Bollywood and My Yoni
My yoni is still searching for a Bollywood heroine to emulate. Oh she thought she had found a goddess in Imran Khan's mom in Jaane Tu Na Jaane Na. But thing is, Imran Khan’s mom wasn't actually the heroine, and more importantly, she still got overtaken by her (dead!) husband with his ridiculous machismo and stupid stache. [make a twirling mustache gesture and shake head]
My yoni wants to know, [angrily] is this the best you can do, Bollywood? Where are the heroines that are treated like people and who don't exist to be conquered by a man? Where are the heroines who feel bona fide desire, rather than just give men hard-ons? Why the hell do they keep getting younger and younger while the men just get older and older? And what in sweet Sarasvati's name is up with the leading men? What makes you think that these "heroes" can do anything good for my yoni? Why do they get away with not following these ridiculous beauty standards that are over-enforced for the heroines?
[more calmly] I’ll tell you why: you see me the same way you see my yoni - passive; empty; an object for MALE feelings, not an agent with authentic feelings. [more heated] What nonsense is this, yaar? I mean, maybe you could show something different from heroes who pursue and assault the innocent and properly unwilling heroines. Step the hell up, Bollywood.
[beat] Unfortunately, I can't just tell you to follow the example of Hollywood, because there too, no means yes, yes means slutty, and "I want to, do you?" is nonexistent.
But perhaps you could beat Hollywood to the punch. What do you say? Perhaps an eco-feminist engineer who plays with her yonimani at least once a week, thinking about her crush with his abs of steel and chiseled features, imagining his strong, yet gentle hands caressing her…
Holy shit, it’s hot in here. [giggles, fans self, clears throat] So where was I? [clears throat again, shakes head like wet dog] Right! Our heroine plays with herself and there's another thing, start acknowledging that the yoni contains a yonimani whose sole purpose is to feel the very desire that you systematically deny that we ladies can ever feel.
Now, the insanely hot guy that drives our heroine to touch herself is the adopted son of her boss, and maybe you could make that boss a woman. A lesbian...with a disability.
Is that unrealistic? Yeah, well, so's breaking into song in the middle of Switzerland.
Now back to our hero's and heroine's love scenes, he doesn’t stalk or harass or ravish, she doesn’t demur or play hard to get. Just two lovers expressing raw and honest feelings unmarred by sexist scripts. It's a start. [beat, smile] My yoni and I are waiting.
My yoni wants to know, [angrily] is this the best you can do, Bollywood? Where are the heroines that are treated like people and who don't exist to be conquered by a man? Where are the heroines who feel bona fide desire, rather than just give men hard-ons? Why the hell do they keep getting younger and younger while the men just get older and older? And what in sweet Sarasvati's name is up with the leading men? What makes you think that these "heroes" can do anything good for my yoni? Why do they get away with not following these ridiculous beauty standards that are over-enforced for the heroines?
[more calmly] I’ll tell you why: you see me the same way you see my yoni - passive; empty; an object for MALE feelings, not an agent with authentic feelings. [more heated] What nonsense is this, yaar? I mean, maybe you could show something different from heroes who pursue and assault the innocent and properly unwilling heroines. Step the hell up, Bollywood.
[beat] Unfortunately, I can't just tell you to follow the example of Hollywood, because there too, no means yes, yes means slutty, and "I want to, do you?" is nonexistent.
But perhaps you could beat Hollywood to the punch. What do you say? Perhaps an eco-feminist engineer who plays with her yonimani at least once a week, thinking about her crush with his abs of steel and chiseled features, imagining his strong, yet gentle hands caressing her…
Holy shit, it’s hot in here. [giggles, fans self, clears throat] So where was I? [clears throat again, shakes head like wet dog] Right! Our heroine plays with herself and there's another thing, start acknowledging that the yoni contains a yonimani whose sole purpose is to feel the very desire that you systematically deny that we ladies can ever feel.
Now, the insanely hot guy that drives our heroine to touch herself is the adopted son of her boss, and maybe you could make that boss a woman. A lesbian...with a disability.
Is that unrealistic? Yeah, well, so's breaking into song in the middle of Switzerland.
Now back to our hero's and heroine's love scenes, he doesn’t stalk or harass or ravish, she doesn’t demur or play hard to get. Just two lovers expressing raw and honest feelings unmarred by sexist scripts. It's a start. [beat, smile] My yoni and I are waiting.