Apologies
I see indications of it. I can feel it coming. It hurts me that you don't respond the same way anymore. It pains to wait for your reply to my declaration - be it by speaking or by writing. You don't feel the same way about me anymore. That's my assumption right now at least. You seem so distant. I want to reach out to you no matter how afraid I am that you'll reject my hand. I want to know how you really feel about this, about me. Is this what I've been always afraid of? Has it finally come to that point? The reason for my hesitation a long time ago - is it approaching?
I know it's normal to get hurt and suffer some breakage when you're in this business. I've known that ever since. I've known that way before I ever realized that I had fallen. I had never planned all this. I didn't anticipate any of the great things between us. I was only preparing myself for the bad things that I knew were part of this. Well, that's what I thought I was doing. Today, I had an epiphany: it didn't matter how much knowledge I had of relationships, I can never prepare myself for everything that it came with.
You swept me away. You still amaze me up to this day and this very moment as I type up my emotions. For the past few days now, I've been asking myself, "Could it be? Have I fallen? Am I in love? Am I in love with none other than you?" The answer is, "yes, I have." I no longer just plainly love you. I am in love with you. You must know how scary that is, don't you? You must understand how I truly feel about you and about us. Around the time that we started, I told you repeatedly that I don't want to lose you. It was more because of insecurity. Now, I realized that whenever I told you that, it's not just because I don't want to lose you - it has transformed to I can't lose you. I need you. I'm in love with you. You might ask me why that is as I ask myself that exact question now. I don't know why. I don't know why I'm in love with you. I just know that I am and it's with all of who you are, including the things that I still don't know about you. I would like to know those things, too. And really, I believe that I don't need a reason to be in love with you. My heart, my own being only asks for you, so why should I not indulge it to its one true necessity? I'm in love with you because my heart tells me there's no other way but that way, so be it.
Now, for my apologies. I have so many things to apologize for. I apologize for not being the best. I apologize for not being the bravest. I apologize for not being the most understanding. I apologize for not being the most beautiful. I apologize for not being hot. I apologize for being incapable of making you happy. I apologize for causing you pain. I apologize for disappointing you. I apologize for letting you slip away. I apologize for the boredom. I apologize for letting your love for me fade. I apologize for having these assumptions instead of asking you for the answers. I also apologize for asking too much. I'm sorry.
When we started, all I wanted to do was to make you happy. That desire stands. I'm doubting myself so much right now; I don't know if I can still make that happen, and I hate feeling that way.
I don't want to lose you. I can't lose you. I love you. I am in love with you.
I know it's normal to get hurt and suffer some breakage when you're in this business. I've known that ever since. I've known that way before I ever realized that I had fallen. I had never planned all this. I didn't anticipate any of the great things between us. I was only preparing myself for the bad things that I knew were part of this. Well, that's what I thought I was doing. Today, I had an epiphany: it didn't matter how much knowledge I had of relationships, I can never prepare myself for everything that it came with.
You swept me away. You still amaze me up to this day and this very moment as I type up my emotions. For the past few days now, I've been asking myself, "Could it be? Have I fallen? Am I in love? Am I in love with none other than you?" The answer is, "yes, I have." I no longer just plainly love you. I am in love with you. You must know how scary that is, don't you? You must understand how I truly feel about you and about us. Around the time that we started, I told you repeatedly that I don't want to lose you. It was more because of insecurity. Now, I realized that whenever I told you that, it's not just because I don't want to lose you - it has transformed to I can't lose you. I need you. I'm in love with you. You might ask me why that is as I ask myself that exact question now. I don't know why. I don't know why I'm in love with you. I just know that I am and it's with all of who you are, including the things that I still don't know about you. I would like to know those things, too. And really, I believe that I don't need a reason to be in love with you. My heart, my own being only asks for you, so why should I not indulge it to its one true necessity? I'm in love with you because my heart tells me there's no other way but that way, so be it.
Now, for my apologies. I have so many things to apologize for. I apologize for not being the best. I apologize for not being the bravest. I apologize for not being the most understanding. I apologize for not being the most beautiful. I apologize for not being hot. I apologize for being incapable of making you happy. I apologize for causing you pain. I apologize for disappointing you. I apologize for letting you slip away. I apologize for the boredom. I apologize for letting your love for me fade. I apologize for having these assumptions instead of asking you for the answers. I also apologize for asking too much. I'm sorry.
When we started, all I wanted to do was to make you happy. That desire stands. I'm doubting myself so much right now; I don't know if I can still make that happen, and I hate feeling that way.
I don't want to lose you. I can't lose you. I love you. I am in love with you.