My Christmas
I know it's been a long time since I last posted. I also know that it has been a long time since Christmas. Let me explain.
For a bit of background, my father died seven years ago on January 16, 2000, of lung cancer. He was diagnosed with cancer one month after I left home for college, in September of 1998. He was told that he had a year and a half to live if he underwent treatment - but I never knew that he was given a set amount of time until this Christmas. I was incredibly close to my father, but once he died my mother and I really bonded. We've helped each other heal and became best friends. I talk to her every day. I've always thought that I had a free card for Mom, where she would live to be a healthy 99 years old. I was wrong.
The day after I flew home for Christmas, my mother was diagnosed with lung cancer. It was so hard to believe. We were at the hospital in Nashville from 6am - 7pm every day except on Christmas day. The worst part was seeing her so upset, knowing how hard Dad had to fight, and being at the same hospital that she had brought him to so many times. It was very difficult to leave her to come back to Chicago. Her prognosis was okay when we heard that she had a small tumor in the upper part of her right lung- but then they did a scan that showed cancer in a lymph node near her esophagus as well. She has undergone chemotherapy and radiation for six weeks, and she had her last treatment the week of February 5. I went home the weekend of February 2 to see her for the first time since Christmas (she has had many friends and neighbors taking care of her in the meantime). It is so hard to see your parent in such a weak state. Her throat burns and is almost completely closed off due to the radiation done on the lymph node there. We were told that at the beginning of the next week (February 12) her throat would begin to feel better, and she would start to be able to eat normally again. Well, she was not better. She was much worse. She could not even drink water, and she was in an immense amount of pain. Her friend took her to the hospital on February 12 and she has been there ever since. It is so incredibly hard to be in Chicago while she is in the hospital. The doctors thought they would be able to release her in less than a week, but she is not healing on schedule. She is still in a lot of pain and has trouble eating. She gets nutrients and fluids through an IV. She told me today that only 35% of her calories are coming from the food that she is ingesting. The doctors want to be able to release her by this Sunday. I just want her to start healing so she can feel a little bit normal again.
She is scheduled to have another CT scan March 1st. The doctors will check for remaining cancer cells and then they will schedule surgery to have the upper lobe of her right lung removed. It is so so hard, for both of us, to go through this so soon after losing Dad. I talk to my mom every day, but improvement is slow-going. She really is a wonderful person that loves life. I just want her to be able to enjoy it again, instead of always suffering.
There is also a much smaller thorn in my side, which is my lovely job at the college. It has become progressively more stressful and life-devouring in the past few months. When someone unexpectedly left the office last December, I was promoted to Assistant to the Dean. I wasn't trained or left any sort of instructions to follow. AND, they aren't hiring anyone to replace me, even though my position is vacant after my promotion. Yay, no extra help! I have worked in this office for two years, but this job has different responsibilities, with lots more questions that keep coming all day long. I get frustrated often and work late most days. It is hard because I have such loyalty to the position, but I don't have nearly as many good days there as I used to. With all that has gone on, my personal goals have been put on hold. I am looking forward to the day when I can move away from Chicago and start anew somewhere slower, nicer, gentler, and closer to my Mom.
I do want you all to know that I check in on my friends list as regularly as I can, and I read all of your entries. I wish I had more time to make my own.
For a bit of background, my father died seven years ago on January 16, 2000, of lung cancer. He was diagnosed with cancer one month after I left home for college, in September of 1998. He was told that he had a year and a half to live if he underwent treatment - but I never knew that he was given a set amount of time until this Christmas. I was incredibly close to my father, but once he died my mother and I really bonded. We've helped each other heal and became best friends. I talk to her every day. I've always thought that I had a free card for Mom, where she would live to be a healthy 99 years old. I was wrong.
The day after I flew home for Christmas, my mother was diagnosed with lung cancer. It was so hard to believe. We were at the hospital in Nashville from 6am - 7pm every day except on Christmas day. The worst part was seeing her so upset, knowing how hard Dad had to fight, and being at the same hospital that she had brought him to so many times. It was very difficult to leave her to come back to Chicago. Her prognosis was okay when we heard that she had a small tumor in the upper part of her right lung- but then they did a scan that showed cancer in a lymph node near her esophagus as well. She has undergone chemotherapy and radiation for six weeks, and she had her last treatment the week of February 5. I went home the weekend of February 2 to see her for the first time since Christmas (she has had many friends and neighbors taking care of her in the meantime). It is so hard to see your parent in such a weak state. Her throat burns and is almost completely closed off due to the radiation done on the lymph node there. We were told that at the beginning of the next week (February 12) her throat would begin to feel better, and she would start to be able to eat normally again. Well, she was not better. She was much worse. She could not even drink water, and she was in an immense amount of pain. Her friend took her to the hospital on February 12 and she has been there ever since. It is so incredibly hard to be in Chicago while she is in the hospital. The doctors thought they would be able to release her in less than a week, but she is not healing on schedule. She is still in a lot of pain and has trouble eating. She gets nutrients and fluids through an IV. She told me today that only 35% of her calories are coming from the food that she is ingesting. The doctors want to be able to release her by this Sunday. I just want her to start healing so she can feel a little bit normal again.
She is scheduled to have another CT scan March 1st. The doctors will check for remaining cancer cells and then they will schedule surgery to have the upper lobe of her right lung removed. It is so so hard, for both of us, to go through this so soon after losing Dad. I talk to my mom every day, but improvement is slow-going. She really is a wonderful person that loves life. I just want her to be able to enjoy it again, instead of always suffering.
There is also a much smaller thorn in my side, which is my lovely job at the college. It has become progressively more stressful and life-devouring in the past few months. When someone unexpectedly left the office last December, I was promoted to Assistant to the Dean. I wasn't trained or left any sort of instructions to follow. AND, they aren't hiring anyone to replace me, even though my position is vacant after my promotion. Yay, no extra help! I have worked in this office for two years, but this job has different responsibilities, with lots more questions that keep coming all day long. I get frustrated often and work late most days. It is hard because I have such loyalty to the position, but I don't have nearly as many good days there as I used to. With all that has gone on, my personal goals have been put on hold. I am looking forward to the day when I can move away from Chicago and start anew somewhere slower, nicer, gentler, and closer to my Mom.
I do want you all to know that I check in on my friends list as regularly as I can, and I read all of your entries. I wish I had more time to make my own.