(no subject)
Goodbye Atlantis
Chapter Six
Rodney walked towards the lab as fast as he could without actually running. Part of him wanted to turn back and talk to Sheppard but the logical part within him kept his feet moving forward. When Sheppard said he’d trusted him, Rodney hadn’t realised how much he’d needed to hear that. Yet ironically, it had only made him more determined to leave. Sheppard trusted him, and Rodney could not face losing that trust again. Worse still, he couldn’t be responsible for failing him and adding to the list of friends already lost.
He arrived at the lab to see Radek talking with Carson and Elizabeth. As soon as they heard him enter, the conversation stopped. Rodney shrugged; it was something that he’d got used to lately.
“Sorry to interrupt, I’ll come back later,” he said.
“No Rodney wait, we were waiting for you,” Elizabeth replied.
They all stood there in silence, all unsure of what to say. When no-one spoke for what seemed like an eternity, Rodney checked his watch and rolled his eyes. “Well as engrossing as this is, it’s been nice talking to you …”
“Hloupy cubic syn,” Zelenka shouted, and started waving his arms around. “You are stupid man sometimes! For a genius how can you think of going back to earth and leaving me with Dr Kavanagh? I barely mange to keep him out of trouble while you go off-world! Last time you went through gate he nearly set his hair on fire! If I had to look after him full-time he may mysteriously disappear through gate to wraith central, and lead them back here.”
Rodney rolled his eyes at Zelenka’s performance. “I’m sure you’ll cope just fine without me, and Atlantis will survive,” he said.
Zelenka nearly fell off his stool hearing those words coming from McKay. It made him think more about Colonel Sheppard’s pod people idea. Rodney being nice, paying compliments left him at a loss of what to say next. He turned towards Carson and Elizabeth for support.
Carson was the next one to speak. “Forget about Atlantis for a moment, what about yer friends Rodney? We’d all miss ya! And who else is gonna help Radek with his supplies, without Caldwell finding out? And I know it was you who went to the marines’ rec room at midnight to fix their entertainment system. Who the hell is gonna play chess with me at one in the morning? And dinna forget I’m actually winnin at the mo!”
Rodney rolled his eyes. He couldn’t understand how he could go from no-one talking to him, to everyone telling him how much he’d be missed and needed. He was that busy thinking, he didn’t see Elizabeth gesture to Carson and Radek to leave them alone.
She watched them leave before turning towards him. “Rodney, I know we’ve all made mistakes and we’ve all been hard on you of late. I for one, would like to apologise for my recent behaviour,” she said.
“Apology accepted, but I’m not going to change my mind. Radek can do just as good a job as me, so you don’t need to worry about the safety of Atlantis.”
“Rodney I don’t want you to stay because I think we would lose Atlantis, I want you to stay because I would miss you. We would all miss you. I know you don’t think you have friends here, but you’re wrong. I know we’ve let you down and you have every right to be angry with us, but please don’t let that anger drive you away from everything you’ve worked so hard for.”
“Why do you think I’m doing this? To punish you all? Don’t you get it Elizabeth? I’m tired of seeing people die, especially when I’ve had a hand in it. I can’t do it anymore. Yes, I know I messed up big time and I lost all your trust, but I, I…” he stammered.
Elizabeth took a step towards him and placed a hand on his shoulder uncertainly. When he didn’t reject the contact she moved the hand to his face and cupped his cheek.
He felt himself leaning into her touch and closed his eyes. “I don’t trust myself anymore,” he admitted softly.
Elizabeth swallowed at the ramifications of those words. How had he sunk to this? How had they let him?
She lifted her other hand and held his face. “Look at me,” she said and his eyes flicked open to meet hers. “Listen to me very carefully Rodney. I trust you. I trust you with my life. There is no-one here who loves their job as much as you do. You live and breathe Atlantis! Can you seriously tell me that you would be happy back on earth? Look around you; this is what you’ve wanted to do your whole life! Each day brings fresh new challenges. Do you really want to go back to earth and work with theories, when you could be out here living it? Don’t throw that away because you, we, made a mistake.”
“Elizabeth what happens the next time I make a mistake? Seems people die when I fudge it, and I can’t be responsible for that again. It’s best I go now before that happens.”
Elizabeth shook her head. She released his face and took his hand instead, pulling him towards the sofa in the corner of the lab where coffee making facilities were set up. They sat down together.
“You know, you once said that we all thought you were Superman. We may have scoffed at the time, but you were right. We expect you to save the day time and time again, and you never disappoint. So when you did make a mistake Rodney, I don’t know, maybe we all got a little scared. We realised that you were fallible, just like the rest of us, and maybe, just maybe we even resented you for that. We woke up to the fact that there may come a time when you can’t save us.”
The truth of her words hit home and she sighed sadly. She could feel Rodney’s eyes watching her, and she reached across and squeezed his hand before continuing. “And that Rodney, is our problem, not yours.”
He squeezed her hand back, but didn’t look convinced.
“We’re all out here of our own free will,” she continued. “It’s our choice and we are not your responsibility. You have to stop carrying that burden around with you, because people are going to die out here, and there’s no getting away from that fact. Rodney we are stronger with you, and have a better chance with you than without you. Together we can do it, so please let us help you.”
She looked into his eyes and saw the pain there, which she had failed to notice all this time. It was raw and on the verge of exploding, and it reminded her of her own demons. The ones that grew in strength with every letter she penned to the families of the fallen. “You know, you’re not the only one affected by all this,” she whispered and looked at their clasped hands.
Rodney’s expression softened and his grip on her hand tightened.
“Maybe that’s something we could help each other with,” he said quietly.
She smiled slightly and looked back up to his face. His eyes were a little brighter, and he appeared less tense. “Yes, I think I’d like that,” she said softly.
“Rodney I can’t say there will be no more mistakes, but I can tell you that we will learn from our mistakes and we’ll help each other through the hard times. That’s what friends… no, that’s what family is for. So what do you say, can we help you get back on your feet, and face those challenges together?”
“Well I’d hate for Radek to bring back the wraith, just after we’ve finished tidying up from their last visit. Sooo, I suppose I should go and unpack.”
Elizabeth’s smile grew wide. “If you don’t mind I would like to help you?”
Rodney smiled back and shrugged. “Sure.”
He stood and pulled her up before they headed for the door. They all but walked into Carson, Radek and his team, who were waiting outside the lab.
“Teyla, gentlemen, I was just about to go and help Rodney unpack,” Elizabeth announced happily.
There was a loud collective sigh of relief before everyone broke into smiles.
“Perhaps we could also help?” Teyla said.
Rodney nodded at her and returned her smile. He looked at the others. Carson had an arm thrown over Radek’s shoulder and even Ronan wore a small grin. His eyes moved to Sheppard who stood with his back leant against the corridor wall.
John smirked and stepped forward. “I think that’s a great idea,” he said. “Then afterwards we can watch some of the DVD’s the Daedalus just shipped in and eat Rodney’s chocolate stash.”
Rodney grinned back and the two exchanged a look. “Sorry Colonel, but Ronon finished that off ages ago.”
“Yeah I did, but I ordered more. The Daedalus just brought it. It’s sat in the cargo bay,” Ronan said.
Rodney looked at Ronnon puzzled. “What? How the hell did you manage to order chocolate when you don’t have any money?”
Ronan shrugged. “I used your name.”
“You did what? How much did you buy? God, what else have you ordered? I’m not made of money!” Rodney spluttered.
Everyone laughed and they made their way down the corridor towards Rodney room. Rodney and John, by unspoken agreement fell to the back of the group. John raised his hand to his mouth and mimed drinking from a bottle, and Rodney nodded. They would talk later. They had a lot to talk about.
As the small group moved noisily through Atlantis, they all knew things were still not right, but they also knew that in time, everything would be okay.
tbc
Hloupy cubic syn- means stupid son a bitch well that’s what the translator site says anyway.
Chapter Six
Rodney walked towards the lab as fast as he could without actually running. Part of him wanted to turn back and talk to Sheppard but the logical part within him kept his feet moving forward. When Sheppard said he’d trusted him, Rodney hadn’t realised how much he’d needed to hear that. Yet ironically, it had only made him more determined to leave. Sheppard trusted him, and Rodney could not face losing that trust again. Worse still, he couldn’t be responsible for failing him and adding to the list of friends already lost.
He arrived at the lab to see Radek talking with Carson and Elizabeth. As soon as they heard him enter, the conversation stopped. Rodney shrugged; it was something that he’d got used to lately.
“Sorry to interrupt, I’ll come back later,” he said.
“No Rodney wait, we were waiting for you,” Elizabeth replied.
They all stood there in silence, all unsure of what to say. When no-one spoke for what seemed like an eternity, Rodney checked his watch and rolled his eyes. “Well as engrossing as this is, it’s been nice talking to you …”
“Hloupy cubic syn,” Zelenka shouted, and started waving his arms around. “You are stupid man sometimes! For a genius how can you think of going back to earth and leaving me with Dr Kavanagh? I barely mange to keep him out of trouble while you go off-world! Last time you went through gate he nearly set his hair on fire! If I had to look after him full-time he may mysteriously disappear through gate to wraith central, and lead them back here.”
Rodney rolled his eyes at Zelenka’s performance. “I’m sure you’ll cope just fine without me, and Atlantis will survive,” he said.
Zelenka nearly fell off his stool hearing those words coming from McKay. It made him think more about Colonel Sheppard’s pod people idea. Rodney being nice, paying compliments left him at a loss of what to say next. He turned towards Carson and Elizabeth for support.
Carson was the next one to speak. “Forget about Atlantis for a moment, what about yer friends Rodney? We’d all miss ya! And who else is gonna help Radek with his supplies, without Caldwell finding out? And I know it was you who went to the marines’ rec room at midnight to fix their entertainment system. Who the hell is gonna play chess with me at one in the morning? And dinna forget I’m actually winnin at the mo!”
Rodney rolled his eyes. He couldn’t understand how he could go from no-one talking to him, to everyone telling him how much he’d be missed and needed. He was that busy thinking, he didn’t see Elizabeth gesture to Carson and Radek to leave them alone.
She watched them leave before turning towards him. “Rodney, I know we’ve all made mistakes and we’ve all been hard on you of late. I for one, would like to apologise for my recent behaviour,” she said.
“Apology accepted, but I’m not going to change my mind. Radek can do just as good a job as me, so you don’t need to worry about the safety of Atlantis.”
“Rodney I don’t want you to stay because I think we would lose Atlantis, I want you to stay because I would miss you. We would all miss you. I know you don’t think you have friends here, but you’re wrong. I know we’ve let you down and you have every right to be angry with us, but please don’t let that anger drive you away from everything you’ve worked so hard for.”
“Why do you think I’m doing this? To punish you all? Don’t you get it Elizabeth? I’m tired of seeing people die, especially when I’ve had a hand in it. I can’t do it anymore. Yes, I know I messed up big time and I lost all your trust, but I, I…” he stammered.
Elizabeth took a step towards him and placed a hand on his shoulder uncertainly. When he didn’t reject the contact she moved the hand to his face and cupped his cheek.
He felt himself leaning into her touch and closed his eyes. “I don’t trust myself anymore,” he admitted softly.
Elizabeth swallowed at the ramifications of those words. How had he sunk to this? How had they let him?
She lifted her other hand and held his face. “Look at me,” she said and his eyes flicked open to meet hers. “Listen to me very carefully Rodney. I trust you. I trust you with my life. There is no-one here who loves their job as much as you do. You live and breathe Atlantis! Can you seriously tell me that you would be happy back on earth? Look around you; this is what you’ve wanted to do your whole life! Each day brings fresh new challenges. Do you really want to go back to earth and work with theories, when you could be out here living it? Don’t throw that away because you, we, made a mistake.”
“Elizabeth what happens the next time I make a mistake? Seems people die when I fudge it, and I can’t be responsible for that again. It’s best I go now before that happens.”
Elizabeth shook her head. She released his face and took his hand instead, pulling him towards the sofa in the corner of the lab where coffee making facilities were set up. They sat down together.
“You know, you once said that we all thought you were Superman. We may have scoffed at the time, but you were right. We expect you to save the day time and time again, and you never disappoint. So when you did make a mistake Rodney, I don’t know, maybe we all got a little scared. We realised that you were fallible, just like the rest of us, and maybe, just maybe we even resented you for that. We woke up to the fact that there may come a time when you can’t save us.”
The truth of her words hit home and she sighed sadly. She could feel Rodney’s eyes watching her, and she reached across and squeezed his hand before continuing. “And that Rodney, is our problem, not yours.”
He squeezed her hand back, but didn’t look convinced.
“We’re all out here of our own free will,” she continued. “It’s our choice and we are not your responsibility. You have to stop carrying that burden around with you, because people are going to die out here, and there’s no getting away from that fact. Rodney we are stronger with you, and have a better chance with you than without you. Together we can do it, so please let us help you.”
She looked into his eyes and saw the pain there, which she had failed to notice all this time. It was raw and on the verge of exploding, and it reminded her of her own demons. The ones that grew in strength with every letter she penned to the families of the fallen. “You know, you’re not the only one affected by all this,” she whispered and looked at their clasped hands.
Rodney’s expression softened and his grip on her hand tightened.
“Maybe that’s something we could help each other with,” he said quietly.
She smiled slightly and looked back up to his face. His eyes were a little brighter, and he appeared less tense. “Yes, I think I’d like that,” she said softly.
“Rodney I can’t say there will be no more mistakes, but I can tell you that we will learn from our mistakes and we’ll help each other through the hard times. That’s what friends… no, that’s what family is for. So what do you say, can we help you get back on your feet, and face those challenges together?”
“Well I’d hate for Radek to bring back the wraith, just after we’ve finished tidying up from their last visit. Sooo, I suppose I should go and unpack.”
Elizabeth’s smile grew wide. “If you don’t mind I would like to help you?”
Rodney smiled back and shrugged. “Sure.”
He stood and pulled her up before they headed for the door. They all but walked into Carson, Radek and his team, who were waiting outside the lab.
“Teyla, gentlemen, I was just about to go and help Rodney unpack,” Elizabeth announced happily.
There was a loud collective sigh of relief before everyone broke into smiles.
“Perhaps we could also help?” Teyla said.
Rodney nodded at her and returned her smile. He looked at the others. Carson had an arm thrown over Radek’s shoulder and even Ronan wore a small grin. His eyes moved to Sheppard who stood with his back leant against the corridor wall.
John smirked and stepped forward. “I think that’s a great idea,” he said. “Then afterwards we can watch some of the DVD’s the Daedalus just shipped in and eat Rodney’s chocolate stash.”
Rodney grinned back and the two exchanged a look. “Sorry Colonel, but Ronon finished that off ages ago.”
“Yeah I did, but I ordered more. The Daedalus just brought it. It’s sat in the cargo bay,” Ronan said.
Rodney looked at Ronnon puzzled. “What? How the hell did you manage to order chocolate when you don’t have any money?”
Ronan shrugged. “I used your name.”
“You did what? How much did you buy? God, what else have you ordered? I’m not made of money!” Rodney spluttered.
Everyone laughed and they made their way down the corridor towards Rodney room. Rodney and John, by unspoken agreement fell to the back of the group. John raised his hand to his mouth and mimed drinking from a bottle, and Rodney nodded. They would talk later. They had a lot to talk about.
As the small group moved noisily through Atlantis, they all knew things were still not right, but they also knew that in time, everything would be okay.
tbc
Hloupy cubic syn- means stupid son a bitch well that’s what the translator site says anyway.