A King and Commoners Life (8/?)
Title: A King and Commoners Life (8/?)
Genre: Angst, Romance, Historic
Rating: R (for some chapters)
Warnings: Rape/Violence
Summary: Jonghyun is de crown prince of the ancient Goryeo. Kibum is a mere citizen, accused of one of the most detested things possible and made sure to pay for it with his life.
But then Jonghyun decided to ditch the rules, to go against the king and saves Kibum from the fate that was thrown at him.
It was a quiet afternoon in the normal so busy castle.
Jonghyun was sitting at his desk in the study chamber, scrolls spread over the dark wooden table, beautiful black characters were written all over them; telling the most amazing stories and diplomatic accountancy. The prince was hovering over them to read it with utter concentration, trying to remember them for future conversations. Sometimes his brows were furrowing if he didn’t understood something the first time, other times he would just laugh at the remarkable choosing of words.
On the other side of the room sat Kibum, his back was resting against a cabinet, throwing stones and catching them in a way Jonghyun would never repeat it. The boy still wasn’t convinced that the prince was really in a state to out play the game. He stated that Jonghyun had fell asleep, and just dreamt that he had finished it.
Jonghyun felt a weird stare at on his frame, it irritated him so badly that he had to look up, seeing that Kibum was staring at him dumbly. Jonghyun just smiled at him, his eyes showing a spark of interest. The younger smiled back, but tore his gaze away to let the stones slide in his hand, letting the soft pebbles massage the thin skin of his hand.
Even after the younger didn’t look at him anymore, the prince kept watching him.
Kibum looked a bit tired, dark circles ungraced the bangs of his eyes. Jonghyun could understand it though, when he had returned from his daily lessons the younger had stains of tears on his face, only showing a sad smile when the well-dressed man walked into his room. Jonghyun hadn’t said a thing, knowing why he looked the way he did, he just sat down beside him to give him a fast and meaningful embrace.
It pained him that he couldn’t be there for him every single moment of the day. He had often returned to a deeply saddened Kibum, knowing that maybe only seconds ago he had been a sobbing mess. Jonghyun was happy that he didn’t hide it from him anymore though. The younger always came to him when he felt a bit uneasy, probably just like now. It wasn’t the most fun thing to do to sit in a room with him studying.
After Jonghyun resumed his reading, a knock was heard on the ground before the sliding door. Both Jonghyun and Kibum looked up in a hurry, already trying to find a hiding spot for Kibum when a known voice announced: “It’s me.”
A sigh of relief escaped from the prince’s mouth.
“Come in.”
The sliding door opened itself, and Taemin entered the room. The first thing Jonghyun noticed was that he was holding a letter firmly closed in his hand.
“Someone from outside wanted me to get this. It’s addressed to you.” Taemin said as he handed the paper towards Jonghyun, laying them over the scrolls he was reading.
The paper seemed cheap, nothing a prince would normally receive.
When he opened the convoluted letter, he saw instantly that there was a second sheet of paper attached to it, beautifully painted.
“It’s not for me.” Jonghyun smiled as he inspected the drawing, seeing a man and woman dressed in ceremonial clothing, the woman’s hanbok was one he had seen more often.
He saw that Kibum didn’t get the message, since he was still sitting on the ground, uninterestedly inspecting the back of his hand, tracing lines from his finger to his wrist.
“Kibum.” The prince called, getting instantly a reaction of two big, fox like, eyes searching for his. “It’s for you.”
It was clear that the boy didn’t expect something like this. His eyes widened and brows shot halfway across his forehead. His index finger pointed at himself to verify if ‘Kibum’ really meant him. Jonghyun held up the paper like he wanted to hand it to him from his chair to the other side of the room like that.
Full of disbelieve he stood up, walking to the desk with hesitant steps and finally taking the painting from the prince’s hands.
When Kibum held the page in both hands Jonghyun couldn’t suppress a smile when he saw that his hands started to shake and that tears began to gather in his eyes.
Jonghyun stood up when the painting fell on the ground after drifting side to side in the air when Kibum’s hands released the paper. Before he concentrated on the upset boy he bowed to grab it from the ground and give it a place on his desk again, so it would be sure that it wouldn’t pucker.
“Don’t be so sad. They married.” Jonghyun tried with a soft voice, looking at Taemin for help when the boy hid his face in his hands, shoulders shaking heavily when silent sobs left his mouth. Taemin made a big arm gesture, showing that he should embrace him. A bit hesitant he nodded, and Taemin nodded back before leaving the room to the two men alone.
Jonghyun shuffled closer to Kibum, making sure that he didn’t grab his wrists, but instead his lower arms to pull them back, -The prince knew that touching his wrists gave him bad memories- but the younger didn’t want to show his face.
“Kibum…”
“I- I’m sorry.” He stuttered, letting a louder sob escape from between his lips as he opened his mouth.
Jonghyun didn’t answer, only sighed with a smile. He had expected this reaction when he gave him the painting.
This time a bit rougher, he tried to pull his arms away, looping his arms under his as he pulled him closer for an embrace. He felt the younger’s hands clamp into the collar of his garment, blue this time, and letting his shoulder being used as a replacement for the cushion.
“Are you okay?” he asked after a while when he calmed down, letting his hand pat his hairline in the back of his neck.
“Yes.” Was the short answer the younger provided him.
“Good.”
Jonghyun released him from the embrace, looking again at a tear stained face, but this time a smile grazed his lips, emphasizing his prominent cheekbones.
“I’m just really happy, but also sad because I couldn’t be there.” He mumbled while looking past Jonghyun to see the painting on the desk.
“I can understand.” The prince muttered as he walked back to his chair, but did not sat on it, instead he just took the letter that was attached to the painting from the table, scanning its content quickly. “But, don’t mind asking me, why did they marry now? They should’ve before… you know, before you were born.” Jonghyun said as his gaze moved from the letter to the still half-crying boy.
“Ah, it’s a bit complicated.” Kibum said as he walked closer so he could see the letter on the table too. “My mom got pregnant from me when my dad had to attend the army.” He said while now standing beside Jonghyun, sniffing his nose quite loudly. “As you can see my frame, he’s a bit the same as me, we aren’t made to fight.” Kibum now looked Jonghyun in the eye, trying to let the story gain more power through it. “He was sure he would die in service, it was a period people were sent to Yuan to protect their borders, a long way from home. So when my mom announced she was pregnant, she wanted to marry before his service or me being born. My dad said that he was sure he wouldn’t return, and that they better couldn’t marry so my mom could find another man without the shame of marrying for the second time.” Kibum explained. “And my dad trusted her to find a man that would accept me as his own child so there would also be no shame in having an adulterate child.”
“So, this is not your father?” Jonghyun asked while looking at the picture.
“My dad got home safe and well when I turned seven.” Kibum said smiling. “But we didn’t have enough money to let them marry. After starting a farm they were too busy to think about it, and then the taxes came. But I insisted that they should marry for real, because they really do love each other a lot.” Kibum smiled. “Even while they’re old, my grandma and I get crazy from their sounds at night.”
“You seem to have a special family.” Jonghyun complimented him.
“I think I have a normal family, who looks different at the world.” Kibum whispered as he looked at the words marked paper. “What is written there?” the boy asked as his eyes scanned the page, not obtaining any information out of it.
“You can’t read?” The younger shook his head.
“I told you that I didn’t receive any education. And my parents haven’t either.” Was his explanation while his arms extended to lift the paper up from the table to let the prince hold it. “Please, read it for me.”
Jonghyun nodded, and smiled when he saw the anticipating look on the younger’s face before translating the first letter into a word.
The story mostly contained pleads of thankfulness to the prince for supporting their only son. They felt honored that someone as the prince himself tried to convince the king that the boy was innocent -this was something Jonghyun had never wrote in the letter, but what they had heard from other people on the streets. -. They were greatly grieving about their loss, but decided that they still should marry because the prince had stated that it was one of their sons last wishes, and after receiving such a beautiful hanbok it was impossible not to.
Jonghyun felt bad that the parents still thought that Kibum, the boy who was standing before him being touched by the kind letter, was dead…killed to be precise. He wanted nothing more than to push Kibum out of the palace, walking to his home and see them being reunited after all. Jonghyun wanted nothing more than give that to Kibum, his home and family.
“I miss them.” Kibum stated with a tiny voice as Jonghyun rolled up the letter, handing it to the younger to keep.
“I will get you out soon.” The prince promised, not knowing how true the words would be.
He saw the younger looking distantly at the paper, deep in thoughts.
“I’m going to attend diner again, if you don’t mind?” Jonghyun asked a bit uncertain, not really wanting to let the boy alone in the room again. But he made his point, he refrained from the meals for a few weeks now, frustrating his father with the absence while important persons took a visit to the palace. He needed to let his face being seen again, it happened more than once already that someone unexpectedly walked into his chambers, making him and Kibum panic about being discovered.
“No, please go.” He said when he broke the gaze with the paper. “Don’t worry about me. Taemin said he would come this afternoon also to hang out for a bit.” He said absent. “And I think it’s good that you’re going to face the king again. It’s not good that you’re shutting yourself off from the world, people will ask questions Taemin said.”
The prince smiled weakly.
“But the truth is, I like to shut myself off from the world. It makes me feel a person again.” He sighed.
~
“The prince”
Got announced loudly after times of absentness.
He knew he was going to make a statement by barging in in the middle of the diner. He saw all the magistrates standing up quickly, bowing a ninety degree bow and shouting the same phrase in perfect synchronously to honor the king’s son.
As the prince proceeded to walk through the two lines of bowing men he couldn’t suppress a dirty look to Officer Kwang Dae. His eyes were directed at the ground, no idea that the prince still didn’t like to be in the same room that caused Kibum to live a hidden life here.
That thought bought him to the idea that every person in this room could be corrupt, lying and kissing his toes only because he was from the royal family. He didn’t mind the special treatment though, it was their job and expected from them. But they all hid secrets, they all would do anything for power and wealth. And when the young prince looked in front of him, he knew exactly why he didn’t attend the diners anymore…When he saw his father, the king, sit on this platform, smirking at that his son finally returned, he felt a knot in his stomach. He could only see him calling young boys to his room, he could see him sentence Kibum to death and all the other things he had done in Jonghyun’s presence to remember how a disgrace of a man his father actually was.
“Glad to see you again, my son.” His father said kindly as he sat down on his till now empty spot. He pulled at the hem of his garment to cover his knees perfectly to not be disturbed by the pulling of the fabric.
“Glad to be here again. I’m in the hope that you, my king, had the time to over think some things.” Jonghyun said as kind.
He waited for a female servant to set a plate of food before him, bowing her head deeply before walking away again. Without hesitation he grabbed his chopsticks, ticking on the table with them so they would be at the same height in his hand.
“My prince, you were right about being an adult now. Forgive my parental look on you, I still remember you as the little prince that liked to hide himself in the palace, teasing your nurses.” The man said with a weird gesture on his face, knowing him for whole his life it was an attempt to a playful laugh.
“I’m glad you realize.” The prince said with a bow of his head.
He tried to eat his meal, ignoring the different stares he received from the men in the chamber.
Jonghyun took a second to sit straight and look behind his back to see his lifeguard Minho behind him. The soldier probably understood the desperate look on his face, and gave an encouraging nod to his prince to endure the diner.
“My king, are you ready to tell me what is going on?” The prince asked as he swallowed another bite of his meal.
It surprised him that his father actually opened his normal shut mouth to say something.
“Yuan is attacking us.” Were the simple words that left the prince in shock.
Everyone’s head in the room turned towards the young prince when he dropped his chopsticks onto the ground, clattering and gaining all the attention.
“Y-yuan…?” The prince asked in fear, not caring that all the officers could read the distress of his face. He had learnt to not show any emotion about matters, but this was killing him. “You never bothered to tell me that we’re being attacked, by our ally in heaven’s name!” he whispered angrily.
“They’re not our allies anymore.” Was the only statement his father made before fully concentrating on the many bowls filled with different foods before him, uninterestedly picking some vegetables and lifting it up to end in his mouth.
Jonghyun swallowed dryly, his whole body seemed affected by the news he had just received.
Never had he imagined that his father, officers or professors would hide something as big as this. They didn’t even lie to him about fighting against the Khitans they were battling together with the emperor Yuan when he was old enough to understand.
Jonghyun’s look wandered from his uninterested father to the rest of the room filled with men. All stopped eating and looked expectedly at their future king. Jonghyun didn’t really know if some looked fearful, anxious or just relieved that now he also knew about what was going on.
“Is someone kind enough to explain me the situation?” Jonghyun sighed, closing his eyes for a moment to let sink in the feeling of uneasiness and fear.
As expected, the whole chamber stayed quiet. Dozens pairs of eyes just stared at him, like he should know the answer himself.
“I asked something!” Jonghyun demanded now, opening his eyes to show his determent look. “It’s our county that’s being under attack. Someone should bear the information of the current state.” His wandering gaze ended upon Kwang Dae, the only one in the present crowd that contributed a slight smirk instead of a fearful straight line. “Magistrate Kwang Dae, please report.”
The smirk left his face.
The prince felt accomplished that someone felt as discontent as himself. If someone had to have the detested job of telling the prince what was happening to his nation, it should be someone he hated as deeply as the marrow of his bones.
The officer rose from his satin pillow, bowing deeply once before he stood there with his head bend to the ground, ready to state the current matters.
“My prince, please don’t start to worry.” He began. “The emperor of Yuan is just delusional to think that they can let a land as powerful as that of ours crumble under their pressure. They’re dreaming after their last won battle agai-”
“This is not what I asked!” Jonghyun shot to the officer. “Yuan is mighty, they have armies as big as the sun! Our army is just as big as our little finger compared to them! We haven’t lived under a contract of submissiveness because we like to be, it’s because my grandfather knew our nation would break if we actually fought back!” The prince almost started screaming by now. “So now tell me, what is the state of our political affair?”
“My prince, like I said, Yuan is not in a state to take over our land and-”
“That’s not the information I want to know!” the prince yelled. “Someone please tell me!” Jonghyun was in a state to burst out. This was their nation, the honor they had still left, no one seemed to understand that it was important. “I’m really disappointed with our government.” The prince sighed. “I thought that the land you lived in would mean more for you. But I understand, you’re all only interested in the money my dad offers for taking the job to sit on satin cushions and eat the highest quality of food. You’re all probably living in the nicest houses, all fight shy of commoners. But you probably don’t understand that all of you would be death if the Yuan army invades the castle grounds, sliding your throats like it’s a dumpling. The one on the throne would be an envoy of Yuan.”
Jonghyun saw the Adams apple from more than one magistrate move; swallowing harshly.
Then it came to mind that all these people weren’t afraid of the invasion. They thought that if they would beg enough and rub their hands together in prayer they would spare them, hiring them to work for the new formed government that would just be another part of Yuan.
Jonghyun felt sick.
So sick.
“My prince,” some voice sounded through the hollow bright painted room. “The Mongols are positioned at our borders, they attacked once, but we defeated them. But this was mainly because they didn’t sent enough legions. They thought too lightly of us.” The man spoke calm and steady. “They set camp and are now probably waiting for reinforcement to begin a second strike. We sent spies over the border to get more information about why they’re attacking, we hope to have them back in the capitol within four sunrises.” The man ended.
“And how are the predictions?”
“We’re sending all the men that are able to fight to the borders and other strategic locations at shore to strengthen them. Our strategy at this moment is to let them see we’re not easy to defeat, and not worthy enough to be taken over.” The elderly man bowed once deeply, clearly showing signs of pain as he did, and sat down again.
“Officer, thank you so much for being honest. I won’t forget it.” Jonghyun said with the last sane thoughts that wandered through his mind. “I have one last question: how good is the palace secured?”
The gray man didn’t look at the prince’s face, but answered with honesty. “As strong as the border.”
Jonghyun hadn’t touched his food again, he wanted to leave the room filled with corrupt people. So without asking more questions he stood up and nodded towards Minho that he was taking his leave. The soldier bowed and followed him through the large wooden doors, accompanied by more soldiers that should grand his protection.
“Did you know?” The prince asked his friend that walked beside him, almost as pale as Jonghyun probably was, revealing the answer.
“My prince, I would’ve told you if I knew. We were told that we should be more focused, and giving as many palace guards the order to go to the border. We suspected an attack, but not from Yuan. I should’ve told you.” The soldier said, bowing.
“No. It’s alright.” Jonghyun mumbled. “It’s just weird that they’re not telling anyone, not even you, the guards who should protect us from invaders like them.”
“We will protect you with our lives.” The tall soldier promised him.
“I know. And know that I’m more than grateful for it.” Jonghyun swallowed, knowing that his life was in actual danger for once. “I will invite you for a drink soon. As friends.” He proposed. He wanted to tell Minho how much it really meant for him to have a friend that would sacrifice himself for the sake of the prince; a boy who knew nothing.
The door of his chambers were opened by two other soldiers, letting him enter the silent compartments. After the door closed with a loud sound into the quiet air, he immediately walked over to Kibum’s rooms, wanting him to tell him the pieces of his mind he couldn’t tell anywhere else.
“Kibum?” he whispered as the opened door showed him nothing more than emptiness.
The mattress on the ground was crumbled, and didn’t show his favorite person for once. Jonghyun didn’t think of it much as he walked over to the next room, again being welcomed by no one.
“Kibum?” This time his voice contained more panic. He ran over to the next room, and the following one. But one thing was for sure; he was the only living being in the twilight overtaken room.
“Kibum!” he shouted this time louder, still making sure that the guards in front of his doors couldn’t hear him.
His head started to fill with uneasy thoughts, thoughts he didn’t want to think about. With more rushed steps he started to look again, and again, even running into the storage rooms looking behind the many closets and chests, searching for that one person he was trying to find.
He didn’t even notice the tears of distress that started to paint his cheeks with a transparent shimmering.
He wasn’t ready for this to happen, not on this moment.
Different scenarios started to take form in his head: What if someone got the information about Kibum staying in his rooms. What if a Yuan spy broke into his rooms, finding an unmeritorious Kibum on his bed, taking away with force?
Maybe it was already too late?
Maybe he would never see him again, and he could let no one know about his grieves.
Jonghyun walked into his own bedroom again, letting himself sit down on the wooden bed, seeking support on one of the wooden pillars of the corner. Tears stream unconditionally out of his eyes. He felt like his heart was ripped out.
In this short time Kibum started to mean so much for him. When he opened his eyes he saw his room like it was before the younger boy had accompanied him, even if it was against his will. Kibum was right, he was lonely. The lights weren’t lightened yet, so the room got a gray taint, making his feelings even duller than they were before.
He closed his eyes while his head leant against the pillar, trying to make some sense of his thoughts and feelings. He noticed that none of the thoughts went about Yuan, maybe only in a scenario where Kibum was kidnapped by them.
Jonghyun snickered, he had become attached. He wanted nothing more than having Kibum beside him to listen to his problems, to let his feline eyes look at him with sympathy and giving advice. And maybe a hug to tell him that it would be all right, that Yuan wouldn’t take over Goryeo.
And that brought him to the thought he had a time ago. About receiving a pat on his back, that he just could be Jonghyun and no prince. And somehow he only now felt that Kibum was doing that every day, Kibum was listening and he was making him laugh. With Kibum, he was from the same status, just like they promised.
And all of these thoughts were selfish, while he wasn’t selfish when Kibum was in his presence. He wanted to make Kibum smile, to let him forget the past and filthiness that his body still remembered. He wanted Kibum to find a home in this room, in Jonghyun.
And it scared Jonghyun.
Because he got feelings like a person, and not as a prince.
More tears started to run down his cheeks. He didn’t know how to find him, he couldn’t run through the palace like a madman trying to find him in every possible hiding spot he had once used himself. They would all ask questions.
Jonghyun felt like a prisoner, drowned by feeling.
“Oh my god.” He heard a whisper not far away from him.
Jonghyun’s tear stained eyes opened in a slit, seeing a posture through the hazy liquid that wouldn’t clear from his eyes.
“What is wrong?!” he heard the scared voice of the person he longed for exclaiming frightened. “Jonghyun, what…”
The prince didn’t hear the end of the sentence, he just extended his arms, hoping that the other would catch the hint. Within seconds his arms were filled with the warm body of Kibum, the smell taking over his body, letting him know that he wasn’t dreaming or hallucinating. He was really in his arms.
“I thought I lost you.” He whined like a little girl. His hands fought its way into the back of the soft garment of his tunic, pulling at the fabric to press his body closer to his own. “I thought they killed you!” he cried, being shushed by the perplexed younger boy in his arms.
“Taemin took me to a servant’s toilet, nothing wrong.” He whispered, wrapping his arms tighter around the prince. “You know that.” He muttered against his ear. “Why are you panicking?”
Jonghyun wasn’t in a state to let anything else than loud sobs leave his mouth.
He had been panicking for nothing. He didn’t had the rational mindset to think twice and overlook all the more likely options than him being kidnapped or whatsoever. But never less, he was overwhelmed by the fragile frame of the younger boy in his arms, inhaling his own, Kibum-like smell. He never really had the chance to take in how his aroma affected his body, he was getting calmer with every passing second that he understood that the young, short haired boy, was indeed in his arms, save and well.
“Are you better now?” the low voice asked, loosening his grip around the elder to look at his face.
Jonghyun was ashamed of how he looked, eyes puffy and red with tears still dripping over the waterline, reddened cheeks and snot drizzling down his philtrum. It wasn’t how a prince was supposed to look.
Answering the gazing boy’s eyes, that still didn’t understood why all this was happening, Jonghyun shook his head. He wasn’t okay. Not now he knew that his country was under attack. He wasn’t okay because he was brining Kibum in danger with him. He needed to leave.
“You need to leave.” The prince said, extending his arms to grab the long sleeves that hung loosely around the younger’s wrist. His fists pulled at the fabric, trying to deliver the urgent meaning of the words. “You can’t stay in the palace for much longer.” Jonghyun spoke without stuttering too much. His voice still sounded harsh and raspy from the ongoing crying.
The already afraid look on the raven haired boy’s face changed into something that could easily be called terrified.
“Why?” Was his only question.
“Yuan is attacking us. Our country isn’t safe anymore, the troops we own can’t resist them forever. Goryeo is doomed to fall.” Jonghyun explained, he self couldn’t even believe the words he was saying. “They can set traps. If they eliminate the royal family, they will rule the land.” He tried to explain as easy as possible. “If they come here, and find me, they will kill me and everybody that’s around me.” More tears started to from in his eyes. He didn’t want to believe that this could happen… He wasn’t ready to die. “They will kill you!” He knew he never sounded so desperate, because after all: he was less afraid about himself dying, than to think about Kibum being killed because of him.
Jonghyun couldn’t find the power in his body to hold his head up anymore. He was glad that Kibum set a step forwards, letting him rest against his soft stomach.
The younger kindly patted the prince’s shoulders, trying to comfort him out of this misery. Jonghyun couldn’t understand how the taller boy could be so calm after hearing what he just heard. He should be afraid, trying to run out of this palace to join his family to find shelter. He should command Jonghyun to let him go and live.
“Shhh,” Kibum softly shushed, letting one of his hands stroke the backside of Jonghyun’s hair, still knotted into a bun on his head decorated with golden accessory. “I won’t leave you.” He said softly, like it was a secret confession.
The prince bit his lip, moving away from the younger to see him actually smile. It felt like he swallowed a stone, the younger shouldn’t be looking so at ease.
“You won’t survive it.” Jonghyun whispered, not even having the power to bring over the meaning of his words. “I don’t want you to die,”
The normal narrow, feline, looking eyes had grown in size when the prince added something to the sentence.
“You’re too important to me.”
The smile had vanished from his face, setting a step back so that the prince had to drop his hands from the still tightly held fabric. Jonghyun was afraid that he would walk away, but the younger just moved closer again, this time to sit on the bed beside him.
“What I said a time ago, about to not get attached. You didn’t listen, right?” Kibum asked, nervousness being combined with calmness and patients.
Jonghyun didn’t look away from him, biting his lip softly to think about it, but while he did that, he noticed that there was nothing to think about.
“I always have been suborn.” He said softly, this time breaking his sight away from the younger. “But because of that you need to go.” He sighed. “You need to go to your home, make sure that you move to a better place your family so it will be sure that you will be save. I don’t want you to suffer any longer because of me and my family.” This time Jonghyun looked up again. “I would be happier if I died, knowing that you are safe and well.”
A hand grabbed his, kneading it almost painfully.
“My family is safe, and when the time comes they are not, they will indeed find shelter somewhere else.” Kibum said, a firm look in his eyes that told Jonghyun not to protest. “I want to stay with you, even if that means I’ll die.”
This time Jonghyun opened his mouth, but the younger raised a finger to hold him silent. Jonghyun ignored it and yet opened his mouth. “Why? Why would you stay in this palace where you have to hide from everyone, having the chance to be killed every day?” Jonghyun pleaded. Not understanding him in the slightest. “This place never did you any good.”
“It’s because I like you.” The younger said abruptly, clenching the prince’s hand tighter.
“And I want you to leave because I like you! Don’t you understand that I care about you more than anything? You don’t know how afraid I was when you were not in this room! I can’t let you stay, having to fear that every time I walk through those doors there is a slight possibility that you will be gone!” Jonghyun wanted to scream, to talk common sense into the boy’s head. He needed to go.
“Jonghyun, you don’t understand me.” He whispered. “I like you, very much.”
The prince’s mouth that was already opened to say something without even wanting to listen to the boy’s words started to shut again. His already big eyes started to widen, breath hitching in his throat.
“Y-you can’t…” he tried to defense.
But he saw the feline eyes, they were meaning it.
And Jonghyun’s heart stopped.
Tears started to fall down again.
“You can’t like me in that way.”
Kibum looked away, pulling his hand back from Jonghyun’s to seat it on his own knee and stared into his lap, eyes blinking to let the tears not blockade his sight. On his face were signs of shame and disappointment. And soon, Jonghyun wasn’t the only one crying. The boy thought that he was rejected, that the prince could never feel the same. He probably even thought that the prince hated him now, disgusted by the thought.
No. he didn’t understand him. He didn’t understand how Jonghyun tried not to think about what Kibum meant to him. He already tried to forget how he had just felt when the younger wasn’t in his room. He couldn’t get feelings because he wasn’t allowed to act on them. He was going to marry a woman that would provide him maybe the last royal children of Goryeo under their name.
And Jonghyun hated it that Kibum felt something. That he actually converted those feelings into something that could be said out loud, and knowing exactly what he meant. He hated that he had never noticed it, because then he would’ve sent him away to avoid what was happening now.
But maybe it was just his mistake. He knew the boy’s preference, he should’ve said that if he ever felt something it had to be ignored, and never said out loud. He should’ve told him that they could live in this room when they just acted like nothing was out of the ordinary.
But Kibum had confessed, and Jonghyun knew that it was the stupidest mistake the younger could’ve made, because he should have known, and should have tried to stop it.
But Jonghyun decided to be selfish for once. For once he wouldn’t let his rational mind take over, to not think about the consequences in the long run, this time he made a decision for himself; he decided that Kibum should stay. He should stay, even if things would be uncomfortable or different. He couldn’t lose the one person that made his life somewhat easier and less dull. He couldn’t let him go.
Not yet.
[NEXT]