Getting stuff offa mah chest?
Sure, why not? From last post, my birthday happened! Refer to other sources for what really went down that 24 hour period. Much happened. Stuff I can only discuss with close friends. Because it was all amazing.
In unrelated (hah!) news, I kinda have a thing for Joanna. From like, Tkd. And "kinda have a thing" is being put on hold for the summer, mainly cause the "affection" started four days before I left for Baltimore. I mean, like, I like the things we discussed because we had a lot in common, but I dunno, there's a feeling (which is never wrong, by the way) that tells me that she's not so interested, despite being attracted to me for god knows how long (again, the feeling). I'm not sure how relationships are supposed to work, but I dunno, I'm just gonna back off for the summer and hope that things go well in the fall. I'm frankly done with people not telling me things that I need to know, and I really get the feeling that if I pursue this interest more than I already am, I'll end up looking like an ass. Again. So I dunno, I'll play it where it lies at the end of the summer. If something happens, I'll be quick to learn an entirely different way to conduct a relationship.
Like it's something I'm not supposed to be committed to or something; she mentions that she might cheat on me if she's drunk and lonely, and I dunno, I doubt she'd tell me about it. I kinda have a zero tolerance policy when it comes to cheating. Let's face it, I have a hard time really trusting people, and after one screw up, I doubt anyone's gonna have the social graces to gain the trust back. I dunno, I doubt she will (if this "relationship" even develops), but to say that to someone ... especially me and other distrusting characters ... it's a hard pill to swallow.
At any rate, this is peering too far ahead; as far as I'm concerned I'm single for the summer. Even though I don't have any interests and I'm not cute enough to get something going. I also am still living in my parents' house with no job or car. Although I might work for the Adult Video store just for the crazy experiences with creepy old men. I probably could have phrased that a little better. I guess just dealing with the customers might be ... interesting.
Another development is that I think I'm starting to figure out more of who I am. I may or may not have talked about how by meditation I can separate myself from other people. I believe that interacting with people leads to the implementation of some link to people; their thoughts leach into my thoughts. Eventually these links are spread out thin, and I start to lose my identity. It may be because my thoughts are not my own, but the collective thoughts of those around me. I sometimes feel like I am a reflection of the people around me. Such links would explain the behavior. However, by meditation, I can sever these links and be myself once again.
I also think I'm developing sexually as well; I might just be a nympho, or possibly finally wanting to explore. It's weird; I've sometimes complained that I feel like a twelve year old. Well, my inner self might just be hitting puberty. I'm becoming less embarrassed about the things I do, and I'm finally becoming rampant about sex. Before, I kinda just disregarded it; my instinct seemed to rule, but I never really defined it as a necessity. But now, I kinda just want to go and do it, and it doesn't really matter with whom. Who knows? I'm always about figuring what age my inside is. Because it's definitely not 21. It's young, and it's extremely silly.
So anyway, 21 was awesome. Hope I see more fun times in the fall. For now? Don't know... Tim's in Cairo, and that makes me very very sad.
Oh yeah! I'm getting depressed for some reason. Like I just feel sad! Maybe it's because I have time to think again. But when I'm talking to people I realize that I'm getting sad for no good reason. Maybe more time will facilitate a discovery. Maybe I just need to keep myself busy.
In unrelated (hah!) news, I kinda have a thing for Joanna. From like, Tkd. And "kinda have a thing" is being put on hold for the summer, mainly cause the "affection" started four days before I left for Baltimore. I mean, like, I like the things we discussed because we had a lot in common, but I dunno, there's a feeling (which is never wrong, by the way) that tells me that she's not so interested, despite being attracted to me for god knows how long (again, the feeling). I'm not sure how relationships are supposed to work, but I dunno, I'm just gonna back off for the summer and hope that things go well in the fall. I'm frankly done with people not telling me things that I need to know, and I really get the feeling that if I pursue this interest more than I already am, I'll end up looking like an ass. Again. So I dunno, I'll play it where it lies at the end of the summer. If something happens, I'll be quick to learn an entirely different way to conduct a relationship.
Like it's something I'm not supposed to be committed to or something; she mentions that she might cheat on me if she's drunk and lonely, and I dunno, I doubt she'd tell me about it. I kinda have a zero tolerance policy when it comes to cheating. Let's face it, I have a hard time really trusting people, and after one screw up, I doubt anyone's gonna have the social graces to gain the trust back. I dunno, I doubt she will (if this "relationship" even develops), but to say that to someone ... especially me and other distrusting characters ... it's a hard pill to swallow.
At any rate, this is peering too far ahead; as far as I'm concerned I'm single for the summer. Even though I don't have any interests and I'm not cute enough to get something going. I also am still living in my parents' house with no job or car. Although I might work for the Adult Video store just for the crazy experiences with creepy old men. I probably could have phrased that a little better. I guess just dealing with the customers might be ... interesting.
Another development is that I think I'm starting to figure out more of who I am. I may or may not have talked about how by meditation I can separate myself from other people. I believe that interacting with people leads to the implementation of some link to people; their thoughts leach into my thoughts. Eventually these links are spread out thin, and I start to lose my identity. It may be because my thoughts are not my own, but the collective thoughts of those around me. I sometimes feel like I am a reflection of the people around me. Such links would explain the behavior. However, by meditation, I can sever these links and be myself once again.
I also think I'm developing sexually as well; I might just be a nympho, or possibly finally wanting to explore. It's weird; I've sometimes complained that I feel like a twelve year old. Well, my inner self might just be hitting puberty. I'm becoming less embarrassed about the things I do, and I'm finally becoming rampant about sex. Before, I kinda just disregarded it; my instinct seemed to rule, but I never really defined it as a necessity. But now, I kinda just want to go and do it, and it doesn't really matter with whom. Who knows? I'm always about figuring what age my inside is. Because it's definitely not 21. It's young, and it's extremely silly.
So anyway, 21 was awesome. Hope I see more fun times in the fall. For now? Don't know... Tim's in Cairo, and that makes me very very sad.
Oh yeah! I'm getting depressed for some reason. Like I just feel sad! Maybe it's because I have time to think again. But when I'm talking to people I realize that I'm getting sad for no good reason. Maybe more time will facilitate a discovery. Maybe I just need to keep myself busy.