Quite possibly the saddest dream anyone has ever had
The following is a description of a dream I had last night, to the best of my recollection (which, sadly, is pretty damn accurate in this case). I swear to God I'm not making this up, nor exaggerating anything.
For some reason, I'm at Warrior Way (the place where I train various martial arts) and I see a poster with some girl's face, advertising that she is a "black-belt kickboxer" and sister to Mattee, the real-life kickboxing instructor at Warrior War. Mattee comes from Thailand and is about five feet tall in real-life, capable of speaking maybe twenty words of English. In this dream, the poster girl is absolutely nothing at all like him, which is probably a good thing.
Anyway, over the course of what took literally less than two seconds in my dream, the girl and I are going out. This makes me happy because, as many of you may know, the only relationship I've been in over the course of my life took place over AIM and melted down worse than post 9/11 Franco-American relations. We like each other and are happy. Both of our families are government spies, and we team up on numerous missions to rid the world of evil (I swear to God, the only reason this subplot existed was because I had an extended conversation about Spy Kids right before i went to bed). Then one day, we're on a helicopter, and she worriedly asks me if something is wrong. Slightly unnerved, I ask why.
"Well...doesn't this seem a bit odd to you? The "black belt" kickboxing thing, our parents being spies....ME LIKING YOU (yes, she emphasized that in the dream). I would've thought you'd figure it out quicker than that."
"Figure what out?"
"That this is a dream. I mean, come on, no one's gonna like you in real life. That much is obvious. The only circumstances under which that could happen would be in your own mind."
And here, my friends, is where things got REALLY fucking creepy. I began to feel.
"No...no, this time you're wrong. This can't be a dream because I'm too happy."
"Doesn't matter. It's the only way this is possible."
"No, look, this can't be a dream because I can smell the air. And I can hear my footsteps when I walk! See, I can feel things so I can't possibly be dreaming!" (ironically enough, as I said this, I began thinking to myself "Don't open your eyes. Whatever you do, don't open your eyes". I knew she was right)
"Well, think whatever you want. I'm bored with you anyway."
The dream lingered for a couple more seconds, and I wandered around for a little while smelling air and listening to my feet hit the ground.
For some reason, I'm at Warrior Way (the place where I train various martial arts) and I see a poster with some girl's face, advertising that she is a "black-belt kickboxer" and sister to Mattee, the real-life kickboxing instructor at Warrior War. Mattee comes from Thailand and is about five feet tall in real-life, capable of speaking maybe twenty words of English. In this dream, the poster girl is absolutely nothing at all like him, which is probably a good thing.
Anyway, over the course of what took literally less than two seconds in my dream, the girl and I are going out. This makes me happy because, as many of you may know, the only relationship I've been in over the course of my life took place over AIM and melted down worse than post 9/11 Franco-American relations. We like each other and are happy. Both of our families are government spies, and we team up on numerous missions to rid the world of evil (I swear to God, the only reason this subplot existed was because I had an extended conversation about Spy Kids right before i went to bed). Then one day, we're on a helicopter, and she worriedly asks me if something is wrong. Slightly unnerved, I ask why.
"Well...doesn't this seem a bit odd to you? The "black belt" kickboxing thing, our parents being spies....ME LIKING YOU (yes, she emphasized that in the dream). I would've thought you'd figure it out quicker than that."
"Figure what out?"
"That this is a dream. I mean, come on, no one's gonna like you in real life. That much is obvious. The only circumstances under which that could happen would be in your own mind."
And here, my friends, is where things got REALLY fucking creepy. I began to feel.
"No...no, this time you're wrong. This can't be a dream because I'm too happy."
"Doesn't matter. It's the only way this is possible."
"No, look, this can't be a dream because I can smell the air. And I can hear my footsteps when I walk! See, I can feel things so I can't possibly be dreaming!" (ironically enough, as I said this, I began thinking to myself "Don't open your eyes. Whatever you do, don't open your eyes". I knew she was right)
"Well, think whatever you want. I'm bored with you anyway."
The dream lingered for a couple more seconds, and I wandered around for a little while smelling air and listening to my feet hit the ground.