I need you in my life 8/?
Donghae checked the device before he picked up. His heart felt like it stopped as he saw Kibum’s name on the flashing screen. He was about to throw the phone back onto the bed, and not answer but he realized it would be too obvious that he avoided Kibum.
Donghae didn’t want the younger boy to think he had been heartbroken because of the breakup.
He clicked the green button and held the phone to his ear.
A soft, uncertain voice called out for him on the other side of the line and he felt a tug at his heart.
“Donghae, are you there?”
The blonde cleared his throat so his voice wouldn’t crack up. He answered with a steady “Yes” as he sat down on the floor, and resting his back against the wall and stared into space.
“Ah, good.” Kibum’s voice was shaking a little and breathed nervously. Hell, how Donghae had missed that voice. He tried to concentrate on what the other was saying as the younger latter started speaking again.
“I-eh… I just wanted to know how you are. We haven’t talked since…you know.” He trailed off nervously, afraid the older boy would get upset with him. Donghae took in a deep breath and answered with a very convincing “I’m perfectly fine. And… I’m sorry about the other day. I was a bit drunk, and I had a bad day so I was really stressed out-”.
“Hae, it’s okay.”
Donghae fought back the cry in his voice and couldn’t think of else than how weak he is. “I shouldn’t have screamed at you…” he barely whispered. “But I’m fine now, really.” He put on his poker face and steadied his voice to convince the younger male.
The day before :
“Can I have one more beer, please?” Donghae held out his hand as the bartender extended another glass for him and rolled his eyes before turning around. Donghae hastily pressed his lips against the cool glass’ edge and took in the disgustingly bitter beverage. He held a firm grip around his drink, and the other was attached to his cell phone. He stared at the phone with a name filling up the screen. After minutes of staring he took another two gulps of the beer and pressed the green button. He placed the phone by his ear and by each tone sounded through the speaker he felt his heart slow down. It felt like millions of years before it broke in the middle of a tone and Kibum spoke with a slightly increased breath. “Donghae?”
No answer.
Donghae could hear someone besides Kibum talking on the other line slightly annoyed. “Why is he calling you?”
“I don’t know.” Kibum semi-whispered away from the phone, but Donghae could hear him clearly. “Donghae, are you-“
“Is he there with you now? Is he much better than I am?” The younger male was startled as Donghae finally spoke up louder than necessary. The blonde could only feel hatred at the moment. Hatred towards Kibum, for leaving him. Hatred towards Siwon, who now was the light in “his” Kibum’s life, and being much better than him. Hatred towards his mother who didn’t do enough to stop him from going away with Kibum. Hatred towards the bartender(Heechu)l, who was furiously gesticulating to cut off his throat if he didn’t lower his voice. Hatred towards Eunhyuk, who had absolutely nothing to do with this. Hatred towards the whole world for being so screwed up.
“ Hae, please…”
He was scared. Even though Donghae wasn’t sober he could still tell that Kibum wasn’t comfortable at all with the way he confronted the younger. But as said, Donghae wasn’t sober and therefore he didn’t care what came out of his mouth at the moment. He was upset and drunk, and all he wanted was to get away from those feelings.
“Did you ever even love me?!” Donghae’s voice had risen, and he was now screaming into the speaker without thinking. He knew Kibum had loved him and cared for him, but he simply couldn’t stay by his side. The blonde heard weak muffled sobs from the other and then a new speaker with firm and slightly angry voice he recognized as Siwon’s.
“Damn it Donghae, stop doing this to Kibum. If he’s broken up with you then you should learn to get over it and stop bothering him .Please.” Donghae didn’t answer which led to Siwon hanging up on him. He angrily shuffled the device into his pocket when an angry bartender stood next to him with his arms crossed.
End of flashback.
“Really?” Kibum’s voice did sound much happier and secure than before. “That’s great!” Donghae almost got the urge to punch the younger boy for being so happy, while he was so miserable. ‘You have any fucking idea how much I miss you?’ Donghae screamed inside of his head. ‘Do you know much I want to kiss you? Hug you? Make love to you? Just to look at you? Do you know how much it hurts being without you?’
He heard a deep voice calling for Kibum on the other end and recognized it as Siwon’s.
“I got to go now Hae. I’m really relieved that you’re doing so well. Take care.”
The blonde could almost feel Kibum’s wide smile through the line before he hung up.
“Just…FUCK!”
Donghae threw his cell phone across the room. It hit the drawer in the corner with a loud crash and broke into several large pieces, but the boy couldn’t care less. Tears leaked from his eyes and he felt like breaking everything in his sight, but the thought stopped as he heard a knock on the door.
A red haired head peeked into the room and noticed Donghae sitting next to the bed.
He had heard a crashing sound from the room and he saw the pieces from a cell phone a meter from his feet. “D-Donghae. Is everything alri-“he trailed off as he saw the blonde’s red eyes and wet cheeks. Donghae watched Eunhyuk walk with small steps across the room and sat in front of him. He didn’t really care if he looked like a pitiable child crying like that.
Hyukjae had wanted to talk with Donghae properly. He had a little bit too shocked this morning about Donghae’s sudden question, and wanted to clear out things and get to hear it with his own ears that the other actually did feel something for him. But he wouldn’t have asked him to be his boyfriend if he didn’t like him, right? But seeing Donghae in this state he didn’t think he should talk about it now. It could wait
Right now he just wanted to protect the other from all bad that would make him hurt. He wanted to be his.
Hyukjae carefully placed a hand on Donghae’s knee and the other one reached for his face. He palmed the other’s warm cheek and wiped off the tears with his thumb. Donghae pressed his own face against the soothing hand, and their eyes never left each others’.
He had no idea what had just happened, all he knew was that Donghae was sad or upset and all he wanted to do was to comfort the boy. Hyukjae leaned forward and caught Donghae’s trembling lips with his own in a kiss. The blonde responded in a second and just minutes later they found themselves half naked on the bed, panting.
Donghae pinned down Hyukjae’s hands above his head and kissed him hard. The boy underneath hissed at the pain coming from his wrist, but he didn’t want to say anything if it would make Donghae stop. But the younger male had already noticed his reaction and loosened his grip from the hand. He held it gently and brought it up to his mouth and kissed it.
“Does it still hurt?” Hyukjae blushed and shook his head. Donghae put down his hand on the bed and started kissing Hyukjae’s neck. The older male tried to prevent himself from moaning but failed. His hope inside of him grew wild and Hyukjae could feel a spark of happiness light in him. He could feel the difference in Donghae’s touches compared to the ones he’s felt before. He could feel there were emotions this time.
He smiled shyly to himself and brought up his hands to Donghae’s neck and kissed him briefly. Donghae deepened the kiss and started feeling all over Hyukjae’s torso.
Donghae started sucking and biting down at Hyukjae’s neck, making him moan. Even though he didn’t want to think about it, at least not know, he couldn’t help but be unsure of Donghae’s feelings. They had only spent a short time together, so could it really be possible that Donghae had started to like him?
His thoughts were thrown away as another moan escaped his throat when the male topping him licked his ear and rubbed his nipples.
Hyukjae slowly tugged at the other’s pants with nervous and sweaty hands. But he regretted his move and cursed himself thousands of times over, because Donghae had stopped touching him and pulled away. The blonde didn’t face him properly and stood up from the bed and sighed. The redhead was afraid he had done something wrong and upsetting Donghae in some way. The younger male picked up his shirt that had been discarded to the floor earlier and dressed himself. Hyukjae could only watch as the blond headed for the door.
“Donghae, where-“
“Out.” The blonde cut the other in mid-sentence. And within a second, Donghae was out of the room and the apartment. The left boy sat up quietly and stared at the opened door. He had no idea what to think or feel, he just wanted to know what was up with Donghae. The feeling he had, remembered him a bit about the hurt he felt the first time. Would it all be repeated?
“What’s wrong with you Donghae?” With watery eyes, he laid back down on the bed alone.
A:N/ I’M SO SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING FOR A LONG TIME AND IT WAS VERY VERY SHORT AS WELL… I’m focusing more on my other fic: Never letting you go, because I like that one much more.
Lol, I’m not even going to re-read this because I feel it’s really bad… OTL
I’ve got a perfect make-Donghae-suffer episode coming in the end of this story, but I have problems with filling up what’s going to happen before that…
Don't hate me.