Kurt caught the corner of his lip between his teeth as he listened, but when Sam reached the end of what he wanted to say, he gave a small shrug and a smile. "Sure, Sam. Of course we can. But just for the record so I know where I'm supposed to stand, is this like normal friends, or only friends when no one else on the social ladder can witness us in the same vicinity together?" he asked, trying not to let that disappointed sick niggle appear in his gut everytime someone made him feel like a subpar human being that needed to be avoided like some sort of freak. He was good at putting up an externally mask that he didn't care about how they treated him, but he was a good actor, and had lots of practice.
"Because, I'd understand the latter. It wouldn't be the first time. Finn is a good example there. I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm going to try and jump him everytime he's in the same room as me. Though, now we're in Glee together, we're supposed to be 'friends'," he said, making the quotation marks with his fingers. "And I get it. You have a reputation to uphold."
Sam had always pretty much been one of the social outcasts at his old school. No one had patience for the geek. AV Club, Science Club... pretty much every 'geek' thing you could think of. His only saving grace, pretty much, had been his skill in football. He was actually good at it. One of the best on the team. So, he was relatively ignored. He still got hassled on occaion (mainly because he could rattle off stupid facts no one cared about), but... It wasn't like what Kurt faced. He couldn't imagine having to put up with it. Or do it. He knew the guys on the team wanted him to join in. He wouldn't. And searching Kurt's face, he knew he'd never be able to be that guy. And it kind of hurt that Kurt thought he would be that kind of friend. But it wasn't like he'd given Kurt any other ideas right now.
"Normal friends," he said, slowly. "Friends in the open. I'm not ashamed of being your friend. I never was. I was. Just." Freaked out, scared... "Just something." He hoped Kurt understood what he was trying to say. He sure didn't himself. Not without giving anything away.
Kurt was looking at him with a hint of disbelief now, but he fought off the urge to look around and wait for Candid Camera to jump out and tell him this was all a joke. "Really?" he asked quietly, the vulnerability edging his tone before he could hide it. "And I just... um... that night, we don't have to talk about it again. It'll be just like it didn't happen. I probably got too in your face, or something..." He really didn't think he did, but he was willing to give Sam a loophole if he wanted to take it. He didn't want anyone getting hassled because of him, despite how much of a bitch he could be. "Me and alcohol don't really mix."
He wanted to ask Sam how he felt about it. If it felt gross or if he was terrified about what he did, but he couldn't. He realised he was scared Sam would confirm both and Kurt knew he couldn't take that. It was better he just remained in the dark about the whole thing and blame the alcohol on the reason Sam was the only boy who ever reciprocated anything with him. It had to just all be a huge mistake. "Just something," he repeated with a nod of confirmation.
"Really," Sam said, slowly. He could hear the tone in Kurt's voice. It made him feel bad. He caused that? Everything is so. He bit his lip. It was messed up. He was frustrated with himself. Two drunken kisses messed everything up. He wasn't sure if he regretted them or not, but he knew he regretted what happened after the kisses. "You didn't get too into my face." He wasn't sure why he had to talk about them. Because it would be perfect to forget about it. Pretend like it didn't happen again. Like he suggested. But he knew from experience. Between them alone. If you ignored something, it just made it worse. "I was just to blame as much as you. Maybe even more," he slowly allowed.
He shakily looked at Kurt. He was going to fix this.
He stuck his hand out, forcing a smile to Kurt. The longer he kept it on his face, the easier it eased up, and became more genuine. He could do this! "Hi. I'm Sam. You're amazingly talented and I'd like to become friends with you. You're funny and you really know your stuff." Sam held his breath, watching him. Waiting. He hoped Kurt would do it. "I don't want to forget what happened before. We need to resolve it. But we can do it as friends. That way... you know I'm not playing you." And he wasn't. Kurt was a good guy. Sam had had a lack of judgement. Everyone did. Now it was going to be put right.
A hint of a smile appeared on Kurt's lips finally and then he reached to take Sam's hand in a truce he really had told himself was never going to happen. "You're not the only one who should be making apologies here," he admitted. "I wrote you off. I stopped trying... to protect myself. I've already got a whole team of people ready to toss me into dumpster, I really didn't want another one. So, I'm sorry that I just let this all sit as it did. That's not like me. Normally I would have gotten up into your face and at least insulted your outfit on one occasion, but I was terrified you were going to tell me you were... were disgusted," he finally admitted, his voice dropping with a small hitch on the last word.
"But I'll make you a deal. If we're ever together in the vicinity of alcohol again, just stop me from putting any of it anywhere near my lips. Do whatever it takes. Well, short of tackling me to the ground. Grass stains are horrific to get out of cotton. Even worse than Slushie syrup," he insisted.
"I wasn't... disgusted," Sam said, slowly. He didn't add anything more to that, deciding to go back to addressing the rest of what Kurt had said to him. And he tried not to notice how warm Kurt's hand was in his. Their fingers just barely brushing against each other. He let their hands drop, and he dropped his hand to his lap, trying not to think about the fact he missed Kurt's hand in his. Because that? Made no sense. He wouldn't let himself dwell on that idea in the least. "You don't need to apologize for that. I. Get it. I didn't make it easy for you, avoiding you for the football team. Biggest mistake ever. I might not even join, if you want the truth," he admitted lowly. "Finn's my position, and well... They pretty much have a full team. I'm not going to keep sitting around the sidelines while everyone loses, when I know I could help them more. You," Sam smiled, "Were really good. You should stick with football. You made it more interesting."
"We should definitely avoid alcohol again," Sam agreed. A smile lingered on his lips, and his face flushed, "But those drinks... weren't all that bad. I don't remember exactly what they were, but I know I couldn't get enough of them. Maybe it's just telling us that those weird cosmo-ish drinks are the bad thing." He was sort of glad his memory of those drinks were hazy at the best.
Kurt gave a small nod and looked down at the pretzel, it actually dawning on him that Sam had bought him a pretzel. Because he wanted to. He wasn't averted to being in Kurt's presence, they were talking, and it was... nice. Kurt didn't feel intimidated around him like he did all those other guys that seemed to be twice his size and wanted to make his life hell. "Hey, you shouldn't give up. You're awesome out there, and sure, I know you aren't, like, small or anything, but I hear there's a role of Kicker going," he admitted sheepishly. "One game was plenty for me. I only did it to bond with my Dad and because I could dance. But I walked away feeling like I was hit by a bus." He pulled up the sleeve of his shirt to indicate some of the bruises the whole football encounter left him with.
A bright smile appeared on his face and then he waved his fingers. "I was hungover for nearly a week. I was wishing my own death. They look fun and fabulous at the time, but I was so convinced I was going to start seeing a light at the end of the tunnel and Cher dressed like an angel at any point. Plus, I got a lecture off my Dad about being an irresponsible teenager."
Sam made a face, "It's not giving up. It's moving onto better things. The team isn't going to improve. Especially because you're gone. But I get it. Football isn't for everyone." When Kurt showed him the bruises, Sam barely hid the flinch. It was one thing when you saw them covered on yourself, but seeing them like that on someone else? It was horrible. He reached out, lightly running a hand down his arm, frowning. "Those are pretty bad. Do you have a salve for them? I could tell you the one I use. It's pretty good. It helps ease pain and the coloring pretty quick. And," he grinned, "It's all natural."
"Those lectures are amazing," Sam chuckled. "I get them all the time for schoolwork. They really remind you who you are sometimes. Not that I want that kind of reminder, but you know... it helps put things in perspective, yeah?" He took a small bite of his pretzel, and glanced up. "Hey, since we are starting this brand new awesome friendship thing... do you wanna help me out with something? I need to shop for gifts. But I'm clueless. If you help... I'll..." he thought quickly. "...help carry your bags?"
Kurt pointed to himself with a smirk. "See, I know nothing about football. I just sort of winged all that. It looked easy enough on TV and I just sort of had to kick the ball throught he goal, and that was cool! I actually scored a goal," he said proudly, the grin appearing again. "But even I can see how bad the team is. My Dad actually asked me if there was anyone on the team who were in their twenties and stuck there because they couldn't graduate. I just told him they have bad skincare routines," he said with a shrug. He looked at his arm wryly, and it did still hurt to touch despite the numerous baths. "That would be great. I was worried I could be scarred for life. They're all just so huge."
"Dad usually just lets me go about things, but then, I'm not really in a habit of randomly getting drunk or joining football teams. I just seem to be struggling to find my feet this year." He took a tenative bite of the pretzel and his eyebrows shot up in surprise. He swallowed and licked the salt from his lips "This is really good. Like... really good. See, now I have to help you, because I have to thank you all over again. But sure, that sounds like fun. I take it you're not usually much of a shopper? Who do you have to buy for?"
Sam grinned, "Hey, if the lack of knowledge is all you need... I have no problem at all offering my services in teaching. I've been into this game... far... too long. I could tell you just about everything you'd want to know." Not that he expected Kurt to want to know much, but he could. "My dad and I have about ten years of games and super bowl games on tape. I could show you them. Let you learn from letting you see some of the bad games over the years." He thought back to the McKinley team and had to nod. "Some of those guys on the team.. they need something, at least. What exactly, I don't know. But something." His eyes lingered on Kurt's arm for another moment, before looking away. "There's a shop here in the mall I could show you that sells the cream. Granted, I don't know anything else about skin care... but this? I know."
"Exploring new things is fun," Sam grinned. He paused, considering his words. Definitely true, but he didn't want to dwell on them, with the way the conversation had been going before. But his smile widened when he watched Kurt eat the pretzel, "This place has the best food. You can't find anything better than this one. But you don't have to thank me at all!" He shrugged at the last question, "My parents. And friends. Everything. I still have almost a month, but I always wait until the last minute so things aren't exciting. I have no ideas at all. Have you finished your shopping for christmas, too?
"Well... my Dad used to play in high school, and he sounds like he would get along really well with you and your Dad. In fact, I'm pretty sure you're the sort of son my Dad expected when I was born, only, he got me. Not that it's a problem! It's not. He still loves me, and he tries to understand what I like and all that, but I've only been out to him for about a year now. When I told him, he told me he knew since I was three. I was just scared to tell anyone. But that's a whole other issue." Kurt waved his hand dismissively. "The thing is, I try to understand what he loves too, but sport has always gone way over my head. I used to get more into the half-time singing and dancing at the Superbowl than the actual throwing around of a ball. I used to put on concerts for my Dad at half-time, and it always seemed the normal thing to do. I'm probably more cut out to be a Cheerio than a football player."
He looked over the bags, resting his tongue between his lips. "Actually, this is just staple things for me. I did all my Christmas shopping last month. Which means, I am totally free to help you out now. If you leave it to the last minute, you risk death by trampling or random infection."
"Trust me when I say... I wasn't exactly the son my dad expected," Sam said, snorting. "I might like football... but I'd rather be in my room with my laptop and comic books. If I get the option of going out or home, it's usually home I choose." He shrugged, "I'm a geek." He lowered his voice, "That's one of my secrets. Don't let anyone else know." He stared at Kurt for a moment, grinning. "The half time shows are always interesting. Watching the commercials on TV though? THAT is amazing. Every year... better and better. Have you ever been to one of the games?" He had to grin at the idea of Kurt putting on the little skits for his father. "I bet you were an adorable kid. Cheerleaders are amazing athletes," Sam nodded, "Do you think you have the discipline to be a Cheerio? Listening to them... I don't think I would."
He takes in the bags. "Staple things? I'd hate to see what you get on shopping sprees then." He stood up, tossing his half pretzel into the trash can, before picking up some of the bags. "I have nothing in mind. Maybe you can suggest to me? So I will just let you lead and I will follow!"
Kurt waved his hand and smirk. "Welcome to the world of geeks. That's why you're in Glee Club. Worse misfitted bunched of misfits to ever walk the earth. All we need is our own sideshow and the stereotype will be complete. Just, no matter how hard you try to roll with it, it's never easy swallowing the fact that people think you're a freak for just being yourself. Because beyond being someome else, there is no way to fix it." He shrugged and then shook his head. "Nope. The first game I've ever been to was that one I played in. I only ever just watched because it was spending time with Dad. It's just me and him. My Mom died when I was eight, so we did the best we could. I just always had the attention span of an ant unless it involved music or performing. Or clothes. I love clothes, and fashion. So, you don't get out much? Explains why you were kinda nervous at that party. I don't blame you, though. They're not overly my scene either. The decor always sucks. And no one would Coach S want me anywhere near the Cheerios. I don't have breasts."
He looked over the bag sheepishly. "I was bored, and there was a new line of Clinique out, so I wanted to check that out." He stood up after Sam and collected some of the bags into his hand. "Is it just your parents, or do you have siblings?"
"Because, I'd understand the latter. It wouldn't be the first time. Finn is a good example there. I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm going to try and jump him everytime he's in the same room as me. Though, now we're in Glee together, we're supposed to be 'friends'," he said, making the quotation marks with his fingers. "And I get it. You have a reputation to uphold."
Reply
"Normal friends," he said, slowly. "Friends in the open. I'm not ashamed of being your friend. I never was. I was. Just." Freaked out, scared... "Just something." He hoped Kurt understood what he was trying to say. He sure didn't himself. Not without giving anything away.
Reply
He wanted to ask Sam how he felt about it. If it felt gross or if he was terrified about what he did, but he couldn't. He realised he was scared Sam would confirm both and Kurt knew he couldn't take that. It was better he just remained in the dark about the whole thing and blame the alcohol on the reason Sam was the only boy who ever reciprocated anything with him. It had to just all be a huge mistake. "Just something," he repeated with a nod of confirmation.
Reply
He shakily looked at Kurt. He was going to fix this.
He stuck his hand out, forcing a smile to Kurt. The longer he kept it on his face, the easier it eased up, and became more genuine. He could do this! "Hi. I'm Sam. You're amazingly talented and I'd like to become friends with you. You're funny and you really know your stuff." Sam held his breath, watching him. Waiting. He hoped Kurt would do it. "I don't want to forget what happened before. We need to resolve it. But we can do it as friends. That way... you know I'm not playing you." And he wasn't. Kurt was a good guy. Sam had had a lack of judgement. Everyone did. Now it was going to be put right.
Reply
"But I'll make you a deal. If we're ever together in the vicinity of alcohol again, just stop me from putting any of it anywhere near my lips. Do whatever it takes. Well, short of tackling me to the ground. Grass stains are horrific to get out of cotton. Even worse than Slushie syrup," he insisted.
Reply
"We should definitely avoid alcohol again," Sam agreed. A smile lingered on his lips, and his face flushed, "But those drinks... weren't all that bad. I don't remember exactly what they were, but I know I couldn't get enough of them. Maybe it's just telling us that those weird cosmo-ish drinks are the bad thing." He was sort of glad his memory of those drinks were hazy at the best.
Reply
A bright smile appeared on his face and then he waved his fingers. "I was hungover for nearly a week. I was wishing my own death. They look fun and fabulous at the time, but I was so convinced I was going to start seeing a light at the end of the tunnel and Cher dressed like an angel at any point. Plus, I got a lecture off my Dad about being an irresponsible teenager."
Reply
"Those lectures are amazing," Sam chuckled. "I get them all the time for schoolwork. They really remind you who you are sometimes. Not that I want that kind of reminder, but you know... it helps put things in perspective, yeah?" He took a small bite of his pretzel, and glanced up. "Hey, since we are starting this brand new awesome friendship thing... do you wanna help me out with something? I need to shop for gifts. But I'm clueless. If you help... I'll..." he thought quickly. "...help carry your bags?"
Reply
"Dad usually just lets me go about things, but then, I'm not really in a habit of randomly getting drunk or joining football teams. I just seem to be struggling to find my feet this year." He took a tenative bite of the pretzel and his eyebrows shot up in surprise. He swallowed and licked the salt from his lips "This is really good. Like... really good. See, now I have to help you, because I have to thank you all over again. But sure, that sounds like fun. I take it you're not usually much of a shopper? Who do you have to buy for?"
Reply
"Exploring new things is fun," Sam grinned. He paused, considering his words. Definitely true, but he didn't want to dwell on them, with the way the conversation had been going before. But his smile widened when he watched Kurt eat the pretzel, "This place has the best food. You can't find anything better than this one. But you don't have to thank me at all!" He shrugged at the last question, "My parents. And friends. Everything. I still have almost a month, but I always wait until the last minute so things aren't exciting. I have no ideas at all. Have you finished your shopping for christmas, too?
Reply
He looked over the bags, resting his tongue between his lips. "Actually, this is just staple things for me. I did all my Christmas shopping last month. Which means, I am totally free to help you out now. If you leave it to the last minute, you risk death by trampling or random infection."
Reply
He takes in the bags. "Staple things? I'd hate to see what you get on shopping sprees then." He stood up, tossing his half pretzel into the trash can, before picking up some of the bags. "I have nothing in mind. Maybe you can suggest to me? So I will just let you lead and I will follow!"
Reply
He looked over the bag sheepishly. "I was bored, and there was a new line of Clinique out, so I wanted to check that out." He stood up after Sam and collected some of the bags into his hand. "Is it just your parents, or do you have siblings?"
Reply
Leave a comment