is romance mental illness?
It's a genuine question from an aromantic (i.e. me)
And please stay with me for a minute before you give me an automatic NO.
I don't think I've ever truly been in love, and I don't have romantic feelings myself. I'll perform romantic acts for partners to fulfill their needs, but that's it.
So lemme break this down.
The first stage of a budding romance borders on obsession yet it's called a "crush" like it's cute.
They'll screw with everyone around them and each other for no reason other than they're playing fun little courting games.
I realize that they probably don't even know what they're doing to other people, but that doesn't stop the damage.
Over the years they drag their children and grandchildren into the mess, and if the fire dies between them, they divorce and devastate everyone around them regardless of anyone but themselves and due to no fault on anyone else's part.
I'm not saying don't get a divorce if you're in a bad situation. I'm trying to understand all this shit.
The people surrounding lovers wave it off and say "ah it's just love" but like why does the love of two people have to slam a wrecking ball into entire groups of people?
Now I know movies aren't real life, but extremely romantic people LOVE romantic movies and watch them with hearteyes like this is #lifegoals
Top Romantic Movies of All Time (according to popularity)
- House on Haunted Hill (grandma's favorite romance) 1959: Love interests fuck with EVERYONE around them, manipulating them and playing games with on-again-off-again disasters and leading woman even plans to marry another dude (who is made to look like the villain even though he's a decent yet uncool guy) before dumping him last minute for her sick obsession guy
- The Notebook 2004: Two people who become obsessed with each other and fuck with EVERYONE around them and cause drama with "oh I can't be with them because ___" when the only thing that's stopping them is their own contrived reasons, manipulating and messing with friends, family (including kids/grandkids), healthcare workers, and the audience
- Casablanca 1942: Saw it when I was little and don't remember much, but I remember being disgusted at their behavior and all for nothing in the end.
- Pride & Prejudice 2005: Games?! Like constantly? Help?!
- When Harry Met Sally 1989: They KNOW they're not compatible. THEY KNOW. But don't let that stop you from fucking with entire groups of people over YEARS until people can't even stand either of you anymore and then you just walk away like you're so noble to realize you're not compatible.
- Titanic 1997: Seriously? Let's run around a ship playing tag and sneaking and tee-hee and screw over people who actually like you guys only to pull some epic stupid shit that literally gets people killed only to end on the oh-so-noble "I'm dying for her!!" trope when he didn't even need to and THEN cut to the fucking old bat that says it was all a lie anyway to screw with the audience's heads.
- Romeo and Juliet: Do I need to explain?
- Beauty and the Beast 1991: Be/stiality + coercion bordering on slavery?!
- Brokeback Mountain 2005: This one kinda sorta gets a pass because they were living in a time/place they couldn't be out, but some of the people around them did nothing to deserve being treated like that.
- A Star is Born (both versions): Screw with everybody's heads because it's fun and cute amiright? All just to get off on it.
Don't even get me started on Disney movies. It's like they TRY to teach kids this is good and normal.
Granted the average couple in love doesn't get people killed like it does in movies, but sometimes it does, and it ruins lives.
The collateral damage is INSANE.
I'm not just saying this because of all the collateral damage I get from my parents and other family members.
I see it in almost every relationship I've ever seen. It's what made me decide as a kid that I never wanted to get married because it looked like hell. Am I wrong?
Standing on the outside looking in, I can't see it as anything other than mental illness, but I'm open to other thoughts.
Give me something because how can this be loving? There's no compassion. No empathy. No sense of right and wrong.
Is this why asexuals can't even comprehend allos? I mean at least I've got a sex drive that means I'll put up with some shit just to get laid.