[Open RL - Accidental Incest is only hot/funny when it's other people.]

[material_guy]

It would be fair to call Greed a man of strong psychological constitution. Little things could set him off, odd things, and he was prone to mood swings from time to time, but he tended to swing back just as easily, prone to joie de vivre at his own ambitions.

It would be appropriate to call Greed a man of an extremely hardy physical constitution.

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[herrglimmerous]

All of those things that Greed was currently failing to enjoy Klavier was currently indulging in, how could he not be completely at ease in the lap of luxury. The sun, the ladies, the pool, the drinks and some downtime--not that he couldn’t get these things whenever he fancied them--but he wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth either. Having spent plenty of time swimming with the ladies or simply laying out in the sun with a nice sangria he was still toting around with him Klavier finally decided to return to his cabin for even more downtime. All of that swimming and sun makes a man hungry and tired, eating and sleeping was a very carefree idea at the moment. At least it was until he happened upon a most bizarre sight…it was Greed and his joie de vivre was looking a little deflated.

Part of him said he should keep walking before his own joie de vivre was punched full of holes, but then he figured nothing could really ruin his spirit even if he did get into conflict with Greed. Klavier would eat, sleep and bounce back immediately so what harm was it to trot on over and see why Greed’s face was tripping him up. Not only that seeing Greed looking so down in the dumps…well it was wrong, it was anarchy! Klavier had seen Greed look dangerous…actually he’d seen a wide variety of Greed’s emotions if they were based on facial expressions alone…but blue wasn’t one of them. Coming up beside Homunculi and leaning against the railing Klavier finally said, “you’re leaving your rear totally unguarded, Herr.”

[material_guy]

"YOU!" Greed's arm extended as he pointed, just short of poking the approaching terror in the nose, if he came close enough. "NO!"

It was such a sudden, energetic response that he could have rendered his prior sulking as merely a strange sleeping posture rather than depression. Now that he was 'awake' there wasn't a trace of lethargy remaining. It didn't really matter if it was Envy or not; Greed was sure that was an appropriate reaction either way. No to a lot of things. No to pretending to be him. No to being him. No to not being him.

[herrglimmerous]

Klavier made it a point to keep out of nose poking range while staring down Greed's finger and right at his face with one eyebrow raised and a bemused expression on his face. So much for those blues...or maybe Greed had just woken up from a bad dream. Well...whatever was eating the other man Klavier would try to shrug it off, it's not as though he hasn't seen the mood swings before. Klavier wouldn't admit it, the sudden yelling and pointing did initially startle him, he'd admit that this was new at least. What hadn't changed was the fact that Klavier couldn't exactly figure out this mood, had he startled the other man or was this some form of aggression. That finger threatening to give him a third nostril looked plenty threatening.

"This is probably a redundant question, Herr," Klavier said still leaning against the side and swirling his sangria in his hand, "but is there something wrong?"

[material_guy]

The pointing finger stayed in place through the silence that followed, Greed's face running through a gamut of expressions like a slot machine. The finger tip twitched in time with his eye and the corner, something he felt in a vein that may or may not have been visible in his forehead. He wanted to just grab him and throw him over the edge; of course Envy would take this form eventually. Paranoia allowed Greed to attribute knowledge to Envy that he couldn't possibly have. Envy would some how know whether or not Greed could haul off and break something on him, and Greed wasn't sure of whether he could really bust him up or not. The fact that Envy took that form lead him to assume Envy assumed he couldn't. That rage became annoyance, became thoughtfulness as he debated whether he could or not. If he knew it was Envy, easily. If he were 90% sure it was Envy, sure. But what about those middling percents? At %70 sure, he could definitely punch him somewhere other than the face, but how hard? Thoughtfulness became something hardened and calculating, realizing that crunching the odds and the actions was more than a hypothetical issue. But then there was the problem of how much he could hit a 100% certain Klavier, which would be a 0% Envy, which, when considered as even on the same scale as the hell he could inflict on Envy, was kind of guilt racking. That expression didn't last long, as he realized what Envy would consider an in-character move for the two of them, since they had slept together, which was the reason hitting him was such a quandary int he first place... Nausea. Kissing was enough. It wasn't just an unsettling image, it was now also a memory. Greed's final expression of choice was nausea when the pointing finger lowered, turning to lean forward against the banister again.

Of course, to Klavier, it was just a rush of expressions followed by an answer that didn't address his question in the slightest.

"I told you, I ain't into rim jobs, whether you're a dog or a good looking guy..."

Which probably did not make a terrible lot of sense, even for Greed. Klavier was not the first to think on the potential vulnerability of Greed's ass, that day.

[herrglimmerous]

As surmised Klavier had no idea what was going on inside of Greed’s head, the only thing he did know was that the other man was shifting moods faster than Klavier could count them…and even then he didn’t recognize all of them. To the ex-rocker this was a warning that perhaps it might be a good idea to keep on his guard, prepare himself for anything--running fast and far was included among the options. For the time being he grabbed onto the ship railing, holding on for grim death until the torrent of expressions had finally settled somewhat. Thinking his companion had finally worked out what he wanted to say or do Klavier listened carefully and then Greed spoke. Now it was time for the blond to look confused as he tried to recall when he’d brought up the topic of rimming…no…Klavier’s memory wasn’t that faulty, Greed must have been having a case of selective memory.

“But I’m delicious,” Klavier said half out of sarcasm and half out of bemusement, “what kind of strange daydreams are you having anyway…I don’t recall ever asking you to give me a rim job.”

[material_guy]

Well, Greed had to give him credit for staying in character. It would have helped immensely if Greed had actually liked the 'character' in question, but even his eternal optimism couldn't hallucinate silver linings to any interaction with Envy. The confused expression was well timed, but not overplayed; indeed, he couldn't imagine the figure in front of him breaking into a confused stutter over the topic, much less the disgust characteristic to who it really was beneath that face. The trace of egotism, the chance bet on memory that just happened to be correct... Something about the fact that he had it so down pat was a little more annoying than usual.

"I don't wanna get one from you, either." He kept an eye on him with a sidelong glare, mentally calculating their distance, wondering if he should be on guard for a physical assault or a strictly mental one. This was a face he was used to having to be physically aware of himself and on guard against, anyhow, for entirely different reasons.

That glare lingered, more suspicious than usual, decidedly more than a formality. He could fake a relaxed position well enough through mental fatigue, but the mental element was impossible to shake. A tension smoker, Greed had run through his two packs in no time at all. So, he wasn't sure if it was desperation or some kind of test; "...Not really a smoker, are you?"

He'd seen him smoke and he could inhale with more frace than an eight year old trying to be cool, but he'd never been under the impression he was a regular. Probably not enough to carry a pack. Especially not swimming. It wasn't as if he were desperate enough to want to be in debt to him so much as a single cigarette if it were him, anyway. If it were Envy, he could produce one without missing a beat, and Greed wouldn't want to take one from him. The only question was which one it would be worse to bum one off of.

Nevermind that he looked subtly hopeful, beneath the simmering wrath and well moderated loathing.

[herrglimmerous]

“Why not? What makes you think I can’t make you feel good, huh?” Klavier said this, but he was joking, he wasn’t about to go there, especially since he valued various parts of his body that he was certain Greed would rip off if he tried. But he was still perplexed by this sudden adamant refusal of something he’d never brought up or offered himself. Was this some kind of test? He wasn’t sure, but he felt he had to ask about the bizarre topic, “What’s this about anyway…why this sudden interest…or lack of interest in rimming when there are other things I could do and have done to your ass. Like coming up behind you and smacking it.”

Klavier released his grip on the railing leaning against it once again and taking a sip of his drink, when Greed seemed to be asking him for a cigarette the ex-rocker looked down at his board shorts before looking up at Greed with a grin on his face, “Sorry, I couldn't fit anything else in these shorts, Herr. I’m a social smoker, I tend to rely on you if I want to bum one. Really though…what’s eating you?”

[material_guy]

The joke did not go over well, Greed's nose scrunching up, looking unmistakably disgusted with the prospect, though,less emphatically or energetically than he usually did when he played into such gags. Greed considered pointing out that a foursome with double jointed hookers couldn't make him feel good this week, but that would only reinforce that something was wrong and he'd be damned if he were giving him--whether he was Envy or not--the pleasure of knowing as much.

"Hell if I can figure out why you're doing what you're doing or thinking about doing or not doing to my ass..."

None the less, he shifted so that his back was leaning against the railing instead of leaving his flank open. It'd be hard to bluff if he couldn't bother to pretend to be defensive over a usual area of contention. Getting smacked on the rear end was low on his list of worries, for the time being.

Envy had stolen a cigarette quite seductively the last time his disguise threw things off. Without a doubt, this was Envy playing with him, probably wanting to make him feel a cold chill run down his thigh in memory. It worked.

"Outtah cigarettes," he informed, which wasn't a lie, but it wasn't an answer to the question so much as a dodge. The problem with dealing with Envy was that one had to wait to assault, just in case. He'd already made one slip today with that. The enemy just knew patience wasn't Greed's strongest attribute; this was another form of torture.

[herrglimmerous]

“You’re the one who brought it up with all of that babbling. To rim or not to rim, that is no question!” Klavier said this all the while ignoring Greed’s disgust, still unable to figure out the cause of this sudden strangeness. It was so unfair being called weird by a guy whose moods changed at the drop of a dime, but it couldn’t be helped. Much to Klavier’s amusement Greed did turn around taking that ass smacking thing to heart.

“I see…so you smoked them all then, because you normally have some on you…do you usually chain smoke when nothing is bothering you?” Klavier wasn’t so easily derailed and he knew Greed was trying to doge his question so he brought the focus back on what was bothering his companion, “I’m pretty seasoned in this sort of thing, Herr…what’s bothering you?”

[material_guy]

The reality of a bit of light fooling around with a good looking blond and having it transform into a living nightmare mixed with a few heated memories with the one present for a painfully vivid blend in his imagination. For once, Greed's disgust was as impersonal as it could possibly get for being about his face, specifically. Greed was probably fortunate that Klavier was usually slow to be offended by his inexplicable whims, but it was easy to conclude his characteristic unfazed ego as something easy to maintain when not the party being insulted.

"Not to rim; there is no question. So, stop thinking about my ass already. If you wanna chase ass, there's enough of 'em around here, in swimsuits, on top of that! And probably a lot more open to yer weird shit."

That said, he suddenly decided that the ex-rocker was worth a once over in swimwear, despite whatever prior looks he may have earned. Greed's normally shameless appreciation was distinctly muted, but not absent all together, and he didn't bother trying to hide checking him out. If it were Envy, maybe he'd see it as looking for a flaw in his disguise.

"I chain smoke whenever I feel like it," he announced, pretending he didn't have a stronger scent on him than usual; a full pack down early in the day left a scent that even the ocean breeze couldn't eradicate too quickly. "S'not like I planned on ending up on a boat, so maybe I only showed up with a few on me. And maybe I'm bothered by bein' out."

[herrglimmerous]

“Hmm…that is true…plenty of gorgeous people walking around half-naked…stunning women walking around in their string bikinis…and here you are…Mr. Greedy…the social butterfly…the visual man…out here and day dreaming about strange things when there are plenty of gorgeous women waiting to be oiled…now that I think about it I must be crazy too!”

Klavier didn’t fail to notice that Greed was giving him a once over, he could have said something, but he didn’t. Instead he gave his companion a very skeptical look, not entirely convinced by his nonchalant attitude. There was so much to do and see and the Greed Klavier knew wouldn’t be satisfied until he had it all. That’s the impression he always got from him anyway, unless he’d been completely mistaken.

“So…you chain smoke as you please…that still doesn’t explain why you’re not out there with a gaggle of girls. It’s like someone replaced your personality,” Klavier said, pausing for effect just long enough to take a drink, “I think I would have known about your presence long before now since you’re usually in the thick of things…”

[material_guy]

It was certainly true that they couldn't all be Envy, but he could no longer determine if it would be safer to go for girls he did or didn't know. Traces of uncertainty put him off of his game and certainly didn't suit his flirtation style; best to stick to his less sensual ambitions for a while. That plan had actually been going quite well, until finding himself on a cruise ship. With that roommate, no less. If Greed believed in fate, he'd be certain it was conspiring against him. Instead, he was sure it was just the other Homunculus.

"You're crazy for enough other reasons. Maybe I spent all day hangin' out in my room, maybe even with other people, and then maybe I drank everything in the cabinet, so maybe I'm drunk, too. You have a hard time figuring me out for a genius, so don't strain yer pretty little head over it. There's a lot of girls--and guys out there that still need you, some lotion, and yer 'magic' fingers." With a fake energy that fell just a bit flat, he pointed out towards the rest of the ship deck. "Go forth. It's yer duty to the people, Mr. Philanthropist."

[herrglimmerous]

“Oh…right…well let’s see…” Klavier gave Greed a calculating look, still not buying any of his excuses and after a moment’s hesitation he set his sangria down and took a few steps toward his companion. He didn’t get too close, not that he really wanted to with Greed smelling strongly of Ode au Ashtray. Still, if Greed were drunk he’d be able to smell the intoxication, just a hint of booze, “well…that solves one mystery…if you were drunk I’d smell the alcohol and I think you’ve got what it means to be a philanthropist all mixed up. When a person’s need’s greater than my own…that’s philanthropy…when our needs are equal…I’m not sure what that is…but you can see how it’s different. Still, if you don’t want to tell me what’s wrong, that’s fine…I just though…you seemed a little strange.”

[material_guy]

At the approach Greed bristled, poised as much to jump back as to lash out; if this were the real thing, he absolutely did not want to haul off on him. That'd be handing a victory over to Envy, and worse than that he was dead positive he'd be in the wrong and owe his victim something for it. The instant the reason for the approach became clear, he looked properly confused by his own overly testy reaction: conditions weren't so bad between them that physical contact should be saved for violence, particularly not if he had just been blatantly checking him out. Envy would want him far more off guard to pull anything.

Way off of his game today. He could have kicked himself for lining up a row of maybes to be debunked into a string that made them seem dependent on each other, for firing off too many possibilities and making it too hard to take any of them as realistic. Normally Greed could dodge better, drag out possibilities one at a time, wear someone down, all without having to spit out a lie.

All right. Back to square one. For whatever reason, the opponent wasn't being too aggressive today. He had a minute to regroup, to take a deep breath, to fish out a cigarette and... He froze in the middle of fishing in an empty vest pocket, realizing his desperation was showing. Broad shoulders went lax with defeat, followed by a self-derisive snort. It was a bitter choice, but if given the right to remain silent as his only escape, he'd take it. Better a draw than a loss. "Sorry, but yer not getting any new ammo on me today. I'm tryin' to quit playin' that with you, y'know?"

[herrglimmerous]

“There’s shopping on board Herr, I’m sure you could buy another pack of smokes,” Klavier sensed something was wrong, but he wasn’t going to push Greed into anything and possibly start another exhausting circle match with him. This was supposed to be some kind of coerced vacation type deal and he was having a good time, he wanted to keep that atmosphere going. Scooping his drink up he plucked a pineapple wedge out of the glass and chewed on it thoughtfully not really saying anything for several moments, “I’m not fishing for ammo, if you want to be left to your introspection that’s fine…I’m just pointing out how obviously distraught you look, I’m sure I’m not the first to notice. It’s strange.”

[material_guy]

"I'd be broke by sunset," he mumbled, half regretting letting the statement slip out loud. His fingers drummed on the railing, telling himself it was already established that he was going through cigarettes like candy and that there was nothing to hide on that front anyhow.

The thoughtful silence gave him a few precious seconds to think the case out, visually scrutinizing what may or may not have been Klavier Gavin. A man of lesser confidence might have felt judged.

"Since I'm already coming off a little funny, humor me. What's that one word you used back then, that one time?" Greed's wording was always so precise and specific. "Volcanic pneumonia or whatever. And what's it mean. And then say it in German."