Of feeling vulnerable
I hate feeling vulnerable. I hate it.
I can be proud, but I easily let go of that pride when the bond I share with someone is worth it. I don't let that pride go between me and the people I love. I know about too many people who are too proud and end up losing those people.
But this particular feeling of vulnerability has nothing to do with pride; it ( Read more... )
I can be proud, but I easily let go of that pride when the bond I share with someone is worth it. I don't let that pride go between me and the people I love. I know about too many people who are too proud and end up losing those people.
But this particular feeling of vulnerability has nothing to do with pride; it ( Read more... )
Femininity doesn't come from clothing, it comes from within. Sure you can express a form of femininity by how you move or talk or dress yourself but yeah...
I understand a bit of your feelings around this because poeple can be so very judgemental - often without even meaning to.
I've never understood this obsession with outsides. How a person look is just so irrelevant to me *chuckle* I usually can't even recognize a person's face because I've never really looked at that before. I recognize people by the way they move and talk and express themselves, but most of all by their aura. So I rarely notice if someone got an haircut. And if I met someone and someone other than that person wants me to descibe their appearance afterwards I truly don't even know (usually I can't even say if they were dark haired or blond haha (this happened to me not too long ago >.> )).
But people judge me for my looks all the time. I'm a tiny bit chubby, I dress up a bit boring and I constantly get judged because of my sex (which is the hardest thing of them all because people treat you REALLY different whether they think you're a boy or a girl *sigh* and they almost get angry at you when they can't see which one you are (like there were only two genders in this world *rolls eyes*)).
Anyway, I promise I will never judge you because how you look or how you dress or which sex your body happen to be or whatever else ;) That is just not my style.
*fingertip tingle*
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"Feminity". Pff. Why do people have to be so superficial? é_è I don't even care about feminity, but for those people I should because of my body. That is so stupid.
I've never understood it either. I'm quite like you for this, actually.^^' I'm always embarrassed when a friend of mine asks me: "How do I look?" Sometimes I just want to say: "You DO know that you could be in pyjamas right now and I woudn't care, right?" I remember faces only more or less, and I can't describe someone either. I don't notice new haircuts, too.^^'
I notice a laugh. A voice. Someone's step. An attitude. A smile. A gaze. Words only this person uses. Little things like that. :) I doubt I'm as sensible to aura as you but more often than not I can feel it, too.^^
I'm curious to know if you can feel a person's aura through words on a screen only. Someone you never met. I'm sure you can, though. ;) Internet is really a strange thing.
All of this is so... I don't even have a word. :( Since my new haircut (my hair is all short now and I feel more like myself and so *free* XD) I've also noticed it, though. People's attitude about gender. I was with my mother once, and a nice old lady of the neighbourhood told my mother while smiling and mostly joking: "Oooh, she looks like a little boy!"
My mother downright PANICKED: "No, she does not!"
I didn't tell my mother that, in truth, this old lady pleased me. I don't feel like a boy, but I don't really feel like a girl either. éè This panic was quite hurtful. Am I not still "me" either way?
And you, also, don't worry about being judged by me because that is not my style either. :)
(thank you with all my heart)
*tingle* back
Maë
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It IS a bit stupid *chuckle* It's one of those things people should only do it they enjoy them - but instead society tries to force it on everyone.
Well in this case aura might be the worng word *think about it* It's like... the essence of the way I register the person. So yes in a way I can also "see" it over the internet, but it's much more blurry there since I can't see their facial expression, the way their voice goes up or down in different situations or if they gesticulate a lot. *small smile*
It totally depends... I remember the first time I met Em outside of the net. We had been talking really intensely for two years or more on the internet (like... very intense haha) and when I first saw her - even though she walked in a crowd of other people coming out from the plane - I just saw her and was all "ah, there she is" you know? Because somehow her "aura" (or whatever we should call it)... I could see it already because I already knew her so well...
*laugh* My mother does the same thing when people talk about me as the "wrong" sex or something XDXD She just can't deal with me being transgender.
I'm sure she was just trying to be kind in a way. Just remember that she has been brought up in this hetero-norm, and the more generations you go back the harder it is. Different sexualities are FINALLY really making their way into this world but people haven't gotten as far as genders yet - there they still have a looong way to go. >.> At least lots of people are fighting for it, so one day things will get better in this... but yeah.
Anyway. In her world there are probably just two genders. Male and female. You can't be in between - to most people that is just not possible to imagine. So! You're not a boy right? You said so yourself. So you MUST be a girl! So since you're a girl you want to be feminine. Femininity can show in a shitload of different ways, you can have short hair and not girly clothes and still be very feminine.
Anyway. So when this lady said that you looked like a boy your mother might just be defending you. Because (this is important to remember XD) you're not a boy. That means you're a girl. When you're a girl it's baaaaaad to be called a boy/being called you look like a boy and so on. That means the lady insulted you. So your mother jumped to your defence! She protected you!
See? Now of course I'm only speculating (and I hope the humour in the stuff above was visible XDXD) but the thing is I've seen a lot of people react this way.
Then of course she could have reacted like that simply because she can't handle you being transgender *slight shrug*
A lot of people get really upset about transgenderism for some reason.
It's all extremely frustrating at times but just hang in there! I'm here anytime you need someone to talk about it to, it's hard to carry being transgender all by yourself (believe me, I did it for soooo many years and am still just taking teeny tiny steps out of the closet XD)
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