New script
This one I actually finished.
NINTENDO POWER HQ-A claustrophobic room with no natural light. Posters and promotional standees from various popular and not-so-popular Nintendo titles adorn the walls. There are several TV screens, each hooked up to a Nintendo system, providing the only illumination to the room. Tacked to the walls are newspaper clippings dating back to the late 80’s, with headlines such as “Video Game Champ Rescues Drowning Child”, “Local Game Master to Keep Kids Off Drugs”, and “Scandal Rocks Community Idol”. Seated in a metal folding chair is ALLAN POPINSKI, 35, playing Star Tropics through a tangled mess of game controllers. His hands nimbly dart across the controller, expertly slaying bats with his yo-yo with the proficiency of a true grandmaster, but his face reads differently. He seems to be full of a great sadness.
ECU on the ground as he drops the controller in slow motion. The bats onscreen slowly eat him alive. He reaches to his side and pulls out a loaded revolver.
ALLAN
Okay, this time for real.
As he places the gun in his mouth, the phone rings. He picks it up and sets the gun aside.
ALLAN
Hello?
On the other end is a boy, early teens, dressed in a loose-fitting T-shirt and baseball cap. A picture of youthful innocence and summers indoors.
BOY
Hello?
ALLAN
Who is this!?
BOY
Oh, I, I’m sorry, I think I have the wrong number.
ALLAN
What do you want!?
BOY
I, uh, this isn’t the Nintendo Power Power Players line, is it?
ALLAN
Maybe. All depends.
BOY
On what?
ALLAN (fondling revolver)
A number of things…
BOY
Well, uh, could you at least help me out with Bubble Bobble? I’ve beaten the game like three times already and I keep getting the bad ending. I saved the game at level 98, but I’m not sure where the game begins to branch off or if maybe I’ve got a bad password or something. Like it could be before I saved. I dunno, would you happen to know anything about that?
ALLAN
(incredulous pause) Son, no one’s asked me a question about Bubble Bobble in THIRTEEN YEARS. Just who the hell do you think you are?
BOY
I…I uh uh uh uh
ALLAN
UH UH UH UH WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE BOY?
BOY (regaining his bearings)
Look, I’m at my uncle’s house for the summer, all he’s got is his old Nintendo and some back issues of Nintendo Power. I called the number in the back because I was wondering if it still worked, and apparently it does. Now are you going to help me out or not?
ALLAN
All good things to those who wait, lad.
BOY
This is costing me a buck seventy-five a minute buddy. Either you tell me how to, how to excel at Bubble Bobble or I’m hanging up. That simple.
ALLAN chuckles ominously.
BOY
What?
ALLAN
I knew a boy like you once.
BOY
That’s great. Goodbye.
ALLAN
Ask me what happened to this boy.
BOY
Goodbye.
ALLAN
Wait…YOU KNOW YOU CAN’T BEAT BUBBLE BOBBLE WITHOUT ME.
The boy realizes in a moment of frightening clarity that the madman is right.
BOY
Then I suppose we’re locked in a stalemate.
ALLAN
Not if you play the game, after all, that’s what we’re here for. Fun and games.
BOY
So what do I have to do?
ALLAN
Ask me. What happened to that boy?
BOY
What happened?
ALLAN
Circumstance, my young friend. It swallowed him whole but spat out his husk.
BOY
I’m…sorry to hear that.
ALLAN
I am too, my dear child. I am too.
Long awkward pause.
ALLAN
Life…life is full of bottomless pits. Remember that. If you only retain one thing from our little chat, let that be it, because it will apply to virtually everything you do.
BOY
Okay.
ALLAN
I mean it!
BOY
I believe you!
ALLAN
Look, you may think that I’m just some lonely forty-seven year-old virgin who barely ecked by a living playing video games all day and eventually managed to somehow stoop even lower than that, but I’ve been around the block a few times, kid. I know.
BOY
Know what?
ALLAN
The types of temptations boys your age tend to succumb to.
BOY
…… (yes, he will actually say this)
ALLAN
It’s hard for a kid your age, with all the drugs and gangs and peer pressure coming at you from all sides.
BOY
Right.
ALLAN
Every angle.
BOY
Right.
ALLAN
And I just want you to know…you’re not alone.
BOY
Oh, I know. It’s just kind of boring over here at my uncle’s cabin all summer.
ALLAN
No, you don’t know. You don’t know until you’ve actually been there. (frustrated sigh) Mark my words: in life, there is no reset button.
BOY
That’s very true.
ALLAN
I mean, you lose your life, it’s game over man.
BOY
I agree 100 percent.
ALLAN
But…sometimes we don’t die. Sometimes, we get stuck in the game…trapped between the walls, through some horrible glitch…and that’s the worst ending of all.
As Allan says this, we angle on a bag of cocaine.
BOY
That actually happened to a friend of mine, once. It was tragic.
ALLAN
Isn’t it, though? To be a mistake in the game, a victim of lazy programming? But there’s a way out. There’s always a way out.
BOY
What’s that?
ALLAN (prepping the cocaine on his desk, smiling slightly)
Cheat codes.
BOY
Codes?
ALLAN
Of course. Codes are the great leveler bestowed upon us by OH…oh Christ. Uh…wow. Just gimmie a minute here, kid. Woawoooghhhhh…
Allan leans back in his chair, looks to the side, and sees a life-sized Mega Man, rendered in 8-bit graphics standing (sitting?) beside him.
ALLAN
So, we meet again Mr. Man.
BOY
Huh? Is someone else there?
ALLAN (ignoring the boy)
It would appear as though you “got equipped with Bubble Lead”, so to speak…
Mega Man broods silently.
ALLAN
No need to be a prick about it. I was just merely commenting on your…your…aesthetic…metamorphosis. You know?
BOY
This was a bad idea. I’m just wasting my time. Goodbye.
ALLAN
No, wait! I’m sorry, I was just…powering up.
BOY
Powering up?
ALLAN
You might say I just turned on God mode. I feel…I feel.
BOY
So does this mean you can answer my Bubble Bobble question now?
ALLAN
Do you believe in fate?
BOY
Apparently not.
ALLAN
Why not?
BOY
No, I meant “apparently you’re not gonna answer my question”.
ALLAN
So do you believe in fate? Yes or no?
BOY
I don’t know…I guess not.
ALLAN
Why not? Does the idea of not being able to choose your own destiny frighten you? Disturb you? Does it rock your world.
BOY (rapidly growing disinterested)
Yes. Yes, it does.
ALLAN
Do you believe in God?
BOY
I was raised Lutheran.
ALLAN
And yet you believe in free will?
BOY
Sure, why not?
ALLAN
You have so much to learn. Tell me, o great seeker of wisdom, if God is your designer, then who is your programmer?
BOY
Huh? Programmer? You mean like my parents?
ALLAN
Before one can patrol their route one must first be told what their route is…
BOY
Wait, you’re losing me.
ALLAN
And aren’t we all patrolling our own route, guarding our supply truck, hoping to catch a glimpse of that Solid Snake that would provide meaning to our lives? But ah, he truly is a Snake; for with meaning comes death, and with life comes the death of meaning. Answer me this: If you saw Snake, what would you do? Would you kill him? What would you do afterwards? You cannot kill him, and do you know why? Because he has more health than you. Because he has more moves than you. Because he has The Player on his side. And you tell me there is no fate but that which we make. I will call you a liar, sir, and a fool.
BOY
…………what the hell are you talking about? I literally don’t have like a single idea what point you’re driving at here. I don’t know how this pertains to life or Bubble Bobble or whatever, but I do know this: I was flipping through the same old Nintendo Power I found your number in, and it says here how to get the good ending. Which means I don’t have to put up with this any more. Says here your name is…Allan Popinski, right?
ALLAN
……yes, it is……
BOY
Okay, look Allan, I think I’ve been more than polite with you here. I’ve listened to you wax political and go on tangents and talk to Mega Man, and here we are like ten minutes later and you never even told me how to beat Bubble Bobble. That got me thinking: Why didn’t he just tell me he didn’t know? Why just talk nonsense for ten minutes? So now, Allan, I’m asking you: Why didn’t you just say “I don’t know”?
ALLAN
I am very, very lonely.
BOY
I gathered. Well, sorry Al, but looks like this is goodbye. Maybe you can pour your heart out to your next caller.
ALLAN
Perhaps you need to read your uncle’s Nintendo Powers a bit more thoroughly. No one’s called this facility in eight years.
BOY
Huh?
ALLAN
Volume 45. Page 118. Counselor’s Corner. “WE’RE MOVING! Next month, the Nintendo Power Power Players’ Hotline is being permanently relocated! Be sure to jot down our new mailing address!”
BOY
So wait…they moved, but left you behind?
ALLAN
I stayed because I wanted to. I had no other choice. In this room…I am God.
BOY
So…you spent the past eight years in a room full of TVs playing old Nintendo games?
ALLAN
…
BOY
…
ALLAN
…
BOY
…
The boy hangs up.
Allan shoots himself.
The end.
NINTENDO POWER HQ-A claustrophobic room with no natural light. Posters and promotional standees from various popular and not-so-popular Nintendo titles adorn the walls. There are several TV screens, each hooked up to a Nintendo system, providing the only illumination to the room. Tacked to the walls are newspaper clippings dating back to the late 80’s, with headlines such as “Video Game Champ Rescues Drowning Child”, “Local Game Master to Keep Kids Off Drugs”, and “Scandal Rocks Community Idol”. Seated in a metal folding chair is ALLAN POPINSKI, 35, playing Star Tropics through a tangled mess of game controllers. His hands nimbly dart across the controller, expertly slaying bats with his yo-yo with the proficiency of a true grandmaster, but his face reads differently. He seems to be full of a great sadness.
ECU on the ground as he drops the controller in slow motion. The bats onscreen slowly eat him alive. He reaches to his side and pulls out a loaded revolver.
ALLAN
Okay, this time for real.
As he places the gun in his mouth, the phone rings. He picks it up and sets the gun aside.
ALLAN
Hello?
On the other end is a boy, early teens, dressed in a loose-fitting T-shirt and baseball cap. A picture of youthful innocence and summers indoors.
BOY
Hello?
ALLAN
Who is this!?
BOY
Oh, I, I’m sorry, I think I have the wrong number.
ALLAN
What do you want!?
BOY
I, uh, this isn’t the Nintendo Power Power Players line, is it?
ALLAN
Maybe. All depends.
BOY
On what?
ALLAN (fondling revolver)
A number of things…
BOY
Well, uh, could you at least help me out with Bubble Bobble? I’ve beaten the game like three times already and I keep getting the bad ending. I saved the game at level 98, but I’m not sure where the game begins to branch off or if maybe I’ve got a bad password or something. Like it could be before I saved. I dunno, would you happen to know anything about that?
ALLAN
(incredulous pause) Son, no one’s asked me a question about Bubble Bobble in THIRTEEN YEARS. Just who the hell do you think you are?
BOY
I…I uh uh uh uh
ALLAN
UH UH UH UH WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE BOY?
BOY (regaining his bearings)
Look, I’m at my uncle’s house for the summer, all he’s got is his old Nintendo and some back issues of Nintendo Power. I called the number in the back because I was wondering if it still worked, and apparently it does. Now are you going to help me out or not?
ALLAN
All good things to those who wait, lad.
BOY
This is costing me a buck seventy-five a minute buddy. Either you tell me how to, how to excel at Bubble Bobble or I’m hanging up. That simple.
ALLAN chuckles ominously.
BOY
What?
ALLAN
I knew a boy like you once.
BOY
That’s great. Goodbye.
ALLAN
Ask me what happened to this boy.
BOY
Goodbye.
ALLAN
Wait…YOU KNOW YOU CAN’T BEAT BUBBLE BOBBLE WITHOUT ME.
The boy realizes in a moment of frightening clarity that the madman is right.
BOY
Then I suppose we’re locked in a stalemate.
ALLAN
Not if you play the game, after all, that’s what we’re here for. Fun and games.
BOY
So what do I have to do?
ALLAN
Ask me. What happened to that boy?
BOY
What happened?
ALLAN
Circumstance, my young friend. It swallowed him whole but spat out his husk.
BOY
I’m…sorry to hear that.
ALLAN
I am too, my dear child. I am too.
Long awkward pause.
ALLAN
Life…life is full of bottomless pits. Remember that. If you only retain one thing from our little chat, let that be it, because it will apply to virtually everything you do.
BOY
Okay.
ALLAN
I mean it!
BOY
I believe you!
ALLAN
Look, you may think that I’m just some lonely forty-seven year-old virgin who barely ecked by a living playing video games all day and eventually managed to somehow stoop even lower than that, but I’ve been around the block a few times, kid. I know.
BOY
Know what?
ALLAN
The types of temptations boys your age tend to succumb to.
BOY
…… (yes, he will actually say this)
ALLAN
It’s hard for a kid your age, with all the drugs and gangs and peer pressure coming at you from all sides.
BOY
Right.
ALLAN
Every angle.
BOY
Right.
ALLAN
And I just want you to know…you’re not alone.
BOY
Oh, I know. It’s just kind of boring over here at my uncle’s cabin all summer.
ALLAN
No, you don’t know. You don’t know until you’ve actually been there. (frustrated sigh) Mark my words: in life, there is no reset button.
BOY
That’s very true.
ALLAN
I mean, you lose your life, it’s game over man.
BOY
I agree 100 percent.
ALLAN
But…sometimes we don’t die. Sometimes, we get stuck in the game…trapped between the walls, through some horrible glitch…and that’s the worst ending of all.
As Allan says this, we angle on a bag of cocaine.
BOY
That actually happened to a friend of mine, once. It was tragic.
ALLAN
Isn’t it, though? To be a mistake in the game, a victim of lazy programming? But there’s a way out. There’s always a way out.
BOY
What’s that?
ALLAN (prepping the cocaine on his desk, smiling slightly)
Cheat codes.
BOY
Codes?
ALLAN
Of course. Codes are the great leveler bestowed upon us by OH…oh Christ. Uh…wow. Just gimmie a minute here, kid. Woawoooghhhhh…
Allan leans back in his chair, looks to the side, and sees a life-sized Mega Man, rendered in 8-bit graphics standing (sitting?) beside him.
ALLAN
So, we meet again Mr. Man.
BOY
Huh? Is someone else there?
ALLAN (ignoring the boy)
It would appear as though you “got equipped with Bubble Lead”, so to speak…
Mega Man broods silently.
ALLAN
No need to be a prick about it. I was just merely commenting on your…your…aesthetic…metamorphosis. You know?
BOY
This was a bad idea. I’m just wasting my time. Goodbye.
ALLAN
No, wait! I’m sorry, I was just…powering up.
BOY
Powering up?
ALLAN
You might say I just turned on God mode. I feel…I feel.
BOY
So does this mean you can answer my Bubble Bobble question now?
ALLAN
Do you believe in fate?
BOY
Apparently not.
ALLAN
Why not?
BOY
No, I meant “apparently you’re not gonna answer my question”.
ALLAN
So do you believe in fate? Yes or no?
BOY
I don’t know…I guess not.
ALLAN
Why not? Does the idea of not being able to choose your own destiny frighten you? Disturb you? Does it rock your world.
BOY (rapidly growing disinterested)
Yes. Yes, it does.
ALLAN
Do you believe in God?
BOY
I was raised Lutheran.
ALLAN
And yet you believe in free will?
BOY
Sure, why not?
ALLAN
You have so much to learn. Tell me, o great seeker of wisdom, if God is your designer, then who is your programmer?
BOY
Huh? Programmer? You mean like my parents?
ALLAN
Before one can patrol their route one must first be told what their route is…
BOY
Wait, you’re losing me.
ALLAN
And aren’t we all patrolling our own route, guarding our supply truck, hoping to catch a glimpse of that Solid Snake that would provide meaning to our lives? But ah, he truly is a Snake; for with meaning comes death, and with life comes the death of meaning. Answer me this: If you saw Snake, what would you do? Would you kill him? What would you do afterwards? You cannot kill him, and do you know why? Because he has more health than you. Because he has more moves than you. Because he has The Player on his side. And you tell me there is no fate but that which we make. I will call you a liar, sir, and a fool.
BOY
…………what the hell are you talking about? I literally don’t have like a single idea what point you’re driving at here. I don’t know how this pertains to life or Bubble Bobble or whatever, but I do know this: I was flipping through the same old Nintendo Power I found your number in, and it says here how to get the good ending. Which means I don’t have to put up with this any more. Says here your name is…Allan Popinski, right?
ALLAN
……yes, it is……
BOY
Okay, look Allan, I think I’ve been more than polite with you here. I’ve listened to you wax political and go on tangents and talk to Mega Man, and here we are like ten minutes later and you never even told me how to beat Bubble Bobble. That got me thinking: Why didn’t he just tell me he didn’t know? Why just talk nonsense for ten minutes? So now, Allan, I’m asking you: Why didn’t you just say “I don’t know”?
ALLAN
I am very, very lonely.
BOY
I gathered. Well, sorry Al, but looks like this is goodbye. Maybe you can pour your heart out to your next caller.
ALLAN
Perhaps you need to read your uncle’s Nintendo Powers a bit more thoroughly. No one’s called this facility in eight years.
BOY
Huh?
ALLAN
Volume 45. Page 118. Counselor’s Corner. “WE’RE MOVING! Next month, the Nintendo Power Power Players’ Hotline is being permanently relocated! Be sure to jot down our new mailing address!”
BOY
So wait…they moved, but left you behind?
ALLAN
I stayed because I wanted to. I had no other choice. In this room…I am God.
BOY
So…you spent the past eight years in a room full of TVs playing old Nintendo games?
ALLAN
…
BOY
…
ALLAN
…
BOY
…
The boy hangs up.
Allan shoots himself.
The end.