(no subject)
will and barbara are at a get-together at the yoga studio for jeff today. he died last week and they found him in his apartment. but he was doing so well before that. he was healthy and visiting people often. my dad got to say goodbye before he left for iran. and then he never showed up to visit barb and soon after erik called and said that jeff had died.
and it seems so...artificial...maybe...to post this in livejournal. but i dont know what else to say. or do. his funeral will probably be out west with his family.
and the only thing i can remember is him at his wedding...even though...well he and sara arent together anymore. but he was so happy. and i never saw him when he was really sick. i just always saw him when he was doing really well and...he was happy. and i guess thats the best way to remember him. but it makes it harder to realize that hes gone.
when someone dies...the people close to them always think back on what they could have done to be better friends...or family...or just people when the person was alive. and ive always wanted them to see that they were perfect friends...or family...or people. they loved them the most that people are capable of loving. they may have fought once in a while...but we cant control our emotions forever. we know we arent here forever and even with that in the back of our minds...we still have moments where we dont get along. its human nature. i guess what im trying to say is that the fact that people see things about themselves that they wish they could have changed when a person was alive...is in itself loving. for them to want their loved one to have had a better life. i dont know...i sound like an ass.
i just never thought i would worry about what i could have done better. but...i do.
and i took for granted the fact that jeff would visit and just bring little things. and just sit and laugh with my family. and he was always laughing. and i feel horrible. and i want to see him again. because he made me happy when he was around. anytime he was around.
i dont know what to say really. i told my mom and she didnt know him...so its not as if it means anything to her. it doesnt really mean anything to anybody reading this now. but it meant something to me.
my father is coming home friday.
i hope hes ok.
i know he knows.
and it seems so...artificial...maybe...to post this in livejournal. but i dont know what else to say. or do. his funeral will probably be out west with his family.
and the only thing i can remember is him at his wedding...even though...well he and sara arent together anymore. but he was so happy. and i never saw him when he was really sick. i just always saw him when he was doing really well and...he was happy. and i guess thats the best way to remember him. but it makes it harder to realize that hes gone.
when someone dies...the people close to them always think back on what they could have done to be better friends...or family...or just people when the person was alive. and ive always wanted them to see that they were perfect friends...or family...or people. they loved them the most that people are capable of loving. they may have fought once in a while...but we cant control our emotions forever. we know we arent here forever and even with that in the back of our minds...we still have moments where we dont get along. its human nature. i guess what im trying to say is that the fact that people see things about themselves that they wish they could have changed when a person was alive...is in itself loving. for them to want their loved one to have had a better life. i dont know...i sound like an ass.
i just never thought i would worry about what i could have done better. but...i do.
and i took for granted the fact that jeff would visit and just bring little things. and just sit and laugh with my family. and he was always laughing. and i feel horrible. and i want to see him again. because he made me happy when he was around. anytime he was around.
i dont know what to say really. i told my mom and she didnt know him...so its not as if it means anything to her. it doesnt really mean anything to anybody reading this now. but it meant something to me.
my father is coming home friday.
i hope hes ok.
i know he knows.