Perhaps tonight...absolutely tomorrow!
Saturday night I get an email from James. James is a guy that I first met and *did* when I joined the chorus back in Sept. He was very hot, great sex, loved to get fucked, loved to suck, etc, etc. Anyway, we clicked immediately. He kept telling me how comfortable he was with me and how wonderful everything was. Then one day he freaked on me. Said he spoke to his ex and that he wasn't ready for a relationship. we went out a few times more times; we went on a 'date from hell' than he kinda dumped me cause he said I was like his ex because I am a "cancer sign like his ex" and that he didn't want to be with anymore cancers. WTF. I was upset and told him, "I am not your ex, I am my own person. Anyway, several weeks later, he apologized to me for how he behaved.
Anyway, James is an actor and has been out of town performing. I was surprised to get his email sat. night. He said he hoped to catch up with me either at chorus rehearsal or at the bar after rehearsal. Hmmmmmm. James was a good guy...until he freaked on me. I emailed him back to let him know I might meet him at the bar after rehearsal. I don't know, though. Don't know that I am feeling like I want to be reminded of the drama; even though we both have moved past it. We could have been--might be--decent friend, friends with benefits? I know he thought I was attractive, as he was the one that pursued me. I guess I'm feeling less than attractive right now and don't want to deal with my own feelings of unattractiveness--real or not.
Blah!
I do know that Dave and I are 'going out' tuesday and we'll have a great time making love. Dave, Dave, Dave, what am I going to do about Dave? I love him. He loves me. Would I be content just making love with him and no one else? Isn't really a fair thing to consider since he is in a relationship, albeit sexless. Of course, He may be having sex wih others. I've kind of been wondering recently if he is or not. Should I open that Pandora's Box? I mean if he has time to have sex with others why not spend more time with me? My time is really open so there is no real reason he could come over more often--at least from my view point. What would be the benefit of asking him if he is having sex with others? I know I am. I can't just sit around and wait for Dave, since he isn't available. It would be different if he was single and available...but that isn't the case! So what do i gain by asking him if he is having sex with other people? perhaps it is my subconscious way of pushing some buttons. Am I looking for a fight or to be hurt or for drama? Of course now that I have been thinking about it, will I be able to dismiss the thoughts without asking the questions? if he is, what would be my response? Do I have a right to have a response? Blah!
Anyway, James is an actor and has been out of town performing. I was surprised to get his email sat. night. He said he hoped to catch up with me either at chorus rehearsal or at the bar after rehearsal. Hmmmmmm. James was a good guy...until he freaked on me. I emailed him back to let him know I might meet him at the bar after rehearsal. I don't know, though. Don't know that I am feeling like I want to be reminded of the drama; even though we both have moved past it. We could have been--might be--decent friend, friends with benefits? I know he thought I was attractive, as he was the one that pursued me. I guess I'm feeling less than attractive right now and don't want to deal with my own feelings of unattractiveness--real or not.
Blah!
I do know that Dave and I are 'going out' tuesday and we'll have a great time making love. Dave, Dave, Dave, what am I going to do about Dave? I love him. He loves me. Would I be content just making love with him and no one else? Isn't really a fair thing to consider since he is in a relationship, albeit sexless. Of course, He may be having sex wih others. I've kind of been wondering recently if he is or not. Should I open that Pandora's Box? I mean if he has time to have sex with others why not spend more time with me? My time is really open so there is no real reason he could come over more often--at least from my view point. What would be the benefit of asking him if he is having sex with others? I know I am. I can't just sit around and wait for Dave, since he isn't available. It would be different if he was single and available...but that isn't the case! So what do i gain by asking him if he is having sex with other people? perhaps it is my subconscious way of pushing some buttons. Am I looking for a fight or to be hurt or for drama? Of course now that I have been thinking about it, will I be able to dismiss the thoughts without asking the questions? if he is, what would be my response? Do I have a right to have a response? Blah!