[Open RL - Accidental Incest is only hot/funny when it's other people.]

[material_guy]

It would be fair to call Greed a man of strong psychological constitution. Little things could set him off, odd things, and he was prone to mood swings from time to time, but he tended to swing back just as easily, prone to joie de vivre at his own ambitions.

It would be appropriate to call Greed a man of an extremely hardy physical constitution.

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[greenwithme]

Envy had been wandering the ship disguised as Edward Elric in an attempt to keep himself entertained, and thus keep him from thinking about The Incident at the Bar. Right now he was trying not to look as if he was prowling around... that would be breaking character, after all, and he needed very much to keep himself immersed in Edward's persona. It wouldn't do for him to finally catch up to Winry and blow his cover by making a careless mistake.

So it was that he found himself on deck seeking a bit of fresh air after stuffing himself on cake and chocolate parfait at the buffet. If he was gonna be stuck on a haunted ship, he might as well make the most of it!

As he was ambling along, he noticed Greed leaning over the rail looking for all the world as though he were contemplating throwing himself into the deep. And while that thought should have brought Envy some measure of comfort, his body decided to respond in a decidedly different manner.

Feeling his stomach clench, "Edward" clapped a gloved hand to his mouth. Fuck! There was no way he could make it to the bathroom in time...

Pulling himself up over the railing, toes hovering inches above the deck, the golden-haired alchemist became violently ill. What a waste of good parfait...

[material_guy]

If there was one thing Envy would not do in order to try and play off a disguise to get to him, it would be take on the form of someone Greed didn't really even like much in the first place and then make a painful sounding show over by the railing that looked like it might accidentally send him barreling over the edge into the ocean.

Greed had half a mind to leave him to his upchucking in peace. It would be a friendly gesture not to call the kid out on an awkward moment, on the one hand. On the other, he could go give him a bit of a friendly hard time. Or let off some steam, but, he'd be doing enough of that with anyone who roused his suspicion, and by being so unsuspicious, Edward Elric was almost kind of likable.

Greed still hadn't fully come to terms with the fact that the kid didn't have anything to do with whatever happened to the Devil's Nest in that world. He owed him a little something. And, when choosing between the space invasive friendly gesture and the quiet, subtle, mature one, Greed would simply have to be true to his nature.

And so, after watching him wretch and dangle his feet off of the deck, Greed finally sauntered over, nabbing the back of the kid's shirt to keep him from going over, just in case. "Sea sick?"

[greenwithme]

"Uwah!" The disguised Envy squeaked, genuinely surprised by the hand clutching the back of his coat. He turned, even more surprised to find that the helping hand belonged to none other than Greed himself.

Swallowing nervously, and feeling as though he would throw up yet again, "Edward" said in a shaky voice. "Y-Yeah... Never been on a ship before. I guess I haven't gotten my sea legs yet..."

His complexion had a decidedly green cast. "Edward" continued to lean over the railing, wishing that his stomach would stop doing crazy flip-flops.

[material_guy]

"Izzat right." Greed mumbled, still casually holding onto his coat from behind, his free hand cupping his own chin. "Come to think of it, neither have I..."

The greenish color is easy enough to brush off as sea sickness. As he glanced back at Ed, a pathetic sight of a sickly midget, he couldn't quite keep down an amused grin. The kid looked short in videos, but in person he was even shorter. How much puke could something that small possibly hold, anyway?

"Leaning over the edge's only gonna make it worse, kid. Why don'tcha go ask someone for a mint or somethin' to suck on?"

[greenwithme]

"Edward" nodded wordlessly, swallowing the bit of bile that rose in his throat.

It should be mentioned that the real Edward was actually an inch or two taller than the disguise Envy had chosen, since the diminutive alchemist had grown quite a bit during the summer. Not that Envy or Greed would know, as Greed had never met Edward in person, and it had been quite a while since Envy saw him last.

In any case, "Edward" lowered himself to the deck once more, wobbling a bit. He caught hold of the railing with both hands in order to steady himself.

"I was gonna ask Winry if maybe she had some medicine... but I can't seem to find her." Golden eyes cast downward. Fringe of golden hair hanging over his eyes. "Maybe... maybe she's avoiding me again..."

[material_guy]

Ah damn it. Now the little punk is sulking. Well, unfortunately for 'Edward', Greed is not feeling up to the task of comforting someone when he himself is so beyond being comforted that he could only call himself uncomfortable. Greed let go of the coat once the boy was on his feet, giving him a rough mix between a pat and a shove.

"You two're broken up again? You don't even do the sex thing yet, so I'll give you a tip from an old man with a little more experience in the relationship area: this hookup-breakup-makeup bit ain't worth it without the makeup sex. The breakup part's completely worthless without the breakup sex, too, so, you should just stick to the hookup phase. Which is also pretty dull without the sex, but it beats this depression-obsession shit."

[greenwithme]

"Edward's" eyes widen in a comical expression of shock and indignation. At least Envy didn't have to fake that particular reaction!

"No, I... No! It's not like that! I mean... we went to that festival together..." Aside from that, Envy didn't know what exactly had transpired. Ed and the others were a lot more careful about locking posts from him now, an inconvenience which Envy planned to address in the near future. "B-But that doesn't mean we should. You know. The sex. It... It's supposed to be special! I don't want to pressure her..."

Cheeks blushing nearly as red as his coat. At least the nausea appears to have subsided in the wake of "Edward's" flaily outburst.

[material_guy]

"Yeah, yeah," Greed replied while waving his hand as if to shoo off his petty little arguments like some unpleasant odor. Having gotten him out of his sulk was the goal, and with that done, there was no reason to give him too much of a hard time unless it was entertaining.

He just couldn't kick up a satisfying round with this kid.

Well, maybe his own game was off today. He could admit to not feeling in top form. With a sigh, he returned to his old pose against the railing. "If yer sure she's on this boat, keep hunting her down, 'n stick by her. Since you don't rush into fun things with her, you probably won't make too big a mistake."

A beat.

Maybe he didn't hit it off great with this kid, but there were still some dangers he didn't wish on anyone. Turning sharply, he pointed, arm extended.

"And don't make out with her! Whatever you do! If things are tense, make her come on to you!---And definitely don't do anything if she comes on to you! Not even a little cheek peck! Make her see what she's missing! If you're feeling sulky and distant, it's not a special time, so, absolutely don't have the kinda fun I'd normally tell you to have with anyone while you're on this boat!"

[greenwithme]

A determined smile spread across "Edward's" face. "I plan on it. I've been such an idiot for so long... It's time I wised up. I won't let anything bad happen to Winry. Not now... not ever again..."

The teenage alchemist's voice regains some of its strength. Just as he's managed to push himself away from the railing, Greed's finger suddenly flashes within inches of his face. Instinctively, be backs up, eyes widening in surprise.

"A-All right, all right!" He waves both gloved hands in front of his face. "I won't... erm... put the moves on her or anything..." He sighs, rubbing the back of his hand. "Besides, a haunted ship doesn't seem like the best place for anything remotely romantic..."

A few moments pass where "Edward" stares out over the rail toward the distant horizon. Pensive. The light reflecting in his eyes turns the color to molten gold.

Finally, he turns toward the Homunculus again. "Can I ask you something? How come you're always giving this kind of advice out to people? It seems like it might be troublesome for you..."

His tone lacks any sort of mockery or deception. Purely curious. Innocent.

It was a question Edward would have asked. But the puppetmaster lurking beneath the false persona was curious to hear the answer, as well.

[material_guy]

Gaaaah, and there he was, going and getting pensive again! He didn't make out with Envy, and thanks to Greed's magnanimous advice, he probably wouldn't even if he took on the disguise of a hot, beckoning blonde girl! Greed wonders if he should try smacking him on the back again, or maybe the head this time, like a radio that keeps fiddling between stations, to knock him into a less pouty mood.

Even with that thought and an expression of annoyance to match, he responds: "How the hell is giving out advice troublesome for me?"

[greenwithme]

Those guileless golden eyes blink in confusion. "Edward" has to crane his neck to properly look at the tall Homunculus.

"I... I don't know!" He shrugs helplessly, obviously struggling to articulate his thoughts. "I always thought that the Homunculi were evil. But you're... different. You don't mind helping people out, as long as it ultimately serves your best interests. But still... you're helping them. Even if your motivations aren't pure, it still amounts to the same thing, right?"

A smile spreads across "Edward's" face. "...Thank you."

[material_guy]

"I'm not 'different', a lot of them are just assholes," Greed informs with a grunt, trying to feign more offense than he really feels. "I'm tired of explainin' this to people, but I'm a Nice Guy. Which is why I'm lettin' you go today without hittin' you up for that body hopping alchemy trick."

It actually had little to do with kindness and much more to do with the fact that an alchemy fight on a boat would probably bring the ship down. By Homunculi standards, caring about a few dozen casualties was perhaps quite kind indeed, but the odds of getting anything out of him while the boat sank were too low to be worth the input.

Twenty to fifty casualties in a situation where he might actually get immortality could have been a different story, but if he was too open about that, he'd have even more people questioning his Nice Guy status.

[greenwithme]

The smile widens and becomes laughter.

"Thanks! I really appreciate it. I have enough on my plate at the moment. Not having to worry about you kidnapping my friends or family really puts my mind at ease!"

[material_guy]

"Aa. Consider yerself in debt over it, if it's somethin' yer gonna bother sayin' thank you over."

He did belatedly remember having a potential task for an alchemist, and it never hurt to try to get him in debt for that body hopping trick. Greed didn't expect to cash in on either, but it was worth a shot since the kid seemed to be in a good enough mood when he wasn't sulking. May as well take advantage of the upswing.

[greenwithme]

"That sounds a bit like extortion to me..."

"Edward" spun around on his heel, hands clasped behind his head.

"Anyway, I'm gonna head back to the buffet. Maybe Winry got hungry and is hanging out there..." He turned slightly, glancing back at Greed. "Have you been to the dining hall yet? There's always piles of food sitting around, even though I've never seen anyone set it out. I wonder where it all comes from..."

[material_guy]

"Extortion to you's a good deed to someone else," Greed justified, as if he weren't involved in extortion regularly enough for sheer profit in his daily life.

He had no interest in food, or places where there could be people. Thus, Edward was waved off, no longer particularly interesting, no matter how boring sulking in a sickening memory might have gotten at some intervals. "She's gotta eat sometime, though. Good a place as any to wait for her."