Difference.
Well. It's been a year for me here in Florida and I can't help but notice so many things different about this year compared to this time last year. Some of the things I went through will probably never happen again, because they've molded me radically into something I never thought I could've imagined - happy.
After everything I'm finally beginning to see the sunshine, I'm starting to forget that I was hurting and I walk around now with real smiles, and real laughs, have real fun, and not just have something in the back of my head processing while I'm out and about. I'm starting not to blame anything on Shieanne or God or even myself. Things just happened at a bad time, and I have problems letting things go. Sure, we may never speak again, but at least if we do, there wont be too much animosity, I suppose. We haven't spoken since last Thanksgiving. I kinda wonder when the silence will break.
But I don't lead an interesting enough life to bother her. I'm sure she's happy, just like I am. And that's good.
God's helped me over a hard hump in my life when I was dependent on so many other people to function. And obviously, that failed.
I lost a friendship that might've lasted a long time because I couldn't sort myself out by myself. But I'm okay now, I learned to function by myself so that I never crash and burn like that again. I have many people to thank for sticking with me through it, pshing me along, getting me to not sulk in my sadness.
And that's my difference. Now that all those burdens have been cast aside, I feel so light and cheery that I just beam from beneath my skin. My family thinks I glow now. My complexion is clearing up, and I'm seeing that God hasn't turned on me. I've been going to church with Lauren, and last week, I just left all the baggage behind, and I immediately felt better. I'm glad to have her in my life again. It's nice to have someone I'm completely comfortable with to just talk to, however busy we both may be. She's a person I don't have to hide from, someone I trust to never hurt me, someone that's going to be honest and open, even if I'm being shy and quiet. I have this feeling about her that I've never had from someone before. Like, I have to be around her, especially while in the prescence of the Lord. It's calming. Like someone's warm arms squeezinf my torso, in a big warm hug. I feel safe with her near. Which is weird for me to feel, especially if I'm trying not to push anything into a relationship because I truly want to focus everything on God first and let things fall from there.
That's my difference. Before it was my plan that I worked out, that always failed, that dissappointed people, that left me in that rut after Shieanne and I stopped talking. I'm leaving it all up to God to plan. I'm just going to follow, and more importantly, not question it anymore, where He wants me to go.
So far I've got this to think about:
God's plan
the urge to be with Lauren
the urge to finish my book
daily worship when I play my piano
and school
And that's my difference.
After everything I'm finally beginning to see the sunshine, I'm starting to forget that I was hurting and I walk around now with real smiles, and real laughs, have real fun, and not just have something in the back of my head processing while I'm out and about. I'm starting not to blame anything on Shieanne or God or even myself. Things just happened at a bad time, and I have problems letting things go. Sure, we may never speak again, but at least if we do, there wont be too much animosity, I suppose. We haven't spoken since last Thanksgiving. I kinda wonder when the silence will break.
But I don't lead an interesting enough life to bother her. I'm sure she's happy, just like I am. And that's good.
God's helped me over a hard hump in my life when I was dependent on so many other people to function. And obviously, that failed.
I lost a friendship that might've lasted a long time because I couldn't sort myself out by myself. But I'm okay now, I learned to function by myself so that I never crash and burn like that again. I have many people to thank for sticking with me through it, pshing me along, getting me to not sulk in my sadness.
And that's my difference. Now that all those burdens have been cast aside, I feel so light and cheery that I just beam from beneath my skin. My family thinks I glow now. My complexion is clearing up, and I'm seeing that God hasn't turned on me. I've been going to church with Lauren, and last week, I just left all the baggage behind, and I immediately felt better. I'm glad to have her in my life again. It's nice to have someone I'm completely comfortable with to just talk to, however busy we both may be. She's a person I don't have to hide from, someone I trust to never hurt me, someone that's going to be honest and open, even if I'm being shy and quiet. I have this feeling about her that I've never had from someone before. Like, I have to be around her, especially while in the prescence of the Lord. It's calming. Like someone's warm arms squeezinf my torso, in a big warm hug. I feel safe with her near. Which is weird for me to feel, especially if I'm trying not to push anything into a relationship because I truly want to focus everything on God first and let things fall from there.
That's my difference. Before it was my plan that I worked out, that always failed, that dissappointed people, that left me in that rut after Shieanne and I stopped talking. I'm leaving it all up to God to plan. I'm just going to follow, and more importantly, not question it anymore, where He wants me to go.
So far I've got this to think about:
God's plan
the urge to be with Lauren
the urge to finish my book
daily worship when I play my piano
and school
And that's my difference.