"Buffy The Vampire Slayer" Season One, Part 1 Reviews (Spoilers)

[mattzimmer]

Buffy The Vampire Slayer "Welcome To The Hellmouth"

So, in the wake of the revelations that Joss Whedon was basically an an abusive ahole on the set of Buffy The Vampire Slayer, that sort of led me to decide to rewatch the series (and Angel) on Hulu and see if knowing what I know now colors how I view the show.

As far as the first episode ever goes, I didn't notice too many red flags (although Jessie asking Cordelia if she wants a shoulder to cry on, or to better yet, nibble on, is super gross) but it's very clear to me my previously low opinion of the first season was justified. There are a couple of interesting and refreshing choices in the storytelling (including making Darla at the beginning the Vampire in the opening late night at the empty school horror scenario) but frankly a LOT of this makes me cringe. Joss Whedon has been celebrated his entire career for his sharp dialogue. Is this truly the same guy who wrote Cordelia's painful "Coolness test" or Buffy's first ever entirely cliched and unfunny banter with Darla and Thomas in the tomb? I always thought these aspects of the episode were lame, but I always gave Whedon a free pass for them because stuff got better later on. But there's really no excuse for the show to be this badly written at this stage of the game.

There is some moody and atmospheric lighting during some of the horror scenes, and yet the direction for most of the episode is quite pedestrian. A lot of the boarding and directing in the high school is the exact same kind of stuff you could see on 90210. And I don't mean that as a compliment. The Avant Garde stuff the show later became famous for was not present at the beginning.

I also have to say, the score absolutely sucks. Walter Murphy has composed some good things for Family Guy later on, but his work on Buffy is entirely unremarkable. Buffy always had one of the most memorable scores to me out of any TV show I watched. And Murphy's stuff is not only forgettable, but it sounds a little tinny too. Generally speaking, the show's later composer Christophe Beck was not afforded an orchestra either. But the music was elaborate enough that you either couldn't really tell, or you didn't mind when you could.

It's interesting that David Boreanaz initially affected his performance as Angel with a sort of droopy-eyed demeanor and a somewhat slow, slurry, and croaky voice. It's an interesting choice right off the bat, but simply not sustainable. Boreanaz was new to acting when he got the part (he was a dog-walker before he was cast as Angel) but I think he quickly learned a quirky performance is not something to saddle your character with forever if you don't have the chops for it at that stage in your career.

It is not credible that there is a dead body found in a school locker, and the worst thing that happens is that gym is canceled.

Fun Fact: The Cthulhu Mythos, longtime considered a major influence on the franchise, is present in the very first episode, and further delved into at the beginning of the next. What else are the Old Ones a reference to? While the writing on the show may not always have been sound, it appears the bones of the long-term mythology was. This is all stuff that eventually played out with Illyria on Angel: Season Five 8 years later. That's a pretty impressive level of groundwork being laid in the first episode ever.

I smiled at watching the theme song again for the first time in years. That is a great tune and main title. And the first and second season's versions are spooky and horror movie atmospheric, rather than the rockin' action movie homages the later main titles became.

Ultimately, however the first episode was a bore, and Cordelia's casual cruelty seems even worse than when this aired. Not a great start. *1/2.

Buffy The Vampire Slayer "The Harvest"

Oh, yeah, bad warning signs aplenty here. Sheesh.

Let me start off by saying the episode sucked, and the last scene is not actually iconic as fans of the series think it is. It's lame. Maybe it wasn't in 1997. But it is now.

Buffy calling herself "mentally challenged" is the casual cruelty of Joss Whedon in a nutshell.

Speaking of which, the scene where Cordelia tells Willow that she doesn't interfere in her private conversations because she's boring was remarked in the DVD commentary by Whedon as something he snarkily said to a female classmate in high school, and found out later he really unintentionally hurt her feelings. That notion and this scene feel a lot less understandable knowing Whedon was still making those kinds of snide comments the entire time on the series and didn't understand he wasn't loved for it.

I liked the scene transition from the sewer sliding vertically into the library card catalogue. It's a VERY early example of the show using an "interesting shot" which it got better at later on.

It's not credible that people are making excuses for the vampires not being vampires at the end. The series is asking us to believe they are offering a harsh critique of the denialism present in society. No. That's not what it is. The people in Sunnydale always make excuses because if they didn't, that would change the entire premise of the show. And while I do appreciate that would make it worse (especially after only episode 2) I don't appreciate being sold the idea that the show is doing a cynical observation of people. Observations actually have to be true. It's simply a thin excuse for the Total Reset Button being rehit at the end of every episode. And it isn't remotely believable.

Similarly not credible is the "deliver" scene. Are you telling me the teacher never told the students what the delete key does? That joke seems to have been written by an adult who believes the younger generation is a lot more computer illiterate than they are. It's not a commentary on Cordelia being stupid at all. It's something that a student in 1997 would already know in order to function in a computer class. It's sloppy writing in the name of a very cheap joke.

Back in the day, I appreciated the allegory the show was making of Buffy's mom not actually understanding that her being grounded IS actually the end of the world. She says Buffy only believes that because she's a 16 year old girl. In the years since I watched the series I learned about a political rationalization called a "false equivalency". It's not actually a good allegory in hindsight after all. It's actually bothsidesing the apocalypse. It's not something I tolerate anymore. I don't put up with it from The New York Times, and I won't put up with it from Buffy The Vampire Slayer either.

Garlic can briefly be seen in Buffy's weapons chest. Very, VERY rarely seen in the franchise, and it only made a single other appearance in either Buffy or Angel past the Pilot.

My favorite scene in the episode holds up years later, and frankly I'm a bit shocked more people aren't impressed with it. Xander says a fairly stupid and cliched line: "Oh, we've gotta stop Jessie from doing something even stupider than usual." And Giles gets fiercely angry at him for that, and insists with both fury and sympathy that Jessie is dead, and they are dealing with the thing that killed him. I like that moment. It's a serious reminder of the stakes, after Xander says a thing that would be not particularly controversial for another character to say in a different franchise. Instead he get reamed for it, which I like.

Finally, the thing I want to talk about this episode is something that is actually kind of minor in the episode itself, but it's the first symptom of a larger pattern of bad messages. Ironically, this was not a problem that affected Firefly at all, so I'm not sure why only The Buffyverse was afflicted. But Joss Whedon has been getting a lot of flack for his feminist insensitivities for the past few years. After MeToo, that was inevitable. But until Ray Fisher, I don't think people have ever given him the proper level of shade he deserves for his racial insensitivities.

We'll be talking a LOT more about this as we get into reviewing Angel, but in the second episode of Buffy ever, the tough, muscled, black bouncer is turned into a quivering coward and killed. Basically, Joss took the one black person who has appeared on the series so far, and completely emasculated and killed him off for shock value. I believe that every death you show in fiction makes a statement. The statement of the first black man on Buffy The Vampire Slayer being killed in such a humiliating fashion shows that Ray Fisher was probably onto something.

As I said in the first review not off to a flying start. *.

Buffy The Vampire Slayer "The Witch"

It's been years since I've seen this, and the first thing that jumped out at me is that as far as mysteries go, it is beyond poorly constructed. The supposed clues are all misleading, and don't actually make sense to what is going on. The selling point of a red herring is that a red herring is a plausible culprit. What this episode does instead with "Amy's" various confused and innocent seeming reactions to horrible things she's deliberately caused is make it completely outside of what the mystery is. Is it possible Catherine is merely acting surprised to dupe Buffy and friends? Conceivable. But if this is a mystery, that is something that needs to be spelled out explicitly to the viewer in hindsight. As it stands, it's simply an unfair mystery.

The reason I so readily identified it as such is because the Buffyverse has its share of unfair or unjustified plot twists, and I've sort of been on the look-out for them. This is definitely the first example, although it's not as egregious as some upcoming ones (I'm specifically thinking of the "bogus" prophecy arc in Angel: Season Three).

What else? I like Buffy asking Giles how he planned to stop her being a cheerleader. I was annoyed at Giles' behavior for many reasons. His "I forbid it," suggests he believes he holds more power over Buffy than he does. Who can he contact in the school to object to this? The principle? Her Mom? Won't they be questioning why a school librarian is raising the objections he is? And frankly Buffy saying she wanted something normal in her life is something Giles would want for her in later seasons. I'm not suggesting Giles grew as a character. I'm suggesting he's being written out of character here. Why? For pretty much the single most vulgar reason you can write a character out of character: to create artificial conflict where none should actually exist. To be blunt, this era of television was rank with that, and I can't indict Buffy The Vampire Slayer for it without slamming every single other show I watched and loved at the time. But it's a failing in hindsight, and it's one I no longer tolerate.

As I was watching Cordelia's driver's ed scene, I noticed something for the first time. The direction on the show this season is entirely dated. I'm not saying the Buffyverse is a timeless franchise. Many of the references and fashions put it in a very noticeable place in time. But as far as filmmaking goes, as much as I could (and will) criticize some of the scripts, the direction became relatively cinematic and modern, and it stayed that way. That sequence and the rest of the episode could have been made on an unmemorable low budget TV drama from the 1980's. Whatever else the Buffyverse felt like, it felt fresh at the time. I was underwhelmed with this era of the show back then. And that's probably because it's filmed like every other boring piece of television I didn't care about.

I think as far as creepy, nice guy, entitled incels go, Xander Harris was essentially Patient Zero for that gross phenomena. I found his "You're like a guy" thing to Willow appalling for that reason. Which is why I smiled when Buffy drunkenly told him he was like one of the girls. I think Xander's behavior towards Buffy is creepy. I liked that moment because he actually had to pay for it a little.

Buffy's mom Joyce is annoying at this stage of the game, but she's real. The movie version of Buffy's mom is a cartoon caricature of the most clueless and absent mother ever. I like that as annoyed as Joyce's foolishness makes me, she does actually care about Buffy. Although the real thing that tells me that she's not paying attention to her is that Buffy tells her there was an accident during the cheerleading tryouts and she doesn't look up and say, "My God, what happened? Are you okay?" I actually think it's out of character and bad writing that she doesn't do that, but television wasn't TOO concerned with making parents on teen-themed shows entirely realistic or sympathetic to viewers. And that's another failing.

I will say something nice. Anything I really objected to was due to it being a weak episode. Not due to the producers failing women and minorities. It's just not a strong script. Which is frankly nice. Because I am predisposed to like the show. If I don't have any ideological problems with it, I'm inclined to just sit back and enjoy a cr*ppy episode. Now maybe this episode was slightly TOO cr*ppy to actually enjoy. But I suspect better episodes coming up with nothing infuriating in them will be very enjoyable to watch. **.

Buffy The Vampire Slayer "Teacher's Pet"

I'm with Buffy and Giles. I liked Dr. Gregory too. Although it's weird he has his name embroidered on his labcoat.

The look on Sarah Michelle Gellar's face as she was listening to Cordelia's counseling session was priceless.

Principle Flutie remains one of the most inconsistently written characters in the franchise's history.

This episode starts the trend from this era of the show of making the last scene or shot a cliffhanger that is never followed up on.

It's a bit noticeable that in the establishing shots of Sunnydale High, the same people walk in front of it (in the same clothes) each time.

The She-Mantis puppet is fake-looking, but here's an unusual opinion: That kind of thing doesn't actually matter. None of Buffy's non-human creatures have ever been remotely credible during its entire run, and that never stopped my enjoyment of the show, even knowing and being able to tell they were totally fake. Realism in science fiction and fantasy is a vastly overrated commodity. If the writing is actually good, the visual effects don't matter. It's a pity current stuff takes the opposite stance.

Only so-so as far as it goes, but that pretty much describes Season 1 in general. **1/2.

Buffy The Vampire Slayer "Never Kill A Boy On The First Date"

The Anointed One reveal at the end was pretty great.

I still use the phrase "Okay, at this point you are abusing sarcasm," in my everyday life.

I'm not saying Whedon was eyeing Cordelia for Angel in a spin-off at this point in the game, but "Hello, Salty Goodness" is still somewhat ironic in hindsight.

Xander's creepiness has gotten a fair amount of backlash in hindsight (he's particularly bad in this episode) but I wonder why Cordelia doesn't get the same shade for exhibiting the exact same predatory behavior here. Probably because the gender power dynamics are reversed, but I rarely have seen Cordelia grosser and more unlikable than this episode.

Speaking of Xander, that bit with the Tweety Bird watch was hysterical. One of the funniest things on the series up to this point.

All right. **1/2.

Buffy The Vampire Slayer "The Pack"

Technically, the scariest episode so far. But's it's also not aged well.

The rape implications are pretty nasty, but that's par for the course for the show, and simply the introduction to the producers using that as a threat against the female heroes by the male ones. It's systemic and gross, and it's really unfortunate.

I want to address the Zookeeper's demise. Buffy threw him into the hyena pit. For all intents and purposes she killed him. Why is nobody making the federal case out of her doing that when they were all over Faith for doing the same thing to the Deputy Mayor in Season 3, except by accident? I have found that when it comes to television and the morality of its heroes, when it is and isn't appropriate to use lethal force is entirely arbitrary.

I find Principle Flutie's death unfortunate not simply because he didn't deserve it. But it's clear he was only killed off because he didn't quite mesh with the dynamic of the rest of the show, and the writers were clearly frustrated by that. It's a valid storytelling choice, but whenever TV writers do it, it certainly is never fair to the actor for the character the writers couldn't crack. But the close-up of the smiling photo makes me feel especially bad in hindsight.

There are a couple of amusing things in the episode. Giles declaring Xander a 16 year old boy, and Buffy calling that him trying to Scully her was fun. It also delighted me to realize the lead bully Kyle was played by a youmg Eion Bailey, who played August on Once Upon A Time. I suspect if I like watching the franchise less this time than I do any of the others, I might be a bit surprised and delighted about who I now know used to be on the show in a bit role.

My biggest question is something I would have been asking the entire time if I were a better writer or a more observant viewer back in the day. We took this for granted during the Oz episodes but it really makes no sense. Why does the school library have a cage? I don't get that bit, and it's weird it's not something I've ever questioned before.

For the record, the Zookeeper was giving me skeevy feelings from the beginning of the episode. It's very weird that I seem to recall being surprised by the twist ending at the time. In reality, his behavior in the first scene would have been a red flag to the 45 year old me he was responsible all along. The painting already being on the floor would also not be something I would have missed if I had watch this for the first time today.

I found the scene in the Bronze at the beginning of Buffy and Willow discussing Xander and Angel entirely insufferable. Whedon had obviously never heard of the Bechdel test. Almost all female on female scenes in this show so far have been about discussing love-lives. Not great.

One of the interesting things about the episode that I have not seen it complimented about (although most fans seem to agree it's a good episode in an otherwise bad season) is that it's very interesting that lot of the performances and cues being asked for the actors to get across to the audience are entirely nonverbal. The gym teacher's dumb joke about loving the brutality of the dodgeball game is besides the point, and probably only there to help any dummies in the audience who couldn't quite grasp how horrible that was supposed to be. But I like that a lot of what the characters are feeling is shown mostly through their expressions and non-verbal cues. That's unusual for television, especially for television from this era.

But yeah, the whole franchise is starting to feel a bit shaky in hindsight. If I'm noticing the dumbness of a cage in the library way back in episode 6, what other dumb stuff in the future will I no longer tolerate? Eyes wide open, man. For sure. ***1/2.

Buffy The Vampire Slayer "Angel"

If you had told me going in that this was the first episode of Buffy I really would have laid into and nitpicked to death, I would have been shocked. "Angel" is generally considered by all fans to be a turning point into the show becoming great. It didn't turn the show great YET. But it wouldn't have later become great without it. I am a little amazed and disturbed that if Arrow had aired this episode two seasons ago, I'd give it one star at best. Some positive turning point.

Let's start off with the ugly. Xander telling Cordelia her outfit makes her look like a hooker is eye-opening to me. Major red flag there. Not only is it uncalled for, it's not even funny. It's telling that Joss Whedon identifies most with Xander Harris and made him the comic relief at the same time. I'm starting to get the feel for how he treats other people just based on the way Xander does. He thinks those kind of remarks are cute and endearing instead of hurtful and annoying. And it seems like he always did.

Yes, I'm aware David Greenwalt's name is in the writing credits. But Whedon was famous for sprinkling one-liners into other writers' scripts. If he didn't write that specific line, I'll eat my hat.

Buffy talking about Darla being a bit worn around the edges is gross for the same reason, although since it's not constructed entirely as a clever quip, it's possible Whedon didn't write it.

It's very weird the Master is talking about power and responsibilities. That's Spider-Man's whole bit.

Kristine Sutherland made an interesting acting choice that I love, that I also entirely missed until now. But when she meets Angel for the first time, Sutherland plays it as if Joyce clearly doesn't like him. Whoever this strange man is, he's bad news, and she's trying to figure out how to get Buffy away from him without driving her straight into his arms. It's interesting that Joyce doesn't like or approve of Angel instantly, but she always seems to have gotten along with Spike. Which tickles me in hindsight.

Giles' problem with fighting Buffy with the quarterstaff is that he forgets she has superpowers. Her easy victory is a lot less impressive than the show is saying it is.

Even knowing it's coming, the Angel vampire reveal is quite effective. I don't know if I would have actually been surprised if I had first seen this episode before I already Angel's deal (I started watching the show in Season 2) but the dramatic beats of making it and revealing it as a surprise are sound.

In reality, don't you think this is something Angel should have already revealed and discussed with Buffy ahead of time? Granted, there would be no drama in the episode if they had done that, but I am not a big approver of creating drama in lieu of common sense.

If you ever need proof how dated the show actually is, just witness how freely Angel uses the word "Gypsies".

In Angel's first Vampire episode, it's revealed he has hospital blood-bags in his fridge. In later episodes it's said Angel drinks pig's blood, and that human blood is addictive and dangerous for him to drink because it makes him overly aggressive. I don't blame the writers for not having that down completely in his first real episode, but it's a difference I notice.

I'm not saying the episode and the show downplayed Angelus' old actions in this episode. After all the Master declares "Angel" the most vicious creature he's ever met. At the same time, Giles saying Angelus was like all of the other Vampires will be retconned in season 2, when it's revealed that he's probably the cruelest and most evil vampire who ever lived. He's like if Hannibal Lecter lost his soul and humanity. It's also weird to hear the Master and Darla call him Angel when describing his previous evil actions. The series was not quite consistent on that point yet. Hearing Darla call him Angel after he's staked her especially hits the ear wrong.

Giles pronounces "Angelus" correctly right off the bat, but he's one of the few characters in the first two seasons who do.

"It's so nice of you to invite me into your home." I don't like that line of Darla's. At all. It's said for effect for the sake of the audience, but it's not something a real person would ever say. This isn't just a problem with Buffy The Vampire Slayer by the way. That kind of atrocious dialogue was endemic in ALL television in 1997, especially genre. Subtlety was unheard of, and almost every show needed to hit the audience over the head with what was going on for fear of losing the audience's interest because the average audience member in question couldn't follow complex ideas. Now due to cable and streaming, television can be a lot more intelligently written, because smart people can now seek out smart shows, and those shows can find audiences and make money without having to worry about dumb viewers getting lost. Buffy was a show on network television at the time, and that line is a prime piece of evidence that it equally depended on dumb eyeballs as much as smart ones in a way current good television doesn't need to.

While I'm on the subject of bad writing, Buffy finding Angel in the position with Joyce she did is beyond lazy, and not credible, and they really had to set up a ton of unbelievable and unlikely pieces to make it happen. As huge a moment as it is to see Buffy believe Angel has fed on and tried to kill her mother, they had to move mountains to put Angel in that specific moment, and none of it is remotely believable. I don't like that either.

Angel and Buffy's fight at the end, as well as him goading her feel entirely unnecessary too.

Willow and Buffy can still talk about nothing but boys. It's really tiresome.

I like that Joyce questions what the school librarian is doing at the hospital to see her. Her asking that tells me she's far more sensible than the writers who gave her the lines about barbecue forks or the school really caring would have you believe.

Darla using guns was a nice wrinkle.

Angel says here that he's never fed on another human being since the day he was cursed. This was later retconned. Big time. He's actually done it several times.

I adore the phrase "With a song in my heart" to describe violent, unforgivable actions. I named a Gilda And Meek story after that phrase for the same reason. It gives me the chills.

I like the moment where Collin comforts the Master about losing Darla. I like it because it's a moment of empathy for two characters I barely know and roundly dislike anyways. What I especially like about it is that Collin uses the evil framework of "Darla was weak and we're better off without her". And he's doing it to make the Master feel better! One of the interesting things about the vampires in the franchise is that they can exhibit love, concern, and caring. And that doesn't change the fact that they are completely evil creatures at the same time. I think this is the first time we've witnessed that idea outside of Angel, and later on Spike and Drusilla. And it's the only time we've gotten that for either the Master OR the Anointed One as well.

I have to say it was a huge mistake to kill off Darla this soon. She's a great character, and I see why Angel: The Series resurrected her. I get the logic of killing her off. By Angel doing that, he's resisting temptation once and for all, and casting the die and throwing in with the good guys. The problem is Darla still being a temptation would have been good for the show. I don't like or respond to love triangles, but this one already exists, and the stakes are much larger than "My boyfriend didn't call me tonight. I think he's cheating". I get the storytelling logic of Angel definitively choosing Buffy for this episode. I just don't agree with it. And this is spoken as someone who HATES love triangles! This one actually half-works, and it's not one I'd simply get rid of. Simply because there are so few that actually do.

I will give the episode something. And it's something all Mutant Enemy shows deserve credit for: A great last scene. The cross being burned into Angel's chest after Buffy describing their last kiss as painful is properly romantic, grand, epic, iconic, memorable, and all those other big superlatives you want in a tragic romance. And I take note that unlike the contrivance of Buffy finding a half-dead Joyce in Angel's arms, they didn't have to move mountains to create the scene. It feels right and perfect, and it's the reason I respond to the Buffyverse in the first place.

Unfortunately, it's quite possible that great and memorable scene colored my response to how good the episode actually was back in the day. It actually sucked. But truthfully I don't think that amazing ending was why I overlooked the suckiness of the rest of the episode before now. I think I simply wasn't a sophisticated enough viewer and writer to recognize the rest of the episode as sucky, or understand that many of the story turns and pieces of cliched dialogue were b.s.. I'm not saying I've gotten too demanding in the meantime, but standards on TV HAVE been raised, and there is plenty of current stuff that can deliver an ending that bittersweet without the rest of the script being an utter mess. I think my standards have simply changed. What this means for me rewatching the rest of the franchise going forward is anybody's guess. *1/2.

Buffy The Vampire Slayer "I Robot, You Jane"

The last time I reviewed this episode (in the beforetimes) was back when I got my first DVD player and reviewed the Buffy: Season 1 set (one of the first DVD's I ever got). I've seen it a few times since that review (which was quite pedestrian by my current writing standards) and I've also been through many DVD and Blu-Ray players in the meantime, but this is the first time I'll be writing down my thoughts since then.

And the episode "Angel" concerned me because I always liked it back in the day, and clearly I was wrong. My old review declares "I Robot, You Jane" the single worst episode in the entire Buffyverse, with the worst dialogue hands down. Not an exact quote, but close enough. Can you see my concern from here?

And yeah, it sucks, and yeah, it's probably the worst episode of Buffy (although there are a couple of Angel episodes that I hate more in hindsight). But what surprised me going in is that I liked the opening scene. It's a flashback to the 1600's which is refreshing and unusual enough. But the romance it's depicting that Moloch has cast on his last victim before Willow is actually same-sex, which I can't believe didn't register with me before. I must have simply thought Moloch's love worked differently between male and female acolytes, but I'm a very simple minded viewer now, no longer invested in refusing to believe what I'm seeing. The dude Moloch kills at the beginning is clearly gay, and it's weird that didn't register before.

But from there it's pretty much all downhill from Fritz's embarrassing "jacked on" rant. But the first thing the awful episode did to me is surprise me with a scene I liked.

Let me see if I get this straight: Sunnydale High allows Xander to walk around with a T-shirt that says "Porn star" on it? How did I miss that? High definition makes everything better (and in this case much worse).

This is the era of teen television in which everything on the internet is portrayed as inherently dangerous. It's not just dated, it's wrong about the actual dangers that exist. Since this aired I have become aware of some of the very real dangerous things the internet has been responsible for. And almost all of those dangerous things DO involve misinformation. But it's more to do with people sharing hatred and propaganda, rather than tricking teen girls in chatrooms. I'm not saying that isn't a problem. But considering all of the real problems social media has caused the world, and this country in particular in the meantime, warnings about internet stranger danger feel like missing the forest for the trees. The real danger of the internet isn't the person on the other end. It's the misinformation that gets passed back and forth. People in 2021 meatspace using the internet rarely cause the kinds of havoc seen in 1997 network TV, and if they do, Chris Hansen is on top of it. I feel like the episode acting like the freedom of untold information is the great thing, but making online connections is bad, is the opposite moral they should be teaching.

Granted, I have 24 years of hindsight to think that, but it's another reason this episode (and the show) are dated.

It's not credible Giles doesn't know Spider-Man. He's 40 years old, and a person.

"We read make our speaking English is good," is a great line. It's terrible dialogue, and in the episode with the worst dialogue, I am unsurprised they made it funny. It's the writers playing to their strengths.

I knew I would be giving the episode a zero again by the scene with Willow writing to Malcolm in the computer library. Why does her school computer have a speech function? The show tries to pass Malcolm's voice off as emotionless but a real speech function in 1997 would actually sound like Stephen Hawking. There would be no inflections at ALL. And this is an intimate conversation, right? Why would she make it audible in a public area of the school? And it IS a public area. So where are all the other students? Is the show saying she's the only youth there interested in using a computer?

And why is Dave using the speech function? He's essentially discussing and admitting his crimes in a public. And you know what? The suicide note read out-loud was extra tacky. I don't find that funny or entertaining. This show has some messed up priorities and ideas about what good horror actually is. That's just sick.

Later when Moloch is in the robot body, it's clear how and why he was able to make the speech function work that way. Which means it never would have worked in real life, and as a computer nerd Willow would already know that. Before Miss Calendar came along, Willow was the group hacker. They made her in explicably computer illiterate in this episode which is another sign it's badly written.

This writing is all shady if you ask me. I called this the worst episode ever 15 years ago. If I was right is to be determined. But there's a ton of awful stuff in it that actually blew by me at the time.

"Tell me the truth. How's my hair?" That admittedly made me laugh.

Xander falls down off the fence as if Uncle Phil just threw him out of the Bel Air mansion.

I never gave the episode proper credit for this because I started watching in Season 2, but Miss Calendar already being in the loop about the demon on the internet IS actually a good and surprising twist.

I like when Giles suggests a computer virus, Miss Calendar says he's seen too many movies. That's actually great.

I'll tell you what I like: I like it because it happens over and over again, and isn't quite in your face any time. But Moloch appears to be creating various obscene moments of internet havoc among the tertiary or background characters. During scene transitions various never-before-seen characters express frustration over their laptops acting in bizarrely violent and even fascist ways. And I like that it's not made explicit for any of those weird happenings, and the viewer has to tie that together themselves. I will give this episode zero stars with no regrets. But the truth is it's better than I remembered in a lot of ways. Because of that.

"Demon come!" is like the dirtiest demonic command in hindsight.

Willow's last confrontation with Malcolm was beyond excruciating. I said this episode had the worst dialogue? Yup.

The score during the climax is pretty tinny and amateurish-sounding too. Even for this season.

I like Giles' thing at the end about liking books over computers because they smell and have texture. It's understandable. It's weird. But it's understandable.

For the record it's a quirk I share. Tactile sensation is why I prefer books to Kindle and DVD's to streaming. It's relatable even if Jenny doesn't think it is. Physicality is the key. It's amazing the TV show is talking about this 20 years before I ever heard anyone else bring it up. It's definitely a real thing.

One last thing before I grade the episode the zero it may or not actually deserve. Joss Whedon said something many years ago after I watched and graded this episode so poorly that made me pause. He said it contained his favorite scene of the entire first season: The conversation between Buffy, Xander, and Willow talking about their disasters with relationships, and ending upon Xander joking that they were doomed, them all laughing, and then realizing it's not funny because it's true. Watching it again, I see why Whedon liked it. I still don't. It's cloying, and sounds like it comes from snarky adults on a sitcom rather than teenagers with actual problems. That's probably true for a LOT of the dialogue on the show. But I'm not giving this episode or that scene extra credit for it. It's actually kind of annoying.

So yeah, worst episode ever. At least until the one in Angel: Season 3 where Angel verbally threatens to eat his infant son in front of Wesley at the end, and Wesley is supposedly the bad guy for trying to stop it in the next episode. But one dud at a time. 0.