It's not my problem...
So, I just found out yesterday that my boyfriend has been lying to me about past and current relationships. Needless to say I was deeply hurt, confused, angry and scared because some of these revelations had the potential to adversely affect my health. So I ran away to Disney with some furry friends to drown my sorrows in a fun time and forget about it till I was in a better state to deal with it.
I've talked to him a few times now on the phone and he is in desperate need of guidance apparently. Now he's younger than I am, and I know I'm supposed to be the more experienced guy, but I've never been in this situation and if I don't know how to deal with it, I'm sorry, but I sure as hell don't know how to help you through it. Nor do I feel at this time it is my responsibility, he lied to me, not the other way around, it's not my job to make him feel better about wronging me. If anything he needs to be reassuring me in a more constructive manner that this sort of thing is in the past and that our relationship can become as open and honest as I thought it had been.
Officially right now we're on a break. It is my desire that we start at friends and slowly re-establish the trust that has been compromised. It will take some time, but we have quite a bit of it seeing as how he's still set to take over part of the lease from a roommate moving out at the end of April. He'll be here in June, by then I want to be able to look him in the eyes...that's the goal. I'm not praying for a miracle, I don't want to be intimate again overnight, and I can't pretend nothing ever happened as much as I'm sure we both wish that were an option. But I need to be able to trust the people I'm living with, I need to have respect for them, even if I can't grow to love him again, I need those two things lest this next year be miserable for the both of us.
I sorta blew off some steam earlier today by writing some lyrics in a very Avril Lavigne, Pink, punk/rock-ish sorta way.
Not My Problem
Breaking story, you broke my heart
The things you hid from me tore us apart.
Don’t be naïve, you can’t play that role
Knowing you forsook the heart you stole.
Maybe later, as time goes by
We’ll find our way back to happier times,
But for now…
It’s not my problem, it’s not my fight
I’m not the one who hid behind the lies.
I can forgive, and I can forget
But you can’t ask me for my help just yet.
The truth is simple, lies complex
I’m not sure why you seem so vexed.
You spun this web now see it through
The tangles can only be fixed by you.
It’ll take some time to erase my doubt,
And I’ll be here once you’ve figured it out.
But for now…
It’s not my problem, it’s not my fight
I’m not the one who hid behind the lies.
I can forgive and I can forget
But you can’t ask me for my help just yet.
I know you're young, this is new to you.
And once upon a time I was foolish too.
But I’m older now and wiser still
I’ve got expectations you don’t fulfill
So here’s your chance to grow, take all the time you need
I just wanted you to know, so that we’re agreed…
It’s not my problem, it’s not my fight
I’m not the one who hid behind the lies.
I can forgive and I can forget
But you can’t ask me for my help just yet.
Regards,
~Kryos Syrella
I've talked to him a few times now on the phone and he is in desperate need of guidance apparently. Now he's younger than I am, and I know I'm supposed to be the more experienced guy, but I've never been in this situation and if I don't know how to deal with it, I'm sorry, but I sure as hell don't know how to help you through it. Nor do I feel at this time it is my responsibility, he lied to me, not the other way around, it's not my job to make him feel better about wronging me. If anything he needs to be reassuring me in a more constructive manner that this sort of thing is in the past and that our relationship can become as open and honest as I thought it had been.
Officially right now we're on a break. It is my desire that we start at friends and slowly re-establish the trust that has been compromised. It will take some time, but we have quite a bit of it seeing as how he's still set to take over part of the lease from a roommate moving out at the end of April. He'll be here in June, by then I want to be able to look him in the eyes...that's the goal. I'm not praying for a miracle, I don't want to be intimate again overnight, and I can't pretend nothing ever happened as much as I'm sure we both wish that were an option. But I need to be able to trust the people I'm living with, I need to have respect for them, even if I can't grow to love him again, I need those two things lest this next year be miserable for the both of us.
I sorta blew off some steam earlier today by writing some lyrics in a very Avril Lavigne, Pink, punk/rock-ish sorta way.
Not My Problem
Breaking story, you broke my heart
The things you hid from me tore us apart.
Don’t be naïve, you can’t play that role
Knowing you forsook the heart you stole.
Maybe later, as time goes by
We’ll find our way back to happier times,
But for now…
It’s not my problem, it’s not my fight
I’m not the one who hid behind the lies.
I can forgive, and I can forget
But you can’t ask me for my help just yet.
The truth is simple, lies complex
I’m not sure why you seem so vexed.
You spun this web now see it through
The tangles can only be fixed by you.
It’ll take some time to erase my doubt,
And I’ll be here once you’ve figured it out.
But for now…
It’s not my problem, it’s not my fight
I’m not the one who hid behind the lies.
I can forgive and I can forget
But you can’t ask me for my help just yet.
I know you're young, this is new to you.
And once upon a time I was foolish too.
But I’m older now and wiser still
I’ve got expectations you don’t fulfill
So here’s your chance to grow, take all the time you need
I just wanted you to know, so that we’re agreed…
It’s not my problem, it’s not my fight
I’m not the one who hid behind the lies.
I can forgive and I can forget
But you can’t ask me for my help just yet.
Regards,
~Kryos Syrella