(no subject)
not in the mood to update this yet still feel as if i should ya know? but yea i really don't have the time or energy to do it now. all i know is i really wanna just quit at life. quit my job, and just live up to the expectations that my parents have of me, because needless to say they are very very low.. they really don't seem to give a shit about me, my dad especially. he thinks so low of me and yea i guess i am. the worst part of it all is he does the same thing my brother does and assumes that i have some motive behind my actions. to be honest with the i am not ruthless enough to pull something like that. That and i really don't concern myself that much with ruining the lives of others, personally i think it's really fucked up, i feel this way about alot of things lately like the actions of a few male friends of mine, i hate the way they treat people especially woman and the younger kids. i no longer want to assosciate myself with people of this caliber. they are pretty much scum and it appauls me that people would go agaist me on this, like it's the way of the world or some shit. the world of men is a shitty one and i really don't want a part of it. I would prefer to create my own exisitance that is somewhat more i dunno morally correct. morals what a question do i have them yes, to a great extent. why don't some other people i wonder to myself. and why do i feel guilty for the actions of a few assholes. i feel the need to fix it make it better and try and come to some accord with my conscience that will leave me feeling less compelled to do something but rather than take action speak out and resort to action later, i want to feel guilt free, i want to just be free, i want to be free to live my life the way i want to, without interventions from the rents on my own by myself. i want to be without restraint from anyone besides the law but yea like that gunna happen any time soon. ( my father looks around the corner and all i hear is a sigh of dissappointment) i hate my life