No Way. I Don't Need It. I Don't Need Your Love To Disconnect...
"...You make it so real...I don't need your love to disconnect."
So, after re-reading my previous entry, I realize that I can't fully function without the myriad of drugs that keep my mind somewhat put together. The more you know, huh.
The day that I finally "medically retire" from the Army is drawing closer each day. Honestly, it's starting to scare the crap out of me. Whether I want to admit it or not, I'm institutionalized. I'm used to the rigid discipline and schedule. I'm comfortable around the people that I can safely assume have shared my experiences. Don't get me wrong, I still hate it. But, it's familiar. It's safe, even. I haven't been in the regular world for almost 6 years. On top of that, I'm damaged property now. On top of THAT, I don't really have a place to call home anymore. Six years is a long time. I'm beginning to see that even my old friends weren't really that good to begin with. Well, I take that back. It wasn't that THEY weren't good people, it's more that I wasn't. That kind of makes any sort of relationship flawed from the beginning. No, it's just been too long to go back there. But, where does that leave me? I realize I'm in a very rare position that not many people get to be in. I'll be free to go anywhere. I have nothing tying me down to any place. I'm essentially a clean slate. With that being said, allow me to caveat on it. I do still have people I consider to be good friends that are settled in certain places. Which is where most of my plans originate. Should I move to a place in which I already have some sort of contact. It would allow for, what I believe to be, an easier transition into normal society. However, I already know I'd feel like a bit of an inconvenience. I mean, those one or two people would be my only contacts for some time, given my affinity with sociopathy. Do I want to be that kind of burden on someone? There's just so many variables to take into consideration with this transition of my life. Maybe I'll just be a drifter or a gypsy. Ha.
So, after re-reading my previous entry, I realize that I can't fully function without the myriad of drugs that keep my mind somewhat put together. The more you know, huh.
The day that I finally "medically retire" from the Army is drawing closer each day. Honestly, it's starting to scare the crap out of me. Whether I want to admit it or not, I'm institutionalized. I'm used to the rigid discipline and schedule. I'm comfortable around the people that I can safely assume have shared my experiences. Don't get me wrong, I still hate it. But, it's familiar. It's safe, even. I haven't been in the regular world for almost 6 years. On top of that, I'm damaged property now. On top of THAT, I don't really have a place to call home anymore. Six years is a long time. I'm beginning to see that even my old friends weren't really that good to begin with. Well, I take that back. It wasn't that THEY weren't good people, it's more that I wasn't. That kind of makes any sort of relationship flawed from the beginning. No, it's just been too long to go back there. But, where does that leave me? I realize I'm in a very rare position that not many people get to be in. I'll be free to go anywhere. I have nothing tying me down to any place. I'm essentially a clean slate. With that being said, allow me to caveat on it. I do still have people I consider to be good friends that are settled in certain places. Which is where most of my plans originate. Should I move to a place in which I already have some sort of contact. It would allow for, what I believe to be, an easier transition into normal society. However, I already know I'd feel like a bit of an inconvenience. I mean, those one or two people would be my only contacts for some time, given my affinity with sociopathy. Do I want to be that kind of burden on someone? There's just so many variables to take into consideration with this transition of my life. Maybe I'll just be a drifter or a gypsy. Ha.