this is just a mind dump. not worth reading.
still lots of thing in my head. i really want to buy a house now becuase now that i have family i want to be able to provide them with a place to grow up in. with the way things are at the moment the best thing we can do is rent until we win the lotto. it's so dis-heartening to want to be able to provide for your family only to spend 20 mins on the net on a loan calculator that says you both need to have a collective income of at least $7000 pm to be able to afford the house you want.
i hate my work. as i was saying to april today i feel like i'm at the bottom of the shit heap and i am just not getting anywhere. i ask them for training and they say yeah then wont give it to me. at least 10 times i've asked them to be trained up on a computer program and they wont teach me then get the shits with me when i ring up and ask for info on a job becuase i dont know how to work the computer programs. kinda counter productive not teaching me how to help them really i think. they have offered to help me with uni stuff and really i should take them up on it and not complain but it's on their terms and i have to stay really late tomorrow after a possibly really fuckin long day banging in pegs. i complain a lot about my job and i do so becuase i feel trapped. it's like i'm never going to go anywhere and achieve anything as long as i am stuck with these retards. i'm going to open a shop that sells counters and call it "counter productive".
i am thinking i want to go back to queensland and work up there. aprils not sure wether or not she is keen to go back yet and i'm not sure either. not 100% anyways. some of the reason i am wanting to go back is to just escape the people i work with but that can easily be solved by just switching jobs or a mass rampage with a gun. i miss family and friends up there too and it's been hard for me to not be a part of the day to day workings and only catching up with people here and there. just feel really out of the loop and kind of incomplete.
i'm getting a bit down with people who whinge for no reason either. i fall into that category on a few occasions but i am seriously getting over people just finding reasons to be angry so they have something to bitch about. being a whinger is not the new black and i wish some people would just fucking get over themselves. if it's all going right then put your damn feet up and chill the fuck out. when you have some serious issues that are really affecting your life then let's have a chat, if not, just quit whining and help out other people who aren't doing so well.
i get angry at myself for just being angry about things. like i feel that sometimes i've been dealt a shit hand and nothing is going right for me. i can be such a spoiled bitch sometimes. i have a beautiful family and a roof over my head that contains a lot of love and support and i feel the need to complain about the little things.....?? fuckin hell. get over yourself mate. good thing is that when these things happen now i kinda just let them slide because i am waking up just appreciating that i do actually have a beautiful family and not much else matters.
i want to travel around australia with my little family but i feel like that just keeps slipping further and further away. i know i havent had "my little family yet" but with so many othe things on top of other things i feel like my dreams kinda get buried. sometimes i see people driving around with their 4wd's loaded up going out bush and i feel like i've let myself down by not maintaining that dream.
all in all i feel totally out of control of my life and i need to set this baggage down to do a check and see what the fuck is going on. it's like i'm going away over night and i've packed a bag for every possible thing that could happen. it's a load of shit i just really dont need.
i hate my work. as i was saying to april today i feel like i'm at the bottom of the shit heap and i am just not getting anywhere. i ask them for training and they say yeah then wont give it to me. at least 10 times i've asked them to be trained up on a computer program and they wont teach me then get the shits with me when i ring up and ask for info on a job becuase i dont know how to work the computer programs. kinda counter productive not teaching me how to help them really i think. they have offered to help me with uni stuff and really i should take them up on it and not complain but it's on their terms and i have to stay really late tomorrow after a possibly really fuckin long day banging in pegs. i complain a lot about my job and i do so becuase i feel trapped. it's like i'm never going to go anywhere and achieve anything as long as i am stuck with these retards. i'm going to open a shop that sells counters and call it "counter productive".
i am thinking i want to go back to queensland and work up there. aprils not sure wether or not she is keen to go back yet and i'm not sure either. not 100% anyways. some of the reason i am wanting to go back is to just escape the people i work with but that can easily be solved by just switching jobs or a mass rampage with a gun. i miss family and friends up there too and it's been hard for me to not be a part of the day to day workings and only catching up with people here and there. just feel really out of the loop and kind of incomplete.
i'm getting a bit down with people who whinge for no reason either. i fall into that category on a few occasions but i am seriously getting over people just finding reasons to be angry so they have something to bitch about. being a whinger is not the new black and i wish some people would just fucking get over themselves. if it's all going right then put your damn feet up and chill the fuck out. when you have some serious issues that are really affecting your life then let's have a chat, if not, just quit whining and help out other people who aren't doing so well.
i get angry at myself for just being angry about things. like i feel that sometimes i've been dealt a shit hand and nothing is going right for me. i can be such a spoiled bitch sometimes. i have a beautiful family and a roof over my head that contains a lot of love and support and i feel the need to complain about the little things.....?? fuckin hell. get over yourself mate. good thing is that when these things happen now i kinda just let them slide because i am waking up just appreciating that i do actually have a beautiful family and not much else matters.
i want to travel around australia with my little family but i feel like that just keeps slipping further and further away. i know i havent had "my little family yet" but with so many othe things on top of other things i feel like my dreams kinda get buried. sometimes i see people driving around with their 4wd's loaded up going out bush and i feel like i've let myself down by not maintaining that dream.
all in all i feel totally out of control of my life and i need to set this baggage down to do a check and see what the fuck is going on. it's like i'm going away over night and i've packed a bag for every possible thing that could happen. it's a load of shit i just really dont need.