SM - no moves like Jagger
Since we have moved to WV, there has been very little SM. The contemplation for the last several months has been, "Why?" The short answers are, "Because We haven't made that happen," and "Because elliot hasn't asked for any."
The latter is beyond Our control, really, and We really haven't even asked why. It just is. The former is really the question to explore.
We did a few scenes once here... one in particular was fairly deep and zero-to-60 just the way we have both liked in the past. The next day, elliot expressed some feelings it experienced during the scene in relation to not being put "in a submissive position". We have been in denial that this disappointed Us greatly. We enjoy telling someone to stand where We put them and having them take what We decide to give them. This added to the disappointment We were dealing with due to the breakup with Andrew just kinda shut Us down. It's no one's fault, it just is.
So now, because it has been so long (over a year, really) that We've had any significant impact play, We have sabotaged Ourself into being forced to do what We don't want to do in order to provide adequate care for elliot. We hate lengthy warm ups. Doing them brings up emotions that We have yet to get through and We're tired of dealing with them. "Light play", especially for the bottom's benefit, physically and emotionally feels like all the play We did to make the male submissives of FAD happy. Those emotions feel like prostitution.
Of course, it isn't lost on Us that Spirit has sent just the right person and We've walked into just the right situation such that We HAVE to deal with this shit. We are grateful that We have a slave who is aware, compassionate and patient. it would most likely be willing to bear the brunt of Our anger and frustration, though We fear that might trigger anger of it own.
There's more discernment to be made and more talking to be done. Or, perhaps We're just putting stuff off. *sigh*
The latter is beyond Our control, really, and We really haven't even asked why. It just is. The former is really the question to explore.
We did a few scenes once here... one in particular was fairly deep and zero-to-60 just the way we have both liked in the past. The next day, elliot expressed some feelings it experienced during the scene in relation to not being put "in a submissive position". We have been in denial that this disappointed Us greatly. We enjoy telling someone to stand where We put them and having them take what We decide to give them. This added to the disappointment We were dealing with due to the breakup with Andrew just kinda shut Us down. It's no one's fault, it just is.
So now, because it has been so long (over a year, really) that We've had any significant impact play, We have sabotaged Ourself into being forced to do what We don't want to do in order to provide adequate care for elliot. We hate lengthy warm ups. Doing them brings up emotions that We have yet to get through and We're tired of dealing with them. "Light play", especially for the bottom's benefit, physically and emotionally feels like all the play We did to make the male submissives of FAD happy. Those emotions feel like prostitution.
Of course, it isn't lost on Us that Spirit has sent just the right person and We've walked into just the right situation such that We HAVE to deal with this shit. We are grateful that We have a slave who is aware, compassionate and patient. it would most likely be willing to bear the brunt of Our anger and frustration, though We fear that might trigger anger of it own.
There's more discernment to be made and more talking to be done. Or, perhaps We're just putting stuff off. *sigh*