When will you notice me (6/?)
Title: When will you notice me?
Author: MatsuAurore
Pairing: Sakumoto, Ohmiya (slight)
Rating: R
Genre: Drama, romance, angst, fluff
Disclaimer: Girls, they are already naked in my bed... In my dreams xD
Summary: The first time I met him, I immediately fell in love with him. The first time I saw him, I understood he would become the most important part of my life. But what I didn't expect was his strong and free personality. When will you stop this game and will notice my deep feelings for you?
Part 6:
Sho's pov:
I don't know why I decided to enter the Johnny's. I think it was more to annoy my parents at the beginning than to be an idol. But everything changed when I met him. Jun Matsumoto. The first time I saw him, my heart fluttered and I couldn't take my eyes off him anymore. I didn't know he would become the love of my life. He was so cute, shorter than me, with a baby face and a smile that could let you breath-taking. At the second my look dived into these wonderful light brown eyes, I understood I had found my home.
Jun was cute and also very shy and innocent, following me like a little puppy, staring at me every time he thought I wasn't seeing him. But he was wrong. Because I myself couldn't stop staring at him. We quickly became friend, I found in him a little brother and at the same time, a person I wanted to share everything with. A person that I wanted to protect and treasure for the rest of my life. I was 14 years old, he was 13 but I felt as if I knew him since forever. We kept a normal friendship for four years before I confessed. My heart almost stopped when I made him blush the day I told him my feelings. Our first kiss felt amazing, soft and desperate at the same time. Our first strokes were wonderful, as if it was as normal as the sun shining in the sky. Our first time would stay the most beautiful memory I have. I discovered for the first time how it felt to be one with the person you loved more than anything.
Our relationship was perfect. He was my best friend, my rival and my love. Jun was the man for who I would take down the moon. So sappy but so true. He became my everything. He became what gave you the strength to fight when everything was black, the reason of why I could smile and confront the life every day. He was my number one. The reason why my heart was beating so quickly.
I never thought I would really fall in love before I met him. I thought I would marry one day because of my parents but love wasn't a part of my plan. I mean, I didn't believe in love. It was just a sappy thing for the school girls who believed one day a prince on his white horse would come to her.
But today, I knew I was wrong. Because a cute and shy little boy turned my world upside down this day. I loved him more than the life itself.
I thought everything would be all right but one day, something broke everything.
One day, something took my Jun away from me.
One day, something destroyed my life.
Jun was still going at college while I was studying for my entrance at Keio. I had to success if I wanted to stay in Arashi. Order from my father.
I don't know exactly when I realized that Jun was changing. He always had been a kind and shy boy who needed lots of proves of love. I had to treasure him, to show him he was the only one in my heart forever. After ten months of relationship, Jun changed. Before, we always had been a very close couple, Jun always in my arms or kissing me when we were alone. But slowly, these things stopped. He wasn't sitting on my lap anymore when we were in the green room. He stopped to stay in my arms when I was reading or when we were watching a movie. But the worse happened in bed. I could barely touch him. Before, making love was a natural thing and even a need. We needed to feel each other, to be one, to show our love often.
But one day, all these wonderful things stopped. Jun was avoiding my kisses, my strokes and always found an excuse not to make love. I didn't understand why and it hurt. I was suffering. Not being able to kiss him, to touch him, to show him how much I loved him was maybe the worst thing that could happen to me. Jun became cold. His kisses were cold. When we were making love, I had the feeling he was forcing himself. I asked him. He lied to me, saying everything was fine but I knew him better than anyone else and knew he was lying. I tried to understand, to believe it was just a phase, that he wanted to be with other friends than me. But it got worst. Everything got worst and despite my efforts, I couldn't keep ignoring this problem. Because we had a problem. For three years, I kept trying to understand because I loved him more than anything on this fucking earth. But one day, the fire I was trying to gag exploded and Jun did something I would have never thought possible. He hit me. It wasn't a strong punch but he hit me. Me. His boyfriend. His lover for three years. He hit me. I think something broke inside me this day. He broke me. Of course, he refused to tell me what the problem was and I took the most difficult decision of my life. I left him. It definitely broke me. It took me down but I couldn't keep acting as if everything was fine. Because everything was wrong. I knew Jun was suffering but he refused to talk to me, only to Nino. It hurt to know he was trusting this brat more than his own lover. But Jun took his decision. And I left, even if it was the last thing I wanted to do. It was easier to stay but harder to leave and if this day Aiba hadn't been here, I think I would be dead now.
"Masaki..." I broke-down in my friend's arms who hugged me tightly against him.
"Sho-chan? What happened?"
"It's ov-er. I left him..." I managed to whisper between my sobs.
"What?! You left Jun?! Why?!" I told everything to Aiba. I felt better emptying this pain in my heart. But it didn't change the fact I felt as if a truck had crushed my heart.
"I don't know what to do, Masaki. I... I can't handle it. Without him, I..." My voice died and Aiba tightened his grip around me. I felt his tears falling on the skin of my neck.
"I'm here, Sho. I'm here. I won't let you. You won't be alone to face that." Aiba whispered, stroking my hair.
"I can't continue... I just... I'm not strong enough..."
"Sho-chan." Sho cupped my face, staring in my eyes. "I know you just want to die now but it will be all right. You're hurt but you'll overcome it. Because you're not alone."
"I can't...without him..."
"You made the right choice. You couldn't continue like that anymore. Jun suffers, you suffer. You were only destroying each other."
"But..."
"Time will heal your wounds. You're strong, Sho. This hole in your heart will disappear one day."
"Thank you." I smiled weakly through my tears.
"I'm here now. You'll stay with me and you'll overcome this." Aiba kissed my forehead and hugged me. I kept crying for hours before falling asleep, exhausted.
But Aiba was wrong, this big hole in my heart never disappeared.
Having to deal with Arashi and my ex-lover (this word was so hard to say) was the biggest nightmare of my life. I tried to act like a professional and smiled. A fake smile. I couldn't even look toward Jun because I knew I would break-down in front of him. He looked tired, thin and sad with his red swollen eyes. Of course, Nino almost killed me but I understood it. He was like Jun's brother and suffered to see him in this state.
Masaki helped me not to jump under a train. He kept trying to make me smile and laugh every day. It worked when we were with the other but at the second we were alone. I became silent and cried a lot. The world around me slowly lost its colors to turn dark.
I couldn't get over my relationship with Jun but he did everything to prevent me to move on. It wasn't really his fault, it was his way to forget us.
Jun was like me, a workaholic who wanted everything to be perfect. But now, it was worst. Jun started to work harder, losing lots of weight, exhausting himself and almost staying away from the group. He thought that I didn't care about him, that I didn't see the big dark shadow under his eyes, his visible bones when he was naked. But in fact, I was seeing everything. And it hurt me more than anything. Jun was almost spending his life at the Jimushou and when he left, was fucking with strangers. I knew it. Because I knew by heart his wonderful scent and the morning, he stinked sex and men's perfume. Plus, I heard Kazu saying he was sleeping with Toma. I was jealous. Yes. Jealousy was gagging my heart but I couldn't say anything. Jun was old enough to make his own decisions and plus, I was the one who had left him. So, I kept suffering alone, forcing smiles in front of the others except Masaki who knew I was in a bad state. I wasn't really sleeping with men. It didn't interest me. The only one I wanted was Jun. Of course, sometimes, I was fucking a guy but just to release the pressure. And to get hard, I had to think about my ex. I was so pathetic.
"Jun?" I tried one day while Jun was reading a book.
"Hun?" Jun tried to hide his surprise. Well, in ten months, I had barely talked to him after all.
"Aiba makes a little party tonight and we..."
"I'm busy." Jun snapped, returning to his book.
"Please, Jun, you could make an effort."
"What?! And why?!"
"Because Aiba is one of your best friends and you keep rejecting our parties for ten months." I snapped, his behavior pissing me off.
"I wonder why." Jun said with irony. It was new. A new side of the new Jun. Since our break-up, he had changed, the shy and discreet boy had turned into a sadist and harsh guy.
"Stop playing the child, we are old enough to act like adults and try to deal with our situation." I scolded.
"If you say so..." Jun muttered.
"So?'
"Alright but I won't stay too long because I have lots of work." Jun finally nodded.
"Thank you." I smiled weakly, getting a flash of worry in his eyes.
"Are you okay?"
"Yes." I turned around and left. Why couldn't I be strong enough to move on?
"I'm so glad Jun came!" Aiba burst into tears.
"Shut up Aibaka." Jun replied. We sat together, Jun as far away from me as possible, though, I preferred because his scent was still driving me crazy.
"Sorry." I giggled when I bumped into Jun.
"It's okay." Jun smiled, drying his hands with a towel. "You're drunk, Sho-chan." Jun chuckled. Yes I was. But as drunk as I was, hearing him calling me like that made my heart flutter.
"You too." I smirked.
"Shut up, Keio boy." Jun giggled. Fucking gosh, it had been a while since I have heard him giggling. I made a step toward the sink but lost my balance and Jun caught me before I could fell on the bathroom's ground.
"Be careful, Keio boy." Jun laughed but stopped when his look crossed mine. I put my hand on his cheek, making him close his eyes. Electricity invaded my whole body at the feeling of his soft skin under my hand.
"Jun..." My hand traveled from his cheek to his nape and I brought our lips together. My tongue immediately invaded his mouth, meeting his and dancing a ballet. Soon, it turned rougher and I grabbed his waist to press his body against mine.
"Don't do that Sho..." Jun whispered but I ignored him. I wanted him. I needed him. More than ever. My hand stroked his back to his butt, sticking our hard lengths and making us moan.
"Gosh, Jun..." I panted, attacking his neck. Soon, I was pushing him in the guest room. Soon, he was falling on the bed, staring at me with pleading eyes but I took my clothes off and climbed on him.
"Stop, Sho..." Jun implored.
"You want me as much as I want you, baby." I whispered huskily, taking his clothes off. I felt him tensed when I brought my fingers toward his hole and he scratched my arms when I entered him, as if he was scared of me. But he finally gave up and I made love to him wildly, fucking him with all my strength. It felt so good to be inside him again. I had missed him so much. Jun screamed in pleasure every time I was thrusting, his nails sank in my back, his face buried in my neck when we weren't kissing with despair.
"Fuck, I love you Jun!" I gasped.
"I love you too." Jun moaned. We fell asleep quickly, Jun in my arms.
"I told you it wasn't a good idea." Nino said, staring at his two naked friends in the bed.
"I know but maybe it will fix everything." Aiba replied hopefully.
"Jun won't tell him the truth." Nino shook his head. "This incident will only destroy them even more."
"Why does it have to turn like this?" Aiba sighed.
"Because even if love can make you stronger, it also can break you." Nino whispered, stroking Jun's cheek.
"Nino..."
"I promised him." Nino only said to his friend who nodded.
"We have to hope they won't kill each other tomorrow."
"I'm more afraid by Jun's reaction when he will realized what they have done." Nino stated.
****
A yawn made me open my eyes and I blinked, seeing Jun in my arms. My ex froze when he realized what was happening before almost throwing me out of the bed.
"What have you done to me?!" Jun yelled, covering his naked body.
"What have WE done! I wasn't the only one who wanted that." I snapped.
"You raped me!" Jun shouted, shaking in fear.
"I would never do that to you, Jun and you know it!"
"I was drunk, you took advantage on me!"
"You were pretty receptive when I fucked you!" Jun paled at my words. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean..."
"Fuck you, Sakurai!" Jun shouted.
"Jun, please, I..."
"Don't touch me!" Jun pushed me away roughly.
"Jun!" I screamed when my ex left, running away as if I was some kind of rapist.
I buried my face in my knees, silent tears rolling down my cheeks. I really wanted to die now.
After this night, Jun stayed away from me as if I was dangerous. Nobody could touch him except Nino. Even the back dancers weren't allowed to approach him during a performance. Jun looked like a traumatized kitten who was trying to survive. And I couldn't do anything to help him.
"Today we are going to make groups." Our dancing teacher announced.
"What?"
"As Aiba-kun's ankle is making him suffer, I can't allow him to dance. So we will make two duets. Ohno with Ninomiya, Sakurai with Matsumoto."
"What?! Yuta-san, couldn't we dance like every day?" Jun panicked.
"No. It will be good for you to deal with your partner's skills." Yuta replied.
"I don't want to." Jun snapped.
"I don't need your agreement, Matsumoto. So, stop playing the child and come here." Yuta growled. Jun saw he wasn't joking and gave up. Yuta started the stereo, an English and beautiful song starting. "Dance in the flow, don't think, let your body do."
I stared at Jun who nodded. My ex walked toward the middle and started to dance slowly, I had to breath to take my eyes off his beauty. Wearing a white sweat pants and a purple sleeves shirt, he was breath-taking with his thin but sculpt body moving with grace. I always thought Jun would be the best dancer of Arashi if there wasn't Ohno. When you knew him and looked at him closely, your heart was beating furiously as he was dancing in a room, his beautiful face showing a deep concentration, his hips moving in a sensual way. He was just beautiful.
If you want something broke you better give it to me
Got a way of disappointing that you wouldn't believe
I can take a good intention and turn it on its head
I can make you pray to God and wish we’d never met
Nobody knows where this razor has been
If you want something broke you better give it to me
I joined him in the middle of the room and took his hand, making him freeze but my ex breathed and continued. I let my body act and dance. I wanted to take his hand, so I took it. I wrapped his waist, pressing him against me before he moved back to make his own movements. When the music started to lose its calm, Jun jumped in my arms, allowing me to look at him. My hand came to touch his cheek, moving toward his neck. Jun arched his head, offering me his white neck that I kissed before throwing him out of my arms. My ex rolled gracefully on the ground as I was turning my back as if we were telling the song's story.
Because I can make you hurt
I can take you down so low I’ll make you want to cry
I can make you say goodbye
I can make you hurt
I can take you down so low and then you’ll know that maybe
You’d be better off when I’m not around
As we were hearing the song, I saw tears shining in Jun's eyes but he kept dancing, running toward me, pushing me away when I was wrapping his waist. It was like a game. Catch me if you can. He was telling me. I finally wrapped his waist with my arm and made him arch the top of his body's back, my other hand coming to his neck, traveling on his chest to his hips before I raised him against me roughly, almost sticking our forehead together. I could feel his breath and kissed his neck quickly before he moved back.
You’d be better off with somebody else
So put me back on the shelf
See I’m the kind of person who can barely be loved
I solve every equation with a push and a shove
Now that I love you I’m afraid it’s too late
If you get too close I’ll only push you away
Jun kneeled on the ground and I came behind him but he escaped of my grip by slipping between my legs. I turned around to see him smiling, turning around me. He was so beautiful, so attracting. I blinked when he ran toward me, hugging me from behind as he was moving his hips. I followed his movements, trying to be as supple as my body allowed me to. It was my biggest weakness in dance. I had discovered how supple Jun was when we started to sleep together and it helped a lot since I was a desperate case.
I can make you hurt
I can take you down so low I’ll make you want to cry
I can make you say goodbye
I can make you hurt
I can take you down so low and then you’ll know that maybe
You’d be better off when I’m not around
I was better lost before I was found
I’ve got a history of misery so baby listen to me
Put me back on the shelf and give this pain to somebody else
Tears started to roll down Jun's cheek as he was jumping again in my arms. I felt him burying his face in my neck, his tears wetting my skin. Unconsciously, I tightened my grip around him and turned around, as if I was trying to take him faraway from this room. Jun looked at me. I stroked his cheek, making him close his eyes.
Cause I can make you hurt
I can take you down so low I’ll make you want to cry
I can make you say goodbye
I can make you hurt
I can take you down so low and then you’ll know that maybe
You’d be better off when I’m not around
I can make you cry
I can make you say goodbye
I can make you hurt
I can take you down so low and then you’ll know that maybe
You’d be better off when I’m not around
The music started to fade away and I slowly put him on the ground, his arms still around my neck, his face against my skin. I kept my arms around his so thin body, enjoying this so intimate and soft moment. I felt complete when he was in my arms. I loved him so much.
Suddenly, as if he was realizing what he was doing, Jun released me. Everybody was staring at us and mostly at him.
"Excuse me." Jun wiped his tears away and left the room.
"Jun!" I called but Kazu stopped me, shaking his head.
"Leave him alone. He needs time." I sighed but nodded.
After what happened, Jun acted like every day. I knew Nino had talked to him but Jun kept his old behavior toward me. It hurt so damn much but I had to ignore the pain in my heart.
In a world so cynical
You came in and changed the ball
From black to white
And made me right
This is all atypical
No else has had the time
To read the signs
You are the only one
I was humming, a pen in my hand, my leg moving up and down as I was trying to find a rhythm. I was writing my new solo that will be calmer than the previous one. Because I needed to explode I will scream my feeling through a song. As Jun was doing.
No one else can keep me from
The danger of myself
You keep me stronger
You are the only one
And now I love you more
Than I did before
And now I love you even more
There is no other
No one else I place above you
You are the only one
"It's beautiful." I jumped, my pen falling on the ground.
"Thank you." I mumbled, taking the pen he was holding me out.
"For a girlfriend?"
Was he serious?! I wanted to hit his pretty face now.
"Yes." I nodded and saw sadness invading his eyes.
"She is lucky."
"Jun, I..."
"I have to go. See you later." Jun cut me off, kissing my cheek.
"What is destroying you like that?" I sighed, looking at the gap, before coming back to my song.
Why was he destroying us like that?
And now I love you even more
Than I did before
To be continued...
A/N: So, a little surprise with this part with Sho's pov xD I wanted to write a part with his feelings and point of view ^^ see you soon ^^
Author: MatsuAurore
Pairing: Sakumoto, Ohmiya (slight)
Rating: R
Genre: Drama, romance, angst, fluff
Disclaimer: Girls, they are already naked in my bed... In my dreams xD
Summary: The first time I met him, I immediately fell in love with him. The first time I saw him, I understood he would become the most important part of my life. But what I didn't expect was his strong and free personality. When will you stop this game and will notice my deep feelings for you?
Part 6:
Sho's pov:
I don't know why I decided to enter the Johnny's. I think it was more to annoy my parents at the beginning than to be an idol. But everything changed when I met him. Jun Matsumoto. The first time I saw him, my heart fluttered and I couldn't take my eyes off him anymore. I didn't know he would become the love of my life. He was so cute, shorter than me, with a baby face and a smile that could let you breath-taking. At the second my look dived into these wonderful light brown eyes, I understood I had found my home.
Jun was cute and also very shy and innocent, following me like a little puppy, staring at me every time he thought I wasn't seeing him. But he was wrong. Because I myself couldn't stop staring at him. We quickly became friend, I found in him a little brother and at the same time, a person I wanted to share everything with. A person that I wanted to protect and treasure for the rest of my life. I was 14 years old, he was 13 but I felt as if I knew him since forever. We kept a normal friendship for four years before I confessed. My heart almost stopped when I made him blush the day I told him my feelings. Our first kiss felt amazing, soft and desperate at the same time. Our first strokes were wonderful, as if it was as normal as the sun shining in the sky. Our first time would stay the most beautiful memory I have. I discovered for the first time how it felt to be one with the person you loved more than anything.
Our relationship was perfect. He was my best friend, my rival and my love. Jun was the man for who I would take down the moon. So sappy but so true. He became my everything. He became what gave you the strength to fight when everything was black, the reason of why I could smile and confront the life every day. He was my number one. The reason why my heart was beating so quickly.
I never thought I would really fall in love before I met him. I thought I would marry one day because of my parents but love wasn't a part of my plan. I mean, I didn't believe in love. It was just a sappy thing for the school girls who believed one day a prince on his white horse would come to her.
But today, I knew I was wrong. Because a cute and shy little boy turned my world upside down this day. I loved him more than the life itself.
I thought everything would be all right but one day, something broke everything.
One day, something took my Jun away from me.
One day, something destroyed my life.
Jun was still going at college while I was studying for my entrance at Keio. I had to success if I wanted to stay in Arashi. Order from my father.
I don't know exactly when I realized that Jun was changing. He always had been a kind and shy boy who needed lots of proves of love. I had to treasure him, to show him he was the only one in my heart forever. After ten months of relationship, Jun changed. Before, we always had been a very close couple, Jun always in my arms or kissing me when we were alone. But slowly, these things stopped. He wasn't sitting on my lap anymore when we were in the green room. He stopped to stay in my arms when I was reading or when we were watching a movie. But the worse happened in bed. I could barely touch him. Before, making love was a natural thing and even a need. We needed to feel each other, to be one, to show our love often.
But one day, all these wonderful things stopped. Jun was avoiding my kisses, my strokes and always found an excuse not to make love. I didn't understand why and it hurt. I was suffering. Not being able to kiss him, to touch him, to show him how much I loved him was maybe the worst thing that could happen to me. Jun became cold. His kisses were cold. When we were making love, I had the feeling he was forcing himself. I asked him. He lied to me, saying everything was fine but I knew him better than anyone else and knew he was lying. I tried to understand, to believe it was just a phase, that he wanted to be with other friends than me. But it got worst. Everything got worst and despite my efforts, I couldn't keep ignoring this problem. Because we had a problem. For three years, I kept trying to understand because I loved him more than anything on this fucking earth. But one day, the fire I was trying to gag exploded and Jun did something I would have never thought possible. He hit me. It wasn't a strong punch but he hit me. Me. His boyfriend. His lover for three years. He hit me. I think something broke inside me this day. He broke me. Of course, he refused to tell me what the problem was and I took the most difficult decision of my life. I left him. It definitely broke me. It took me down but I couldn't keep acting as if everything was fine. Because everything was wrong. I knew Jun was suffering but he refused to talk to me, only to Nino. It hurt to know he was trusting this brat more than his own lover. But Jun took his decision. And I left, even if it was the last thing I wanted to do. It was easier to stay but harder to leave and if this day Aiba hadn't been here, I think I would be dead now.
"Masaki..." I broke-down in my friend's arms who hugged me tightly against him.
"Sho-chan? What happened?"
"It's ov-er. I left him..." I managed to whisper between my sobs.
"What?! You left Jun?! Why?!" I told everything to Aiba. I felt better emptying this pain in my heart. But it didn't change the fact I felt as if a truck had crushed my heart.
"I don't know what to do, Masaki. I... I can't handle it. Without him, I..." My voice died and Aiba tightened his grip around me. I felt his tears falling on the skin of my neck.
"I'm here, Sho. I'm here. I won't let you. You won't be alone to face that." Aiba whispered, stroking my hair.
"I can't continue... I just... I'm not strong enough..."
"Sho-chan." Sho cupped my face, staring in my eyes. "I know you just want to die now but it will be all right. You're hurt but you'll overcome it. Because you're not alone."
"I can't...without him..."
"You made the right choice. You couldn't continue like that anymore. Jun suffers, you suffer. You were only destroying each other."
"But..."
"Time will heal your wounds. You're strong, Sho. This hole in your heart will disappear one day."
"Thank you." I smiled weakly through my tears.
"I'm here now. You'll stay with me and you'll overcome this." Aiba kissed my forehead and hugged me. I kept crying for hours before falling asleep, exhausted.
But Aiba was wrong, this big hole in my heart never disappeared.
Having to deal with Arashi and my ex-lover (this word was so hard to say) was the biggest nightmare of my life. I tried to act like a professional and smiled. A fake smile. I couldn't even look toward Jun because I knew I would break-down in front of him. He looked tired, thin and sad with his red swollen eyes. Of course, Nino almost killed me but I understood it. He was like Jun's brother and suffered to see him in this state.
Masaki helped me not to jump under a train. He kept trying to make me smile and laugh every day. It worked when we were with the other but at the second we were alone. I became silent and cried a lot. The world around me slowly lost its colors to turn dark.
I couldn't get over my relationship with Jun but he did everything to prevent me to move on. It wasn't really his fault, it was his way to forget us.
Jun was like me, a workaholic who wanted everything to be perfect. But now, it was worst. Jun started to work harder, losing lots of weight, exhausting himself and almost staying away from the group. He thought that I didn't care about him, that I didn't see the big dark shadow under his eyes, his visible bones when he was naked. But in fact, I was seeing everything. And it hurt me more than anything. Jun was almost spending his life at the Jimushou and when he left, was fucking with strangers. I knew it. Because I knew by heart his wonderful scent and the morning, he stinked sex and men's perfume. Plus, I heard Kazu saying he was sleeping with Toma. I was jealous. Yes. Jealousy was gagging my heart but I couldn't say anything. Jun was old enough to make his own decisions and plus, I was the one who had left him. So, I kept suffering alone, forcing smiles in front of the others except Masaki who knew I was in a bad state. I wasn't really sleeping with men. It didn't interest me. The only one I wanted was Jun. Of course, sometimes, I was fucking a guy but just to release the pressure. And to get hard, I had to think about my ex. I was so pathetic.
"Jun?" I tried one day while Jun was reading a book.
"Hun?" Jun tried to hide his surprise. Well, in ten months, I had barely talked to him after all.
"Aiba makes a little party tonight and we..."
"I'm busy." Jun snapped, returning to his book.
"Please, Jun, you could make an effort."
"What?! And why?!"
"Because Aiba is one of your best friends and you keep rejecting our parties for ten months." I snapped, his behavior pissing me off.
"I wonder why." Jun said with irony. It was new. A new side of the new Jun. Since our break-up, he had changed, the shy and discreet boy had turned into a sadist and harsh guy.
"Stop playing the child, we are old enough to act like adults and try to deal with our situation." I scolded.
"If you say so..." Jun muttered.
"So?'
"Alright but I won't stay too long because I have lots of work." Jun finally nodded.
"Thank you." I smiled weakly, getting a flash of worry in his eyes.
"Are you okay?"
"Yes." I turned around and left. Why couldn't I be strong enough to move on?
"I'm so glad Jun came!" Aiba burst into tears.
"Shut up Aibaka." Jun replied. We sat together, Jun as far away from me as possible, though, I preferred because his scent was still driving me crazy.
"Sorry." I giggled when I bumped into Jun.
"It's okay." Jun smiled, drying his hands with a towel. "You're drunk, Sho-chan." Jun chuckled. Yes I was. But as drunk as I was, hearing him calling me like that made my heart flutter.
"You too." I smirked.
"Shut up, Keio boy." Jun giggled. Fucking gosh, it had been a while since I have heard him giggling. I made a step toward the sink but lost my balance and Jun caught me before I could fell on the bathroom's ground.
"Be careful, Keio boy." Jun laughed but stopped when his look crossed mine. I put my hand on his cheek, making him close his eyes. Electricity invaded my whole body at the feeling of his soft skin under my hand.
"Jun..." My hand traveled from his cheek to his nape and I brought our lips together. My tongue immediately invaded his mouth, meeting his and dancing a ballet. Soon, it turned rougher and I grabbed his waist to press his body against mine.
"Don't do that Sho..." Jun whispered but I ignored him. I wanted him. I needed him. More than ever. My hand stroked his back to his butt, sticking our hard lengths and making us moan.
"Gosh, Jun..." I panted, attacking his neck. Soon, I was pushing him in the guest room. Soon, he was falling on the bed, staring at me with pleading eyes but I took my clothes off and climbed on him.
"Stop, Sho..." Jun implored.
"You want me as much as I want you, baby." I whispered huskily, taking his clothes off. I felt him tensed when I brought my fingers toward his hole and he scratched my arms when I entered him, as if he was scared of me. But he finally gave up and I made love to him wildly, fucking him with all my strength. It felt so good to be inside him again. I had missed him so much. Jun screamed in pleasure every time I was thrusting, his nails sank in my back, his face buried in my neck when we weren't kissing with despair.
"Fuck, I love you Jun!" I gasped.
"I love you too." Jun moaned. We fell asleep quickly, Jun in my arms.
"I told you it wasn't a good idea." Nino said, staring at his two naked friends in the bed.
"I know but maybe it will fix everything." Aiba replied hopefully.
"Jun won't tell him the truth." Nino shook his head. "This incident will only destroy them even more."
"Why does it have to turn like this?" Aiba sighed.
"Because even if love can make you stronger, it also can break you." Nino whispered, stroking Jun's cheek.
"Nino..."
"I promised him." Nino only said to his friend who nodded.
"We have to hope they won't kill each other tomorrow."
"I'm more afraid by Jun's reaction when he will realized what they have done." Nino stated.
****
A yawn made me open my eyes and I blinked, seeing Jun in my arms. My ex froze when he realized what was happening before almost throwing me out of the bed.
"What have you done to me?!" Jun yelled, covering his naked body.
"What have WE done! I wasn't the only one who wanted that." I snapped.
"You raped me!" Jun shouted, shaking in fear.
"I would never do that to you, Jun and you know it!"
"I was drunk, you took advantage on me!"
"You were pretty receptive when I fucked you!" Jun paled at my words. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean..."
"Fuck you, Sakurai!" Jun shouted.
"Jun, please, I..."
"Don't touch me!" Jun pushed me away roughly.
"Jun!" I screamed when my ex left, running away as if I was some kind of rapist.
I buried my face in my knees, silent tears rolling down my cheeks. I really wanted to die now.
After this night, Jun stayed away from me as if I was dangerous. Nobody could touch him except Nino. Even the back dancers weren't allowed to approach him during a performance. Jun looked like a traumatized kitten who was trying to survive. And I couldn't do anything to help him.
"Today we are going to make groups." Our dancing teacher announced.
"What?"
"As Aiba-kun's ankle is making him suffer, I can't allow him to dance. So we will make two duets. Ohno with Ninomiya, Sakurai with Matsumoto."
"What?! Yuta-san, couldn't we dance like every day?" Jun panicked.
"No. It will be good for you to deal with your partner's skills." Yuta replied.
"I don't want to." Jun snapped.
"I don't need your agreement, Matsumoto. So, stop playing the child and come here." Yuta growled. Jun saw he wasn't joking and gave up. Yuta started the stereo, an English and beautiful song starting. "Dance in the flow, don't think, let your body do."
I stared at Jun who nodded. My ex walked toward the middle and started to dance slowly, I had to breath to take my eyes off his beauty. Wearing a white sweat pants and a purple sleeves shirt, he was breath-taking with his thin but sculpt body moving with grace. I always thought Jun would be the best dancer of Arashi if there wasn't Ohno. When you knew him and looked at him closely, your heart was beating furiously as he was dancing in a room, his beautiful face showing a deep concentration, his hips moving in a sensual way. He was just beautiful.
If you want something broke you better give it to me
Got a way of disappointing that you wouldn't believe
I can take a good intention and turn it on its head
I can make you pray to God and wish we’d never met
Nobody knows where this razor has been
If you want something broke you better give it to me
I joined him in the middle of the room and took his hand, making him freeze but my ex breathed and continued. I let my body act and dance. I wanted to take his hand, so I took it. I wrapped his waist, pressing him against me before he moved back to make his own movements. When the music started to lose its calm, Jun jumped in my arms, allowing me to look at him. My hand came to touch his cheek, moving toward his neck. Jun arched his head, offering me his white neck that I kissed before throwing him out of my arms. My ex rolled gracefully on the ground as I was turning my back as if we were telling the song's story.
Because I can make you hurt
I can take you down so low I’ll make you want to cry
I can make you say goodbye
I can make you hurt
I can take you down so low and then you’ll know that maybe
You’d be better off when I’m not around
As we were hearing the song, I saw tears shining in Jun's eyes but he kept dancing, running toward me, pushing me away when I was wrapping his waist. It was like a game. Catch me if you can. He was telling me. I finally wrapped his waist with my arm and made him arch the top of his body's back, my other hand coming to his neck, traveling on his chest to his hips before I raised him against me roughly, almost sticking our forehead together. I could feel his breath and kissed his neck quickly before he moved back.
You’d be better off with somebody else
So put me back on the shelf
See I’m the kind of person who can barely be loved
I solve every equation with a push and a shove
Now that I love you I’m afraid it’s too late
If you get too close I’ll only push you away
Jun kneeled on the ground and I came behind him but he escaped of my grip by slipping between my legs. I turned around to see him smiling, turning around me. He was so beautiful, so attracting. I blinked when he ran toward me, hugging me from behind as he was moving his hips. I followed his movements, trying to be as supple as my body allowed me to. It was my biggest weakness in dance. I had discovered how supple Jun was when we started to sleep together and it helped a lot since I was a desperate case.
I can make you hurt
I can take you down so low I’ll make you want to cry
I can make you say goodbye
I can make you hurt
I can take you down so low and then you’ll know that maybe
You’d be better off when I’m not around
I was better lost before I was found
I’ve got a history of misery so baby listen to me
Put me back on the shelf and give this pain to somebody else
Tears started to roll down Jun's cheek as he was jumping again in my arms. I felt him burying his face in my neck, his tears wetting my skin. Unconsciously, I tightened my grip around him and turned around, as if I was trying to take him faraway from this room. Jun looked at me. I stroked his cheek, making him close his eyes.
Cause I can make you hurt
I can take you down so low I’ll make you want to cry
I can make you say goodbye
I can make you hurt
I can take you down so low and then you’ll know that maybe
You’d be better off when I’m not around
I can make you cry
I can make you say goodbye
I can make you hurt
I can take you down so low and then you’ll know that maybe
You’d be better off when I’m not around
The music started to fade away and I slowly put him on the ground, his arms still around my neck, his face against my skin. I kept my arms around his so thin body, enjoying this so intimate and soft moment. I felt complete when he was in my arms. I loved him so much.
Suddenly, as if he was realizing what he was doing, Jun released me. Everybody was staring at us and mostly at him.
"Excuse me." Jun wiped his tears away and left the room.
"Jun!" I called but Kazu stopped me, shaking his head.
"Leave him alone. He needs time." I sighed but nodded.
After what happened, Jun acted like every day. I knew Nino had talked to him but Jun kept his old behavior toward me. It hurt so damn much but I had to ignore the pain in my heart.
In a world so cynical
You came in and changed the ball
From black to white
And made me right
This is all atypical
No else has had the time
To read the signs
You are the only one
I was humming, a pen in my hand, my leg moving up and down as I was trying to find a rhythm. I was writing my new solo that will be calmer than the previous one. Because I needed to explode I will scream my feeling through a song. As Jun was doing.
No one else can keep me from
The danger of myself
You keep me stronger
You are the only one
And now I love you more
Than I did before
And now I love you even more
There is no other
No one else I place above you
You are the only one
"It's beautiful." I jumped, my pen falling on the ground.
"Thank you." I mumbled, taking the pen he was holding me out.
"For a girlfriend?"
Was he serious?! I wanted to hit his pretty face now.
"Yes." I nodded and saw sadness invading his eyes.
"She is lucky."
"Jun, I..."
"I have to go. See you later." Jun cut me off, kissing my cheek.
"What is destroying you like that?" I sighed, looking at the gap, before coming back to my song.
Why was he destroying us like that?
And now I love you even more
Than I did before
To be continued...
A/N: So, a little surprise with this part with Sho's pov xD I wanted to write a part with his feelings and point of view ^^ see you soon ^^