Doesnt get any easier
Ya know.... i would have thought that by the time i got to be this age, life would be smooth sailing, for the most part. Married, kids, grandkids, mortgage paid, holidays, vacations...yada yada. Thats how i was raised to think life would be. It is what was expected. No one ever mentioned that there could be major influences to misdirect that path. i knew there would be 'bumps' and 'detours' but gads. i am so sick of them. Then again... living life the way i have... i wonder if i wouldn't be bored with that 'idealistic' life. i probably would be. Still... i would like SOME sense of harmony to my life...some sense of contentment.
The question, my friends, is... how does it (life) become harmonious and content? By having close friends, lovers, a long term partner? Being able to pay ones bills? Being able to truly enjoy ones time in this particular life cycle? There is the thought that by being 'true to thine own self', one would make the choices in life that could bring happiness. Easier said than done...but i find that as i get older, i am a little more selfish with myself, meaning that i dont want to 'settle' for less than what i want. Does that make sense? Why not go for what i want, at least try? But then, this also means i have to think...really think...about what i really want in my life. That's the hard part. i'm not exactly clear on that yet. i just know that i am not happy, nor content. i love...truly love...having the apt to myself now that Russ is out. i LOVE being in my OWN space. i am very hesitant to give that up just yet. However, i can see that financially, i will have to give this up, eventually. DAMN !!!
The question, my friends, is... how does it (life) become harmonious and content? By having close friends, lovers, a long term partner? Being able to pay ones bills? Being able to truly enjoy ones time in this particular life cycle? There is the thought that by being 'true to thine own self', one would make the choices in life that could bring happiness. Easier said than done...but i find that as i get older, i am a little more selfish with myself, meaning that i dont want to 'settle' for less than what i want. Does that make sense? Why not go for what i want, at least try? But then, this also means i have to think...really think...about what i really want in my life. That's the hard part. i'm not exactly clear on that yet. i just know that i am not happy, nor content. i love...truly love...having the apt to myself now that Russ is out. i LOVE being in my OWN space. i am very hesitant to give that up just yet. However, i can see that financially, i will have to give this up, eventually. DAMN !!!