"Family Guy: Volume Seven" Review (Spoilers)
Family Guy: Volume Seven
Yeah, so that was a thing. Eh. The show is going through a bit of a rough patch in this volume, even if there is only ONE really bad episode on it (Play It Again, Brian). Seth MacFarlane had yet to really start trying to push the show to its limits quality-wise with the animation and music, so even if these are WAAAAYYYY better than the horrid original 50 episodes, there still is not a truly special episode on the level of "Stewie and Brian" or "And Then There Were Fewer." Outside of Stewie's music video in "Ocean's Three And A Half", Barry Manilow's "Quagmire" in "Back To The Woods", Frank Sinatra Jr.'s "Take Me Out To pLace Tonight" in "Tales Of A Third Grade Nothing", and the family singing "The Rose" in the car in "Baby Not On Board", there weren't many great musical numbers, and certainly none of the original ditties the more recent seasons have become famous for. There are pretty much all average episodes, with the exception of "The Man With Two Brians" which is pretty great. Overall: ***.
Back To The Woods:
"Johnny liked little boys." I don't know whether to laugh at that or wring Seth MacFarlane's neck. And the sequence where Barry Manilow sings "Quagmire" is amazing. Aside from being hilarious due to the expression on Glen's face, the camera movements and animation are magnificent. Listening to "Mandy" is almost a religious experience. The show just did the same thing with the spoof song. James Woods was truly out of his mind. The whole Heather Graham story was appalling, and "Mr. Pukey" was appallingly funny, especially because he dragged Reese Witherspoon into it. And him hating David Spade is just about right. And Bonnie lied to Joe about the poop sack. I also have always really liked the "man meeting his ex-girlfriend on the sidewalk" cutaway. "There's a Dave! Dave sounds great!" The extended version offers a REALLY interesting Quagmire joke. It turns out Quagmire is a poetry snob, which isn't the kind of joke the show really did much at this point in its run. Only after he started hating Brian and resenting Joe did he start to get layers. It's fascinating to see a cut scene where it happens early. The Michael Richards joke is inexplicable though because they just had him and Peter mimic the Letterman appearance verbatim. Family Guy often forgets to tell a joke and that was a glaring example of it. The Spider-Man joke is funnier on the uncensored version too. Nice Garden State slam too. Bad things? I wish the ending were different. I don't so much object to using the crate joke twice (Peter saying that he should remember that for next time is still hilarious) but they really shouldn't have simply kept the last joke identical. Maybe they couldn't think of a better one, but Family Guy is supposed to be the show with the professional comedy writers. They should have at least tried. ****. Original Televised Episode: ****.
Play It Again, Brian:
I really loathe this episode. There are some good jokes (Damn Nature, You Scary!, Brooks Was Here) but I detest how Brian trying to rape Lois and then Peter and Brian beating each other half to death is played for laughs. Brian is NOT the Giant Chicken. A gory fight between him and Peter means something entirely different to the audience. It's not funny. And I resent the fact that MacFarlane thinks that I should find it so. I also hate the Reagan joke. With a passion. Seth may have done that to knock Saint Ronnie, but what it REALLY wound up doing is making Brian look REALLY bad. Brian is blaming a Republican for his own horrid actions. I have never understood why a liberal like Seth MacFarlane says every week that Brian is the cast member you should respect and take seriously the least. I kind of don't want Seth representing the movement if that's how he's going to treat the show's spokesman for it. The extended version has a lousy Herbert musical number but I will not deny that Mike Henry being able to sing so powerfully in that falsetto is quite an achievement. That goes double for his creepy whistling. That Peter and the Wolf joke was perfect. Do you know what they should have done after Chris asked Herbert if he was a pedophile? Retire the entire dang character! There is really no place else to go from that and seems like a funny capper to a joke that isn't really funny. They should have quit while they were ahead. I did like the music in the episode. Seth MacFarlane singing "As Time Goes By" was a treat and "The Spirit Of Massachusetts" was one of my favorite commercials as a kid. Somehow they made the huge chorus at the end make it seem even MORE epic. For the record, the best joke in the episode (Damn Nature, You Scary!) is better on the censored version. Mike Henry's delivery is funnier and the F-bombs on the uncensored version distract from the point of the joke. There is some good in this but it's mostly a disappointment. This episode is mostly like Fruit Striped Gum. *. Original Televised Episode: *1/2.
The Former Life Of Brian:
The episode wants me to think having a kid makes Brian insufferable but his "So...you DO go all the way," tells the audience exactly what kind of person he is up-front. The whole "What if Dylan were in an airplane crash?" and "Is gold bread good enough for your Dylan?" jokes were funny though. I love the Matthew McConaughey runner . It's one of those observational jokes this show does so well. When Seth Green is riffing about Contact, and Jodie Foster being cold and unapproachable, and him adding some "downhome enthusiasm", my heart is pretty much his. Also funny was MacFarlane's line reading on "How to lose a guy in ten seconds, starring Stewie Griffin. Gee whiz." Stewie had a lot of funny lines like "Jer-ry! Jer-ry! Jer-ry!" and his joke about the Lamisil monster under Tracey's toenail. I also like how Cleveland threatens to punch Brian in the d*ck in the extended version. Joel IS a nice name, by the way. Stewie looks SO cute in his bunny costume. Front Parlor Ribticklers was funny due to Peter's hilarious laugh. This is the only time the "two foreign guys" joke worked. Because it is the only time they followed the conceit that they almost seemed American. By the way? That Monty Python slam was fearless. NOBODY takes a shot at that show, and Seth just went ahead and stated an uncomfortable truth about it. That's takes almost as much nerve as bashing professional wrestling (which Seth STILL seems too afraid to do). I didn't like the episode. So I'll go on the internet and complain about it. **1/2. Original Televised Episode: **.
Long John Peter:
Hasbro's Best Thing Ever was SO spot on. They got the announcer's cadences absolutely perfectly, and had the kids interject with superlatives at exactly the right moments. Super authentic toy commercial. There is also a dark anger behind the joke that makes it even funnier. Speaking of great jokes, "frog in a box" will probably go down in history as one of this show's finest. It is certainly the best timed joke the show has ever done. I don't even think they could have done that joke a few years ago because animation techniques weren't good enough to time something like that on a TV budget. The best part is it's relatable. Everyone who has ever had to get rid of a dead animal and tried to do it without touching it sees themselves in Peter. It is really the perfect joke. But Peter is FAR from the perfect character. When he says "I thought I was helping" I screamed "B.S.!" at my TV. He was deliberately screwing with Chris and sabotaging his relationship for kicks. Peter is not THAT dumb. No father anywhere should actually think that teaching their son to be terrible to women is a remotely acceptable lesson. The Michael J. Fox / Zorro joke was SO wrong, but I liked Dr. Jewish describing the undignified way Adrien Beaky died. I'm pretty sure they got the idea for The Cleveland Show's Dr. Fist here. He is even voiced by Bryan Cranston as well. The Tom Hanks / E.T. joke was SO stupid and obvious. I can't believe that made it to air. It's not even that it's offensive, it just totally isn't funny, which is the thing that should have concerned the writers most. I loved Chris destroying Joe by calling him broken from the waist down, saying he's sure he's had fond memories of sex, and calling him a two-wheeled monster. That's going to be Peter's new ring tone. I also loved Brian's reaction at the vet to Chris beating him up "F*** You." / "No, you're cool guy." Brian's beat-up design was hilarious. That dude got WRECKED! And Chris telling Anna she looked good after her saying his dog didn't was super smooth. And I love that the episode ends with Stewie kicking Brian in the nuts. Funny. By the way, Mike Henry's O.J. Simpson is hilarious. He was going to be an usher. ***. Original Televised Episode: ***.
Love Blactually:
"Close the window! You're lettin' the stank out!" / "And "Boom" goes the dynamite!"/ "I'm no meteorologist but I'm pretty sure it's raining b*tches." Why is it that Cleveland Brown had more quotable lines in this episode than he did in the entirety of his four season series? About the Laura Bush joke: I absolutely adore it and think it is probably the most insightful political joke the show has ever done. This show isn't very politcally insightful so it isn't TOO hard, but it truly was brilliant. Laura Bush killed a guy. Think about that for minute. LAURA BUSH KILLED A GUY. Can you imagine what the rightwing would do if it was ever uncovered Hillary Clinton or Michelle Obama committed a homicide? We'd never hear the end of it! For some strange reason liberals have taken the tack that it is off-limits. What that joke said to me is, "No it's not". That's the first time I've ever heard anyone ANYWHERE say that, which is kind of surprising, because it is completely true. Bless the writer who came up with that. Do you know what else was true? Brian's sick "voluntary sex" line. It is really upsetting to think that Brian is so horrible a person that he would ask a woman he's just met that, but he's actually right! So instead of being creepy, it's actually insightful. I love and hate that joke equally. I enjoy the subtext that Stewie is sabotaging Brian because he is in love with him. "You'll be a wonderful lover, Brian." I loved the announcer saying "This would be painful if you loved that girl." I like the show questioning the reality of when people can and can't understand what Stewie is saying. And Cleveland's "You can put your clothes back on," was one of the saddest lines I have ever heard, as was the 37 year old woman on a blind date's quip about her three eggs. I also laughed at Cleveland saying he'd have to be a "hommasekshul" to ignore signs like that (and the runway bit WAS hilarious). And Stewie's owl costume is adorable. I'm gonna call b.s. on something: the title of the episode. Every time there is a Cleveland episode (or more recently a Jerome episode) Seth puts the word "black" in the title. Seth does not see Cleveland as a character in his own right. He is a gimmick. His entire purpose is to make fun of black people. And Seth wonders why The Cleveland Show failed. Seth does not view Cleveland as anything but a color. How can he expect the audience to think any differently? I also hate the Horton Hears Domestic Violence joke. Just because the writers think it is a joke in the first place. The Pinocchio joke with Brian was entirely appropriate though because Loretta is just so freaking horrible and there is no way to sugarcoat that. Loved Peter's line reading of "Brian...sometimes...I don't believe...I know you." And what's the difference between love and genital warts? Genital warts are forever. ***1/2. Original Televised Episode: ***1/2.
I Dream Of Jesus:
Dear Lord. That Surfin' Bird joke is just as bad as the worst Conway Twitty joke. Scratch that. It's MUCH worse. At least Conway Twitty isn't an earworm. I'm gonna have that in my head for the rest of the day. I'll probably get a nosebleed like Stewie did. Peter pretending to have a stroke and then getting up and singing "Papa ooo mow mow" was SO funny. Well timed animation too, which is true about ALL of Peter's dancing in the episode. Loved Stewie put a gun in his mouth, and I loved it when Chris pulled one on Peter to play along with his old timey 1940's mystery. I liked the observation that 50's diners were very popular in the 80's. There were probably more 50's diners in the 80's than there were in the 50's. Loved the shots at Jay Leno (Providing background noise for intercourse since 1992; Unfortunately, More to come), Dane Cook (Is he saying something funny? I dunno, but he's moving around a lot, so I guess) and Lindsay Lohan (Hey! I just had a beer! Who wants to do me?). I also love the idea that Jesus Christ reads Cracked magazine. The scene with Jesus and Bush was great. I didn't think so when it first aired, but that is a political joke that has gotten better with age. Loved Peter trying to top Jesus's resurrection story with being wrecked on Southern Comfort and seeing "The Chronicles Of Riddick" without puking. And how do you prove Jesus is Jesus? If he won't let you pee on the Amy Grant CD's. I loved God rummaging through the drawer after he quit smoking. "Why is there a pen cap and no pen?" Brian's jaw dropping upon Lois' breasts exploding was a great visual too. The extended version has a great joke of Stewie and Perez Hilton (voicing himself) getting into a "b*tch off" as well as an entire musical number with Jesus, which insightfully knew that they should automatically have the name Jesus rhyme with Ramona and Beezus. I also like the Paris Hilton joke of Peter carrying Meg in his handbag. For some reason the unbleeped F bombs are funnier. That isn't usually the case, but those are some great line readings from Seth MacFarlane. That guy asking Peter to ask his daughter to cry and beg him to stop was an absolutely terrible joke. If it were funnier I might forgive it, but it is just simply horrifying. I also thought the Marlee Matlin joke was idiotic. She's freaking deaf! She CAN'T use Moviephone! Morons. Still, pretty good episode. ****. Original Televised Episode: ***1/2.
Road To Germany:
This episode is most famous for the McCain / Palin joke. At the time, it was admittedly a bit insipid. But honestly, now? Sarah Palin's rhetoric on Facebook and elsewhere is identical to a white supremacist. The level of hatred and disrespect she shows towards the duly elected President of the United States is no different than a member of the KKK. You may think I'm exaggerating, but I'm not. Not even a little. What is ironic is that when the joke was written nobody knew the first thing about Palin so it was absolutely b.s. THEN. But it eerily turned out to be completely true. I love how mad it made the South Park creators. It SO offended their delicate sensibilities that they wasted an entire episode lying about how harmless Palin was. God bless their simple hearts, they can dish it out, but they can't take it. Heaven forfend. For people who claim to hate Family Guy so much, they sure spend an awful lot of time giving it free press. Touched a nerve, maybe? I loved the Little Shop reference, and the Back to the Future skateboarding one too (especially since they used the actual soundtrack to that one). I loved everybody at the nuclear facility greeting Hitler as if he were Norm from Cheers, and Stewie's Charlie Chaplin bit was funny too. Do you know the best thing about the Steve Buscemi slam? Scarlett Johansen took an equal beating in that scene. Which is tight. I liked Brian's tissue joke about Quagmire. Ha ha ha! He's gross. I loved Stewie taking great offense at Brian asking if there was a monitor on the time machine that said what the date was, and him saying that what Brian just said was such a douche time traveler thing to say. A funny blink and you'll miss it gag was Stewie taking the yarmulke from his own head and putting it on Brian's. They only used the gems for Winston Churchill. That Nazi is lucky his human resources guy didn't hear him say that. Fun fact: Rene Russo was born on the same day as the German invasion of Poland. I love this show's old-timey stuff and "Silent Movie Porn" is a great example. The Blue Brothers riff once the sub crashes was great too. They took a couple of well-placed visual slams about the fact that Walt Disney was a raging anti-Semite. Stewie does a great Kate Capshaw. Loved the LMFAO on the German telegram. I didn't get the Flash Gordon Hawkman reference until I heard the commentary. The uncensored version makes it VERY explicit that Mort can understand Stewie with his going on an F-bomb laced tirade at Stewie and Brian and them making fun of him for his @$$ neck run. Mort's outrages as a Jew time-traveling to 1939 Warsaw was righteous and completely justified. The unaired version also has a joke where Peter knows every movie tagline. This episode is better than I remembered. ***1/2. Original Televised Episode: ***1/2.
Baby Not On Board:
God, I love the Griffins singing "The Rose" in the car. SO great. I don't care WHAT the people on the commentary think, it is a fantastic. I didn't get what movie Peter was referencing at the end until the commentary either (it was Planes, Trains, And Automobiles). Brian can't do a good Stewie. Aaah, Brian, you suck! The Morbidly Obese Albert joke was a good one. He gets his shoes half price. I like the Power of Love joke too but the Aquaman bit was freaking ugly. My favorite cutaway was the Fozzie Bear one just because it was so authentic to Fozzie's character. "He was SO Arab, everybody liked him and there was nothing funny about him at all," is precisely what Fozzie would actually say in that particular situation. Shawanda is a great name and I loved the pictures on her phone of Stewie stealing food. Stewie's line reading on "Whaaaat?" was absolutely perfect too. Stewie was also cute running around the house on a soda high. The Lord of the Rings run between Karl and Chris was funnier on the aired version because it was shorter and therefore punchier. Chris doesn't need to see Krull. Also better on the aired version was the Cleveland / Quagmire Direct TV joke at the end. What Brian is saying is we need to invade Iran. The extended version shows Joseph's wedding night. It's hilarious but I see why it didn't pass muster with Fox. Loved the Lost joke too. That is EXACTLY what Matthew Fox is like on the show. It's part of the mystery. Patch Adams is precisely that horrible. I liked Stewie calling Meg "Dog" at the end. And I have no problems with the word rubbish. Good episode. ***1/2. Original Televised Episode: ****.
The Man With Two Brians:
What a croc! Bernie the Hamster! I love how New Brian is SO nice and friendly until the very end where he showed his true colors and bragged to Stewie he humped Rupert. What a great and cruel line reading Actually John Viener's entire performance seethes with barely concealed fake-nice rage. He HATES the Griffins, and none of them but Stewie realize that his friendliness masks thinly veiled shots at their expense. His fart song for Peter was great too, him making Meg a little less gross (National Geographic women are beautiful and Meg is old enough for deodorant) was hilarious, him singing "Summer Lovin'" with Lois was awesome (due to Alex Borstein's vocals), and his George Haynes impression was spot-on. And the painful Karaoke scene was also laced with barely hidden contempt from New Brian. That's why it was so funny. Speaking of cruelty, how awful was it for Peter to not acknowledge Lois' boner joke? Stuff like that is the reason I think Peter isn't stupid, knows what he's doing, and is cruel for the sake of being cruel. And he's smart enough to fool people into believing he's merely an idiot. I liked seeing the early de-evolution of Brian's relationship with Quagmire as Quagmire (who doesn't seem to hate Brian yet) yells at him for thinking he wasn't "being discreet" about his girlfriend's leg. Quagmire's story about the leg and description of it was absolutely amazing. Great acting by Seth MacFarlane. It is REALLY weird how much I remember The Greatest American Hero (and the theme song "Walkin' On Air") despite the fact that I must have been like 7 when that show was on the air, and it only ran for a couple of seasons. Johnny Knoxville getting shot in the face was a funny joke too as was Quagmire's reaction to the guys antagonizing the bees in "Bee Bush". The Carol Alt jokes were SO mean and meanly funny and the Bill Cosby joke is somehow even funnier now. Do you know the best part of the Carol Alt joke? It was totally untrue. Two weeks after the episode aired Alt's Playboy spread was published, and she still looked like a million bucks. Sometimes Family Guy writers have the absolute worst timing (see "The Juice Is Loose"). I also laughed at Stewie's reaction to Peter offering to show Brian his new gun in the woods. I love that Stewie was unable to anger New Brian with his Cool Hwhip routine. Brian is a douche but he's STEWIE'S douche. Love the Mumm-Ra joke. That dude always had the best design. I thought Lois rubbing in Brian's age in dog years was hilarious especially since he smokes and drinks so much. The Lincoln lawn joke was funny too. The extended version has a great joke of Peter as an 80's bully. And yes, there is an alligator on his shirt. Denny's pancakes are okay. I thought New Brian sleep farts were cute. (Lovingly) Shut up, Meg. Great episode. *****.
Tales Of A Third Grade Nothing:
God bless Frank Sinatra Jr. Him offering those women a Rob Roy and asking if he was hitting on Lou Costello was hilarious, as was him raising the back of his hand, and asking Dakota to go back to his apartment and take a whack at his genitals. I loved him calling the DJ "Maynard G. Krebs". Him and Brian look like rappers, but they're white, so that's the perfect amount of danger. And Stewie would welcome a lawsuit from a gazelle. The uncensored episode has an excellent extended version of "Take Me Out To pLace Tonight". Sinatra makes a Spencer Pratt reference. Loved the Yosemite Sam skinny jeans joke. I also love how Peter was being such a bad influence with those kids and how those kids explicitly articulated how his violence and homophobia would effect them when they grow up. The Mrs. Killson joke was great too. I also loved the spelling bee and Tom Tucker's offers of dirty and libelous sentences (The two lesbians went shopping for double-headed marital aids. Helen Hunt and Gillian Anderson are lesbians). Tom Tucker's bullying of Omar was even worse than Peter's because it was race-based. I also loved Quagmire asking that teacher to have unprotected sex and her reaction: "Hmmmm." Michael Jackson was exactly that violent with his crotch in the 1990's, and Prince on The Price Is Right was funny too. And Peter will be out of jail next Sunday at 9:00. Of course. I also liked the John Wilkes Booth joke. You're welcome. I also love Peter describing his poop as "starting to crown". That should now be a thing. I'm serious. I'm using that from now on. Bad things? The "shpoople" gag is not only a manatee joke, it is a stupid and unfunny one. And the fact that Bruce Jenner was kind enough to voice himself makes the cheap shot at his sexuality in a later episode unforgivable. Why should any celebrity voice themselves if that is how they are going to be treated down the line? I feel the same way about Andy Dick here and his truly cruel "appearance" on American Dad years later. There is a reason Hollywood hates Seth MacFarlane. Still, this was great. You have to listen to the commentary with Frank Sinatra Jr.. It is awesome. He seems to REALLY enjoy watching the episode, and even picks out the Jurassic Park and Star Wars references. He even mistakes something that probably WASN'T a Star Wars reference as one (where Stewie tells the gazelle he doesn't want his kind in there). I love the idea that Sinatra is a Star Wars nerd. The story he tells on the origins of political correctness was fascinating, even if I disagree with him. I loved his derisive comments towards Seth for his unflattering meathead design. He also correctly notes that Family Guy isn't often a comedy, but a satire. It's moved away from that a bit since it's come back, but there show traffics in cliches and predictable dialogue as a clever way to spoof it without outright saying why it sucks. That's satire in a nutshell. The fact that Family Guy is as badly written as it is on purpose makes much of it a satire. Funniest part of the commentary was Sinatra lamenting after MacFarlane defines what a bar skank is for him that he was unfortunately only a cartoon in that scene. Hilarious. ****1/2. Original Televised Episode: ****.
Ocean's Three And A Half:
About time Bonnie finally had the baby. Stewie's music video is pretty much perfect, and used every video cliche from the 80's. I also loved Brian rattling off 31 songs named after women off the top of his head. And that high-talking thing only works when Stewie does it. Enjoyed his bit with the guitar. Those two drunk kids were hilarious too ("D-do you know what we should do? Just get on our bikes... and just GO. Just go somewhere, and start a business." / "That's the guy...that's the guy whose chin looks like a-a...balls."). Do as Megatron Commands! The Christian Bale rant is missing from the DVD. Bonnie changing Joe and him saying he never felt less like a man was the saddest thing I've ever seen. Even worse was when Bonnie offered to put his penis on. Babies come out of the butt, right? How is Seamus even alive? I liked the gag of Peter test driving the new sports car, and Mila Kunis' line reading on "Sorry, Dad, I forgot." Now run along and go play in the mud. I liked Carter LITERALLY p***ing away $20,000, and him giving Bill Gates the business. Quagmire's Knicks joke was funny too. I like the loan shark chewing a tooth pick and flipping a nickel. The Hannity and Colmes thing was SO freaking spot on. That is EXACTLY what Alan Colmes and Sean Hannity are like together. And Keith IS one unattractive name. I liked the two mobsters trying to puzzle out the Swanson TV dinner gag. The episode gets a good grade because of the music video. I'm taking a half star off the televised episode for missing the Bale bit. ***1/2. Original Televised Episode: ***.
Family Gay:
This episode does NOT deserve its terrible reputation. It's not great, but it certainly is not the piece of absolute garbage fans of the show claim it is. It's simply average. Part of me thinks that it is homophobia in some Family Guy fans' minds, who REALLY dislike the idea of Peter actually having gay sex, but the episode is pretty homophobic itself, so I'm guessing the haters don't quite get that it isn't a compliment. Bygones. There is something interesting about gay Peter: he is a better father and husband and all around nicer person than straight Peter. That is really thought-provoking. For some reason, the versions where Peter and Lois call the horse retarded instead of brain damaged are funnier, and they really shouldn't be. Do you know why they are? New England accents. Totally. It is as simple as that. Nobody says the word retarded quite like a New Englander, and it's funny even if you don't want it to be. Loved Stewie's reaction to Peter ordering everybody to pee on the floor so the horse doesn't get nervous: "We're an unusual family." The horse standing behind the car was funny as was Peter's actual reaction to winning it at the auction ("I don't know!"). I thought the canceled Fox shows runner was a great way to update the funniest joke from "North By North Quahog". Aren't we about due for another one of these? I bet The Winner is still a sore spot with Seth. And the horse is called Till Death because Peter is gonna shove it down America's throat. There was really no reason that show should have lasted as long as it did. The way the horse ran was a funny visual joke too. Peter's line reading on "You're married to a retarded man" was musical and hilarious too, and that was a particularly good Cleveland bathtub joke ("Oooh, that's nasty."). It was easy to predict the ending to Wild Hogs. The James Bond joke was totally tasteless, and yet, it completely summed up the subtext and sensibilities of the movies. They can't pretend it really reads any other way, as much as the Bond producers might want it to. I liked Peter subverting the trope by correctly repeating back to Lois the thing that concerned her. I also find the idea of Stewie going through a homophobic, Bible-thumping phase to be quite insightful as to what really incites people like that. Yeah, it's out of character. But it's out of character for every single secretly gay preacher railing against gay people. I loved Stewie claiming he doesn't shove his heterosexuality down people throats, and Brian dead-panning "No, you do not." He's quoting the Bible without even knowing how to read. Welcome to America. But Brian sending Peter to a straight camp is a new low. That is why I don't really consider Brian a liberal. His ethics are entirely situational, and he feels free to ignore his guiding principles whenever they make him slightly uncomfortable. That is not a liberal worldview. I also have to complain that Brian wouldn't WANT Peter to go back to Lois. The only way Brian would have a shot with Lois is if Peter were gay. I do not believe for one second Brian would have passed up this chance. He isn't THAT good of a "friend" to either Peter or Lois. Gay Peter did a LOT of funny things including talking about glory holes and the remainder of Brent, and talking about drinks having empty calories, and going back to Alan and Omar's place for bad movie night, while saying he was simply repeating what the instructor said. The bit with the bats and fists was great too. I never pictured straight camp being so much fun. The extended version shows a scene of Peter propositioning Quagmire, and him being receptive once the other guys leave. It also has a longer and dirtier run of the Reagan / Gorbachev joke. Take note: when Chris takes over as man of the house, the first thing he does is fart on Meg and then punch out Lois. Is he telling us something fundamental about Peter and Lois' relationship we aren't privy to due to censor standards? He just might be. And yes, pigs are in charge of guinea pigs. I also loved the racing announcer overexplaining what horrible things were happening off-screen. Seth Rogen is a good sport. Speaking of which, I can't believe they actually got Meredith Baxter to voice "Raped By A Clown". Perhaps Seth MacFarlane has more clout in Hollywood than I've given him credit for. ***. Original Televised Episode: ***.
The Juice Is Loose!:
This episode had the worst timing. Since it aired after O.J. Simpson's second arrest, they had to claim it was a "lost" episode set in 2007. That's pathetic. What was it like to have the privilege to perform the words of Oscar winner Diablo Cody? She's an overpriced call girl who got lucky once! Oooo, that doesn't sound like an interview answer. Say something nice about Diablo Cody. I envy the tattoo artist who had that huge canvas of arm fat to work with. Classic Brian and Stewie. Stewie's stuff about Jack Black is precisely the type of twaddle celebrities expound on in interview shows, and if the Michael J. Fox joke was mean, it was still funny. The Dumb Beaver has always made me laugh. There's more of him in the extended version. This was easily the worst Conway Twitty "joke" ever, but there IS something interesting about it that I just noticed. The scene preceding the cutaway takes place at night at the front room with Peter's friends, and the scene it cuts back to takes place in the kitchen the next day with the family. They're basically saying the cutaway is so long that an entire day for the Griffins passed during it. I wish that had been made more explicit because it makes a joke that isn't funny at all SLIGHTLY funny. I have always really dislikes "performance art" jokes at the expense of the audience. I am probably the only person who doesn't find Andy Kaufman funny. He was annoying. Like this was. "Beat it, Simpson! We don't love you like we did in 1993!" "D'oh!" Patrick Warburton (badly) sings a "relaxing" song into Peter's ear in the extended version. It is majorly creepy. I also love the knife throwing "accident" joke ending with Peter saying he pooped his pants. Peter's reactions to the family trying to explain O.J.'s backstory were priceless ("O.J. Simpson? Was this on the news?") as was him being easily swayed by Simpson's corny jokes about uncivil suits and bad movies. "That makes up for one murder! And that makes up for the other murder!" O.J. throwing Stewie's head as a football was funny enough, but having Chris spike it was icing on the cake. "Good grief!" I liked the opera reenactment, especially the ribbons for the blood. And NOBODY likes Fred Goldman's moustache. His appearance is almost as ridiculous as the Rent Is Too D*mn High guy's. "Do you have AIDS?" "Ahhhh, C'mon, we're all just trying to have a good time here." This was not one of the series' finer outings. **1/2.
Animatic Episodes:
These were cool, although only Love Blactually gave us a ton of scenes that weren't in the actual episode (or deleted scenes). Overall: ***1/2.
Love Blactually:
The entire ending was reworked. I like the aired episode's ending better just because Loretta is so horrible that I would hate to see her back on the show. The ending has a funny cameo from Cleveland Jr. who each parent thought lived with the other. He was really living with Herbert. The animatic had some good jokes including a slam at Charles Schulz's art style, a gorilla saying he's related to Sarah Silverman, and Stewie doing Crazy Spoon Head Guy (1992 was a bad year for comedy thanks to Adam Sandler.) We also saw Chris in a Meg costume and truly hilarious joke about Stewie's wallet and racism where Stewie argues that since Cleveland can't understand him, he wasn't really being racist. It was the funniest joke in the entire episode so I have no idea why it was cut. It was WAAAAYYY funnier than the Pinocchio thing that replaced it. It's weird that the most memorable lines of the episode ("Boom goes the dynamite" and "You're lettin' the stank out") aren't in the animatic. Carolyn also makes the Brazilian wax come-on to Brian, making Cleveland's hommaseckshul line make even more sense, and Stewie makes fun of Brian's tandem bike. And Peter and Lois insist "You look like you just caught your girlfriend having sex with a black guy" is a real expression. They also had an Encyclopedia Brown joke (complete with Bugs Meany reference) which is weird because I never thought Seth MacFarlane read a book a day in his life, and a scene of Adam West finding Peter's hat and using it to dress up as a sharpie and intimidate people. I also love the scene of Peter proving to Chris how dogs are dumb, and slam into walls, and can't maintain a relationship. Brutal. And the viola is a useless instrument. They complete overhauled the episode. ***1/2.
Long John Peter:
Shout-out to Big Bird's teddy bear Radar. Liked Peter's "Peter" run with the parrot. I'm glad they lost the sex scene dream sequence between Chris and Anna. Their romance plays better when it is innocent. She is also a more stereotypical teenage girl in the animatic. I'm also glad they lost the Herbert bit. Chris is a bit too insightful during it. The E.T. / Tom Hanks jokes is MUCH less offensive in the animatic and therefore funnier. Liked the Bjork joke, but the 9/11 empty field joke crossed a line. Too soon. Chris loves Little Miss Sunshine for the same reason we all do. Because everyone told us to. The deaf slaves joke was stupid but a little bit amusing. ***1/2.
The Man With Two Brians:
Here is a horrible joke: Peter is watching Pirates 3 and screaming at the screen: "Rape her! You're a pirate! It's been three movies! Rape her!" Sums up Peter Griffin's mindset perfectly. I loved the joke Stewie trying to hide the fact that he had an Adrian Zmed poster and then pretty much just giving up and not even bothering. Aragorn WISHES Gandalf were into him. Tell him , Sir Ian! Skinny, hyper Cleveland Jr. used to be in the episode but he was cut once The Cleveland Show was picked up. The Fred Schneider boxing gag was funny (I have always loved Schneider's voice and this was a good imitation). The aired episode had the better ending though with Bernie The Hamster. ****.
Deleted Scenes:
Honestly? Most of these were so bad I'm a little appalled they made it to color. Somebody at Fuzzy Door needs an intervention. Overall: *.
What Happened To You?: This was insane, even for an Adam West scene. **.
Herpes: Do you know what Peter destroying the improv class reminded me of? Michael Scott doing the same thing on The Office. Except Peter did it on purpose and Michael is too stupid to realize he is wrecking the routines. Yes, Michael Scott is actually stupider than Peter Griffin. Fear him. ****.
World Of Books: On the commentary for "Love Blactually" they discussed that The Very Horny Caterpillar was cut for clearance issues. So why is it okay to show on the DVD as an extra? **1/2.
Big Tease: I'm calling b.s.. I don't think women like this actually exist. I think Seth MacFarlane is simply misinterpreting rejection and has a huge hang-up about it for that reason. There is no part of this joke that is authentic. *1/2.
Good Night: The Jewish Waltons is exactly as funny as it sounds. *.
Where To?: Originally the Evil Monkey was gonna kill Dylan and Tracy. I love the scene but I'm glad they left things open-ended so Dylan could return. ****1/2.
The Birds And The Bees: Lois' sex demonstration with the turkey baster and the turkey was absolutely sick. She is a terrible mother. **.
Never Sleep With Peter Griffin: Peter and the Barbie dolls was hysterical. You start to realize exactly what his malicious advice it actually all about. *****.
Tears: I liked seeing the Evil Monkey comfort Chris. ****.
Quagmire's Calls: Have you ever called someone to kill time? Or has anyone done that to you? Quagmire does it to Joe in this scene. ***1/2.
To The Grand Canyon: I didn't get Peter's reaction or what it was referencing. **.
Time Machine: There can never be enough jokes at Jim Belushi's expense. ***.
Beyond Inappropriate: If someone tries to convince you that Seth MacFarlane is just kidding, and isn't REALLY a racist and an anti-Semite, point them to this deleted "joke" from "Road To Germany". In it Mort complains that he's claustrophobic, and Stewie retorts that he'll feel a LOT more cramped crammed into a box of soap. Who could POSSIBLY think up a joke like that? You have to be pretty sick and racist for your mind to even take you to that scenario in the first place, much less try to mine a joke from it. I cannot believe this made the color screening. I cannot believe this made the storyboards or the animatic. I cannot believe that it even left the writer's room, and that the person who pitched it wasn't fired. The people at Fuzzy Door? They are thoroughly unpleasant, nasty people. They can make an occasional entertaining half hour, but their souls are ugly and tainted on the inside and out. 0.
Brian's MySpace: Eh. **1/2.
Downer: The best part of this is they actually got the late Casey Casem to voice this. ****.
You Hate Entourage?: Here, Brian give Frank Sinatra Jr. permission to hit a girl because she likes Entourage. I really resent that the writers are trying to make the viewer think she deserves it. And I kind of hate that she almost does. *.
I Earned The Money: This was MUCH less dirty than promised. **.
This Club Is Dead: This HAD to be a censor note. There is no other reason not to include it. It is hilarious. They should have at least kept it on the DVD version. Apparently Jesus' stigmata killed his hand modeling career selling Palmolive. It was a rough weekend. The good news is he can now blow soap bubbles out of his hand. *****.
Pope Poop: Asinine. The entire joke is making fun of the fact that the word "Pope" sounds like "poop". Har Har. Grow up. 1/2.
Working As A Sheep Dog: This isn't actually a joke, but the reference to Sam and Ralph from Looney Tunes, replete with Peter with Sam's haircut, made me laugh anyways. ***1/2.
Loud And Confusing: I've never seen an Alan Arkin interview so I can't comment on how accurate this is. **.
Crisscross: Another example of Peter not knowing what a "crisscross" is. ***.
You Are My Best Friend: More of the hilarious drunk kids, here getting a bit gay with each other. ****.
This Isn't Going To Work: The cast of characters on this show are so universally gross. *.
Fabulous Dustin: I'm glad this was cut. I do NOT need to see Dustin Diamond getting steady work. *.
Scale Model: This was probably cut because it wasn't funny. *1/2.
Don't Flatter Yourself: This joke REALLY horrified me for some reason. *1/2.
Hispanic Book Report: I know why this was cut. This was inferior in every conceivable way to "Boston Area Book Report" and I'm betting they didn't want people to be making that comparison. 1/2.
Freezer Fort: They should have hired Billy Dee Williams for this. He's an easy get and LOVES doing stuff like this. A missed opportunity. The scene might not have gotten cut had they used the real Lando. **.
Take Me Out To pLace Tonight:
Frank Sinatra Jr. looks MUCH younger than he probably is and that's a good thing. I want him around on this Earth for a good while longer. I bet Seth MacFarlane will take the DVD with this special feature and put the moment where Sinatra calls him a great singer on AB repeat and go to sleep listening to that every night. At first I thought it was laughable that Sinatra claimed that Seth's generation was into The Beatles but Danny Smith confirmed his hypothesis. It's like bad 80's rock ballads never existed for these people. Interesting that Sinatra calls his father "Sinatra" professionally. That's kind of awesome. And he again claims that Family Guy is not a comedy, but a satire. I think Family Guy TRIES to be a satire more than it is, but it's fans insist on more poop and rape jokes, so it isn't quite there. Do you know what's messed up? They haven't written anything for Sinatra since! It is VERY clear he loves Family Guy, and would do it again in a heartbeat, but it's been five years since we've seen him. Weak! ****.
Family Guy Cribz:
A tour of the Family Guy offices. The first half was great, the second half sucked. I loved the Danny Smith portion and how he got the last laugh on Jackie Jokers. I loved the pinball machine, the Mezco action figure wall, the Drunken Clam neon sign, and the puppet set of Stewie in Mister Rogers' Neighborhood of Make Believe. But... I HATE how the male Family writers (especially the douche hosting the second half) take off their shirts and strut around the offices bare-chested. Even if it was only for a DVD extra, if I were a female co-worker, I'd feel VERY uncomfortable. It borders on sexual harassment, and this is not the first featurette I've seen the writers do it. I know Fuzzy Door hates women, but you would think they at LEAST would try to make it a nice place to be for the women who actually work there. **1/2.
Family Guy Art Show:
I like the Adam West poster done in the style of the Obama Hope poster. While I think it's nice that Family Guy is involved with charity, I have to say, a children's hospital seems like a REALLY bad fit considering the show's R-rated subject matter. I know Family Guy has MANY more younger viewers than the producers probably intend, but I don't think it is the kind of show a hospital should be encouraging sick children to watch. But what do I know? I guess the money raised is the important thing. ***.
Comic-Con 2008:
This was even more awkward than usual, but had more great one-liners than usual. Seth Green claims Robot Chicken is a completely different show than Family Guy. They just share identical ideas, premises, and story points. Or Seth MacFarlane lamely saying (in a truly painful moment) he wants some of what is in Green's pocket and he hands him some money. Then Mike Henry pipes up "Give him something he needs." Those two just saved MacFarlane from looking like a total jackass. A guy from Chile asks MacFarlane when they are going to make fun of the country of Chile and Green says "Right now." MacFarlane's answer about the mellowing of Stewie towards Lois seems so obvious to me it is VERY surprising to learn that he still gets asked this question all the time. A female fan told Kara Vallow that the scene where Meg's stuffed animals, including Funshine Bear, committed suicide, was psychologically damaging to all women viewers being forced to watch the show with their boyfriends. I thought "Pretty much." It frankly disturbed me. David Goodman DOES look like the Jared from Subway ads. Mike Henry's truly awkward selling of The Cleveland Show shows exactly why the show failed, and why it was so insulting to black audiences. It used black culture to try to appeal to white kids, and that is always embarrassing. He talks about Sanaa Lathan and Nia Long being "big actresses in the black community", and wonders if anybody at Comic-Con really has heard of them before, and I'm like "That is so freaking insulting." It shows that Henry does not believe in the premise, and that Lathan and Long were stunt casting to give the show a tiny bit of legitimacy where is really should have none. I feel like The Cleveland Show USED the black actors on the show to give permission to the white writers to make fun of black people. The main cast was black but all of the writers were white. In 2010. There is something wrong with that. I also learned that Seth Green based Chris' voice on Buffalo Bill from The Silence Of The Lambs. Interesting panel. ***1/2.
Seth MacFarlane's Cavalcade Of Cartoon Comedy Trailer: A pickle. Almost every joke in this is X-rated so it is REALLY tough to both find clips suitable for a trailer, an also funny enough to get someone to want to buy the DVD. On the other hand, the DVD isn't actually funny, so that may not be the handicap I'm making it. *.
The Cleveland Show Trailer: They used the "Happy black guy face" version of the theme song here. Seth MacFarlane and Mike Henry are SO freaking clueless. *.
DVD Menus: Fully animated with scenes from each episode on different menus. Overall: ****.
Disc 1 DVD Menu: Jer-ry! Jer-ry! Jer-ry! ****1/2.
Disc 2 DVD Menu: Peter's starting to crown. ****.
Disc 3 DVD Menu: The horse sucking Stewie head will never get old. ****.