(no subject)
this probably shouldn't be something i am worried at all over, but it has been on my mind recently. i have been wondering whether or not i should continue with music. God knows i love to play music. i love to write songs and to play them over and over.
unfortunately what i lack is talent, creativity, etc., the things that make music worthwhile to listen to. i don't believe that my music is something what people actually want to hear. i couldn't see myself captivated by my music as an outsider. i played a show a while back and i had a student at the church i work at tell me that it was quite funny. she told me that she really thought it was funny, the way i sang and such. the unfortunate part is that i had no intention of being funny at all. i sang songs straight out of my heart, about serious things, and i assume because of the lack of talent i have to express those things, it was perceived as funny by someone else. i don't let that destroy me, but when i watched a video of my performance i thought of how terribly i actually performed. my songs weren't interesting or catchy. the message i have is blotted out by my lack of ability to express it. i am not letting one person's opinion tear me down, but when it comes to my opinion of myself, i suppose it is perfectly acceptable to be torn down.
i love to write. at times i would think i were clever. i have written many songs and thrown away even more, and yet as i sift through them, i still find the product not very valuable.
i have struggled with this before. it has often been a temptation for me to leave school and go play music for a living. at some point, i actually thought it was quite possible. but when i sit and think about it for a bit, i realize that my true passion is to study God's Word and to be more equipped to bring His gospel to others through love, teaching, and service. i came to the conclusion that making music could be my calling for the time being, as i study and work at church. i figured that i could commit to writing music to express my heart, my mind, my desire for the redemption of my body and this world. but as i have been thinking now, i have discovered that music very well might be a complete waste of my time, energy, and finances.
over the past few years i've learned to stop doing many things that i love to do for the sake of reality and adulthood. i would love to be a great singer and songwriter, but i am neither. i desire to be changed and to be used to change the world, but i don't think my music has any potential for aiding my ultimate passion.
unfortunately what i lack is talent, creativity, etc., the things that make music worthwhile to listen to. i don't believe that my music is something what people actually want to hear. i couldn't see myself captivated by my music as an outsider. i played a show a while back and i had a student at the church i work at tell me that it was quite funny. she told me that she really thought it was funny, the way i sang and such. the unfortunate part is that i had no intention of being funny at all. i sang songs straight out of my heart, about serious things, and i assume because of the lack of talent i have to express those things, it was perceived as funny by someone else. i don't let that destroy me, but when i watched a video of my performance i thought of how terribly i actually performed. my songs weren't interesting or catchy. the message i have is blotted out by my lack of ability to express it. i am not letting one person's opinion tear me down, but when it comes to my opinion of myself, i suppose it is perfectly acceptable to be torn down.
i love to write. at times i would think i were clever. i have written many songs and thrown away even more, and yet as i sift through them, i still find the product not very valuable.
i have struggled with this before. it has often been a temptation for me to leave school and go play music for a living. at some point, i actually thought it was quite possible. but when i sit and think about it for a bit, i realize that my true passion is to study God's Word and to be more equipped to bring His gospel to others through love, teaching, and service. i came to the conclusion that making music could be my calling for the time being, as i study and work at church. i figured that i could commit to writing music to express my heart, my mind, my desire for the redemption of my body and this world. but as i have been thinking now, i have discovered that music very well might be a complete waste of my time, energy, and finances.
over the past few years i've learned to stop doing many things that i love to do for the sake of reality and adulthood. i would love to be a great singer and songwriter, but i am neither. i desire to be changed and to be used to change the world, but i don't think my music has any potential for aiding my ultimate passion.