Order of the weekend: disappointment
Man, this weekend was pretty depressing. Things I was looking forward to turned out pretty lame and/or canceled. The first occurred during my last day of mids where my EOOW watch was cancelled. I was really looking forward to getting points and trying my hand at commanding a team of operators. It really electrifies me when I'm up there, even in training. I want to know everything that's going on and deal with it like some sort of magical multitasker that gives as takes as fast as he can read a meter. I want to screw up and learn things too. I'm definitely not perfect, nor do I really aspire to be; I just want to know enough to not make mistakes during my watch that will get myself and other people disqualified. I won't get there unless I actually do, and I know that I'll learn volumes and volumes of information just by being there and anticipating what the reactor will throw at me. Bring it, I dare you.
But alas, that watch was cancelled, and I did a training event instead, which I guess was ok. It still kinda bummed me out, but whatever. I still had the weekend to look forward to, right? Yeah, I was gonna take my buddy Seth out to Albany to get his eyes dilated for a Lasik procedure that he'll be undergoing in about two weeks. I decided to get myself checked out because hell, I wanted to get Lasik done, and I didn't want to wait until my shore tour to undergo a painful PRK procedure. Lasik's quick, and the recovery is generally short. I could have the procedure done the very next day and recover by work on Saturday.
The technicians there were giving me some hope for getting the procedure done. My eyes looked fine, they said. So I was pretty pumped about getting Lasik. No more glasses. No more effin stinkin' specs to fall down my nose and make me look generally stupid. Moreover, I wouldn't have to carry them around in that bulky case. I know I'm sounding petty, but I have requirements for comfort, and that glasses case and associated glasses do not fit that description. If I could get rid of them, I would. The thought of going glassless thrilled me; I was really looking forward to the procedure!
However, following the general vein of this posting, can you guess what happened? We go on down to Albany, and Seth drove me there since I definitely wouldn't be driving back if I got the procedure. When I got there though, the surgeon looked over the data for my eyes, and she flat out said no. No Lasik. I'd be doing PRK. Fuck.
PRK is the surgery that I wanted to avoid. 2-3 days of blindness, followed by (worst case) 6 months of recovery. Not very appealing. I mean, hurray, I can still be a jet pilot for the Navy, but I don't foresee any lat transfers, and moreover, Lasik doesn't automatically disqualify you from jetting. PRK just isn't in my agenda. I have, however, made the choice that, should I get leave after Prototype, I want to get the procedure done during that time.
That whole thing was like shooting down my plane shortly after takeoff. I guess I shouldn't expect things to go so well, eh? I've probably been raising my hopes of everything just to feel a little bit o' happiness...
That there's a pretty large philosophical vein that I'd rather not go down right now. I know I'm unhappy, and I'm terrified that I don't know how to solve it...
Well, the third thing that disappointed me was meeting this girl Sarah, who sounded pretty good on paper. She's wanted to ride in a convertible for awhile, so awesome points for her. She's a runner and a lifeguard, and she's studying to be a pharmaceutical manager, so she's definitely not stupid. Everything sounded pretty good, but for once, I actually thought of the possibility that she wouldn't be exciting. Aaaaaand she wasn't really. She didn't take chances or get out her comfort with regard to conversation topics; she stayed well within the confines of what was safe and culturally accepted. I wasn't impressed; haha, I actually feel like kind of a dick because by the end of the night, I was completely uninterested. But hey, that's how you meet people, right? You get out there and figure shit out.
Well, I'm glad I got that off of my chest. Yeah, this weekend was pretty disappointing, but that's life, motherfucker. You adapt and overcome. Just now, I thought of all the other fishes out there in the sea, and I smiled a little bit. It's easy to get caught up in the little details of life, especially for moi'. Standing back and looking at the whole picture can help.
I'll tell you what's not helping; I'm still up, and it's twenty til five am. I just couldn't sleep, and that will kick my ass at work on Saturday...
I'm going to keep looking into options for eye surgery, and I'm gonna get a second opinion in Maryland. I may have to wait until Prototype's over, but at least I've got something on the back burner.