[the muscles legacy] > 2.0
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Warning haiku time:
well, just look at the teaser.
That explains it all.
Yes, 2.0.
Basically just to avoid bad math. :\
Last time on the Muscles legacy:
We had a quaint ol' Formal Sunday!
Sens: An' I got some! :D
We had some wicked butler issues (but we showed that bitch up in the end (actually, not really. Remind me to kill him with fire or something)).
And lastly (and...leastly, kind of. >_>), both Magnum and Derringer have broken into teenhood.
Just like Eire has broken into GlaDos' chest, there.
Eire: Oh, don't worry, sweetie. I'm just giving her a quick tune-up!
And now, the continuation:
Um...
Magnum: Don't you like my Lady Gaga-esque makeover?
Um...
Magnum: Don't you?
Why'd you feel the need to...?
Magnum: It gives me edge in the race for heir, you know? It's my 'thing'.
Oh, yeah! I hate to tell you, but...
Beretta: --oh fuck yeah, I'm the heiress.
I suppose there really was never any contest. :\ But since it still needs to be said:
Beretta. Is. Heir.
(and it only took me nine updates to get here! :D)
So yeah. Derringer and Magnum will continue to live in the legacy house. I'll only send spares out if I need to once the generation after is begun.
Oh, and this gen needs to go to uni because Derringer and Magnum both have uni-related LTWs.
In celebration, I decree this update an ADMITTEDLY BELATED HALLOWEEN PARTY!
Featuring...
...our lovely heiress as Avril Lavigne.
Beretta: With orange hair.
Avril Lavigne with orange hair.
Magnum as...er, what are you?
Magnum: Amelia Earhart!
Alright, well, creative liberty is a good thing, I suppose. Amelia Earhart!
Derringer as a gangsta--
Derringer: --yo!
--who is going to get beat up for this the moment he steps outside.
Derringer: ...yo.
Yuuko as a somewhat-saucy harlequin!
Yuuko: WHOO! My hair smells of boot black! :D
And lastly, our founder Sens as Sephiroth!
Sens: Oh fuck, yeah. Check out this hunk of steaming--
--we'll leave you to it.
At this point, I realise it's eleven pm in the game and decide to have the shindig tomorrow. Which means menial activities in costume!
Derringer: gangsta' pastries
This is why we can't have nice things! :\
Beretta: Mother. Do a back flip.
Derringer: Nah, do a cartwheel.
Magnum: Chop, chop.
Yuuko: durr...OKAY! :D
I assume she just really gets into character. It's better that way.
Where's your costume, Noodle?
Noodle: I decided I didn't need one, seeing as how I've had stars spraypainted on my body for the past decade or so.
Fair enough.
Yuuko: Well, I think you look just adorable!
Noodle: Unhand me, you filthy clown! D:
The guests eventually arrive. Well, two of them, anyways. Apparently nobody else could be arsed to scrounge up a costume.
The aptly-named Suketsune (?) is currently Magnum's boyfriend 'cos he's the first person she happened to pick up on the street.
Suketsune: m'kay, I'm seriously deliberating your hat right now.
Magnum: That's...nice. You want to see my room?
Suketsune: Oh. Okay.
Roderick's a fashion-deprived rocker 'cos I was too lazy to think of something better for him.
Roderick: A wickedly sexy fashion-deprived rocker.
Magnum: Oh no he didn't!
...moving right along.
The other side of the room is ripe with unfortunate facial expressions.
Beretta: ...been thinking about going into politics, act--Mother!
Yuuko: NO ONE IS SAFE FROM MY HARLEQUIN ANTICS! HAH!
Magnum: ...all the single ladies, all the single ladies, all the--
Beretta: Alright, bitches. We ready to go?
Sens: Hells yeah, I am...wait, why are you driving instead of me?
Beretta: Well, why are you going to a club with your kids?
Sens: Touchez.
Beretta: ...you mean, "touché"?
Sens: ...touchez.
Magnum: Hey, why don't I steal the keys from Beretta so we can go sit in the car?
Roderick: Oh, you're such a flatterer!
Evidently this club cannot afford more than one DJ.
Beretta: Lose ten pounds of jaw! Oh, and play some Sunny Day Real Estate, please!
Magnum: Got the keys. Let's get it on.
Suketsune: Whoa, whoa! That's just not cool. You want me to give it up and you didn't even say 'please'?
Magnum: ...oh, for fuck's sake. 'Please'.
Suketsune: Alright, let's go. :D
I'm so happy she rolled romance.
Oh, hey Eire. Where's your costu--
Eire: I don't do Halloween.
Or labour, apparently. You've been preggers for four updates or something.
She does, however, do Sens.
Eire: C'mere.
Sens: Ooooo-kay.
Yuuko: Wow. Hey, Magnum's boy-toy, look. They're arranged just perfectly for silhouette drawing!
At least she's tolerant? :\
Roderick: You know, your family is messed.
Beretta: I am aware, yes. Let's grind.
Seriously, it was essentially a Sims orgy that night. And most of them are related. :\
Screw werewolves, hormones are what comes out on Halloween.
Sens: You know I like groping your slippery, leather-clad back the best, Yu.
Yuuko: Damned right. Wanna slip into the photo booth and summon Meteor?
Sens: I'll impale you on my Masamune, Aerith.
Magnum: ...okay, she's gone. Hey, Roderick...you want to inspect my landing strip? *wink, wink*
Roderick: Sorry. I leave the inspections on foreign immigrants to the minority workers.
I went there.
Derringer: OH SHIT, SON!
This is exactly what I do upon disembarking from a furiously rotating orb.
Magnum: Hey, if mom pops out three more we can have a girl band!
Beretta: The way she was dancing with Dad earlier, it'll just be a matter of months.
Yuuko: I HEARD THAT.
Derringer: You know, I'm actually an Albertan oil baron who rakes in hundreds of thousands a month.
Slightly Gullible Townie #304: Oh, really? That's amazing! I'm an econ major writing my thesis on the boom of mining towns around oil rigs. Why don't we sit down, order a bottle or six of the most expensive white and discuss quarterlies? :D
Derringer: Um...
Not-So-Slightly Gullible Townie #304: Oh, come on, I'm just fucking with you, kid. I'm a naughty nurse.
Derringer: Um...I'll just...
Derringer: Um, I'll just stick to people I know and can talk circles around without them noticing...hello, mama!
I ain't sayin' he's a golddigger.
Sens: mmm, Sephiroth full.
Unnecessary Townie #9201: little belly BIG RAIN
Eire: BIG BELLY little rain
Oh, hey, nevermind. This club just weeds out the sane DJs after all.
Yuuko: I think I just lost my White Materia...
Beretta: Mom, why do you smell like...like--
Yuuko: NOTHING!
Beretta: ...like seedy photo booth grease! MOTHER!
Every time they pull in here, I get worried they're going to crash the car. :\
I know it's just a video game and they drive the exact same route every last time, but still.
Se(PHIROTH)ns: Hey, baby. Why don't you get down on your knees and summon Holy?
...alright. No more costumes. Please.
Magnum: Well, don't I look spiffy?
I suppose you look a little less mind-numbingly fearsome as a teenager.
Although the pleather miniskirt still makes me laugh.
Noodle: Why the hell are you still wearing that? You look like an idiot.
Derringer: ...just shut your hole and let me Toss in Air you, okay?
Derringer: Dad! Dad! DAD! It's my turn, already!
Sens: You're wearing a leotard to play basketball, Der. Your opinion is invalid.
Magnum: I call this look...MAGNUM!
Aptly-named, but I think there may be more pressing matters at hand.
Noodle: You know, carpets are really unnecessary; in my dream house I have all hardware floors.
Why yes, I did take this expressly for the purpose of making a lame 'carpet' joke.
Just think of my neglecting to do so as progress.
Ahem.
Sens: Let's kick it up a notch. BAM!
Yuuko: Oh, dear GOD!
Yuuko: The bed is partially unmade! D:
Yuuko: ...oh, and I cut my hair. Well, actually I left it like it was for Halloween but dyed it my natural colour.
Sens: Yeah, so did I. Um...kind of.
Meanwhile, Magnum establishes her street cred as a Romance sim...on the street. Where else?
Magnum: At point, the matter is brought to a conclusion with both parties satisfied and able to move on with their separate lives and interests. To sum up, I think it's a workable plan.
Suketsune: So, the crux of this plan is...?
Magnum: Sexual intercourse. I've said it like a dozen times.
Fun fact: 2/3rds of this generation have had their first kiss in varying degrees of undress!
So what is it with kids and leotards in this town?
Or are these two just looking for a little after-school "soccer practice"? Eh? *nudge, nudge*
*lurve*
Beretta: Shit. Wait. Who are you, again? Weren't you here to pick up my brother?
Kevin: I honestly can't remember.
Sens: Magnum, must you wear such things at the table? I don't like having to sit over here all the time.
Noodle: OH FORSOOTH my mortal enemy, teh BOOTZ...I CAN HAS RAEG NAO?! *pounces*
Yuuko: Long day at work, hon?
Sens: Sure was. I could use a little 'soothing massage'...
Kevin: Hey there. How goes?
What the hell? Wait, no, that's your parents'--
...bed.
Dude, that's just creepy.
Although these two certainly don't seem to be using it.
Yuuko: Hey, I took an astronomy class in university. Did you know that one up there with the funny little twinkly stars is Cassiopeia?
Sens: No, but I'm pretty sure I can find it in those little freckles on your belly...
Kevin: Hey, you guys went outside. What's up? Wanna order a pizza, or maybe...you know, go downtown, pick up some 420--hey, you're pretty hot. I guess. So what's up?
Complete and Utter Random: *snores*
Noodle: I NEED AN ADULT!
Beretta starts her first day as a desk seargeant. I love InTeen sometimes.
Beretta: ...it's you.
The OMNIdriver: It's me.
Beretta: Well. Er--I suppose we're colleagues now, if you're driving me to work. Can't I sit in the front instead of where...um, where the criminals sit?
The OMNIdriver: Oh, I've been waiting for this day for a long while...
Of course, with this recent change in arrangements the school board has to hire a new bus driver.
Recent budget cuts mean no background checks.
Ergo...
Derringer: Hey, look, froth. Anyways. Why does it smell like flamingo?
Magnum: What the hell are you talking about?
Beretta: Derringer, why are you rubbing the ball against your thighs?!
Derringer: Everything feels SO MUCH BETTER in a leotard!
Beretta: ...er, whatever. I'm going to go sit in the hot tub. Please, don't join me.
Yuuko: Why, I absolutely adore the cut of your nondescript brown power suit!
Workblokette #489: Thank you, dear! Yours has such darling well-polished buttons!
Beretta: In your future line of work, you're going to need to learn how to take a few punches and roll with them. Let's begin.
Magnum: Haha! What would a Visionary need with--hey!
Magnum: Just for that, I'm going to play all of her violin strings out of tune. She'll never notice!
Painting: *is slightly ironic in this regard*
Magnum: NEVER!
Sens: SEA OTTER FORM: ACTIVATE!
Suspicious Foreground-eschewing Grandmother: *suspiciously eschews foreground...um, in other words, *lurks**
Annnnd that's all the timing we have on Gorgeous Tiny Chicken Machine Show!
...or something to that effect.
Well, that was going to be the end, anyways. Then I got too lazy to finish writing the update itself and played a little bit more, so...
I really don't know why I'm admitting this. :\
Anyways!
Yuuko: Oh, god, that's just...gropeable. *mimes*
Sens: Hey, Noodle. I need a hug.
Noodle: ...why?
Sens: Because I'm about to do something very stupid.
Yuuko: --ALIENS, man. Fuck. Just wanna--I mean, I just want to reach out and rip their necks open, y'know? Fuckin' shove my hand in and pull out their dirty immigrant organs, yeah?
Sens: Marry me.
Yuuko: *exhales*
Yuuko: ...wait, what?
Being inordinately rich, they're able to assemble a suitably lush wedding overnight.
And, um, some bloke thinks they have a better use for that carpet than he. >_>.
My penchant for buildspam is unrivaled. ._. Hey, I kept it down to two pictures this time.
(Both of them not exactly offering a clear view of anything at all, but what the hell.)
Magnum certainly knows her priorities.
Magnum: Hey, there's still five minutes before the ceremony. I can get into my dress than back out of it then back in it again.
As per usual, the first guests arrive just to loiter in the gate and realise they were mistaken in their beliefs they were attending a funeral.
Eire: Wait...you mean we're not here because Chuck Norris died? That bastard lied to me! D:
Beretta: I...I can't believe you're growing up so fast! *sniff*
Yuuko: Shove it, B.
Beretta: Sorry. But really, mother, you look absolutely--
Suketsune: --FABULOUS! :D
Beretta: ...erm, let's head downstairs.
Naturally, it begins to rain.
Syla: Shit. I'm wearing white. Can't they just kiss and get it over with?
Beretta: ...yuck, lovey-dovey sentiments; look away.
...or you could take the glove off, then--no? Fine. Whatever.
Yuuko: You know, Sens, I was always a little worried.
Sens: Why, my darling?
Yuuko: Well...I always thought you liked GlaDos just a little bit more than me...
Sens: Bollocks.
GlaDos: Bitch.