it's probably love, in the worst kind of way
i am living in the past
. i keep going over past experiences, situations, trying to decipher little insignificant moments; figuring out what i did wrong. i keep thinking about what i'd do differently given the chance, like it would change anything. i wish i could. i am stuck in the past, putting my present on hold. i keep telling myself, if it was meant to be, it'll happen, but that's easier said then done. if only i could live by my mottoes, instead of doubt them. i keep reading this over, wondering if it's good. doesn't matter if it doesn't make sense. i wonder if i'll ever see him again; i wonder if i'll ever work up enough courage to let him know i exist. i can't help but sound like a whiny bitch sometimes, i guess we're all entitled. why do i always look so happy when i'm sad, so sad when i'm happy? and so, my neverending internal monologue has continued creating dilemmas, big surprise there. i am still surprised over how many big words i can use successfully. damn. the personal turmoil of everyday life. somedays i feel so ordinary; i suppose somebody has to be, we can't all be indispensible.