(no subject)
It wasn't the first time. And most probably it was not the last time. I was wrong to assume that I knew what I was getting myself into. Of course I knew that there are known knows, known unknowns, and even unknown unknowns. Whatever happened had nothing to do with any of my expectations. Not that I have over-exaggerated or neglected something in my projections. It wasn't that. I just was nowhere near the truth. Not even in the same realm of existence. I was completely off base. And yes, I thought I was prepared. I had a skill or two that I practiced here and there. But it was not about that. It was not about the skill or technique. Competitions, as it turned out have nothing to do with the knowledge of the subject matter. Competitions are all about attitude. And that was my unknown unknown. Unlike some participants I have survived my first judo promotional tournament unscathed. No lasting injury to my body and no permanent damage to my ego. I entered it knowing full well that I know not what I am getting into. It was a mere matter of curiosity for me. I was not going there to win anything. I was going there to get some perspective. My mentors and peers kept saying that I am going there to kick some ass and take names. I just smiled and thought to myself, "These guys are awesome. Encouraging and getting my spirits up like that." I was wrong about that too. As it turned out, they were not encouraging me at all. I realized that at the end of the event. After I lost. Twice. Once against an opponent who was my built, weight, and experience level. Once against an opponent who was a little faster on his feet than I bothered to be. Barely won a fight against a judoka much smaller than I am. And even that was sheer luck too! As far as I am concerned, I lost all 3 matches. In every instance I was not mentally present. My mind was still in a training mode and not really fighting. Just playing. I was not perceiving the consequences of what was going on. It was not serious at all. It was just a game. And that's one reason I was wrong. Another reason I was wrong is to think that competitions are about showmanship, ego, and bravado. They are not. As it turned out, competitions are another training tool. While practices teach you techniques and skills, competitions teach you a proper mind set so that you can apply that knowledge. As it turned out, the mindset has to be beyond getting a perspective. It has to be exactly that: "I am going there to kick some ass and take names." I lead a very sheltered life. There are very few reasons for a confrontation. Nonetheless, when confrontation does arise, one needs to be able to commit his resources and mind to survival through that conflict. And that commitment must be perseverant. I believe that what competitions teach is exactly how to utilize the resources efficiently and not give up. Experience. You get it when you do not get what you want. Or as my mentor Jeff says, “Education is what you get when you do not get satisfaction. And we all prefer satisfaction.” I have to say that experience was exactly what I was going for. A win would be a nice bonus of course. And Jeff is right, that would be extremely satisfying. However, experience and education is not a shabby prize to take home either. The experience was amazing. So many judokas. All respectful. Everyone is positive and encouraging. Everyone is there for the same reason. It’s a party of like minded individuals sharing the same interest. I had a lot of fun. And as far as education goes… The only way to learn to fight is to actually fight. And for that you need a competition. I know you have heard this a myriad of times, but you will not truly understand this until you step off that mat for the first time.