Star Trek:Discovery "Choose Your Pain" Review (Spoilers)
Also reviews for the latest episodes of Justice League Action, Supergirl, The Flash, DC's Legends Of Tomorrow, Lucifer, The Gifted, Marvel's Spider-Man, and Marvel's Avengers: Secret Wars, the season premiere of Star Wars Rebels, and the latest episodes of DuckTales, Tangled: The Series, The Simpsons, Bob's Burgers, Family Guy, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, The Last Man On Earth, Ghosted, and The Blacklist.
Star Trek Discovery “Choose Your Pain”
Harry Mudd! Rainn Wilson did a pretty good job there.
Saru was very unlikable this episode.
I loved Stamets crazily laughing when he woke up.
First F-bombs in Star Trek history. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.
Tilly seems to be rocking a major zit on her forehead.
Archer, April, Pike, and Decker were all listed on the screen with Gourgious as some of the greatest Starfleet Captains ever. Excellent Easter Egg.
Good episode this week. ****.
Justice League Action "True Colors"
"Don't tell Batman about this." Superman values the correct things.
Aaaand... send. ****.
Supergirl "Triggers"
God, I hate James Olsen. He seems genuinely surprised that Lena Luthor actually showed up to work as if she owned the place. Except... she DOES. What, does James believe that Lena outbid Edge so she could simply GIVE him a multimillion dollar company for free, out of the goodness of her heart? Why does he expect that? Why SHOULD she be expected to do that? James suck.
Also, how does Kara think she can blow off her new boss like that? She was being disrespectful, and I appreciated Lena calling her on it.
Wedding DJ's are better than wedding bands, due to the reasons J'onn stated. Also, because something is far less likely to go wrong with only one person doing the entertainment, instead of a group of them.
That being said, I don't ever want to hear J'onn saying "Getting jiggy with it" ever, EVER again.
What is Supergirl: The TV Series doing by making the Big Bad of the year a sympathetic, struggling single mother? Do the producers think I actually WANT to see that? I honestly do NOT get what they are thinking. It is one thing to make a villain sympathetic after the fact. It's an entirely different thing to show a good person suffering, if the endgame is to make the audience hate them. Killer Frost on The Flash sucks for the exact same reason. What is WRONG with the Berlantiverse anyways?
The "Mind over matter" ending is literally one of the worst superhero resolutions in the entire Arrowverse. Ever. I'm not joking. It makes no freaking sense, and solves nothing. It's embarrassing the writers thought it sounded even slightly acceptable.
I like that Winn is more afraid of Alex than he is of Kara. But then Alex is all like, "Winn is terrible at keeping secrets!" No, he isn't! He kept Kara and Guardian's secrets well enough. He only spilled this one because Alex threatened him. That's on Alex, not him.
Casting notes: Chris Wood is still billed as a series regular, but the woman who plays Maggie is still a Special Guest Star. I suspect she and Alex will not make it down the isle, since the actress is no longer a regular. I suspect the disagreement about kids will be the key. Erica Durance was not only NOT billed as a Special Guest Star for the second week in a row, but she was billed third in the guest star credits! Unacceptable, producers! Give Lois Lane her freaking due!
The show has done better. **1/2.
The Flash "Mixed Signals"
Donna Pescow is still alive and getting work? Cool! I am less surprised by Richard Brooks' alive status, but it's still been awhile since I've seen him in anything. Both he and Jesse L. Martin are Law & Order compatriots.
I love the therapy session. It's all cute and endearing, and you laugh when Iris asks the therapist if she's writing down that Barry ran out on the session. Barry is earnest and lovable, as he's trying to rationalize his quirks... until Iris asks him how he could leave her like that. And suddenly Barry seems less like a clueless goofball and more like a clueless jerk. And I didn't understand the subtext there until she screamed that.
Everybody being annoyed at Cisco's problematic additions to the suit is justified. He made all of these new bells and whistles to prepare for specific contingencies without considering the repercussions of what would happen if Barry lost control of the suit. One of the reasons high tech suits always bother me (and this goes for Batman Beyond too) is that the hero sometimes too heavily relies on them. I am glad this episode dealt with the issue head-on.
I strongly suspect Cisco only did the floatation device thing because he thought it would be funny. He's not wrong.
It is hard to imagine an entire world where Santa Claus is not a thing.
Love the "Oliver Queen is Green Arrow" newspaper headline, and kind of would have liked to have heard and dealt with Barry's reactions more. That's a pretty big thing, that could actually compromise Barry's identity should Oliver's Green Arrow missions from the Arrowcave become public knowledge, but I at least know why they kept it merely an Easter Egg: So as not to tip off the next Arrow.
OneOneOne day was obviously only created so greeting card companies could make a buck.
Caitlin appears to if not at least be aware of what happens when she's Killer Frost, to at least be aware bad things happen when she is. Interesting.
Good week. I could get used to this show being TV-PG every week. ****.
DC's Legends Of Tomorrow "Freak Show"
Not great. That being said, I am trying to wrap my head around an episode where Stein complains that he'd never set foot on the Titanic where Billy Zane guest stars as P.T. Barnum. What does that mean? Is there hidden subtext there I'm missing? What is it? Victor Garber was in Titanic too, so it was probably an explicit reference to that.
I wish the Big Bad were somebody I had heard of. I'm disappointed by the Thinker on The Flash for the same reason. The Arrowverse needs to save some of its major characters from stunts of the week, to Ultimate Evils. Gorilla Grodd or Mark Hamill's Trickster would make a MUCH better Big Bad than Savitar ever did.
The tough guy afraid of clowns thing might have been funny had I not seen it a billion times already. Rory and the mini saber-tooth kitten however, was quite adorable.
I think Nate is stupid. Revealing your powers to P.T. Barnum means you are going to kidnapped. I saw that coming a mile away. How does a Historian not know that?
Is that an earlier version of B'wana Beast? Interesting.
Speaking of which. I can buy Barnum knocking the Legends unconscious by surprise and capturing them. But they shouldn't be staying captured for as long as they were. I almost was willing to buy Ray and Jax being forced to stay because both seem a bit useless out of costume, but Steel and Vixen shoulda made short work of thug clowns immediately.
I love that Sara and Sharon take a water break in the middle of the fight. Things were starting to get pointless, I think.
Ray's biggest guilt is not returning library books. To me, that's endearing instead of insufferable, but I don't know how many fanboys would agree with me.
Average week. ***.
Lucifer "Mr. And Mrs. Mazikeen Smith"
Everyone says that the conman isn't actually a hunk, and is entirely charming on his own. I love that they cast a guy where that was actually true.
Leslie Ann-Brandt seems to have a bad@$$ new scar on her eyebrow. It's totally hot.
Trixie is excited there is blood on her alien doll. Trixie is messed up.
Are you supposed to be massaging my boob? Do you want me to stop? Well... Why do I have a feeling that scene would be better on Premium Cable?
Love Norm the friendly Canadian hotelier. I kind of think what Maze did to him was less funny, and more of a legit violation. It's not like he didn't object more than once. A guy did that to a woman, we'd consider it sexual assault. Maze's hands were simply not welcome here.
Casting notes: Tom Welling was not credited, but Tricia Helfer was credited as a series regular, even though she did not appear. I don't know what's up with that.
I liked more than I didn't. ***1/2.
The Gifted "eXodus"
Chuck from Swim Team sucks. He acts like he's concerned about the danger to the neighborhood, but in reality he just wants that 300 Grand reward. Caitlin is learning very quickly that all of her friends are terrible people. It's like finding out all your best friends voted for Trump.
Danny's son is useless too, and doesn't get how serious this is.
I cannot believe upon that beautiful Aurora Borealis moment, Eclipse tells Lorna she's more beautiful than it. Cheese, what a line. They JUST met. It's appalling that it works.
I like Turner telling Reed that the leg brace doesn't come off unless you remove the foot. He wouldn't normally tell him that, but there was a guy... Funny moment.
I love Reed's shock upon the look of fear the mother and the young girl in the van gave him. You can tell in that instant that he realized this is what his kids have to live with every day.
Not as good as the first two weeks. ***1/2.
Marvel's Spider-Man "Spider-Man On Ice"
Spider-Man in shorts at the end was so cheesy.
The writing his name in the snow gag was kind of gross if you think about it.
So-so. ***.
Marvel's Avengers: Secret Wars "The Once And Future Kang"
I love that Captain Marvel saves a little deaf girl. You don't see many deaf people in cartoons. I also like that she showed up in the future at the end as an old woman.
Good way to get Falcon in a design closer to his MCU counterpart.
"I'm an Avenger!" Kill me now.
Love a balding Red Hulk with a handlebar mustache and beer gut.
Pretty good episode. ****.
Marvel's Avengers: Secret Wars "Dimension Z"
They made Cap a Nazi without actually making Cap a Nazi.
"No, WE did it!" Kill. Me. NOW.
Mark Hamill had some fun with Armin Zola's TV voices at the end.
So-so. **1/2.
Star Wars Rebels "Heroes Of Mandalore, Part 1"
Public termination? D*mn you, TV-Y7!
"With her, with her"? Did Star Wars just turn into The Wonder Years?
Ezra. quit trying to horn in on Sabine's family art moment. It's lame.
Sad ending. ***.
Star Wars Rebels "Heroes Of Mandalore, Part 2"
I want one of those jet packs. ***1/2.
DuckTales "The House Of The Lucky Gander"
Carl Barks infamously hated his creation Gladstone Gander. Don Rosa did not. It's for this reason Don Rosa's Gladstone stories are always superior to Barks'. Barks detested Gladstone, so he made him a one-dimensional jerk and didn't overthink it beyond that. But Rosa seemed to be intrigued by the idea of Gladstone's luck, and managed to wring a few really cool concepts out of it.
His first major Gladstone story is, I think, the most memorable. In "Oolated Luck", Gladstone and Donald compete to gain possession of a thousand raffle tickets for a cruise vacation. Runner up gets a lifetime supply of "oolated squiggs" which seem to be a type of canned seafood similar to sardines. Anyways, Donald manages to get ahold of 999 raffle tickets while Gladstone gets one. And as Gladstone notes over and over again, Gladstone always beats the odds.
So the nephews have a crazy idea. They enter 998 of the tickets in Gladstone's name, and one in the name of Donald Duck. Gladstone is the winner of the last year's contest, so he gets to personally pick out the raffle ticket from the bowl. Of course, he picks Donald's name because Gladstone Gander always beats the odds. Gladstone is miserable about this until the end of the story reveals the cruise trip was a disaster, and Gladstone found a huge diamond in one of the squiggs. Rosa was the first writer to posit the idea that Gladstone can lose a contest or a challenge if it is in his own best interest.
And that's this episode. It isn't quite as well plotted as "Oolated Luck", but a bad luck charm like Donald winning over a lucky guy like Gladstone was never in doubt to me. Because Gladstone Gander always beats the odds. And the odds of him losing to Donald were tiny.
I like that Dewey has already named Dewey Junior, and has already gotten super attached. Great joke. Wait until the guy at the mall with the iguana sees this.
I would have liked to have seen Launchpad's "The Zeppo"-style adventure very much.
I like that in this incarnation, Scrooge is as distasteful of Gladstone as Donald is. In the comics, Scrooge could take or leave his other nephew. I like that David Tennant's Scrooge strongly dislikes him.
Scrooge being utterly bored by the golden cricket was a perfect way to end the episode.
I tend to side with Barks in thinking Gladstone sucks. So if you told me DuckTales would do an episode with him I'd actually like, I'd be skeptical. But Gladstone Gander always beats the odds. ****.
Tangled The Series "Max's Enemy"
Ah, this series asks the age old question: Can we ever REALLY tire of Pluto's Rival after all these years?
Immediate and easy answer: Yes. Dear God, I'm sick of it. And cartoons barely do it anymore. But it is still the oldest of old hat. I am also a bit disgusted Axel turned out to be a full fledged villain. The show is usually better than cliches like that.
I gotta say, seeing a Maximus episode is a major step-down from the movie. Movie Maximus was speedy, but there was a weight and purposeful force behind he CGI design. Max here moves like any cartoon horse ever, which just makes him less. special.
Why is Maximus popular in the first place? In the movie, he was the biggest jerk EVER. And I liked that about the character. They don't need to retcon him into being widely admired. The best part about Maximus is that he's a total 'wipe.
Pete got a new helmet to impress Axel? And let's him take over guard duty? There is a difference between a quirky guard, and stupid guard. The show usually knows that difference. Not this week.
I'll tell you one good thing about the episode I like. Maximus does NOT stop trying to foil Axel's plot. Were I him, I totally would have. Axel being allowed to show his true colors, and actually steal from the kingdom, would instantly prove Max right, and his standing would go back to what it originally was. Except, Max is loyal and honorable, and does his duty. He's going to try to help the kingdom in any way he can, even if his life would be more miserable for it. And I like that, and it's pretty much the only thing in the episode I did like.
Surprisingly bad week. *.
The Simpsons "Whistler's Father"
So great.
Homer will never enter one of the kids in a talent show without telling Marge, and Marge will no longer build sex palaces for the mob. These sins are equal.
I love that the show points out The Simpsons house is an eyesore. It's a cartoon, so you might forgive it. Except most of the other buildings and houses on the show are colored normally.
I thought the idea that Fat Tony wound up building a bordello around a sainted letter to his mother was the perfect resolution. Say what you will about the newer episodes, but they still can do a fitting ending.
Speaking of Fat Tony, I like that they never specified that the kid at school was Fat Tony's son. Since Fat Tony is now the former Fit Tony, he's probably his nephew. But they didn't specify it to keep it consistent.
Apparently the Tonys had a third brother out there that Legs killed.
Flight of the Bumblebee. Genius song pick. That has got to be the most nightmarish song to whistle. The whistler in the episode did a surprisingly passable job, but passable is all anyone is going to get with that tune. I also would have accepted The Sabre Dance.
Watch Maggie. Why, do you think she's up to something? Nice!
Babies love Michael Caine. Astute observation from Homer, there.
Biggest laugh was Santa's Little Helper and Snowball II kissing.
Love the backwards The Simpsons in the main title. God'll fix it.
Trey does everything! TREY DOES EVERYTHING! I'm a little perturbed an 8-year-old girl knows that. That household needs itself a V-chip.
Hilarious episode. ****1/2.
Bob's Burgers "The Silence Of The Louise"
I love Tina's "We really should leave, but this fight is so cute."
I love that the Janitor is just jerking them around about the keys. Of course he has 'em.
A lot of kids books involve animals dying. It's kind of a bummer.
Love Teddy telling that guy to get out at the end.
I love John Roberts' line reading on "I wanna look at it," for why Linda needed two posters. Sublime.
Great mystery resolution with Mr. Frond being the culprit. The old lady spitting out the coffee is another thing that states that the adults on this show are the absolute worst.
Funny episode. ****1/2.
Family Guy "Nanny Goats"
Okay, I enjoyed that. And pretty much the second it was over, I questioned why I did, and what kind of person that makes me.
I thought the insult runner at the end with Lois and Peter was masterful. It's a perfect back and forth, and each keeps one-upping the other in nastiness and horribleness. This is what would happen if the average cruel person was quick-witted and insightful (and they usually aren't in real-life). And it's SO perfect, and SO well-written, and SO grounded in the way real people talk, that it's another thing that says the writers of Family Guy are probably really unpleasant buttwipes in real life. Even when Family Guy does something this good, part of me can't help like feeling it sucks for it.
The "We only do the male half of the joke" thing also tells me the same thing.
The rest of the episode was watchable, if a bit average.
I liked the fact that the show sort of pointed out that ABC family comedies seem to be catered to every specific race you can think of. That's kind of a good thing, to have minorities in leading roles, but you kind of notice it when somebody else points it out.
The Last Man On Earth being an impossible premise has nothing to do with the fact that they keep meeting new cast members. The entire premise is unworkable, even if the show had 20 regular characters. And yet, it's still going on in season four, and it still has my interest. Which is the real victory. The Last Man On Earth "Pulling it off" is a much bigger virtue that Family Guy claims.
So, the show pretty much points out that Top Gun is worthless without the soundtrack. I actually think that goes for most 80's movies. It's not just Top Gun. By a longshot.
For some reason, seeing Brian getting shot in the chest makes me unusually happy. I don't care if he was fine in the next scene, it was still super satisfying when it happened.
Are the legal terms of parody truly that strict? It's not like the Mickey Mouse joke was any less funny with Peter's commentary, but I have to think they could have gotten away with it without it.
Laughed at Cleveland Jr.'s cameo. "Daddy?" You're fourteen, son! FOURTEEN!
Worst cabin ever. And the fireplace is decorative so the used condom isn't going anywhere. Luckily, Peter and Lois read those notes in order.
Those were a couple of epic slow nose exhales. Take that, Baby Mama! Which begs the question: Is Tina Fey truly better than Jesus? Because this gag suggests she might not be. Heresy!
I liked the episode, and pretty much wound up hating myself for liking the episode. But I would be a dishonest reviewer if I gave it a grade lower than four stars out of five. ****.
Brooklyn Nine-Nine "HalloVeen"
Do you know what I noticed about this Halloween? Holt seems further behind in the contest than any other person in the precinct besides Hitchcock and Scully. Perhaps he was so empathic to declare there wasn't a winner this year because he knew how much he botched things.
Jake and Amy's weirdly cruel, yet adorable trash talk will never get old. When they are on, the Sex Tape lines become amazing. But it's all okay because Jake is secretly using the occasion to propose to her. Awww!
This was not as good as the first two years, which were legitimately fun and surprising, but it was better than Halloweens III and IV because the ending wasn't actually predictable. ****1/2.
The Last Man On Earth "Skeleton Crew"
Glenn is the first role I've ever seen Chris Elliot play completely straight. He's a real person instead of a cartoon.
Pamela had a REALLY painful runner with the massage stuff. Gotta say, I see why she's drawn to Tandy.
Love the look on Jasper's face as Pamela talked after "the aft section". Hilarious. That kid's a keeper.
I love that Melissa is enough of a Shawshank nerd to know that the last scene was actually filmed in St. Crouix. You may think you are the biggest Shawshanker geek ever, Todd, but the fact that you didn't know that says it isn't even close.
This show is still going for some strange reason. ****.
Ghosted "Succubus"
Wow! What a great ending! I thought it was genius that Max broke the spell with "Walking In Memphis", and then the show does the callback to the actual song in the last scene, which somehow makes it devastating.
Leroy's description of Tanya turning down his marriage proposal was horrific too. The Jumbotron guy just would NOT cut away.
This was the first episode of the show I outright enjoyed. ****1/2.
The Blacklist "The Endling"
I was really feeling for the Endling by the end. Red getting her to make the ultimate sacrifice for her kid shows how amazing Red is. I also really liked him cutting the Mailman into his safehouse deal. The Mailman really seemed to like that idea and that he would get rich from it.
Plothole: Calvin and Hobbes will never be on any postage stamps because Bill Watterson refuses to license the characters.
Pretty good week. ***1/2.
Star Trek Discovery “Choose Your Pain”
Harry Mudd! Rainn Wilson did a pretty good job there.
Saru was very unlikable this episode.
I loved Stamets crazily laughing when he woke up.
First F-bombs in Star Trek history. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.
Tilly seems to be rocking a major zit on her forehead.
Archer, April, Pike, and Decker were all listed on the screen with Gourgious as some of the greatest Starfleet Captains ever. Excellent Easter Egg.
Good episode this week. ****.
Justice League Action "True Colors"
"Don't tell Batman about this." Superman values the correct things.
Aaaand... send. ****.
Supergirl "Triggers"
God, I hate James Olsen. He seems genuinely surprised that Lena Luthor actually showed up to work as if she owned the place. Except... she DOES. What, does James believe that Lena outbid Edge so she could simply GIVE him a multimillion dollar company for free, out of the goodness of her heart? Why does he expect that? Why SHOULD she be expected to do that? James suck.
Also, how does Kara think she can blow off her new boss like that? She was being disrespectful, and I appreciated Lena calling her on it.
Wedding DJ's are better than wedding bands, due to the reasons J'onn stated. Also, because something is far less likely to go wrong with only one person doing the entertainment, instead of a group of them.
That being said, I don't ever want to hear J'onn saying "Getting jiggy with it" ever, EVER again.
What is Supergirl: The TV Series doing by making the Big Bad of the year a sympathetic, struggling single mother? Do the producers think I actually WANT to see that? I honestly do NOT get what they are thinking. It is one thing to make a villain sympathetic after the fact. It's an entirely different thing to show a good person suffering, if the endgame is to make the audience hate them. Killer Frost on The Flash sucks for the exact same reason. What is WRONG with the Berlantiverse anyways?
The "Mind over matter" ending is literally one of the worst superhero resolutions in the entire Arrowverse. Ever. I'm not joking. It makes no freaking sense, and solves nothing. It's embarrassing the writers thought it sounded even slightly acceptable.
I like that Winn is more afraid of Alex than he is of Kara. But then Alex is all like, "Winn is terrible at keeping secrets!" No, he isn't! He kept Kara and Guardian's secrets well enough. He only spilled this one because Alex threatened him. That's on Alex, not him.
Casting notes: Chris Wood is still billed as a series regular, but the woman who plays Maggie is still a Special Guest Star. I suspect she and Alex will not make it down the isle, since the actress is no longer a regular. I suspect the disagreement about kids will be the key. Erica Durance was not only NOT billed as a Special Guest Star for the second week in a row, but she was billed third in the guest star credits! Unacceptable, producers! Give Lois Lane her freaking due!
The show has done better. **1/2.
The Flash "Mixed Signals"
Donna Pescow is still alive and getting work? Cool! I am less surprised by Richard Brooks' alive status, but it's still been awhile since I've seen him in anything. Both he and Jesse L. Martin are Law & Order compatriots.
I love the therapy session. It's all cute and endearing, and you laugh when Iris asks the therapist if she's writing down that Barry ran out on the session. Barry is earnest and lovable, as he's trying to rationalize his quirks... until Iris asks him how he could leave her like that. And suddenly Barry seems less like a clueless goofball and more like a clueless jerk. And I didn't understand the subtext there until she screamed that.
Everybody being annoyed at Cisco's problematic additions to the suit is justified. He made all of these new bells and whistles to prepare for specific contingencies without considering the repercussions of what would happen if Barry lost control of the suit. One of the reasons high tech suits always bother me (and this goes for Batman Beyond too) is that the hero sometimes too heavily relies on them. I am glad this episode dealt with the issue head-on.
I strongly suspect Cisco only did the floatation device thing because he thought it would be funny. He's not wrong.
It is hard to imagine an entire world where Santa Claus is not a thing.
Love the "Oliver Queen is Green Arrow" newspaper headline, and kind of would have liked to have heard and dealt with Barry's reactions more. That's a pretty big thing, that could actually compromise Barry's identity should Oliver's Green Arrow missions from the Arrowcave become public knowledge, but I at least know why they kept it merely an Easter Egg: So as not to tip off the next Arrow.
OneOneOne day was obviously only created so greeting card companies could make a buck.
Caitlin appears to if not at least be aware of what happens when she's Killer Frost, to at least be aware bad things happen when she is. Interesting.
Good week. I could get used to this show being TV-PG every week. ****.
DC's Legends Of Tomorrow "Freak Show"
Not great. That being said, I am trying to wrap my head around an episode where Stein complains that he'd never set foot on the Titanic where Billy Zane guest stars as P.T. Barnum. What does that mean? Is there hidden subtext there I'm missing? What is it? Victor Garber was in Titanic too, so it was probably an explicit reference to that.
I wish the Big Bad were somebody I had heard of. I'm disappointed by the Thinker on The Flash for the same reason. The Arrowverse needs to save some of its major characters from stunts of the week, to Ultimate Evils. Gorilla Grodd or Mark Hamill's Trickster would make a MUCH better Big Bad than Savitar ever did.
The tough guy afraid of clowns thing might have been funny had I not seen it a billion times already. Rory and the mini saber-tooth kitten however, was quite adorable.
I think Nate is stupid. Revealing your powers to P.T. Barnum means you are going to kidnapped. I saw that coming a mile away. How does a Historian not know that?
Is that an earlier version of B'wana Beast? Interesting.
Speaking of which. I can buy Barnum knocking the Legends unconscious by surprise and capturing them. But they shouldn't be staying captured for as long as they were. I almost was willing to buy Ray and Jax being forced to stay because both seem a bit useless out of costume, but Steel and Vixen shoulda made short work of thug clowns immediately.
I love that Sara and Sharon take a water break in the middle of the fight. Things were starting to get pointless, I think.
Ray's biggest guilt is not returning library books. To me, that's endearing instead of insufferable, but I don't know how many fanboys would agree with me.
Average week. ***.
Lucifer "Mr. And Mrs. Mazikeen Smith"
Everyone says that the conman isn't actually a hunk, and is entirely charming on his own. I love that they cast a guy where that was actually true.
Leslie Ann-Brandt seems to have a bad@$$ new scar on her eyebrow. It's totally hot.
Trixie is excited there is blood on her alien doll. Trixie is messed up.
Are you supposed to be massaging my boob? Do you want me to stop? Well... Why do I have a feeling that scene would be better on Premium Cable?
Love Norm the friendly Canadian hotelier. I kind of think what Maze did to him was less funny, and more of a legit violation. It's not like he didn't object more than once. A guy did that to a woman, we'd consider it sexual assault. Maze's hands were simply not welcome here.
Casting notes: Tom Welling was not credited, but Tricia Helfer was credited as a series regular, even though she did not appear. I don't know what's up with that.
I liked more than I didn't. ***1/2.
The Gifted "eXodus"
Chuck from Swim Team sucks. He acts like he's concerned about the danger to the neighborhood, but in reality he just wants that 300 Grand reward. Caitlin is learning very quickly that all of her friends are terrible people. It's like finding out all your best friends voted for Trump.
Danny's son is useless too, and doesn't get how serious this is.
I cannot believe upon that beautiful Aurora Borealis moment, Eclipse tells Lorna she's more beautiful than it. Cheese, what a line. They JUST met. It's appalling that it works.
I like Turner telling Reed that the leg brace doesn't come off unless you remove the foot. He wouldn't normally tell him that, but there was a guy... Funny moment.
I love Reed's shock upon the look of fear the mother and the young girl in the van gave him. You can tell in that instant that he realized this is what his kids have to live with every day.
Not as good as the first two weeks. ***1/2.
Marvel's Spider-Man "Spider-Man On Ice"
Spider-Man in shorts at the end was so cheesy.
The writing his name in the snow gag was kind of gross if you think about it.
So-so. ***.
Marvel's Avengers: Secret Wars "The Once And Future Kang"
I love that Captain Marvel saves a little deaf girl. You don't see many deaf people in cartoons. I also like that she showed up in the future at the end as an old woman.
Good way to get Falcon in a design closer to his MCU counterpart.
"I'm an Avenger!" Kill me now.
Love a balding Red Hulk with a handlebar mustache and beer gut.
Pretty good episode. ****.
Marvel's Avengers: Secret Wars "Dimension Z"
They made Cap a Nazi without actually making Cap a Nazi.
"No, WE did it!" Kill. Me. NOW.
Mark Hamill had some fun with Armin Zola's TV voices at the end.
So-so. **1/2.
Star Wars Rebels "Heroes Of Mandalore, Part 1"
Public termination? D*mn you, TV-Y7!
"With her, with her"? Did Star Wars just turn into The Wonder Years?
Ezra. quit trying to horn in on Sabine's family art moment. It's lame.
Sad ending. ***.
Star Wars Rebels "Heroes Of Mandalore, Part 2"
I want one of those jet packs. ***1/2.
DuckTales "The House Of The Lucky Gander"
Carl Barks infamously hated his creation Gladstone Gander. Don Rosa did not. It's for this reason Don Rosa's Gladstone stories are always superior to Barks'. Barks detested Gladstone, so he made him a one-dimensional jerk and didn't overthink it beyond that. But Rosa seemed to be intrigued by the idea of Gladstone's luck, and managed to wring a few really cool concepts out of it.
His first major Gladstone story is, I think, the most memorable. In "Oolated Luck", Gladstone and Donald compete to gain possession of a thousand raffle tickets for a cruise vacation. Runner up gets a lifetime supply of "oolated squiggs" which seem to be a type of canned seafood similar to sardines. Anyways, Donald manages to get ahold of 999 raffle tickets while Gladstone gets one. And as Gladstone notes over and over again, Gladstone always beats the odds.
So the nephews have a crazy idea. They enter 998 of the tickets in Gladstone's name, and one in the name of Donald Duck. Gladstone is the winner of the last year's contest, so he gets to personally pick out the raffle ticket from the bowl. Of course, he picks Donald's name because Gladstone Gander always beats the odds. Gladstone is miserable about this until the end of the story reveals the cruise trip was a disaster, and Gladstone found a huge diamond in one of the squiggs. Rosa was the first writer to posit the idea that Gladstone can lose a contest or a challenge if it is in his own best interest.
And that's this episode. It isn't quite as well plotted as "Oolated Luck", but a bad luck charm like Donald winning over a lucky guy like Gladstone was never in doubt to me. Because Gladstone Gander always beats the odds. And the odds of him losing to Donald were tiny.
I like that Dewey has already named Dewey Junior, and has already gotten super attached. Great joke. Wait until the guy at the mall with the iguana sees this.
I would have liked to have seen Launchpad's "The Zeppo"-style adventure very much.
I like that in this incarnation, Scrooge is as distasteful of Gladstone as Donald is. In the comics, Scrooge could take or leave his other nephew. I like that David Tennant's Scrooge strongly dislikes him.
Scrooge being utterly bored by the golden cricket was a perfect way to end the episode.
I tend to side with Barks in thinking Gladstone sucks. So if you told me DuckTales would do an episode with him I'd actually like, I'd be skeptical. But Gladstone Gander always beats the odds. ****.
Tangled The Series "Max's Enemy"
Ah, this series asks the age old question: Can we ever REALLY tire of Pluto's Rival after all these years?
Immediate and easy answer: Yes. Dear God, I'm sick of it. And cartoons barely do it anymore. But it is still the oldest of old hat. I am also a bit disgusted Axel turned out to be a full fledged villain. The show is usually better than cliches like that.
I gotta say, seeing a Maximus episode is a major step-down from the movie. Movie Maximus was speedy, but there was a weight and purposeful force behind he CGI design. Max here moves like any cartoon horse ever, which just makes him less. special.
Why is Maximus popular in the first place? In the movie, he was the biggest jerk EVER. And I liked that about the character. They don't need to retcon him into being widely admired. The best part about Maximus is that he's a total 'wipe.
Pete got a new helmet to impress Axel? And let's him take over guard duty? There is a difference between a quirky guard, and stupid guard. The show usually knows that difference. Not this week.
I'll tell you one good thing about the episode I like. Maximus does NOT stop trying to foil Axel's plot. Were I him, I totally would have. Axel being allowed to show his true colors, and actually steal from the kingdom, would instantly prove Max right, and his standing would go back to what it originally was. Except, Max is loyal and honorable, and does his duty. He's going to try to help the kingdom in any way he can, even if his life would be more miserable for it. And I like that, and it's pretty much the only thing in the episode I did like.
Surprisingly bad week. *.
The Simpsons "Whistler's Father"
So great.
Homer will never enter one of the kids in a talent show without telling Marge, and Marge will no longer build sex palaces for the mob. These sins are equal.
I love that the show points out The Simpsons house is an eyesore. It's a cartoon, so you might forgive it. Except most of the other buildings and houses on the show are colored normally.
I thought the idea that Fat Tony wound up building a bordello around a sainted letter to his mother was the perfect resolution. Say what you will about the newer episodes, but they still can do a fitting ending.
Speaking of Fat Tony, I like that they never specified that the kid at school was Fat Tony's son. Since Fat Tony is now the former Fit Tony, he's probably his nephew. But they didn't specify it to keep it consistent.
Apparently the Tonys had a third brother out there that Legs killed.
Flight of the Bumblebee. Genius song pick. That has got to be the most nightmarish song to whistle. The whistler in the episode did a surprisingly passable job, but passable is all anyone is going to get with that tune. I also would have accepted The Sabre Dance.
Watch Maggie. Why, do you think she's up to something? Nice!
Babies love Michael Caine. Astute observation from Homer, there.
Biggest laugh was Santa's Little Helper and Snowball II kissing.
Love the backwards The Simpsons in the main title. God'll fix it.
Trey does everything! TREY DOES EVERYTHING! I'm a little perturbed an 8-year-old girl knows that. That household needs itself a V-chip.
Hilarious episode. ****1/2.
Bob's Burgers "The Silence Of The Louise"
I love Tina's "We really should leave, but this fight is so cute."
I love that the Janitor is just jerking them around about the keys. Of course he has 'em.
A lot of kids books involve animals dying. It's kind of a bummer.
Love Teddy telling that guy to get out at the end.
I love John Roberts' line reading on "I wanna look at it," for why Linda needed two posters. Sublime.
Great mystery resolution with Mr. Frond being the culprit. The old lady spitting out the coffee is another thing that states that the adults on this show are the absolute worst.
Funny episode. ****1/2.
Family Guy "Nanny Goats"
Okay, I enjoyed that. And pretty much the second it was over, I questioned why I did, and what kind of person that makes me.
I thought the insult runner at the end with Lois and Peter was masterful. It's a perfect back and forth, and each keeps one-upping the other in nastiness and horribleness. This is what would happen if the average cruel person was quick-witted and insightful (and they usually aren't in real-life). And it's SO perfect, and SO well-written, and SO grounded in the way real people talk, that it's another thing that says the writers of Family Guy are probably really unpleasant buttwipes in real life. Even when Family Guy does something this good, part of me can't help like feeling it sucks for it.
The "We only do the male half of the joke" thing also tells me the same thing.
The rest of the episode was watchable, if a bit average.
I liked the fact that the show sort of pointed out that ABC family comedies seem to be catered to every specific race you can think of. That's kind of a good thing, to have minorities in leading roles, but you kind of notice it when somebody else points it out.
The Last Man On Earth being an impossible premise has nothing to do with the fact that they keep meeting new cast members. The entire premise is unworkable, even if the show had 20 regular characters. And yet, it's still going on in season four, and it still has my interest. Which is the real victory. The Last Man On Earth "Pulling it off" is a much bigger virtue that Family Guy claims.
So, the show pretty much points out that Top Gun is worthless without the soundtrack. I actually think that goes for most 80's movies. It's not just Top Gun. By a longshot.
For some reason, seeing Brian getting shot in the chest makes me unusually happy. I don't care if he was fine in the next scene, it was still super satisfying when it happened.
Are the legal terms of parody truly that strict? It's not like the Mickey Mouse joke was any less funny with Peter's commentary, but I have to think they could have gotten away with it without it.
Laughed at Cleveland Jr.'s cameo. "Daddy?" You're fourteen, son! FOURTEEN!
Worst cabin ever. And the fireplace is decorative so the used condom isn't going anywhere. Luckily, Peter and Lois read those notes in order.
Those were a couple of epic slow nose exhales. Take that, Baby Mama! Which begs the question: Is Tina Fey truly better than Jesus? Because this gag suggests she might not be. Heresy!
I liked the episode, and pretty much wound up hating myself for liking the episode. But I would be a dishonest reviewer if I gave it a grade lower than four stars out of five. ****.
Brooklyn Nine-Nine "HalloVeen"
Do you know what I noticed about this Halloween? Holt seems further behind in the contest than any other person in the precinct besides Hitchcock and Scully. Perhaps he was so empathic to declare there wasn't a winner this year because he knew how much he botched things.
Jake and Amy's weirdly cruel, yet adorable trash talk will never get old. When they are on, the Sex Tape lines become amazing. But it's all okay because Jake is secretly using the occasion to propose to her. Awww!
This was not as good as the first two years, which were legitimately fun and surprising, but it was better than Halloweens III and IV because the ending wasn't actually predictable. ****1/2.
The Last Man On Earth "Skeleton Crew"
Glenn is the first role I've ever seen Chris Elliot play completely straight. He's a real person instead of a cartoon.
Pamela had a REALLY painful runner with the massage stuff. Gotta say, I see why she's drawn to Tandy.
Love the look on Jasper's face as Pamela talked after "the aft section". Hilarious. That kid's a keeper.
I love that Melissa is enough of a Shawshank nerd to know that the last scene was actually filmed in St. Crouix. You may think you are the biggest Shawshanker geek ever, Todd, but the fact that you didn't know that says it isn't even close.
This show is still going for some strange reason. ****.
Ghosted "Succubus"
Wow! What a great ending! I thought it was genius that Max broke the spell with "Walking In Memphis", and then the show does the callback to the actual song in the last scene, which somehow makes it devastating.
Leroy's description of Tanya turning down his marriage proposal was horrific too. The Jumbotron guy just would NOT cut away.
This was the first episode of the show I outright enjoyed. ****1/2.
The Blacklist "The Endling"
I was really feeling for the Endling by the end. Red getting her to make the ultimate sacrifice for her kid shows how amazing Red is. I also really liked him cutting the Mailman into his safehouse deal. The Mailman really seemed to like that idea and that he would get rich from it.
Plothole: Calvin and Hobbes will never be on any postage stamps because Bill Watterson refuses to license the characters.
Pretty good week. ***1/2.