We Interrupt For A Special Request Con't. (subs and Trust)
This is the follow-up to missingkeys question about the trust involved from the perspective of a Dom/me. This is will be about the trust involve from the perspective of a sub.
So, having been a submissive for a time, myself, I have a fairly good understanding of what goes through one's mind. This by no means says that I know everything that goes on in a sub's mind. I just have a very good idea. It makes me a better Dom. That's not to say that you can't be a good Dom without having been a submissive first. I just think it gives you a better understanding starting right out of the gate with a sub.
So, trust from a submissive's perspective. Well, that depends on what kind of submissive we're talking about. The headspace is different for each type of submissive. What works for a slave doesn't necessarily work for a boy. The level of surrender matters in these types of cases.
For a blanket submissive, one that submits for short times for, let's say, a scene; There has to be a certain level of trust. In these cases, what happens, the BDSM activity is discussed beforehand... or it should be. There would likely be a safe word. Everything is preplanned and agreed upon. So there is a minimal level of surrender. For this type of trust it is all spelled out. The sub simply has to trust that the Dom will do as T/they agreed to do. If the Dom wants to do something not originally agreed upon then They have to ask if it's okay to do whatever it is. So just trust that They will do what's agreed upon.
For a boy/boi/girl/grrl, it's a bit more complicated. Because this can be a 24/7 type of thing. If it's not a 24/7 thing then it's likely the same as a blanket submissive. There's a contract written out. After some time the contract is changed from temporary to "permanent until one party decides it's null." However, if it is 24/7, then there is a deeper level of surrender. Likely there is discussion as to what the boy (I'm just going to use boy as an example but it could be a boy/boi/girl/grrl) likes and doesn't like. There's also likely a discussion as to what the Dom likes and doesn't like. What the Dom expects of the boy will also be discussed. So there is a different level of expectation of what the boy will do. Here there a expectations! Not just what will happen, but how the boy will behave. There are some things, like when playing and sex will happen that is now decided by the Dom. It could happen at any time so the boy must be ready at any time. There is a deeper level of trust and therefore a deeper level of surrender.
For a slave... well that's a lot more complicated. A slave has a deep desire to trust and surrender. they want nothing more than to be what the Master (using Master, because that's the usual combination but it could be any Dom) wants them to be. they have an intense need to surrender. Which, of course leads them to being misused or abused. Not that it couldn't happen to any submissive, but it's most common with slaves. A Dom doesn't know how to truly take care of a slave and so the slave gets hurt. they need to be controlled and taken responsibility for. Without that they feel incomplete. they feel unfulfilled. The level of surrender is of their entire body, mind, and soul. It is the most pure form of surrender. A slave needs a Master to balance them. Without one, they don't function as well as they could. Far from it, actually. Don't make the mistake of thinking that slave is submissive to just anyone. They can be priests and CEOs. (In fact you'd be surprised how many of them are.) They can be in charge and control of an entire company in their working hours. However, they want nothing more than to come home and be exactly what their Master wants them to be. To give all of themselves over to their Master. they wish to be property... to be owned and used as their Master sees fit.
Now, what all subs fear is that they'll end up in an abusive relationship. Which keeps many from giving into their deeper desires to surrender. The first rule of being a submissive; "First and foremost, take care of the property (self)." So leaving that abusive relationship should be their number one priority. However, we all know you can get trapped in an abusive relationship. Not having a good enough job to get an apartment on your own or your things are in storage and they have the key, etc. All sorts of reasons. It's not always easy to get away when you give over everything you are and own to someone else. Don't get me wrong, that doesn't mean that you should never try. It simply means that you need to be sure of the Master before you submit to them. Which is part of what keeps so many people fantasy players: fear. So really the biggest things a submissive deals with is fear.
In the time I've written this, I've opened katelinmr's eyes to a whole new world of possibilities. She's my co-collaborator on the BDSM side. Go there and check it out if you feel so inclined: 60 Shades of Latex.
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So, having been a submissive for a time, myself, I have a fairly good understanding of what goes through one's mind. This by no means says that I know everything that goes on in a sub's mind. I just have a very good idea. It makes me a better Dom. That's not to say that you can't be a good Dom without having been a submissive first. I just think it gives you a better understanding starting right out of the gate with a sub.
So, trust from a submissive's perspective. Well, that depends on what kind of submissive we're talking about. The headspace is different for each type of submissive. What works for a slave doesn't necessarily work for a boy. The level of surrender matters in these types of cases.
For a blanket submissive, one that submits for short times for, let's say, a scene; There has to be a certain level of trust. In these cases, what happens, the BDSM activity is discussed beforehand... or it should be. There would likely be a safe word. Everything is preplanned and agreed upon. So there is a minimal level of surrender. For this type of trust it is all spelled out. The sub simply has to trust that the Dom will do as T/they agreed to do. If the Dom wants to do something not originally agreed upon then They have to ask if it's okay to do whatever it is. So just trust that They will do what's agreed upon.
For a boy/boi/girl/grrl, it's a bit more complicated. Because this can be a 24/7 type of thing. If it's not a 24/7 thing then it's likely the same as a blanket submissive. There's a contract written out. After some time the contract is changed from temporary to "permanent until one party decides it's null." However, if it is 24/7, then there is a deeper level of surrender. Likely there is discussion as to what the boy (I'm just going to use boy as an example but it could be a boy/boi/girl/grrl) likes and doesn't like. There's also likely a discussion as to what the Dom likes and doesn't like. What the Dom expects of the boy will also be discussed. So there is a different level of expectation of what the boy will do. Here there a expectations! Not just what will happen, but how the boy will behave. There are some things, like when playing and sex will happen that is now decided by the Dom. It could happen at any time so the boy must be ready at any time. There is a deeper level of trust and therefore a deeper level of surrender.
For a slave... well that's a lot more complicated. A slave has a deep desire to trust and surrender. they want nothing more than to be what the Master (using Master, because that's the usual combination but it could be any Dom) wants them to be. they have an intense need to surrender. Which, of course leads them to being misused or abused. Not that it couldn't happen to any submissive, but it's most common with slaves. A Dom doesn't know how to truly take care of a slave and so the slave gets hurt. they need to be controlled and taken responsibility for. Without that they feel incomplete. they feel unfulfilled. The level of surrender is of their entire body, mind, and soul. It is the most pure form of surrender. A slave needs a Master to balance them. Without one, they don't function as well as they could. Far from it, actually. Don't make the mistake of thinking that slave is submissive to just anyone. They can be priests and CEOs. (In fact you'd be surprised how many of them are.) They can be in charge and control of an entire company in their working hours. However, they want nothing more than to come home and be exactly what their Master wants them to be. To give all of themselves over to their Master. they wish to be property... to be owned and used as their Master sees fit.
Now, what all subs fear is that they'll end up in an abusive relationship. Which keeps many from giving into their deeper desires to surrender. The first rule of being a submissive; "First and foremost, take care of the property (self)." So leaving that abusive relationship should be their number one priority. However, we all know you can get trapped in an abusive relationship. Not having a good enough job to get an apartment on your own or your things are in storage and they have the key, etc. All sorts of reasons. It's not always easy to get away when you give over everything you are and own to someone else. Don't get me wrong, that doesn't mean that you should never try. It simply means that you need to be sure of the Master before you submit to them. Which is part of what keeps so many people fantasy players: fear. So really the biggest things a submissive deals with is fear.
In the time I've written this, I've opened katelinmr's eyes to a whole new world of possibilities. She's my co-collaborator on the BDSM side. Go there and check it out if you feel so inclined: 60 Shades of Latex.
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