Of feeling vulnerable
I hate feeling vulnerable. I hate it.
I can be proud, but I easily let go of that pride when the bond I share with someone is worth it. I don't let that pride go between me and the people I love. I know about too many people who are too proud and end up losing those people.
But this particular feeling of vulnerability has nothing to do with pride; it has everything to do with fear.
I don't wear low-cut clothes. I don't like them. I feel... like a deer in the headlights, in them. Like a piece of meat. Like I was showing off my neck to get bitten.
I don't feel like myself and I feel so vulnerable...
Do you know about the fear of someone's gaze?
In the same way, I don't wear too short skirts. I like skirts and they are practical, so I wear them during the summer. But they aren't too short and I don't wear them during another season. During another season, they aren't practical anymore.
I know there are issues behind this, misogyny anchored in our societies and all that, that make me react like this. But I'm just not strong enough to wear those clothes anyway and tell someone: "Look up! My eyes are here!".
And anyway, I don't like those clothes.
However, I'm not a piece of meat. I'm not some cleavage, I'm not a butt in jeans, I'm not thighs.
I'm me.
So I wear clothes that I like and am comfortable with. And if they don't please you, and if I'm not up to fashion, and if I'm not feminine enough for you, I just don't care.
I don't really feel like a woman anyway.
But, that's another story. :)
I hate feeling vulnerable. I'm thinking about taking self-defence lessons. To protect myself and others (I have a protective streak that I try to control; I'm not always successful^^'). I had some when I was little and I had loved them.
I hate feeling vulnerable, and more than anything, I want people to see me for myself, not for anything else.
Look at me! Really look! I'm not some cleavage, I'm not a butt, I'm not thighs. Look at my eyes! See me smile! Hear me laugh and get passionate about more or less silly things and defend people I care about! That is me, right here. Nothing more, and nothing less.
I always try to not judge people. I educated myself like that. People are who they are and I don't try to change them. I want them happy, but I don't try to change them. Whatever your history is, you can come to me; I will always welcome you with open arms.
However, I don't act like this for an entirely selfless reason; I act like this in hope for the same in return.
-
When I was little, my role model was Belle, from Beauty and the Beast. In a way, she still is. While growing up, I wanted to be like her: as compassionate, as accepting, as loving.
Finally, I may actually be the Beast.
I can be proud, but I easily let go of that pride when the bond I share with someone is worth it. I don't let that pride go between me and the people I love. I know about too many people who are too proud and end up losing those people.
But this particular feeling of vulnerability has nothing to do with pride; it has everything to do with fear.
I don't wear low-cut clothes. I don't like them. I feel... like a deer in the headlights, in them. Like a piece of meat. Like I was showing off my neck to get bitten.
I don't feel like myself and I feel so vulnerable...
Do you know about the fear of someone's gaze?
In the same way, I don't wear too short skirts. I like skirts and they are practical, so I wear them during the summer. But they aren't too short and I don't wear them during another season. During another season, they aren't practical anymore.
I know there are issues behind this, misogyny anchored in our societies and all that, that make me react like this. But I'm just not strong enough to wear those clothes anyway and tell someone: "Look up! My eyes are here!".
And anyway, I don't like those clothes.
However, I'm not a piece of meat. I'm not some cleavage, I'm not a butt in jeans, I'm not thighs.
I'm me.
So I wear clothes that I like and am comfortable with. And if they don't please you, and if I'm not up to fashion, and if I'm not feminine enough for you, I just don't care.
I don't really feel like a woman anyway.
But, that's another story. :)
I hate feeling vulnerable. I'm thinking about taking self-defence lessons. To protect myself and others (I have a protective streak that I try to control; I'm not always successful^^'). I had some when I was little and I had loved them.
I hate feeling vulnerable, and more than anything, I want people to see me for myself, not for anything else.
Look at me! Really look! I'm not some cleavage, I'm not a butt, I'm not thighs. Look at my eyes! See me smile! Hear me laugh and get passionate about more or less silly things and defend people I care about! That is me, right here. Nothing more, and nothing less.
I always try to not judge people. I educated myself like that. People are who they are and I don't try to change them. I want them happy, but I don't try to change them. Whatever your history is, you can come to me; I will always welcome you with open arms.
However, I don't act like this for an entirely selfless reason; I act like this in hope for the same in return.
-
When I was little, my role model was Belle, from Beauty and the Beast. In a way, she still is. While growing up, I wanted to be like her: as compassionate, as accepting, as loving.
Finally, I may actually be the Beast.