Hell Week.... RIP McKenna (Mac) Feb 14, 2000 - Dec 14, 2009
http://wolf.alphaone-tech.com/mckenna.htm
This week has been bad... well let me back up... 3 weeks ago Mac started acting strangely...laying on my feet under the table, forcing herself to get up in bed with us even though the bed is so high that she rarely made that struggle any more. I sensed she was sad & in pain, but assumed it was either her hips, shoulders or neck problems... I gave her pain meds, but since they upset her already bad stomach, (ate a whole coke can & 6 months of age and was never the same), its a balancing act...
Saturday night Mac spent the night on the floor of our bedroom & was very listless in the morning. A couple of hours after we got up I noticed blood spots all over the floor... It seemed to be coming from her mouth, which was MILDLY swollen, & I considered an emergency vet trip, but finances are tight and there wasn't much blood. We went back and forth about it, and, after receiving a phone call at 2pm that Tami's aunt had been taken to ER with possible pneumonia & congestive heart failure, decided to give Mac an antibiotic, (hoping it was a tooth problem) & pain meds... and headed 70 minutes out of town to hospital # 1... Elsa was a god-send & helped out and was coming over to check on the dogs later that evening, & really I thought this was not life threatening...
We were there for 5 hours and when it looked like she was stable, we left to head home... When we left the hospital, Tami called her mom, (who's fiance is the aunt's brother...long story), to fill them in on the aunt's condition and found out that the paramedics were on the way because the fiance/aunt's brother had fallen down the stairs and couldn't move. Away we go to her mom's house, arriving shortly after the ambulance. Uncle is on a backboard & not being very coherent...so we follow them to hospital # 2... End result...Uncle fractured a vertebrae in his neck, (minor fracture), gashed his head and bruised the hell out of himself...finally at 11:00 they were ready to release him and we went home, arriving here around 12:30...
Mac was really clingy & listless again...still bleeding but not profusely... In the morning I got a vet appt for 12:30pm... I was scared and felt really silly for being scared...well not really, I was afraid it would require oral surgery for an abscess & I know how much that costs. With the business failed finances are just...well...sigh... But for a month now I have been worried about Mac not lasting all winter just because she has been acting so differently...
By the time we got to the vet, the swelling on the one side was huge. I hadn't noticed it the night before because we were so exhausted. The vet said the best thing to hope for was that she had gotten a stick or something stuck & that it was abscessed, but she thought she felt a mass in there. Mac was in so much pain she couldnt be sure, so we agreed to have her sedated to do a 'look see'...and went to lunch.
I felt in my heart Mac wouldn't be coming home. I was afraid I would have to decide between $1,000+ vet bill for major mouth problems and her life and was feeling like an asshole because I felt like I had to put a price tag on her...sighing... I knew if it was a tumor, that there would be no surgery and that what happened would depend on how much pain she would be in. At best, it was a huge abscess and a very small tumor which meant she might have a chance...
But it wasn't a best case scenario...we got the call 30 minutes later...there was no abscess, just a tumor...a huge, almost fist sized tumor which had grown so aggressively that just two weeks ago there was NO noticeable swelling in her mouth. Mac was still under sedation & I asked the vet to keep her sedated until we got there. Mac is sensitive & I felt it best to not stress HER out with my obvious distress. Tami & Amy were also so distressed and Mac would have known...
We got back to the vet & Mac was lightly sedated...she and I talked... we all cried... and it was time to say goodbyes... Mac saw me through losing everything & having my girlfriend of 4 years dump me when my savings ran out...she saw me through surgeries and illnesses and times in my life where I wondered if I really wanted to get out of bed the next morning... Mac was a clown, a happy, sensitive, smart dog who everyone loved. Loving her meant making this hard choice...
I am numb... I have not been able to grieve yet - still dealing with very sick aunt, (tami's) & running non-stop 45 mile one way trips to the hospital... I have not been able to grieve yet because I wont let myself. Mac brought me so much love & joy for over 9 years & her memory will remain in my heart, along with those before her and I hope to see her on the Rainbow Bridge someday in the very distant future...
Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.
All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.
You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.
Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....
Author unknown...