(no subject)
i really need a change of pace. my sister and i talked and we are moving to oswego asap and i will be going to school there in the fall unless i decide want to get my RN which at this point is looking like a great option. i need to get out of the rut im in. i drove around and got about a million job applications, i cant just sit around anymore its driving me crazy. (not to mention im pretty much broke now.)i will hopefully get a job at either one of the hospitals or one of nursing homes somewhere around oswego so that if i do get my RN i can get a job as a nurse at one of these places until i decide where i want to settle down. i want to work my ass off and get myself out of the debt im in. i guess my goals at this point are basically: get a decent job, finish school, and get out of debt. ive been sitting around feeling sorry for myself too much lately and honestly its starting to make me hate myself. i havent talked to tim about moving yet, we've been playing phone tag for the past few days but i figure i shouldnt just leave him a voicemail telling him that. i think he plans on having a family rent the place if i move anyway so im not totally screwing him over. tim's amazing...such a good friend. i think before i start work i might take a weekend trip to delaware to see him, i miss having him there to talk to all the time and stuff. i really hate being there alone and i want to get my stuff out this week so i dont have to pay march rent. ill probably be staying with my grandma again until kari and i move.
i dont know where things stand with joe and i, i guess hes pretty upset with me right now. we got into a fight the other night. it hurts a lot. i love him more than anything as if thats not fucking obvious. but i really cant let that interfer right now or im just going to dig myself deeper. its always in the back of my mind, id be a liar if i said i didnt think about it all the time. this is the one relationship that really got me. ive never felt this way toward anyone which in some ways is a good thing then other times its VERY bad. i hate that no matter what anyone says or even what i tell myself i cant stop feeling the way i do. it makes me a lonely girl. im just not ready to move on yet, i guess. im sick of trying to force myself to. and i dont want a rebound guy, i think thats really shitty to do to someone and its just not me, ive hurt people in the past like that and i feel horrible for it. ha, ive turned into THAT girl, i used to get so annoyed when people wouldnt just get over it and move on. these are the times when i wish i could turn off my feelings but for some reason my body like to turn them on overdrive. argh, im literally love sick. god, thats so sappy but its true. this is where i listen to bright eyes or something, i suppose.
i hate that every close friend i have is so far away from me. and the few left around here ive sort of lost contact with (which i admit is partly my fault.) it makes me feel like such a loser, i feel like i have no friends at all. i hate that cheryl is so far away, i want to be part of her baby's life but at this point im so broke i cant go see her and that makes me really sad. argh...i really need to start making more friends and get back in touch with the ones i havent talked to in a while. im loooooonely.
i dont know. hopefully the next time i actually write in this thing ill have something a little less shitty to write about. my fingers are crossed.
i dont know where things stand with joe and i, i guess hes pretty upset with me right now. we got into a fight the other night. it hurts a lot. i love him more than anything as if thats not fucking obvious. but i really cant let that interfer right now or im just going to dig myself deeper. its always in the back of my mind, id be a liar if i said i didnt think about it all the time. this is the one relationship that really got me. ive never felt this way toward anyone which in some ways is a good thing then other times its VERY bad. i hate that no matter what anyone says or even what i tell myself i cant stop feeling the way i do. it makes me a lonely girl. im just not ready to move on yet, i guess. im sick of trying to force myself to. and i dont want a rebound guy, i think thats really shitty to do to someone and its just not me, ive hurt people in the past like that and i feel horrible for it. ha, ive turned into THAT girl, i used to get so annoyed when people wouldnt just get over it and move on. these are the times when i wish i could turn off my feelings but for some reason my body like to turn them on overdrive. argh, im literally love sick. god, thats so sappy but its true. this is where i listen to bright eyes or something, i suppose.
i hate that every close friend i have is so far away from me. and the few left around here ive sort of lost contact with (which i admit is partly my fault.) it makes me feel like such a loser, i feel like i have no friends at all. i hate that cheryl is so far away, i want to be part of her baby's life but at this point im so broke i cant go see her and that makes me really sad. argh...i really need to start making more friends and get back in touch with the ones i havent talked to in a while. im loooooonely.
i dont know. hopefully the next time i actually write in this thing ill have something a little less shitty to write about. my fingers are crossed.