightly psychologically. It's the only thing I've been subliminally holding on to, the only future plan I've secretly held inside. I think it would be best for me to release it so I can move forward with the things that need to be done now, and take things as they come later on, this summer, when she might be around again, depending on her situation. Alas, a condition that I cannot control, and must not control. Just let things come as they may. Or as wonderful advice that I still hold on to from many years ago, when I first started having romantic feelings as a young guy, do not chase the butterfly, for it will flutter its wings and fly away into the azure sky. Wait patiently, and the butterfly will light on your hand. Okay, so it wasn't put entirely like that, but the metaphor holds, and I think this holds a little more poetic nature.
With Spring Break coming up next week, people have started talking more and more about what they will be doing. One is going to Maine, another to Jamaica, I think I recall that a certain ex may be going on a cruise this break, and I remember my trip a couple years ago to Florida. But this year, with it being thesis, I go nowhere. I'm going home for a few days, to do free laundry, to take care of some things like returning my broken iPod (which has me more and more frustrated as I cannot listen to my music as readily in studio), and taxes (which means tax return, which means money in my pocket perhaps?), and a couple of job interviews. I think I might meet somebody up at the college about the adjunct position I've basically been promised, fill out that lengthy application, and I have an interview at an architecture firm for a full time position there too. I swear, the little bit of networking I've done has finally proven fruitful. Hopefully I'll get together with the Manchester Family, and it appears I'll have to bring Guitar Hero home and over there for their enjoyment. It's too bad that the UFC PPV was this past weekend and not next, because we'd all go down to Jillian's and watch it together again. Good times with great people. But after Wednesday, I'll be back in Vermont, making drawings and models for my review the following week. There just does not seem to be enough time to get everything done, so I cannot take a week off that I desperately feel I must. Blah.
So this entry turned quite longer than I imagined it would be. Perhaps my thoughtless ramblings will lend insight into my mind, or just be senseless ranting at what is now 2:30am. 1:15 minutes worth of writing. Sometimes I amaze myself with the dedication I give to this site when I do post. Or, as I sometimes do just for fun to see how long I have written, about 2 and a half pages single spaced. Unreal. And on one final side note, it makes me chuckle inside to see how some things seem to make a circle, even subliminally. It's not a big deal at all, just an interesting observation for me I guess. I just really wonder how things in my future will go, when I make more of an effort, and have the time to make that effort. I'm actually looking forward to that, to trying again after basically swearing it off for the last 8 months, partially by choice, partially by necessity, and partially by lack of opportunity. What does the future bring?
I have a friend online that I admire immensely. Can I even call her a friend really when I rarely talk with her, and have never met? When conversation is held through an occasional message or comment on a subject of mutual interest on MySpace, of all community websites? What do you call these people that you "meet" through the internet, or as we met, a random flurry of instant messages that began with no knowledge of who the other person was, and why they were on their buddy list? Granted I have had one really good experience with that type of situation, but that's not pertinent to this part of the entry. Anyways, she is an inspiration to myself. She is extremely driven, and strong in her convictions. One of her greatest aspects is that she is so well-spoken, naturally. I struggle to combine words and sentences together in a fashion that maintains a dignity and maturity. It is something that I believe I have made efforts in growing, to sound more mature, more my age, and graduate school has helped me become a better writer in all respects. But she speaks so fluidly, that I wonder if she composes her thoughts and entries over days of effort, of rewritings to make stronger. I doubt it, as they are simply weekly blogs of events, of topics of vague importance to our societal needs as a whole, that do not require as much deliberate care in presentation. While I do not entirely believe in the strong religious overtones that filter through her written works, I admire her courage and commitment to furthering her causes. Her ambitions are strong, and if you get the desire, check her production website, http://www.puretyproductions.com
Perhaps some mention of current events would be elementary to a "journal" entry. Isn't that what people do, starting at a younger age, writing in composition books or diaries with locks on them to dispose of intruders, hidden under the mattress or quietly mixed into a bookcase so it deserves no attention from wandering eyes and curious parental figures or sibling? The last month has been filled with several good times, a few pitfalls, but you cannot have the good without the bad, right? The goods don't feel as good if you don't have periods of bad, of frustration, of despair. Yin and yang. North and South. Positive and negative. Or as Sir Issac Newton pointed out, for every action, there is a equal and opposite reaction. All things must remain in balance. Thesis is progressing, possibly slower than it should be, and for that I carry a little bit of worry. I fear that I will not get to the level of resolution that I'd like to achieve, but I suppose that is a feeling that every student feels. My professors keep mentioning that there are times when they wish they could drop everything and just redo their theses, so I suppose there is no end really, only an arbitrary one placed for evaluation. The rest of school is going well as well, and I am on track to graduating with honors again this year. I find some sadness in graduation, moving on from all my friends I've made over the last 5 years, some who I hope to keep in touch with, and others that I know will drift as time goes on. I feel a closeness among all of studio, something that has lacked in cohesion pretty much for the previous four years we were together. Then there are my other friends, Caitlin in particular, that I will miss entirely, as we move forward and apart, in distance and in discipline. Beaux Arts weekend came and went uneventfully, with Friday night being much more enjoyable than Saturday in a major way. I intended to basically not know what was going on that weekend, to just go with everything, but perhaps walking the mile back in the cold after not sleeping much the night before lowered my immune system and made me sick for about a week, ruined that plan. I enjoyed spending time with my mentor though, whose friendship has continued to reap new opportunities. Aside from work, I've tried to keep contact with my other friends on campus, running into some down in the Mill, and planned time with Caitlin. Then trying to make it to some of the hockey games, and watched Norwich kick Skidmore's ass Saturday night with an amazing girl, 8-0. Ah, just the mention of Skidmore makes me a little angry inside, as it holds memories of a past relationship. Not angry perhaps, but not happy, fuzzy feelings.
I hate how easily distracted I can be at times. For instance, I've become very distracted lately, and probably shouldn't be. Someone has come back into my life, someone who I've hoped and been waiting for, but I hate how I'm letting it get in the way of my current life. She's home only briefly, and I do hold hope that she might come see me, as she'll disappear before I can go see her, but I'm finding that hope is getting in the way, ever so slightly psychologically. It's the only thing I've been subliminally holding on to, the only future plan I've secretly held inside. I think it would be best for me to release it so I can move forward with the things that need to be done now, and take things as they come later on, this summer, when she might be around again, depending on her situation. Alas, a condition that I cannot control, and must not control. Just let things come as they may. Or as wonderful advice that I still hold on to from many years ago, when I first started having romantic feelings as a young guy, do not chase the butterfly, for it will flutter its wings and fly away into the azure sky. Wait patiently, and the butterfly will light on your hand. Okay, so it wasn't put entirely like that, but the metaphor holds, and I think this holds a little more poetic nature.
With Spring Break coming up next week, people have started talking more and more about what they will be doing. One is going to Maine, another to Jamaica, I think I recall that a certain ex may be going on a cruise this break, and I remember my trip a couple years ago to Florida. But this year, with it being thesis, I go nowhere. I'm going home for a few days, to do free laundry, to take care of some things like returning my broken iPod (which has me more and more frustrated as I cannot listen to my music as readily in studio), and taxes (which means tax return, which means money in my pocket perhaps?), and a couple of job interviews. I think I might meet somebody up at the college about the adjunct position I've basically been promised, fill out that lengthy application, and I have an interview at an architecture firm for a full time position there too. I swear, the little bit of networking I've done has finally proven fruitful. Hopefully I'll get together with the Manchester Family, and it appears I'll have to bring Guitar Hero home and over there for their enjoyment. It's too bad that the UFC PPV was this past weekend and not next, because we'd all go down to Jillian's and watch it together again. Good times with great people. But after Wednesday, I'll be back in Vermont, making drawings and models for my review the following week. There just does not seem to be enough time to get everything done, so I cannot take a week off that I desperately feel I must. Blah.
So this entry turned quite longer than I imagined it would be. Perhaps my thoughtless ramblings will lend insight into my mind, or just be senseless ranting at what is now 2:30am. 1:15 minutes worth of writing. Sometimes I amaze myself with the dedication I give to this site when I do post. Or, as I sometimes do just for fun to see how long I have written, about 2 and a half pages single spaced. Unreal. And on one final side note, it makes me chuckle inside to see how some things seem to make a circle, even subliminally. It's not a big deal at all, just an interesting observation for me I guess. I just really wonder how things in my future will go, when I make more of an effort, and have the time to make that effort. I'm actually looking forward to that, to trying again after basically swearing it off for the last 8 months, partially by choice, partially by necessity, and partially by lack of opportunity. What does the future bring?