By "I want" I mean (2)
In the first part of this essay I was defining "I want" as present perfect continuous: I say that I want to do something when I have already been doing this for a while. This proves that my words are not just words but also actions, that my future tense is all right, that there is no gap between 'I want" and 'I do' or the gap is minimal.
[Here's the yin part.]Here's the yin part.
The inertia.
Sometimes when you are doing something for a while, when you have built a habit, when you have grown a routine, you may lose the original "I want".
This is how I stopped playing the guitar nearly three years ago: I realized that I was practising every day but I didn't want it. I was just doing it out of habit and out of fear of uncertainty, out of fear to ask myself: "Who am I if I'm not doing this?". Actually, it took me a couple of months to let myself come to a thought that I didn't want it. That was hard. The picture was too beautiful to call it an illusion.
What you are doing - do you like how it really is - or do you like how it looks like, how it sounds? Do you like what it really is or, as Dan has put it recently, do you like the beautiful picture, the enchanting legend? Are you embracing the illusion?
It takes a great courage to admit that something's wrong, that you are not congruent in what you are feeling and what you are doing. You may have a huge part of your life based on it and if this part of life turns out to be an illusion, what are you doing and who are you then? What would people think of you if you destroy the image of yourself you have been creating for a while? What will you think of yourself?
I have been thinking about this only for an hour or so, so I can't offer a good solution but I offer this:
Let us be alive in every our choice, let us be compassionate to ourselves, let us choose again, being present, and sensitive, and vulnerable beings, let us face and heart all our 'I want's and 'I fear's, let ourselves be seen.
[Here's the yin part.]Here's the yin part.
The inertia.
Sometimes when you are doing something for a while, when you have built a habit, when you have grown a routine, you may lose the original "I want".
This is how I stopped playing the guitar nearly three years ago: I realized that I was practising every day but I didn't want it. I was just doing it out of habit and out of fear of uncertainty, out of fear to ask myself: "Who am I if I'm not doing this?". Actually, it took me a couple of months to let myself come to a thought that I didn't want it. That was hard. The picture was too beautiful to call it an illusion.
What you are doing - do you like how it really is - or do you like how it looks like, how it sounds? Do you like what it really is or, as Dan has put it recently, do you like the beautiful picture, the enchanting legend? Are you embracing the illusion?
It takes a great courage to admit that something's wrong, that you are not congruent in what you are feeling and what you are doing. You may have a huge part of your life based on it and if this part of life turns out to be an illusion, what are you doing and who are you then? What would people think of you if you destroy the image of yourself you have been creating for a while? What will you think of yourself?
I have been thinking about this only for an hour or so, so I can't offer a good solution but I offer this:
Let us be alive in every our choice, let us be compassionate to ourselves, let us choose again, being present, and sensitive, and vulnerable beings, let us face and heart all our 'I want's and 'I fear's, let ourselves be seen.