"Family Guy: Volume Eight" Review (Spoilers)
Family Guy: Volume Eight
The Good:
Quagmire hating Brian. Brilliant plot turn, that has the potential for SO much future drama, and adds a dimension to Quagmire, a formerly dimensionless character, he never had before.
The Road To The Multiverse. Brilliant Disney animation and music, and well as various trippy and authentic art styles.
Lauren Conrad being a good sport.
Star Trek:: The Next Generation Reunion.
Shovin' Buddies.
The Bad:
Seriously defanged attack on Fox News. Seth MacFarlane is a lousy advocate for liberals.
A seriously messed up Shawshank Redemption race-baiting joke.
The horrifying and over the line Amon Goeth moment.
Retconning the founding of Quahog.
Brian Griffin exists and expects me not to have a problem with that.
These episodes were hit and miss, but definitely better than the last volume. Best episodes are The Hills one (We Love You Conrad), the Road Show to the Multiverse (Road To The Multiverse), the best one-shot character ever in B*tch Stewie (Quagmire's Baby), and Quagmire's epic burn on Brian Griffin (Jerome Is The New Black). I'm betting if I smoked, I's want to enjoy a cigarette after that. That's how satisfying it was. Worst episodes are grrrr, "Three Kings" (for reasons I'll get into below), the anti-Semitic "Family Goy", the one where Chris was written out of character (Stew-Roids) and the cop-out retcon (Peter's Progress). Volume Overall: ***1/2.
Fox-y Lady:
Badly written even for this show. Let's talk about the best thing about the episode first: Handi-Quacks. The show itself is genius, even if it would be a better fit for Adult Swim than Fox. And I'd be remiss to point out that Chris is the one pitching most of the ideas while Peter takes all of the credit in the meeting with the Fox executive. But what I really like about the plot was its weird exploration of writer's room politics regarding Meg, especially the idea they caught lightning in a bottle and Meg is coming in and letting it all out. What is weird is that the writer's room politics even have a sexual overtone, and yet, it doesn't feel creepy. Just because it sounds so authentic. Another weird thing is that Meg is RIGHT with her notes on some level, but Peter and Chris refuse to take her suggestions. It's really cool. But... The uncensored version takes off the gloves against Fox News more, but I think that as a liberal, I am embarrassed this was the best Seth MacFarlane could do against Fox News. The Simpsons has done WAY better, multiple times, so it is obviously not simply a case of the network censoring their ideas. It's just that the writers cannot make a cogent liberal argument to save their lives. It should be easy enough to explain WHY Fox News is as damaging to society as it is, but the best Brian can muster is "They're evil and they do the bidding of the Republican Party". And he (and the writers) think that's enough. Why should anyone simply take Brian's word for it? He basically said "Fox News is bad, m'kay" and we're all supposed to nod our heads and agree. Speaking of South Park, South Park's writers have the gift of taking truly deplorable and ugly Libertarian ideals and make them seem common-sense and palatable to the audience. It's actually quite damaging to be frank, but it is an admirable skill to possess in political debates. Family Guy's idea of a political debate is calling a creationist retarded. Seth is NOT helping the movement at all. And Lois was WAY too stupid here. If anything, she should be shown to be politically smarter than Brian. She may be auditioning for a Fox News Bimbo but she should be smarter than one. Even stupider is the idea that Fox News would go after Michael Moore for being gay. It is ludicrous and if the writers TRULY think that is the extent of Fox News' corruption, they have no idea what they are talking about. Moore is a liberal. They won't accuse him of being gay, because a liberal would not consider that an insult, nor would the other liberals Moore hangs around with. I feel like the writers hate gay people so much, they automatically assume that Fox News is too stupid to pick up on the subtleties of this idea, and are as clueless about the subject as they are. As if they assume everyone is like them, and considers being called gay as much of an insult or a slur as they do. Michael Moore being gay would NOT damage his reputation, and the show is asking me to believe Fox News is a LOT less insidious than it actually is if they think they could actually think otherwise. It is bad writing. Period. Now I'm gonna talk about the jokes I did and didn't like. The effed up thing about the Fred Savage joke is that Savage TRULY is an amazing actor. There is absolutely NO reason whatsoever this guy should not be getting steady work today. He is absolutely fantastic and him being supposedly typecast for a role that wasn't TOO specific of a performance to pigeon-hole him, but was fantastic nonetheless? The 90's suck and it is an even BIGGER shame that he hasn't been getting recent work TODAY. We are all missing out. I also like the John Moschitta Jr. cameo. I always liked the Micro Machines Guy. I thought Patrick Stewart's awful "Woody Allen" impression was so funny because he tried exactly as hard as Chevy Chase did when doing Gerald Ford: not at all. I liked Seamus' Fox News reading but I LOVED Al Harrington's. It's a shame it's only on the DVD. Speaking of which, Stewie as Bill O'Rielly was one of the few clever jokes at Fox News' expense. There were a couple of others that weren't exactly FUNNY, but I was a little shocked they went there. Like the Fox News guy saying that his grandparents died in the Holocaust. Just kidding. They were there though. Or the idea that Fox News celebrates Martin Luther King day on the anniversary of when he was shot. It ain't subtle. Not by a long-shot. But it's still pretty spot-on, where the rest of the episode was not. I like Stewie's discovery of a banana, but the Ellen Degeneres joke was mean and uncalled for. And why did they give Ellen such an ugly character design anyways? That "Not so fresh" moment between Lois and Meg shows exactly why Lois is such a horrible mother. And I never got the Willy Wonka "Sssss. Aaaaah," joke, and it isn't made funnier by Lois gripping her boob. Suffice it to say this episode is hit and miss. **1/2. Original Televised Episode: **1/2.
Not All Dogs Go To Heaven:
The Meg becoming religious plot sucked (super insulting) but the Star Trek: The Next Generation reunion was gold. The extended version had a great gag where two fans discussed the biggest (and most annoying) plothole from "Relics": Scotty saw Captain Kirk die on the Enterprise-B, so he should already know he's dead. Patrick Stewart was particularly funny, especially since he kept hitting Hwil Hwheaton. "You'll get nothing and like it!" He also hooked up with Hwhoopi Goldberg all the time. "How about the white guys versus the black guys?" "Patrick, don't be an instigator!" LeVar Burton's visor gag was great too. I loved Stewie saying that Picard was calm and measured and accepted even baldness with a quiet cool. The end with Rob Lowe and Adam West in bed was great too. They're big Hollywwood actors who have to get up early and make movies. "Bennn! Bennn! What have I told you about trading sexual favors for Sudafed?" This is probably the closest we'll ever see Calvin And Hobbes in animation, and I loved Peter praying to God for the cheat codes to Mike Tyson's Punch-Out. "Listen to me telling you how to play the game." Classic line. And next time Peter and Lois are getting a big, tall, pie-eating dog. I loved the stuff with the Next Gen cast at the McDonald's and the bowling alley too. I think Stewart's rant about bowling shoes was spot-on. Do you know why the religion stuff sucked? Because they framed it entirely wrong to force a happy ending. When Brian tells Meg that he's sure that the universe will give them answers that will be beyond their wildest dreams, I was like "An atheist would never say that." An atheist is pretty much resigned to never knowing the answers, and being cool with that. Maybe the ending wouldn't have been quite so happy if Brian didn't believe in an afterlife. But it goes against the entire moral of the episode to not properly show actual atheism. The Star Trek stuff was great, but the Meg stuff ruined much of the episode. ***. Original Televised Episode: **1/2.
Episode 420:
"Bag Of Weed" is a good song, even if it is lazily rhymed in places. Besides, The Rocketeer is a VERY underrated film. The Woody Harrelson joke was great though. I loved that Carter won't actually let Peter keep the light-up Butterfly yo-yo. And I loved the "Say the name of the movie in the movie" gag. I'm a Family Guy! Ah! He said it! Quagmire was hilarious with his cat. I loved Peter trying to come up with something funny to say on his card. Have a mice day. Best fishes. Seth MacFarlane's line reading as Stewie reassuring Brian his book was good enough to be published on it's own merits was absolutely perfect. I also love the parody anti-drug commercial with the anti-Semitic dog. That was literally the LAST thing I expected him to say when I first saw this over the air. And considering Amy Poehler's age, the plot behind "Baby Mama" was fundamentally flawed. Good use of Ollie and the Blaccu-weather forecast. "Not too bad." Right on. And the list of celebrities Peter doesn't like was probably the laziest cutaway ever. I like Peter's riff about Harold and Kumar and him wondering how the adult man from How I Met Your Mother supposedly "grew" into Bob Saget. I was wondering that too. I also laughed at the joke that Fox News owns the rights to Hitler's likeness and they won't have him slandered. On the commentary somebody noted they had to pay a lot of money for that Hitler footage and Seth MacFarlane wonders "To who?" It was a great question. Who actually owns the rights to Nazi propaganda and still profits from it? The idea that they had to pay for that footage is one of the creepiest things I have heard in a long time. Bad things? The drawing of Peter as the mermaid was truly terrible and as bad as anything in the first season. I'm surprised it passed muster for air, to be honest. The commentary explained that it had originally been done for the fourth season (when the animation quality was noticeably lower) but I think they should have just cut it entirely. Better than average episode due to the musical number. ****. Original Televised Episode: ****.
Stew-Roids:
There are a few amusing jokes here and there, but on the whole this episode sucked hard. Since it is an outright bad episode I'll discuss the things I hated first and the things I liked second. Things I hated: Chris was out of character. I know that it may have been hard for the writers to work that scenario if he weren't, but they're professional writers. That's what they get paid for. Family Guy's absolute biggest fault, at least as far as quality is concerned, is that the producers are lazy, and for the most part put in the bare amount of effort required. And I'm a bit confused that Family Guy fans still put up with it over a decade later. Also, Peter can angrily tell the audience that it's just a cartoon. but neither Peter Griffin nor Seth MacFarlane are allowed to tell me what I can get offended over. The producers of Futurama thought they could have Bender get away with murder. and that I would still love him (I don't) and the producers of this show think the same of Peter. If anything, it's worse here. Bender never actually fake apologizes for his behavior, so his friends don't seem like doormats for repeatedly having to forgive him. They've just accepted he's a dirtbag. But Peter treats people SO horribly and his friends and family somehow believe he'll change every week. It's not just bad enough that he laid down on an unconscious teenage girl. He also made a pass at baby. I don't find those things funny. Also, while it IS technically funny that Lois puts a picture of herself eating a turkey leg in Meg's lunchbag, I have to say her handing Meg an Ambien bottle and a Sylvia Plath novel and walking away shows exactly why she is a terrible mother. Do you know what I think the problem was? Centering an episode around Connie D'Amico is the first place. She is such a horrible person, with no redeeming qualities, that I see no reason I should root for her in the end. She brings out the worst in the Griffins every time she appears, and nowhere is it as apparent as in this episode. Good things? The brief Fred Flintstone joke. The guy Family Guy cast as him is so amazing that Warner Bros actually used him for the news Flintstones WWE movie. He has Fred's tone down PAT and is an incredible find for that specific character. Also the Tina Yothers joke ("And I will see the Keaton family next week") wouldn't have been funny, except they got Meredith Baxter to voice herself. That is going to be ONE frosty Family Ties reunion between those two after that. Also I miss Neil Goldman. "Stranger in the tub." Learning Kevin died in Iraq was sad, but at least they finally explained his disappearance, so I was cool with it. Besides, he eventually came back anyways. I love Stewie bullying Brian at the top of the stairs. "Eeehh, I'm just MESSIN' with ya man. You can do whatever you want! I'm just kiddin' ya! Why're you so serious?" And Chris had two funny moments too: "Heavens! I look like a rake!" and his Buffalo Bill shtick, which was in fact the exact reason Seth Green was hired for Family Guy in the first place. And Lady and the Tramp and Michael Vic was wrong, but still funny. I also like Peter's observation that if there's one person you can trust, it's a stranger in a gym holding a dirty needle. But this episode was pretty outright terrible and the few good things do not make up for it. *. Original Televised Episode: *.
We Love You Conrad:
I have never seen The Hills and don't know who Lauren Conrad is, but I've just decided she is a very good sport. She allowed herself to be portrayed having sex with a dog and rubbing her butt against the floor because she had worms. Granted, the episode made her look better than her supposed reputation suggests, but just consenting to those jokes was kind of fearless. I especially love that she really infuriates Lois who expected her to be an easy target for her bullying and was made to look the fool instead. I like that. I love that she condescendingly tells Brian he doesn't have to be smart because he is adorable, which in turn causes Brian to put on Austin Power glasses. "It is SO cute when you don't know what you're talking about!" Hah! Burn! How does SHE know Brian is still in love with Jillian? Because she's smarter than him. I love that even though she is, Brian is STILL annoyed enough to correct her when she says America elected Bush twice. He's not the ENTIRELY stupid one in their relationship. Two jokes are MUCH less funny years later: Bruce Jenner being a woman. SUPER insensitive now. And the Bill Cosby sex tape now gives me nightmares. Ironically the original television episode is funnier because Craig Ferguson's line delivery of "In her pants" was WAAAAYYYY funnier than "In her vagina". I'll admit the Asian bunny version on the uncensored version is funny though. I love how Derek seemed to be perfect at every single thing, and I kind of loved and hated Peter's reaction to giving away Jillian at her wedding. He laughs when she says her father is dead and then treats Meg like Kix cereal. That guy. I dunno. The Mr. Magoo joke SHOULDN'T be funny...AND YET IT IS. Stewie was great this episode. "Say whaaaaat?!" I also loved his reaction to tricking Brian into thinking the fiance's name was "D'Shawn"! "Aaah! His name's actually Derek, but lookityourface!" And Stewie is some guy who goes to Brian's school. No, he just lied to Lauren and he isn't really sure why. Pretty great episode. ****1/2. Original Televised Episode: ****1/2.
Three Kings:
Quality-wise this is a good episode. But I staunchly detest it with every fiber of my being because of a single line. It ruins the episode beyond all enjoyment. I'm speaking of "Since you're black and I'm white that makes it more a'special for the audience." You have NO idea how much that p***ed me off. Why? Because The Shawshank Redemption was a refreshingly color-blind film, and Seth MacFarlane accused it of race-baiting the audience when it did nothing of the sort. This episode was the thing that race-baited the audience. Not The Shawshank Redemption. Red's race is NEVER brought up in the movie itself, except when he tells Andy Defreunse he's Irish, and the interesting thing about Red is that his entire role could have been played by a white actor without a single line of dialogue being changed. That was refreshing. And for MacFarlane to accuse it of race-baiting is pure projection on his end. The fact that Red is black is NOT a big deal. Seth MacFarlane is the type of guy who will see a black guy on the street and run towards him and laugh and point and yell to everyone else: "Look! That guy is black! Blaaaaack!" And he's thinks that's a pointed racial observation. The only difference between Seth MacFarlane and Michael Richards in that joke is that MacFarlane is trying to blame him injecting race into every subject imaginable as being the fault of somebody else. And I guarantee you a black actor never would have consented to delivering Mike Henry's line about "being struck deef and dumb". It is REALLY convenient to have a white actor say the most embarrassing lines as a black character. Sigh. I'll talk a little about the rest of the episode now but my heart really isn't in it. It was good the episode pointed out the plothole at the end of Stand By Me and I loved the tone of Richard Dreyfuss' voice while telling the audience that the fat kid from Stand By Me is married to Rebecca Romjin. "Look it up on the internet! Doesn't that just p*** you off?" I also liked his riff with Roy Schieder. And the Joaquim Phoenix joke is SO freaking over the line that it is precisely that Peter tries to buy it back with "You have passed our test and you can be our friend" that's it's funny. And for some reason that makes it even more appalling. Do you know what manatee joke was stupid? The WWII vet one. Because the vet was old in it and the story was set in the 1950's. Even if you wanted to be charitable and say that the cutaway took place in the 1980's, WWII vets weren't all THAT old then. The show always excising cutaways from one show and putting them in another has never been so obvious. Loved Carter sticking his fingers in the poster of David Cassidy's butt and the stand-in the for the opera in the movie being the song "Holla Back Girl". Red still doesn't understand the words either way. "Grievous! Wicked!" What does "various and sundry items" even mean? I like that Carter instructs them find Andy "Now. Not after breakfast. Not after CSI. Now." I also loved Andy cracking the rock on the pipe to the claps in the Friends theme song. The episode also points out that it is a bit strange that the warden is the bad guy in the movie since he is the only character who isn't a criminal. Stewie' Contact rant was great and worthy of Annie Wilkes. When he screams "Jake Cockadoodie Busey" I stood up in the theater and cheered. I liked the last scene of Andy being excited to see Red and then calling him a jag-off and worrying he took off with his $1200. "I"m gonna be SO p***ed!" Great line reading. In the extended version Young Cleveland asks what the gang thinks of the new kid at school, Marty McFly, and comments he seems to have shown up out of nowhere. I could totally see Stewie as Danny Torrance in The Shining. Now stay tuned for whatever Fox is limping to the barn with. The uncensored version has a joke where it is again pointed out that Carter, Dr. Hartman and Seamus have the same voice. The commentary had two great observations. 1. Somebody once asked Stephen King why he always wrote about these horrific and disgusting things and he replied "What makes you think I have a choice?" That's deep. 2. I also like that the writers pointed out Morgan Freeman's funniest moment in The Shawshank Redemption: where he takes the money out of the box and nervously looks around the empty field in case somebody was watching. That was SO great. But man, was this an unpleasant episode. I was in a bad mood after watching it. I had to take a break from my Family Guy set before returning to it. I'm that steamed. 0. Original Televised Episode: 0.
Peter's Progress:
I never liked this episode. There are some great things in it. Shovin' Buddies and Slowly Rotating Black Man were things of genius. Seriously. How awful are those promos and how annoying is it they are always interrupting the show you are trying to watch? Still, I always feel as if the episode retcons Miles Chatterbox Standish simply to force Peter into the town's mythology. It's not quite as bad as Francis Griffin not being Peter's biological father and doing away with Nate Griffin. But it's close. You don't even want to make fun of Stewie's penis. It is just medically fascinating. It's like that one grape that never got to be a grape. I love the Kevin Smith slam just because Smith has been equally brutal to Family Guy in the past and it is long overdue they hit back. I liked Peter congratulating himself over the Martin Luther Day joke. As a Lutheran, I got it, but I don't know how many other people did. Davey and Goliath would have loved it. Chris' cockneyed accent was hysterical especially his soesages run, and I liked that King Stewart was self aware enough to admit that Seth MacFarlane probably didn't think the characters' designs through when he created them and how off-model they look in profile and head-on. Alan Rickman's answering machine was funny too. Poor guy. I love how the tape in the machine starts and stops exactly when it is supposed to. They did not NEED to add that level of care for the joke to work, but they did anyways. The cast of How I Met Your Mother were good sports. And nobody get any rights. Ah. America. I love that Madonna's sweet 16 occurs in this episode. But the entire concept of the episode still bugs me. *1/2. Original Televised Episode: *1/2.
Road To The Multiverse:
Like the best Family Guy episodes since the show came back, they put a LOT of effort into this one and the hard work shows up on-screen. This is fabulous. Let's talk about the Disney universe first. While Lois' design was totally 90's princess, everything else was old-school, including the wonderful song. It's sort of like one of those unmemorable boring songs that Disney used to put in their films before Alan Menken showed up, except good. And you know you what? It is still better than every single song in Mary Poppins. I love the Adam West Mouse and the Tom Tucker bunny. Stewie's design was adorable too. They must have spent extra money to make the animation as fluid and textured as it was. And I like that as wonderful as the universe was, they didn't sugarcoat the fact that Uncle Walt was a hardcore anti-Semite. No polishing that. Now the dog universe: I love Tom Tucker's "That MY bush!" and I thought the dog calling Brian a freak for getting excited by having his face licked by a hot girl was REAL interesting. Why? Because it's true! Brian is a dog that has sex with humans. That is an incredibly freaky and sick thing to do and I'm amazed the bestiality on the show hasn't been identified as such before (except in a REALLY cool deleted scene on an earlier DVD volume). The Robot Chicken universe was funny ("Yay! Those shows existed!") and so was the live-action version of Stewie and Brian. Peter's Fred Flintstone design was ug-LY. And you know what? So are Fred Flinstone, George Jetson AND Ranger Smith. That five o'clock shadow line running up the side of each of their faces draws unnecessary attention to itself and make the drawings look MUCH less appealing. The Kim Cattrall clam joke was mean, and so was the Korean joke, although it took me a minute to get that one. About the "No Christianity" universe: I love the idea that even if Stewie hates Lois, he is able to objectively know she is considered hot by the continuity's standards. Stewie doesn't compliment Lois much, so him telling Brian if he saw that version of her his d*** would fall off was really cool. The universe of misleading portraiture was great too. "Aw! They got BOTH of us!" I love the Compliment Guy. And Brian's tail wagging cutting through the ice was adorable and the fact that he doesn't know what red is is hilarious. And the political cartoon universe was pretty interesting too. Because with very few exceptions, political cartoons are not actually funny. The best ones will make a valid political point but there is usually no actual joke involved in them. And the artwork of the kinds of them you find in the Washington Post is befuddlingly ugly. I have no idea why the backgrounds to those political cartoons look so bad. And it's NOT just because they are in black and white. Calvin and Hobbes and Bone made black and white look GREAT. But the art style of Post cartoons is greatly off-putting. I kind of wish we had seen the Pac-Man and Lord Of The Rings universes seen in the opening credits. And pet homosexuals eat attention. You know, the Mayor McCheese joke WAS in bad taste but it wasn't TOO much...until Jackie started eating his brains. That is effed up. How do they even come up with ideas like that? And Human Brian lucked out in being white. He has no idea how big that is here. I love his nose to death. I also loved Seth MacFarlane's line reading of "Oink" from the mutant pig. Do you know what is interesting about the Japanese universe? All of the voice-overs they got sound nothing like the American cast. Do you know why that's cool? Because that is pretty much the case of every single international dub for any cartoon ever. You'd figure they'd at least want to get a close approximation of the American actors but that never seems to happen. And Stewie accidentally had the pad on shuffle. One of the best episodes on the set. *****. Original Televised Episode: *****.
Family Goy:
That Amon Goeth joke was so far over the line. I was absolutely sickened by it. Sigh. The rest of the episode wasn't quite as horrible. The Superfriends opening was cute. and the visual of Kathy Ireland slamming against the shower screen door followed by Peter's hands was a nice one. Lois is just going to let this run its course. Peter doesn't know Shakespeare all that well. Quagmire not knowing about internet porn was hilarious. "I thought that stuff was for nerds!" Brian's not even Jewish but he's offended. All pediatricians are exactly as fake and insincere as Stewie's. Stewie had the perfect assessment of being a Griffin: "I hate it here!" Peter trying to fist bump "Holocaust!" shows exactly how clueless he is. Quagmire thought HE was getting the spin-off. I liked the Degoba System joke just because it shows how screwed up Peter's priorities are. Most people would be overjoyed to get a vision of their dead father but he's ticked because he does a lousy Obi-Wan. Does Peter REALLY think Brian should run for mayor? I love Jesus telling Peter all religions are horses***. Peter only believes he's Jewish because he knows what a 9% tip on a $200 bill is. And there is no salmon over there. Carter just squirts you with a squirt gun. You can see Peter "out" under the table when he stands up on the uncensored version. It is beyond distracting. I can't recommend the episode due to the Amon Goeth thing. *1/2. Original Televised Episode: *1/2.
Spies Reminiscent Of Us:
First off, Chevy Chase with brown hair and a full hairline? Nice try. You know Family Guy is a cartoon because Lois and Peter kick and punch each other to be the first one in the bathroom in the morning. The "I forget" elephant joke was great, as was the bathroom attendant telling Peter that fake name hadn't worked there in four years. Peter is exactly as bad at improv as you'd imagine. He's an attention seeker and not a team player and that is why Michael Scott sucks at it too. Quagmire is an idiot if he thought it would end any other way. Loved the James Lipton live-action appearance and the heckler was funny too. Don't you hate it when the hecklers are right? But yeah, nobody ever doing anything about the pedophile up the street bugged me. I loved Stewie making fun of Chevy for his long arms jokes. Frankly, Stewie appreciating Peter's comedy will never get old. Peter's seen Cops and Robbersons and My Stepmother Is A Alien? Seth Green was in that last one. And his girlfriend was played by...Alyson Hannigan! Weird universe, right? Never color Sebastian the Crab blue. You'll regret it. Can you believe Spies Like Us was Reagan's favorite movie? That's actually true. What a dork. I loved the code phrase. Racist, but plausible. Stewie doesn't know the set-up to the cutaway. Clint Howard is so ugly. Everyone in Russia is a bear on a unicycle. And Adam West did NOT just bite into a York Peppermint Patty. ***1/2. Original Televised Episode: ****.
Brian's Got A Brand New Bag:
That was effed up. NOBODY looked good by the end of that. That's start with that sniveling pantload Brian. His "In a way it's all right" speech at the end will probably go down in the top five Brian Griffin D-Bag Hall Of Fame moments. He is SO freaking condescending. From both what he is saying, and the tone of his voice, he is acting like he's doing Rita a favor by dating her. He thinks he's a philanthropist. And he is so stupid he thinks she'll just accept the fact that he thinks so little of her. It's pure vanity on his part. He thinks that by dating Rita he can prove to the world that he isn't shallow, is a good person, and isn't hung up on age. Except he IS shallow, a bad person, and hung up on her age, so I don't understand how he saw that ending any differently. But to be frank, Brian SHOULD think little of Rita. But not because of her age. Because it is implied Rita regularly has sex orgies with her own daughter. That is NOT my definition of "a catch." And I think that Brian railing against the family for their behavior rang false to me. Because at least they were up front about it. They didn't try to tip-toe around her feelings and make her think they actually liked her in the first place. Although I'd be remiss to point out that Rita is only 7 years older than Lois herself. If Brian REALLY wanted to get under her skin he could have brought that up. Peter had the best observation about the scenario. In 20 years she'd be 70 and Brian will have been dead for 15 years. Deep. The Road House stuff was fun, especially the What Dreams May Come slam. "If that DVD even touches Road House, I will kill you." Loved the visual gag of Peter driving and kicking while saying "Road House" at every turn. "Ghost!" And be honest, who HASN'T ever wished for something like that to happen to Lucy Van Pelt? I always have a very bad feeling that by the time he is an adult, Charlie Brown might wind up killing Lucy at some point and burying her body in the woods. Their relationship is NOT healthy, not even for that strip. I loved Stewie deconstructing his bad joke as flawed from the ground up. That's one of those jokes you can only do with either Stewie or Roger from American Dad. Nobody but Seth MacFarlane could pull it off. The live-action Die Hard stuff was great too. I loved Stewie's condom note. The banter between Brian and the woman at the car wreck was painful. Family Guy traffics in cliches and that was a perfect example of that. And Playboy's Women Of The Olympics are precisely that disappointing. No clue why that magazine does that. Loved Peter as a pillow. And I'll give the episode this: as unpleasant and difficult to watch as it was, it was quite well-constructed for this show. It held my interest from beginning to end. I didn't always enjoy it, but I was never bored. Which is something that is NOT true about a lot of "Brian is a d-bag" episodes. For the record, the bleeped version of Brian's f bombs at the end are funnier. Because Seth says the actual words with a mean-spiritedness that is totally uncalled for. The tone of his voice is 100% nasty, and after what he just did, he had no right to speak to her that way. I think Brian's a jerk. But after hearing that line-reading I think he's a verbally abusive jerk. ****. Original Televised Episode: ****1/2.
Hannah Banana:
I'm going to state the obvious. They should have gotten Miley. I don't care WHAT it took, they should have made it happen, or at least shelved the episode until she consented. The "This is real" joke is ghastly and funny, but if Miley herself consented to voice herself in that scene? That would top ANYTHING Patrick Stewart or James Woods ever did in fearlessness. That would have brought down the house. At this point in her life her relationship with her father was shaky, so it REALLY would have stuck it to him too, which as we now unfortunately know, Miley loves to do. I really wish she had been a LITTLE more fearless at this stage in her career. Use her powers of obnoxiousness for good instead of evil. Besides, her vagina is also a DVD burner. I actually think there is a legit case to be made the televised episode is better than the extended version. True, the "holding in the s***" line is better with an actual S-bomb, and Brian's Kanye impression singing "Fred Sanford" was funny (if offensive). But in the uncensored version Stewie kills Brian's brother, and I don't think that is something that should either be played as a joke, or something that Brian dismisses so easily. For the record, I have serious doubts Sarah Silverman is nice in real life. You don't say the things she does if you are. I think two manatee jokes collided here. They should NOT have had a joke at the expense of all women stand-ups in the same episode they were complimenting Silverman. I was like "What did they JUST say?" I loved the Evil Monkey's laughably weak excuses for his scary face, his pointing, and his tremors. The tremors thing in particular is indefensible and yet the monkey expects us to believe he has a copper deficiency. What did Ellen Barkin and Kelly McGillis ever do to the writers of this show? Three cute Meg jokes. First was the ghastly revelation that she and Chris practice kissing. The second one was that SHE has her own Evil Monkey, and the third was her making Peter mad because she was making him want to smile with her hard poo statement. The "slave trade allegory of Curious George" is a stretch. I liked the Fatherson Monkeykid Barbecue run. W-What?! Stewie thinks he a LITTLE bit better than Tim McGraw and Peter is acting bananas. I like that they used this episode to retire the Evil Monkey. It is good for a show to not get stagnant and predictable, and I think that is something that Seth MacFarlane gets and Al Jean doesn't. And I loved Stewie's "That's what I said" reaction to Brian wondering how it was easier for Stewie to track down 8 dogs born years ago on a farm in Texas, than to get Miley tickets. I think the only thing I didn't like was the extended action sequence in the climax. I mean, it's nice that they put all of the effort into making the animation look perfect, but genuine action moments that take themselves seriously aren't why I watch this show. They bore me. And always have. This could have been GREAT if they had gotten Miley Cyrus. ***1/2. Original Televised Episode: ****1/2.
Quagmire's Baby:
B*tch Stewie will probably go down in Family Guy history as the most perfect character the show ever devised. Everything he says and does is, as I said, perfect. There are not too many fictional characters that is true of. The biggest off the top of my head is Beetlejuice, so B*tch Stewie is in good company. I'm still steamed they killed him off. Maybe because they knew they couldn't top it? Either way, the character is magnificent and completely right in every single way. B*tch Brian is great too but there are a couple of off beats there. B*tch Stewie is flawless. Every joke. Every line. Every action. Perfection. And his sunny personality is infectious. He brightens up the room and the show. Do you know the only reason the tail and index finger thing was funny? Because it was so weirdly specific. And the fact that it was so weirdly specific made it MUCH grosser than it actually was. Give me a smile. Lick your lips a little. That wouldn't have worked comedy-wise unless Stewie was in complete control and knew precisely what he wanted. It really is a twisted joke. The censored version of the episode is better just because the idea of Brian licking up the remains of the clones is funnier than him not wanting to root around them for his ATM card. I have NO clue why they changed it for the DVD version. At all. I mean, I get that it showcases an F bomb but suffice it to say Brian wanting to eat guts is funnier than Brian not wanting to touch guts. Quagmire's routine with the beauty school and facials thing was gross and I laughed at Quagmire's horrified reaction to the woman stating in the letter she never had sex before, and probably wouldn't be very good at it. I think Stewie's "Would you like to meet him? Would you like to meet B*tch Stewie?" will probably be remembered as one of Seth MacFarlane's best line readings of all time. It is, to repeat myself, perfect. World's Wildest Police Chases was one of the worst shows of all time. That announcer was truly obnoxious. The time is 26 Railroad. I'm not sure about any of that. People really DID eat atrociously in the '50's. What do I look like, a Mary? Yes, I'll have cigarettes! Loved Peter's "Give her back to God." I think it would have been funnier if Glen HAD called the baby Annal at least once or twice. The Stewie clone stuff is pretty much the greatest B-plot the series ever created and the episode (while not perfect) gets a perfect grade just for that. *****. Original Televised Episode: *****.
Jerome Is The New Black:
I REALLY do not think the show's writers anticipated the positive reception this episode would receive. Viewers LOVED both Jerome and Quagmire hating Brian and they were caught so off guard by that, neither was more fully explored until the next season. Heck, Jerome only retuned recently. I do not know why I like Jerome as much as I do. He's offensive. And yet, he's lovable. And I can't explain it. As for the infamous "You are the worst person I know" rant: the reason it is so great is because it gives Quagmire layers that have sort of been hinted at, but never really shown before now. As despicable as Quagmire is, he works at the soup kitchen. I love how he HATES Holden Caulfield so vehemently. And that he respect Cheryl Tieg's intelligence enough to think that she would know how to correctly spell the word "Definite". I'm betting it was that joke that convinced her to do the show. What I love about the rant is how well-rehearsed it seems. This has been building up in Quagmire for years, and he has ALWAYS wanted to say it, and has said it in the mirror so often he knows it by heart. I relate to Quagmire because I always dream of that perfect scenario in which I tell the person I hate most in the world exactly what I hate about them in that precise and perfect a manner. And Quagmire just NAILED it. Drops mic. Walks away. It is a bit of a wish-fulfillment for people who know a douche but are too polite to say anything. I'm betting many of Seth MacFarlane's coworkers feel this way about him. The liberal slams were interesting because Brian is everything a liberal fears they are deep down. A phony. Someone who doesn't live up to the ideals they spout. My biggest fear is somebody telling me what Quagmire told Brian. The only bigger fear would be is if they were right. I also find it very interesting how hypocritical the rant is in places. Quagmire hits on Lois just as often as Brian, and has been doing it a lot longer too. And I'm pretty sure Glen is just as bad a father to Annalee as Brian is to Dylan. Except Brian doesn't look forward to having sex with his son in 18 years. Those Family Ties jokes were SO insider baseball. What an embarrassing thing to be a nerd about. Who even remembers Skippy's last name? Jebus. And the Rat Pack was exactly that awful. And without the other guy talking in his ear The Muppet Show ain't so bad. "Whatchoo talkin' bout Peter?" "Are we being robbed?" I don't think they actually sell white tiger paintings at gas stations. Here's something interesting: the two foreign guys are on the uncut version and it is the only other time besides their first appearance where they used the conceit that they almost don't have accents. It is such a funny joke that I was always so angry they lost it to make them funny sounding foreigners, and it was a treat to at least see them used properly one final time. The London Gentleman's Club will probably go down in history as one of the top ten worst cutaways of all time. It's no Sneakers O'Toole, but it is shockingly bad. It is terribly timed, and goes on for WAY too long, considering there isn't a single laugh in it. It crashes the episode to a grinding halt in the way the Chicken Fights never seem to. Conway Twitty is better. I'm not exaggerating. Yeah, Quagmire jokes around a lot. 4 reasons to hate Peter: he makes a sobbing woman's son's death all about his haircut and new sweater, he wears Klan robes to intimidate black people, ruins Joe's parrot, and he doesn't care that Jerome had sex with his daughter. The parrot thing is especially inexcusable because there was no reason for it. He just did it to be cruel. The York Peppermint Patty joke was great, especially the idea that the only food the guy had to eat was the patty and every time he took a bite he returned to the top of the mountain. The stuff with Quagmire's sister was so interesting they went back to it a couple of seasons later. Are we due to meet his deaf brother? Do you know the worst part about that scene? Even if that woman wasn't Quagmire's sister, what Brian said was absolutely horrific anyways. He calls her a hot piece of @$$ who likes it rough. Who talks like that? And she's frickin' standing right there. Brian is a truly creepy individual. Aaron McGruder did Black Jesus better. And the end of Stewie telling Brian he likes him put a smile on my face as did his off-camera reaction to Brian farting "Awww, c'mon man." I'm betting the writers had no idea how awesome this episode was until the fans went nuts. *****. Original Televised Episode: *****.
Dog Gone:
If you like seeing Brian being miserable and abused, this is the episode for you. Brian is such a creep, he is stalking Abigail Breslin. I loved the noises Stewie was making while Brian was trying to pretend he wasn't Googling himself. Consuela is not funny and centering an episode around her doesn't make her so. She's even less funny than Herbert. I did like the scene on the extended version of her walking in on Peter in the bathroom. By the end of the joke you realized precisely why she was calling the lamp trash. Meg always falls for the cervical cancer bit. The stuff with Peter and Quagmire and the Kool-Aid was golden. Bonnie is way cooler than Lois. Joe has computer games. Do you know what was even better than Lois making fun of Brian's award ceremony? Stewie delighting in the fact that Brian called her on it. "Ha! You've got nothing going on." Priceless. Somehow the feline AIDS joke is funnier now that I've seen in a few times. That was a very shocking Family Circus. The unbleeped version of that joke is funnier. I loved everyone laughing when Brian admitted the person he killed was a dog. "I could do it and they'd throw me a parade!" That is exactly how excruciating it is to listen to NPR. And now we know the lipstick is not bulletproof. The PETA Who's On First Routine was great too. Are we really doing this? "I hear Betty White is in PETA." "That doesn't even make any sense!" "Why is she wearing make-up as if she's going out? Is this going out for them?" "Monkeys aren't supposed to drink chardonnay! He's tricking you!" The Chris Matthews joke was stupid. The scene with the dog at the ice cream parlor was horrifying. I'm still in shock over how ugly that was. And Stewie has killed 7 babies. How DID Peter afford the Petercopter? If you hate Brian as much as I do, you'll enjoy this. ***1/2. Original Televised Episode: ***1/2.
The Road To 'Road To The Multiverse':
Can you believe "Spies Reminiscent Of Us" was originally going to be this year's road show, entitled "Road to '85"? That would have been a disaster. I loved the floppy Tom Tucker bunny ears too. And why on Earth is Lion-O pixelated out in the featurette? They got the rights to his likeness in the actual episode. What gives? ****.
Deleted Scenes:
All over the map. Better than some sets, but you can never tell which one is gonna be great or which one is gonna suck. It had more sucky ones than great ones and there was very little middle ground. Overall: ***.
Episode 420:
Papa Smurf And The Pee Bag Fairy: Probably a censor note. But to be fair, it isn't even SLIGHTLY funny. **.
How Awesome A Flower Looks: This had to be a time cut. It's amazing. Alex Borstien's performance as a baked Tricia Takanawa was flawless. It was realistic and relatable in a way the broadly cartoony character has never been before or since. *****.
Pot Baggie!: The butt-scratcher joke was never funny and this isn't either. *.
Not All Dogs Go To Heaven:
Can't We All Just Get Our Own Food?: Love it. Had to be a time cut. I love the idea of a seagull wondering why he can't get his own food (he has a beak) and his boss angrily pointing out the webbed feet. Great joke. *****.
Zombie Reagan: Perhaps this was cut because somebody might have pointed out that Zombie Reagan is a popular internet meme, and the writers weren't actually being original. It doesn't help that it isn't funny. 1/2.
Cleveland's Church: Cleveland is not a character to the writers. He is a vehicle for them to make sweeping, untrue generalizations of black people. That's ALL he is. You can't center a show around that. 0.
Stew-Roids:
Asian In-Laws: The Sethverse often does pointed satire when making fun of blacks or Jews. It's usually offensive, but they often mine something new to say about the subject for it. But the show's treatment of Asians? All it is is ching-chong Chinaman jokes over and over again. No subtlety. No humor other than to say that Asian people should not be taken seriously simply due to the shape of their eyes. When Andrew Dice Clay did jokes like this was had conniptions, and we certainly do when Limbaugh does it. Why does Seth MacFarlane get a pass? These are the exact same kinds of jokes they used to do in those banned Warner Bros WWII shorts. Why are those too ugly to be released to the public but this is fine? They are the exact same joke with the exact same intent behind them. There is no difference. 0.
How Bonnie Lost Her Baby Weight: Stupid and feels like the kind of joke Homer has done a million times on The Simpsons. *.
Doll Car Rental Agency: Sometimes the show can mine something funny about Stewie playing with his action figures in a domestic way. Not this time. *.
Real Men Hate Folk Music: The cutaway isn't funny and it's wrong. I don't think "real men" hate folk music. I think everybody does, regardless of gender and orientation. Despite how much influence it had in the 1960's, I think both it's current popularity and importance to music history are overstated. The joke is right about one thing: folks singers tend to have wives that look like Carol Kane. Seriously. What is up with that? **1/2.
We Love You Conrad:
Stealth Jews And Wedding Cakes: Fjorg has never been funny and he's not gonna start now. *.
Family Goy:
Joe Tries To Explain The Internet: Why was this cut? It was funny! And short! And the show has gotten away with MUCH dirtier stuff. ****.
I'm A Nutty Doctor: Okay, this was gross, but that's not its biggest problem: It's insane. Even Adam West wouldn't chew tumors like bubblegum, so I certainly don't think they should be having Dr. Hartman doing it, as incompetent as he is. He's stupid, not crazy. *1/2.
Self-Circumcision: First part, ICK, but the joke about the French laundromat was funny. **.
Brian's Got A Brand New Bag:
Evolve Much?: Why are dogs so weird? And how do the writers know ALL of the tricks for screwing with them? I didn't even know about this. **1/2.
Thanks For T-ing My D: This was MUCH funnier than the bathroom sex joke, but I REALLY did not want to spend this amount of time with Brian cheating on Rita. Plus, they try to rationalize it a little here, which is a mistake. ***.
9/12 Terrorists: Like all 9/11 jokes on this show, too soon. That is why the majority of them are cut. *1/2.
Penguin From Out Of Town: Family Guy often does good observational humor mixed in with a weird visual. This one didn't work. **.
Racial Business: I didn't understand the insult, but I'm guessing from how specific is was it was super offensive, and possibly involved genocide. But that is merely speculation on my part. *.
Spies Reminiscent Of Us:
Leper Colony Games: Big belly laugh for this one. Thumbs up. Considering how sensitive leprosy advocates are about the subject, I'm betting this was a censor note. There was no other reason to cut a joke this funny. Shame it isn't on the DVD version though. *****.
I Wonder How Chris Is Doing: I'm betting this got cut because it didn't get a laugh. Because it is painfully unfunny. 1/2.
Quagmire's Baby:
Reagan, Brady And Peter: This is the only show I've ever seen take shots at James Brady. This one wasn't so bad because he winds up looking like a bad@$$ by the end of it. Maybe Seth was making up for his earlier dinner party joke. ****.
Storytime With Quagmire: The Owl and the Pussyfoot is SO unintentially suggestive, I'm surprised this joke reading it verbatim made it to air. I'm guessing the fact that it IS a children's book is the only reason it did. ***.
Tobacco Chewing Hamster: Quagmire is disgusting but I liked the subtle Cajun accent on the hamster. Very dirt. **1/2.
The Naming Of The New World: This actually bugs me too. They named America after the guy who drew the map, instead of the guy who "discovered" it. I take comfort in the fact that Columbus was a real dirtbag, and did not deserve the honor. ****.
Al Pacino's Laundromat: Cute. But do you know who does a good Pacino? Bill Hader. They should have gotten him. ***1/2.
Hanna Banana:
Worse Father Than An Alcoholic Elephant: Manatee joke. Totally. *1/2,
Road To The Multiverse:
Other People's Kids: A deleted universe. A good cut, as this isn't even slightly funny. *.
Alright / Not Alright: Two-headed Quagmire. ***.
Jesus, Buddha, & Shakti Face Unemployment: Funny, but do you know who I saw was missing? Mohammed! Thanks for making me notice things, South Park. ***.
Eggs & Bacon!: Handel's Messiah with all of the "Hallelujahs" replaced with "Eggs and Bacon". I don't quite agree with Brian that that version is MORE moving, but I still think it works. ****.
Ben Franklin, Dancer: This was hilarious, even if the temp music track was awful. ****1/2.
Dog Gone:
There's No News To Report Tonight: Are they sure this is a joke? Because this is how every newscast sounds to me. ****.
The Invention Of Sex: Do you know why this joke is so depressing? Because it shows something clearly about the Fuzzy Door writers that makes me very sad. None of them think the act of love-making is beautiful. It's something gross and dirty and to be made fun of. That is not the mindset of an adult, much less a supposed liberal like MacFarlane. *1/2.
Look At The Wonderful Thing I've Done: Boy, a ton of stuff was cut from this episode. This makes Peter look like an even bigger jerk than usual. *.
Consuela Meets Meg: The least funny supporting character meeting the least funny Griffin is exactly as hilarious as you'd expect. *.
You're That Brian Griffin?: I love the idea that Peter is in the Special People's book club. That's just about right. ****.
Not Very Sexy Party: This joke was only funny the once, and it doesn't get any funnier by adding a twist to it. **.
That's My New Ringtone: I liked the cutaway of the good advice giving rabbi in this one. ***1/2.
Ike, This Is Tina: This was mean and unfunny. 0.
Peter's Tongue Twister: That was great! Peter is very good at one thing: nonsense. ****.
Animals Killing Animals: This landed with a thud. 0.
What The Hell Happened To Patches?: Admittedly the dog mauling the little dog and the cop made a bigger impression than this, but this certainly raises a LOT of questions about Stewie's persona. He's like Finch in "Just Shoot Me" in basing his entire personality around someone else. ***1/2.
Quagmire And The Hamster: This is Quagmire getting mad at Brian for the grossest reason possible. He is NOT better than Brian, no matter what he thinks. **1/2.
Brian In The Bathtub: This was merely a cut line. **1/2.
Jerome Is The New Black:
Jerome Schools The Fellas: That Klan joke in the episode was over the line, but if they had included this extended version of it, I would have accepted and even liked it. Jerome is smart and insightful which just makes him cooler. ****1/2.
Muffican Jam: Standards issue. Had to be. ***.
Family Guy Karaoke:
Buries face in hands. Why oh WHY couldn't they wait another two or three volumes for this? Down Syndrome Girl, possibly the greatest musical number ever devised for television, is on the next volume! Aaarrrgh! It is super frustrating to know that the show had done MANY more fabulous musical numbers than this, and we can't get them in this sing-along format. If the DVD producers are smart, they'll bring back this feature every few volumes with the updated songs. No Down Syndrome Girl make me want to squeeze a bunny too hard. Overall: ****.
Gotta Give Up The Toad: This song is admittedly fabulous, even if it is from an era (and episode) of the show I hate. But might I just point out how awful the animation in the early episodes was? I'd kind of like to see the show do this exact same song again with current animation standards. I'm betting they'd blow our minds. ****.
Left Foot, Right Foot: Everybody seems to love Randy Newman. And they should. He writes awesome songs. But what everybody seems to never want to bring up is that he is an astoundingly bad vocalist. His voice is absolutely terrible and always has been. I would like his songs a lot better if he weren't singing them. And yet, they are so awesome even horrible singing doesn't ruin them. Hearing someone with talent belting out "I Love L.A." would probably be a religious experience. The Karaoke on this clarified a lyric for me. It's "saliva working". I never could catch that before. **1/2.
Road To Rhode Island: Simpy put, I love any song that contains the lyric "Like a masochist in Shreveport we're Rhode Island Bound." ****1/2.
Hic-A-Doo-La: Nobody likes your old movies, Seth. I'll keep the "Obeying all the rules" guy though. **.
You're Got A Lot To See: I hate this song. Passionately and unreservedly. Partly because it sucks, and partly because I think the producers actually think I should be impressed by it. It is at least three times longer than it needs to be, and from the animation staging you can tell the writers think they are giving Brian a tour de force, instead of having him utter unfunny and corny claptrap. Do you know what the worst part about the song is? It's memorable so it's an earworm. I could forgive that it was catchy. But it's "Horse With No Name" memorable. That's how bad the melody is. I do NOT want that specific song stuck in my head for hours and yet it will be. 0.
My Fat Baby Loves To Eat: This shouldn't be funny. At all. And yet IT IS. What is up with that? ****.
You Do!: Rachel MacFarlane as Olivia is adorable, but I could do without the baby sex jokes, especially as performed by brother and sister. ***.
You And I Are So Awfully Different: I miss the Crosby / Hope duets from Brian and Stewie during the Road episodes. One of the very few ways the original series is better than the relaunch. ****1/2.
Buy Me A Rainbow: I get that Mila Kunis is a terrible singer. I do. But could they at least get a singer who even sounded a LITTLE like her? This was an Aladdin level bad impression The ironic thing is she could definitely pass for Lacey Chabert. Which makes me sad again. *.
You Have AIDS: This song is SO underappreciated. I get that it's offensive, but it's perfectly constructed, sung, and boarded. I think people need to give this joke a break. It is MUCH better than it's reputation suggests. ****1/2.
The FCC Song: The first perfect musical number on the show. Do you know the great thing? They have managed to top it MANY times which is good. *****.
When We Swing: Seth MacFarlane and Frank Sinatra Jr. are amazing together. You can tell this was the dream of a lifetime for Seth. The song has a big problem: the "freshly shaven leg" bit. I get they were trying to be shocking but with a song this great, they REALLY needed to have every single verse rhyme. It hits the ear wrong that it doesn't. ****.
Shipoopi: I have a soft spot for this one. The fact that everyone else hates it so much tickles me. ****.
Noble Indian Chief: Folk Music is the kind of genre where even the parody songs sound terrible. 0.
(In God's Eyes) Everybody's Hot: As I was saying. 0.
This Is One Fine Day To Be Nude: Clinton was NOT this fat at the time this aired. I think the producers realized how outdated that model was and redesigned him for his next appearance. **.
Evil Monkey Song: Sometime Seth Green's singing voice makes me laugh. This is not one of those times. They should have used "Wake Me Up Before You Go Go" instead. *.
My Black Son: I'm going to bash this. This is one authentic piece of satire. It is SO true to life and painful about every bad 80's sitcom... that's it's actually bad. Family Guy often straddles the line of making fun of awful TV and actually BEING awful TV by doing so. This crossed that line. *1/2.
Drunken Irish Dad: This is ONE earmworm I welcome. Do you know what's better than impossibly complicated rhymes? Impossibly complicated rhymes sung REALLY FAST. That is what make Down Syndrome Girl so magnificent. Seth is the real deal.
Prom Night Dumpster Baby: Exactly as bad as you remembered. Dear, Prom Night Dumpster Baby. Let me enumerate the myriad ways you suck. The song is awful, the animation is boring, the segment isn't funny, it's overlong, and badly timed and edited. VERY poor showing. 0.
Sodomy: I loathe this song for two reasons: Peter Griffin feels comfortable singing that to his three kids and Lois Griffin doesn't punch his lights out for doing so. 0.
Me & Jesus: They rhyme Jesus with Ramona and Beezus so all is right with the world. ***1/2.
I Like Farts: I REALLY love the subtext to John Viener's vocals, even if the song itself sucks. It's supposed to. There is a seething rage behind the friendliness in New Brian that is lost on everyone in the family. His facial expressions and tone as he leans in to sing it are almost as if he is screaming into Peter's face: "This is what you like! This is how stupid you are!" I love that. ****.
G-Chord: They included THIS but not Stewie's "Everything I Do (I Do It For You)" music video? The second half of the song is admittedly pretty good though. **1/2.
The Handi-Quacks Theme Song: This is bad on purpose. Do you know what else that makes it? Bad. Animation is fun though. 1/2.
The Pot Song: One of the most overrated numbers in Family Guy history. Yes, it's toe-tapping and beautifully choreographed and animated. But it gets demerits for NOT being an original melody and suffering from some unusually lazy rhyming. How Seth MacFarlane thought we'd think of the Helen Keller "joke" as anything but a way for him to put in less effort is beyond me. A good rhyming song is about one topic and uses clever wordplay about the topic at hand. There is no part about "assault a queer" or "rent the Rocketeer" that goes together. Soup rhymes with poop. Give me a TV show. They REALLY phoned parts of this in. I won't deny it's fun though. ****.
The Friendship Song: This a bad song, and an earmworm, but it's catchy, and I enjoy it, so I don't mind. It is exactly as mind-numbingly "pleasant" as all of those Disney Channel musicals, which also means its a guilty pleasure. ****.
It's A Wonderful Day For Pie: This one is interesting. Because it does something impossible and threads the needle perfectly. It sets out to do a musical number in the style of the classic Disney films of the 1950's. Unfortunately, one of the biggest dirty secrets about Disney is that until Alan Menken came along, all of their musicals actually sucked. Don't look at me like that. Deep down you know it is true. If "When You Wish Upon A Star" is the best song you come up with, and the ONLY song passable enough to be a corporate logo, you effed up somewhere. The show tried to do a song in the song style of the classic films while actually making it good and something you WANT to listen to instead of tolerate because this is the best soundtrack you're gonna get. They did it. When they're singing about this Adam West Mouse or this Tom Tucker Bunny I am truly uplifted. It is true it is NOT a great musical number by this show's standards. But for what it was trying to satirize, it was perfect. It is literally better than any Disney song until The Jungle Book. They done good. ****1/2.
The Cleveland Show Season 1 Trailer: About as bad as the show. *.
American Dad Volume 5 Uncensored Trailer: Nuh uh to your uh huh! ****.
DVD Menus: Brian and Stewie travel to various universes. Overall: ***.
Disc 1 DVD Menu: The Sssss...Aaaaahhh... thing is still not funny. **.
Disc 2 DVD Menu: Carter fingering David Cassidy's butthole will never get old. Still can't believe they let that one on TV. ***.
Disc 3 DVD Menu: The universe of misleading portraiture. ****.