The stony path of life (4/?)
Title: The stony path of life
Author: McAwesome1993
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Post 6x19; Arizona struggels with herself and Callie's decision.
Disclaimer: I own NOTHING! Everything and everyone in this fanfic belongs to Shonda Rhimes and ABC.
A/N1: The song I used this time is called ,,Was I crazy?''. It's from the great singer Rebecca Lavelle.
A/N2: I know this one's very short and still depressing and everything, but I promise it'll get better. The next chapter will be a big tunaround
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4. Was I crazy?
Maybe I was wrong, maybe I’m to blame,
I thought I’d see you and it’d be the same!
When I look at you, don’t know who I see,
Is it someone new or just a memory?
I close the door behind me. What a day! What a week! I had a few cases with her. It was terrible to work with her again and to try to be professional. After my breakdown in front of her and Teddy I managed to hold my tears back though it wasn’t easy. She looked like she hadn’t slept at all the last few days. And I know how that feels. I feel the same way … of course! I can’t sleep in my bed since we both slept in there together. The sheets are full of wonderful memories of us. Good memories. When I lie down there I still smell her scent on the pillow. So all the sleep I got the last week were small naps on my couch. I really regret breaking up with her now! Not only because of the lack of sleep, but also because of the emptiness I’m constantly feeling. I foce a smile when I’m working with the kids, but as soon as I leave their rooms my face loses every little sign of a smile. Then I accidently run into her and I don’t know what to do. Should I smile? Should I just look away? Or even simply ignore her and leave without a word? I don’t know how to handle being around her anymore!
Days drift by, sometimes I cry!
I never really understood it!
I always thought that you’d be there!
And was I crazy, crazy?
Sometimes it’s so unfair!
I see her everyday. And with every day it hurts more instead of less. I thought the pain would ebb away after some time, but after one wek it still feels the same. Or maybe even worse. I don’t know how often I had to escape into an on-call room, a closet or an empty OR to cry. The only time I’m myself is when I’m operating. When the life of an innocent child lies in my hands. But if I lose a kid on the table, I feel like I’m dying. She used to comfort me, but now .. Teddy has been really great this week. She’s a good friend. An awesome friend. She was always there when I needed her. And I needed her a lot these days. She tried to distract me by going out or just watching a movie or playing games and when it didn’t help (like almost everytime) she just comforted and held me through my sobs. I don’t know what I would do without her! I think I’d go insane!
Don’t know where I am, don’t know where is home,
Don’t know much at all but it ain’t much fun alone!
Guess I’ll work it out, what else can you do?
Maybe life goes on with one instead of two!
But right now I’m alone. Teddy went out on a date with this guy we met the other night in the cinema. I think she’ll get over Owen. And as for Mark, she’s not really in love with him. She told me she doesn’t want to fall in love with him since he’s still in love with Lexie and she doesn’t want to get hurt again because there is this ,,someone else’’. I really hope that guy she’s with now is better for her. But though I’m happy for my friend that she finally moves on with her life, I’d really need her right now! I sit here on my balcony and look at the stars and that really makes me feel depressed! I always get thoughtful when I watch the sky. But I should also move on! I can’t spend my whole life crying after her and wishing we’d still be together! Life’s too short for that!
Days drift by, sometimes I cry!
I never really understood it!
I always thought that you’d be there!
And was I crazy, crazy?
Sometimes it’s so unfair!
But I feel like im not ready to let go yet. I’m still in a phase of suffering and regretting and crying . And as long as I still feel like this I can only try to find at least something positiv in my life though I can hardly find anything. And hope that maybe one day soon I’ll wake up and I can be happy again. Even without her!
And was I crazy, crazy?
Sometimes it’s so unfair!
Author: McAwesome1993
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Post 6x19; Arizona struggels with herself and Callie's decision.
Disclaimer: I own NOTHING! Everything and everyone in this fanfic belongs to Shonda Rhimes and ABC.
A/N1: The song I used this time is called ,,Was I crazy?''. It's from the great singer Rebecca Lavelle.
A/N2: I know this one's very short and still depressing and everything, but I promise it'll get better. The next chapter will be a big tunaround
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
4. Was I crazy?
Maybe I was wrong, maybe I’m to blame,
I thought I’d see you and it’d be the same!
When I look at you, don’t know who I see,
Is it someone new or just a memory?
I close the door behind me. What a day! What a week! I had a few cases with her. It was terrible to work with her again and to try to be professional. After my breakdown in front of her and Teddy I managed to hold my tears back though it wasn’t easy. She looked like she hadn’t slept at all the last few days. And I know how that feels. I feel the same way … of course! I can’t sleep in my bed since we both slept in there together. The sheets are full of wonderful memories of us. Good memories. When I lie down there I still smell her scent on the pillow. So all the sleep I got the last week were small naps on my couch. I really regret breaking up with her now! Not only because of the lack of sleep, but also because of the emptiness I’m constantly feeling. I foce a smile when I’m working with the kids, but as soon as I leave their rooms my face loses every little sign of a smile. Then I accidently run into her and I don’t know what to do. Should I smile? Should I just look away? Or even simply ignore her and leave without a word? I don’t know how to handle being around her anymore!
Days drift by, sometimes I cry!
I never really understood it!
I always thought that you’d be there!
And was I crazy, crazy?
Sometimes it’s so unfair!
I see her everyday. And with every day it hurts more instead of less. I thought the pain would ebb away after some time, but after one wek it still feels the same. Or maybe even worse. I don’t know how often I had to escape into an on-call room, a closet or an empty OR to cry. The only time I’m myself is when I’m operating. When the life of an innocent child lies in my hands. But if I lose a kid on the table, I feel like I’m dying. She used to comfort me, but now .. Teddy has been really great this week. She’s a good friend. An awesome friend. She was always there when I needed her. And I needed her a lot these days. She tried to distract me by going out or just watching a movie or playing games and when it didn’t help (like almost everytime) she just comforted and held me through my sobs. I don’t know what I would do without her! I think I’d go insane!
Don’t know where I am, don’t know where is home,
Don’t know much at all but it ain’t much fun alone!
Guess I’ll work it out, what else can you do?
Maybe life goes on with one instead of two!
But right now I’m alone. Teddy went out on a date with this guy we met the other night in the cinema. I think she’ll get over Owen. And as for Mark, she’s not really in love with him. She told me she doesn’t want to fall in love with him since he’s still in love with Lexie and she doesn’t want to get hurt again because there is this ,,someone else’’. I really hope that guy she’s with now is better for her. But though I’m happy for my friend that she finally moves on with her life, I’d really need her right now! I sit here on my balcony and look at the stars and that really makes me feel depressed! I always get thoughtful when I watch the sky. But I should also move on! I can’t spend my whole life crying after her and wishing we’d still be together! Life’s too short for that!
Days drift by, sometimes I cry!
I never really understood it!
I always thought that you’d be there!
And was I crazy, crazy?
Sometimes it’s so unfair!
But I feel like im not ready to let go yet. I’m still in a phase of suffering and regretting and crying . And as long as I still feel like this I can only try to find at least something positiv in my life though I can hardly find anything. And hope that maybe one day soon I’ll wake up and I can be happy again. Even without her!
And was I crazy, crazy?
Sometimes it’s so unfair!